


Fangirling: A Sequel

by elsarenard



Series: Carry On Through College, Cather [1]
Category: Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Anxiety, Break Up, College, Developing Friendships, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Fanfiction, Fangirl, Fluff, M/M, Slash, Unofficial Sequel, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-03-23 05:22:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 133,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3755959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elsarenard/pseuds/elsarenard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s Cath’s sophomore year and things aren’t nearly as easy as she pictured them. She has tougher classes and more work, and she’s trying to balance time with her boyfriend with embedding herself into a new fandom. There’s even more trouble with her mother and a fanboy making a move on her. Her writing professor still can’t figure out why she won’t actually apply herself to her own work, and her journalism professor is even worse. Is Cath ever going to survive the dreadful experience of college?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Unfortunately I am not the magnificent Rainbow Rowell, so I own none of the amazing characters she has created. However, since I’m sometimes suspicious that she watched me to gain an idea of how to write Cath, I’m determined to borrow her characters for a few weeks, months, years or however long it takes to write a fun fanfiction sequel (because how meta is fanfiction about a fangirl). Enjoy!
> 
> Also- you may note a change in Cath's fandom, which I added an Encyclowikia article for you readers. I figured changing things up might be fun, though I'll definitely still bring in Simon and Baz from time to time too.

**_Cornelius_ ** **(TV Series)**

 

**Genre**

| 

Crime drama  
  
---|---  
  
**Starring**

| 

  * Wolfgang Honeycutt
  * Scottie Hollins
  * Ava Kruze
  * Toby Gayle
  * Liam Sanford

  
  
**Country of origin**

| 

United Kingdom  
  
**Original language(s)**

| 

English  
  
**No. of series**

| 

4  
  
**No. of episodes**

| 

16 (List of episodes)  
  
**Running time**

| 

85–90 minutes  
  
**Production company(s)**

| 

  * Blackwood Films
  * BBC

  
  
**Original run**

| 

15 July 2009 -present  
  
**_Cornelius_** is a British television  crime drama that presents a contemporary detective story following a brilliant P.I. in his criminal investigations in London. It is loosely based on the books by Sir Henry McArthur. Created by Evan Sinclair and Matthew Graham, it stars Wolfgang Honeycutt as detective Cornelius Bell himself, and Scottie Hollins as his spunky sidekick, Dr. Tom Benton. Sixteen episodes have been produced, the first four of which were broadcast in 2009. Series two was broadcast in 2010, a third series was broadcast in 2011, and the fourth in 2012. A fifth season has been scheduled for release in 2013.

The fourth series has become the UK's most watched drama series since 2001.[1] _Cornelius_ has been sold to over 250 territories, also becoming wildly popular in the United States. [2].

Critical reception has been highly positive, with many reviews praising the quality of the writing, music, costumes, performances, and direction. _Cornelius_ has been  nominated for numerous awards including: BAFTAs, Emmys and Golden Globe, winning several awards across a variety of categories.

 **-** From Encyclowikia, the people’s encyclopedia

 

ONE

 

This was probably considered unhealthily obsessed.

Or at least, Cath imagined Wren might say that if she could see her twin now, seated at her desk at five thirty in the morning, still typing away at her latest production she’d been working on since she’d said goodnight to their father seven hours ago.

But somehow it was like an unstoppable force whisking her along, whipping her fingers across the keys. Her brain kept telling her this was not night. If she stared at the illuminated light of her computer screen she could almost imagine it was day with the brightness turned up all the way.

If she could just finish this chapter she’d be done. That’s what she had to keep telling herself. One more chapter.

Her phone buzzed against the hardwood of the desk. Cath jerked up and pulled her hands from the keyboard, glancing down to see the familiar name. She glanced at the time first, then picked it up to take the call.

“Hello,” she sighed into the receiver.

“Hey Cather,” Levi said.

“Why are you calling so early?” she asked.

“A better question is why you’re answering so early.” A door slammed in the background and she heard his footsteps through the receiver.

“I’m just finishing up a little work…”

“This is the third time this week,” Levi pointed out. “And besides, you’ve already finished your chapter, why aren’t you asleep?”

She sighed and slapped a hand to her forehead, shifting the weight of her heavy feeling head onto that.

“Why were you checking my FanFixx account?” she asked.

“Because I wanted to know how much you’re going to have to catch me up when we get back to school,” Levi said, car door slamming behind him. “And I wanted to make sure I knew some of the scoop on why you’re up so late.”

“How many chapters are you behind now?” Cath asked.

She couldn’t remember the last time she’d read one aloud to him. With his work schedule it had been hard for him to find time to get over to see her. The ranch work had been longer hours than he’d expected, meaning he had minimal time to visit. Cath had been almost certain the job situation would be what sparked the first fight.

Instead it was good old Simon Snow.

Cath had faced plenty of Simon Snow fights. She’d spent time defending Gemma T. Leslie’s worth as a writer, her perception of Baz and Simon as a couple, and a number of other more minor issues. But never in all her life had she pictured having a fight with someone about how much she was _not_ in the mood for Simon.

Part of her felt like a traitor. All those years she’d held on. She’d read the books. She’d watched the movies. Purchased the merchandise. And then the last book was released, she’d finished _Carry On, Simon_ , and for a while things seemed good.

The change wasn’t even that noticeable. A few less readers on her newer fanfiction works. Regular readers who had stopped making appearances. And then the few friends she had on FanFixx had become less active, some even leaving completely.

When something dies there are usually signs. And for the Simon Snow fandom there were obvious signs of withering that Cath could not just ignore.

People were sympathetic to her. Her dad and Wren both noticed she’d been down in the dumps now for a while. Wren tried to persuade her that less readers wasn’t a bad thing. But even so, the longer she went on, the more persuaded Cath was that Simon Snow was truly coming to an end, and that soon she was going to be left all alone in her love for Simon and Baz, for the wonderful books and the funny movies, and she couldn’t face it.

It was in the midst of all this that Levi managed a visit one Saturday. She hadn’t told him much about what she’d been feeling. It felt silly in some ways, mourning the impending death of fictional people. So when he showed up on the doorstep with a present for her, a lovely new Simon and Baz shirt from Artsy she had been wanting for a while, Cath lost it.

In movies when couples fight, there’s a large amount of screaming and yelling and throwing things. But their first fight was nothing like that. It was Cath tearing up and Levi standing in the door with his usual crooked grin fading away. And her father ushering him to the living room while Wren took her to their room and tried to help her calm down.

The efforts to get her to stop crying weren’t working. Levi had waited a full hour, but eventually he had to come knock on her door, tell her he was sorry and they’d talk again soon. She didn’t reply.

He had called a few times, and she didn’t pick up. When that wasn’t working he sent a few texts asking her if she was all right and promising that they could talk if she needed to. Cath wasn’t so sure about that.

 A few days later Wren found her taking down Simon Snow posters.

“You know you don’t have to stop loving him just because everybody else is moving on,” Wren pointed out.

Cath thought that was ironic considering Wren’s attitude the year before. She just shrugged and admitted it wasn’t as fun loving something by yourself.

She and Levi made up of course. She finally took one of his calls when his text threatened to skip work to come see her again if she didn’t talk to him. And while he too suggested there was nothing wrong with loving Simon still, Cath couldn’t help but feel too lonely to bear it.

While the fiction works had been alive and growing, she’d felt like she had a home. And the fandom had been a supplement for that between book releases. But it no longer felt right anymore. Snow was done, and she supposed she’d started to feel done too.

“I’ll support your writing no matter what, Cather,” Levi had said with a smile showing in his tone.

In her slump of despair Cath did what any good college student would and decided to scan NetFilms for some television to binge watch. Of course, she remembered a fellow fanfiction writer had suggested a show to her. Not in the mood to write anything, she settled on trying to reimmerse herself. She remembered watching an episode a few years back, but she hadn’t been hooked. Now, however, she had time and she was willing to sit and wait. Maybe it would get better.

And that was her first experience with _Cornelius_.

Cath watched through all sixteen episodes in three days flat. Most of them were in rapid succession, one after the other. She quickly became absorbed in the story, losing herself in fiction the way she once had with Simon Snow. And once done with that, the best part was joining up with a fandom again.

She felt like she belonged once more. Joined up with fellow Simon Snow lovers who also adored _Cornelius_ , meeting new people too. And soon Magicath had something new to start writing fanfiction about, and her numbers were soon boosted on all of her pieces, reviews were regularly back. A few other FanFixx writers were sharing her things, writing, “she’s back but this time it’s with _Cornelius_!” And life felt right once again.

The only minor problem was that with all the attention from Snow lovers and Cornelius ones alike, Cath felt she owed more to her readers. So she’d been putting in as much time as she could over the summer. She’d tried and failed to find a job, so really there were no obligations to hold her back and _Just What the Doctor Ordered_ was soon a thirty-five chapter fanfiction that she was regularly plugging away at, especially when Wren went on a week long trip with a high school friend and she had the room to herself.

 Levi had been a bit puzzled at first, but he gradually came to find it quite funny.

“You obsess over something else and you _still_ write the gay stuff?” Levi chuckled when she read him the summary of her latest one-shot fluff piece on Cornelius and Tom getting trapped by a criminal and confessing their feelings for one another.

“Yes,” Cath had admitted. “But they’re _perfect_ together.”

“Doesn’t Cornelius have a girlfriend?”

“Selene is awful. Tom understands him so much better.”

Levi had just shrugged and settled back on her bed to let her read the latest to him. Even after all this time she still had to blush as she read some of the more embarrassing parts.

She shook her head and came back out of her memories to find herself staring at a screen. One more chapter. That’s right. Levi interrupted her thinking. “Go to bed. I’m serious. You’re going to be too wiped out to concentrate in your classes on Monday.”

Cath let out a sigh, running through the pros and cons of school coming so soon. Pro—seeing Levi again, having more chances to spend time together, seeing Reagan again too. Con—Schoolwork, scary classes, potentially harder professors, less gen-eds, awkward social situations… All in all she was pretending the school year was not coming.

“Cather,” Levi repeated, “go on, get some sleep. I’ll see you in two days, alright? Take care of yourself.”

“You too,” she replied. “I can’t wait to see you.”

He chuckled. “Yep. Bye Cather.”

She set her phone aside and yawned. He had a point. She was going to be exhausted by the time she arrived back at school. Maybe sleep would be good. She closed her laptop and promised herself she’d write more tomorrow.

* * *

 

 

CORNELIUS

This is probably considered unhealthily obsessed.

 

TOM

No it’s not! I like writing about our crimes, alright? You’re the one who can’t control your glee around a dead body.

 

CORNELIUS

You were up ‘til three in the morning writing, don’t deny it. Don’t think I don’t keep a watch on your hours, Tom.

 

TOM

You aren’t much better you know. Half the time I come out here in the morning and still find you sitting there looking at the wall where I left you.

 

CORNELIUS stares out window, folding his hands behind his back.

                       

CORNELIUS

I suppose that just makes us good roommates then, doesn’t it?

 

-Script from _Cornelius_ series 1,

episode 2 “The Mute Manager”

 


	2. Two

Kissing someone is even better after a long time apart. At least, that was how Cath felt when she saw Levi again.

He was waiting for her when she pulled up to their old familiar dorm. She stepped out of the car, remembering how last time she had been so nervous. This time she smiled on sight of Pound Hall, her old familiar home. It was like reading a book a second time and having a completely separate experience. Everything is distinctly familiar, but the reaction to it makes it almost feel new.

“Cather,” Levi cried, grinning. He gave a flailing wave, long limbs all over the place before he came running at her.

Cath slid out of the car. She was unable to contain a smile as she approached her boyfriend. The time apart had made her almost forget some of his features, but here he was coming back into full focus.

His arms encircled her and then his lips were on hers. They kissed for just a moment before Wren cleared her throat.

“Cath, come on. Help me find my room,” Wren said. “Nice to see you again, Levi.”

“You too,” he said, though his eyes were still fixed on Cath. His hand came down and swallowed hers up. “Well, want to get going?”

She nodded and looked down at their joined hands. “You’ll have to let me go if you want to help me carry stuff.”

He groaned. “I have to choose between holding you or keeping you from straining yourself carrying heavy boxes? Exactly how many Simo—”

Levi paused realizing what had slipped out of his mouth. Cath gave a shrug.

“It’s ok. I did bring some _Simon Snow_ things with me,” she admitted. “Though I think at this point my _Cornelius_ collection is nearly as large.”

He laughed. “So I’m hauling up all my competitors to hang on your wall? Hmm this should be interesting. Might just…lose a box.”

Cath landed a light punch on his shoulder, laughing nonetheless. “Stop and help me.”

He gave a dramatic sigh and released her hand, going over to grab boxes. Cath did her best to not react to his commentary on the heaviness of all her “men.” No need to encourage him.

Reagan was already in the room when she arrived. Cath had left Wren two doors down. She came back to good old 913 finding Reagan exactly where she should be. The other girl sat on her unmade bed, staring down at her phone.

“Hey,” Reagan said. “Have a good summer?”

“Yes, you?” Cath asked, setting her box on her bed and motioning Levi to do so as well. He groaned and flopped down beside it.

“Why does Cornelius weigh so much?” Levi said with a groan.

“Cornelius?”

Cath sighed and slapped a hand to her forehead.

“Cath has a new fandom now,” Levi announced with a laugh. He opened the box, and just his luck one of her new t-shirts with several quotes from Tom across the front.

“Seriously, Cornelius?” Reagan said, quirking an eyebrow. “Well, at least it’s not little kid stuff like Snow.”

“Yeah, but she still ships her men together,” Levi chuckled. “That’s the right word…ships right?”

Cath rolled her eyes. “Yes.”

Reagan just muttered something under her breath. “Anyhow, you two want to get something to eat for lunch? You can unpack later.”

“Sounds good to me,” Levi said. “I know I’m going to work up an appetite hauling all her fandom stuff up her.”

“I’ll ask Wren,” Cath suggested, deciding she’d rather not deal with any more of his ribbing.

“Oh I’m just happy to see you, sweetheart. You know that, right?” he said.

She rolled her eyes. He leaned in and pecked her cheek, but Reagan cleared her throat before anything else could happen. Levi chuckled and headed back towards the stairs.

She wandered out into the familiar hall and peeked in to where Wren was setting up her stuff, chatting with the other girl inside.

“Hey!” Wren called when she spotted her.

Cath wandered in awkwardly, wondering if she should have knocked first. It looked like she’d interrupted roommate bonding. Not that Wren wasn’t naturally good at that.

“This is Jenna,” Wren said. “Jenna, this is my twin Cath. She lives just a few doors down.”

Cath shook Jenna’s hand. She found herself staring at what she probably looked like last year. Jenna had every bit of awkward freshman vibe about her. That youthful hope in her eyes, the little unsure sort of half smile. Clothes that looked too fresh and new. A lanyard strung around her neck.

“Nice to meet you,” the girl said. “Um…so you’re both like upperclassmen?”

Wren jumped to an answer before Cath could even speak. “Sophomores.”

“Oh.”

Cath decided to give Wren the offer quickly so she could escape the awkwardness in this room. “Want to get lunch?” she suggested. “Levi and Reagan and I are going somewhere.”

“Jandro is going to pick me up in an hour,” she said, shaking her head. “Sorry, we can all catch up some other time.”

Cath was about to leave when she noticed Jenna’s face. She was staring at her stuff piled on the floor, eyes downcast, frown in place. Abandoned puppy look for sure. Was this how Reagan had felt dealing with her last year?

Cath couldn’t help it, the words kind of slipped out. “Um…want to join us, Jenna?”

The girl perked up, eyes going wide. “You mean it?”

“Um sure. We can show you some good places to eat off campus,” she suggested. “Um…you can come meet me in 913 in a few minutes if that works? I need to make sure all my stuff gets up to the room.”

Jenna gave a dazzling smile and gave her assent. Cath wandered back to her room in time to find Levi with more boxes.

“Well, Wren’s not joining, but her roommate wants to come,” Cath said. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be stupid. No being sorry, sweetheart. Other than for all this crap you made me drag up here,” he said, mirth dancing in his eyes as he leaned in to give her yet another kiss. “I’ve missed you so much, crap aside.”

They had to break apart as the box slipped in his arms, but as she helped him get the rest of it into her room, Cath reflected on much better real kisses were than written ones. Like having synthetic flowers all your life and then suddenly holding a living beautiful thing in your hand.

Of course, kisses were cut short as they finished the moving and Reagan demanded they go get food since she was starving. She raised an eyebrow at the freshman tagalong but seemed to see why Cath had allowed her to come.

Perhaps, Cath reflected, this was the good thing about coming back to school. Using her small bits of experience to help others like her.

 

* * *

 

Lunch was awkward. Only Levi really saved it from being a total disaster, chattering away in his usual manner, asking Jenna about her major (economics) and her hobbies (TV, running), and so on and so forth.

She was glad to have him with her, relieved to have someone to handle these interactions. How was she so lucky? She glanced at Levi throughout lunch, watching his animated face and wondering.

After a full meal, they swung back to the dorms. Even Levi was a bit glad to see the back of Jenna as she headed back into her own room. Of course, the moment she was gone Reagan made her demands.

“Alright, let’s get this over with.”

“What over with?” Cath asked.

Reagan rolled her eyes. “Being enveloped into your new fandom.”

“Ah yeah!” Levi exclaimed. “Let’s indoctrinate Reagan! Then I don’t have to be alone in entering this scary world that you’ve dragged me into.”

“Well, let’s get to this then,” Reagan muttered. “I’m not watching these when I’m dying under my workload this semester. So, we will get this done before the semester starts or not at all.”

Their afternoon consisted of them sitting on Cath’s bed together, watching through the first few episodes of _Cornelius_. Reagan muttered some commentary at first, but she gradually seemed to begin to enjoy herself, or as much as someone like Reagan could. They started the second episode, and Reagan finally made herself useful.

“Ok, you’re right,” she said. “They are definitely gay. Baz and Simon, no. These two yes.”

Levi gawked at her. “Seriously? You too? What the heck is wrong with a good bromance? I mean, you don’t just assume every guy’s in love if he has an awesome friendship do you? Do I need to be worried spending time with other guys?”

“Shut up,” Cath managed to mutter. “This part’s important.”

“You’re turning red,” he pointed out, grinning from ear to ear. “Oh come on, are you going to start writing fanfictions about me every time I smile at another guy?” He laughed even as her discomfort became more apparent. “Oh my god you would…”

Reagan cut in before he could get in another word.

“Apparently this isn’t in my initial rules so I’m adding it. I don’t want to hear about any _fictionalized_ sex either. No Levi gay fanfics... or fanfics about you two, or fanfics about either of you involving sex. So, unless Levi actually sleeps with a guy or girl (in which case you’re required to tell me Cath), you two had better shut up so I can hear what Cornelius is mumbling about.”

Cath gave a quiet giggle, unable to contain it as she realized Reagan had become thoroughly involved.

“Gay,” Reagan muttered as Tom eyed Cornelius with concern as a gun was pressed to his temple.

“Bromance,” Levi murmured, looking at Cath and providing a charming wink.

Cath snuggled just a bit closer, deciding she rather liked being back at school after all.

 

* * *

 

           

Cornelius had solved every mystery presented him. He’d searched through the clues, he’d used forensics, he’d interrogated and searched and come close to death. But this was one mystery that seemed perhaps incapable of being solved.

This was the greatest mystery.

He stood stalk still, at the window, looking out towards the street where Tom was busy paying the cabbie. The man smiled pleasantly, those features Cornelius had studied a thousand times becoming ingrained into his memory.

This man that had somehow walked into his life, realized him as someone worthy of spending time with when he tried to shut the rest of the world out. He’d pursued him into the darkest depths, faced off his worst villains, held him through his worst moments.

There was no doubt about it. If ever there was a mystery for Cornelius to solve, it was the conundrum of how Tom Benton had not only entered his life but made himself a permanent and beautiful fixture.

The door opened and he heard Tom on the stairs before he entered their flat.

“All right?” the man asked from the doorway before shuffling towards the kitchen to unload the groceries weighing him down. Cornelius didn’t dare turn towards him. He pretended to be immersed in his computer. He was always immersed in his computer.

“Yes,” he muttered.

If he turned he’d say something. If he turned he’d admit how confused he was as he’d never been before. _What did I do to deserve you?_ he wanted to ask. Instead he simply focused down on his work and let Tom continue in his laborious pursuit of dealing with the shopping.

For just a moment he thought about opening his mouth. Even a thank you would do he supposed. He turned towards Tom only to see his back going towards the bedroom.

The door closed.

-from _Just What the Doctor Ordered_ posted September 2012

by FanFixx.net author _Magicath_


	3. Three

Sun shining, birds chirping, school work yet to start: it should have been the perfect morning. Even more so when considering the bubbling joy of waking up next to Levi.

Cath blinked a few times to gradually adjust back to her reality. Something about this seemed dreamlike. But no, that was Levi a few inches from her.

Her eyes traced over his peaceful face, that receding hairline, down to the warm muscled torso just barely visible beneath his sheets.

He stirred moments later, smiled at her. Cath couldn’t contain her blush, causing him to open into full grin in response.

“Morning, sweetheart,” Levi whispered, leaning in to brush his lips against hers.

“Morning.”

“What do you say I go make you some coffee while you lie here a little longer?”

She couldn’t complain about that. He clambered out of the bed, filling his small room with his tall frame suddenly. Cath watched for a moment as he fished around for his clothes before heading towards the door.

Cath drifted in and out of a light slumber before Levi ventured back holding two steaming mugs. He grinned at her as she sat up, running her hands through her hair to smooth it before accepting the warm beverage.

“Gonna write fanfiction about Cornelius bringing Tom coffee now?” Levi asked, chuckling.

Cath nearly spilled her mug. “I don’t think of you when I write my stuff and you know it.”

He chuckled. “What? You read me that one over the summer, and I swear I noticed you describing Cornelius kissing his neck like I do yours.” He leaned in as though to prove a point.

“I was just feeling inspired,” she said.

“Hmm. I like when you’re inspired…” He leaned his head against hers, burying his face in her hair.

Cath smiled and sipped her coffee. She reached for her phone on Levi’s bedside table, picking it up and checking for messages. To her surprise there were multiple from Wren.

 _Where are you? Cath I really need you. Please come help me. I think tonight’s going to be bad._ And then a last one that had her heart pounding. _Sorry_.

Cath set the coffee aside and scrambled out of bed. She grabbed for her clothes before turning towards her boyfriend who was staring at her.

“It’s Wren. Something’s wrong,” Cath managed to whisper, though her voice felt too thick to work its way out of her throat.

“Oh sweetheart. I’m so sorry…I…I’ll drive you back, ok?”

Cath nodded as she slid her t-shirt over her head. She grabbed up her phone, still unable to process the words on her screen. Levi had slipped back out of bed and wrapped her in a quick embrace.

She wanted to linger longer. She wanted him to hold her and kiss her and make her forget. But Wren needed her, and while boyfriends were important, sisters came first.

Levi dropped her off in front of Pound Hall, offering to head up with her, though she declined that in favor of giving Wren the privacy she would likely need.

She tapped at the elevator button persistently, trying to hail it faster. Nothing went fast when you were in a hurry. Life was annoying like that.

By the time she was up to the ninth floor her thoughts were running wild.

What if Wren had died because she hadn’t been paying attention? What if her sister was seriously hurt? The last text had said she was at Pound Hall, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t something horribly wrong.

She knocked on 910, and Jenna answered the door. She frowned at Cath but admitted her.

“How’s Wren?” Cath asked worriedly.

“She got back late and hasn’t stopped puking,” Jenna made a face.

Oh god, Wren. Cath hurried over to her sister’s bed, looking down at her still form. Without hesitating she shook her sister slightly, effectively waking her. Wren groaned and sat up, rubbing her eyes.

“What?”

“Wren, what happened?” Cath whispered. She glanced towards Jenna who was still standing awkwardly in the doorway, still dressed in her pj’s. She yawned and grabbed her bathrobe, exiting off in the direction of the bathroom. Cath focused her attention back onto her sister.

She could smell the alcohol on Wren. Her heart broke at the thought of Wren ending three months sobriety. They’d been doing so well. What had happened?

“Hmm…oh um…Jandro and I…we broke up…”

“Oh god, I’m so sorry,” Cath gasped. “I was with Levi and I didn’t see your text. Why did he…or I mean…what happened?”

Wren let out a long sigh. “He had to skip lunch. So we chose dinner instead. We got talking and he told me flat out he wasn’t sure we were right for each other…said summer just made him consider things and after all our time apart…it just made sense to him or something. I don’t know, Cath. I was just so angry.”

There was a long silence where Cath moved onto the bed beside her sister. She wrapped her arms around Wren, not caring that she smelled like puke and beer. They sat there for a moment not speaking.

“Do we need an emergency Kanye party later?” Cath whispered. “When your head isn’t hurting so much?”

Wren gave a weary smile. “I think that’d be nice.” She turned to study Cath momentarily. “Were you really with Levi? I wondered why you didn’t answer the door last night.” She gave a half-hearted chuckle.

“Yeah, it’s been a while for us,” Cath said, feeling her cheeks heat up in response.

“I’m so glad you have him. He seems to make you so happy,” Wren whispered, she stopped and bit her lip. “Cath, how are you managing after summer? After being apart so long?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know really. I guess we were good about trying to keep in touch…And Levi’s pretty good at waiting when it comes to the right things.”

Wren smiled and closed her eyes, leaning a bit closer. Cath let her, sighing as she let cradled her sister close like they’d done as little girls when one of them was scared or sad.

“I don’t know how I’m going to do this year,” Wren admitted. “Was this what it was like for you last year? This…uncertainty? Everything is different. New friends, new roommate…new boyfriend if I ever find one.”

“You’re the pretty one,” Cath reminded her. “You’ll find one. You shouldn’t worry about this.”

“Yeah, but you’re the smart one,” Wren said with a sigh. “And sometimes pretty just doesn’t amount to much of anything.”

She had no response to that, so Cath just rubbed Wren’s shoulder and allowed a bit of silence and space in their conversation. Sometimes comforting someone is all about knowing the best places for quiet. It’s about knowing when to speak, and when to just let a hug speak for itself. Cath knew this well in writing, about how leaving spaces was almost as important as everything else was. So she sat there thinking of potential cheer ups for later, and in the meantime just let her presence speak for itself.

 

 

CORNELIUS

Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you for ages! Allen just sent me a text and we need to get over to the crime scene as soon as possible.

 

TOM

Sorry. Emergency. Let me just go change my shirt and grab my things and we’ll be good to go. Did Allen say what’s happened?

 

CORNELIUS

Something about a dead body. That’s all that really matters anyways.

 

CORNELIUS pauses and stares at his roommate, eyes shifting over him from head to toe. He sets aside his phone and walks closer.

 

CORNELIUS

You said emergency, did something happen? Tom, are you alright? I think my excitement at the possibility of a crime might have cause me to underestimate the implications of your words.

 

TOM sighs and shrugs.

 

TOM

Nah, it’s just Robbie. He’s....guess he went out and got plastered last night and got into a bar fight. I had to go bail him out. I thought he was turning things around.

 

CORNELIUS

Oh…. Well do you want to skip this one then?

 

TOM

Skip being distracted from the disgusting mess of my brother’s life? God no! Text Allen and ask him what happened. More details I know, the more I can just focus on the crime scene when we get there.

 

CORNELIUS

Hmm…that’s the good old Dr. Benton I know.

-Script from _Cornelius_ series 3

Episode 3 “The Anonymous Client”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little short I'm afraid. Still, read and review!


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s a bit of a long one, but here it is! Decided to keep having fun with naming the websites different things (so Facebox- Facebook pretty obvious, Chatter- Twitter). Enjoy!

Cath felt like she couldn't breathe. All this time feeling things were fine, and then suddenly the first day of class and _poof_ all confidence gone. The only thing keeping her from turning around and going back to hide in her dorm room was Levi's smile from the end of the hallway.

"Come on, you're gonna be late," Levi said.

"That's the point," Cath said with a sigh. "Then there'll be less time in class…less time…being there…being stressed."

"You'd just have to deal with the professors pointing out your lateness to everyone. Trust me, you don't want that. Come on, sweetheart. I promised to walk you to your first classes before I head over to my shift, and I'm going to."

He held out his hand and Cath clutched at it.

They walked together, Levi patiently reassuring her as they walked.

"It's _advanced_ fiction writing," Cath whispered. "I don't think I'm going to survive."

"Don't be stupid. Your stuff is great. Your professor said so last year," Levi pointed out.

Cath bit her lip but couldn't come up with an adequate reply to make him understand what she was feeling.

"It'll be fine," Levi said again.

She just wished she could believe him.

Cath arrived at her building with ten minutes til class. Levi leaned in and pecked her lips before letting her head in on her own.

Sinking into a seat at the back of the classroom, Cath tried to remind herself to take deep breaths. Maybe Levi had a point. She'd taken one class from Professor Piper before. And she had survived somehow.

Professor Piper arrived, setting her bag on the front table and going up to the chalkboards that still lined many of the older lecture halls. She began scratching out her name and the course title.

"Welcome," she said, looking up at the clock and seeing she was a minute into class time. "This is advanced fiction writing, and I believe by this point I should know most of you, considering fiction writing is a prerequisite for this course."

She smiled and looked around the room, focusing briefly on Cath and giving her a smile.

"For any of you expecting to have this be the same as that course, I'll disappoint you right now and say it's going to be much more challenging. I'll expect more writing, and I won't have as much tolerance for low quality work." She paused at the board. "We've also begun considering an interesting problem with our fiction courses. Can anyone give me a form of fiction please?"

Various students who were braver than Cath raised their hands and contributed.

Professor Piper wrote them in order of smallest to biggest. Flash fiction. Short story. Novelette. Novella. Novel. Series. She paused and looked back at the room.

"There are quite a few as you can see. Probably more if you were creative. And then different genres as well. I've had complaints in the last few years that we don't cover longer fiction writing. That we focus too heavily on the shorter works like flash fiction and short stories. So…this year we're changing that. During the course of semester each of you is going to develop a longer story idea."

Cath could feel the little confidence she'd had shrinking with every word out of her professor's mouth.

"For some of you, that idea might suit the shorter forms better—so those writing a novelette will actually finish it. For those working on novella or novel length ideas…I'm just going to hope you don't try for a series… you will be writing a few sections and then displaying a potential plot outline. Oh yes, you can tell already this will be a lot of work."

She gave a smile and Cath glanced down at the syllabus. Writing assignments every week. A portfolio due at the end that included the long fiction excerpts, a short story, a flash piece, and several other writing exercises they'd be doing. She could already envision sleepless nights staring at her computer screen.

Alongside that, Professor Piper had included a participation component, not only in making comments in class, but in being required to read works to the entire class. She felt like she couldn't breathe.

"Now, why don't we go around the class and we'll say one thing we wrote this summer, sound alright? It can be anything—Facebox statuses, emails, journal entries, etc."

The class murmured in agreement. Cath held her breath, trying to figure out if she should lie and say something lame like emails, or if she should tell the truth. In a fiction writing class, blurting out that she wrote fanfiction just seemed like a way to make everyone automatically see her as a lesser writer.

When it came to her, Cath cleared her throat and looked up at Professor Piper who was examining her with an encouraging smile.

"Um…hi I'm Cath. I'm a sophomore. I…um…I wrote some Facebox statuses this summer. Pretty boring," she said and sat down.

Professor Piper smiled. "Now Cath, I hardly believe that's it. You're really telling me you didn't write a single interesting thing?"

"Well…I did write some fanfiction," Cath whispered, cheeks heating as she aimed her stare at the ground, well aware of the eyes on her. A few people snickered and thankfully Professor Piper moved on to the next person.

By the end of the class Cath was feeling near tears. She only half-listened as Professor Piper described their assignment for Wednesday, an exercise in creating character. She should never have allowed that out. Now every time she read something in front of the class, everyone was going to think of her as the nerdy fangirl who would never be a serious writer.

After class was over, Cath focused on putting her things away as quickly as possible so she could disappear before Professor Piper had a chance to talk to her. Unfortunately, as she was heading for the door, another girl made a beeline for her. Cath found herself being confronted by someone she would probably guess was a senior, wearing a cute sundress and makeup and looking very very confident in herself, even pulling off glasses in a way Cath never felt she could.

"I'm so thankful I'm not the only one," the girl gushed. "Seriously, you write fanfiction?"

"Um…yes…do you?"

The girl shook her head and laughed. "Nope, but I read a crap ton of it and deal with everyone thinking I'm a pathetic English major. I'm Lauryn by the way. Did you say your name was, Cath?"

"Yes…what do you read?" Cath managed to ask.

"Well, a little bit of everything, you know most anything mainstream. But what I really really love is Simon Snow." She laughed. "I mean, as a kid my mom never let us read them because of like magic and stuff…weird that way, but once I got to high school I just decided I didn't care and I was going to read them all. Since then I've become like…a super nerd. What about you?"

Cath couldn't deal with this. Had she fallen into some sort of wonderful dream?

"Oh, I used to write a lot of Snow too, but I've been more involved in Cornelius lately."

"Ooo, I like it! What type of stuff do you write?"

"Oh, well…a lot of…I write mostly slash actually," Cath managed to say, even as she felt her cheeks heating again.

Lauryn's grin widened. "Ah! Nice! I'm more of a canon girl myself, but I can appreciate a good slash fiction. I've run into a few I really liked. I mean…who can say no to _Carry On, Simon_ , that's probably one of the best fanfictions out there."

Cath shifted from foot to foot awkwardly, wondering if there was a good way to just mention she'd written that, or if she should leave Lauryn in the dark.

"Send me your stuff sometime," Lauryn said. "I'd love to read it. Seriously, us fangirls are going to have to stick together."

"Sure…um it's Cath Avery if you want to find me on Facebox or something. I'll send you a link."

"Sweet! Well, I have another class in ten minutes. I'll see you later."

Lauryn rushed off with an enthusiastic wave, leaving Cath standing there wondering how she'd somehow managed to make a friend on only the first day of class. Unfortunately, her reverie was broken by a throat clearing behind her. She spun to see Professor Piper.

"It's good to see you again, Cath," the older woman said. "I do hope you're going to put a bit more effort into this course."

"I'll try," Cath said.

"That's all I ask," Professor Piper said. "You have a natural gift for writing, Cath. But sometimes a little work is needed to pull it all together."

Cath nodded and thanked her before heading to the door. She was relieved to see Levi waiting for her just outside, leaning against the opposite wall. He grinned on sight of her and welcomed her in to a tight hug.

"What are you doing here, I thought you had a shift?"

"Turns out they'd rather have me this evening instead. So I'm free to see you instead. How'd it go?"

"Awful, but I'll survive," Cath muttered into his shoulder.

"Good, you got this, sweetheart. You're going to blow the rest of your class away with your wonderful writing."

Cath smiled and turned to look at him.

"What would I do without you?"

"Carry your own books back to your dorm and drown your sorrows in peanut butter?" Levi guessed. "But instead you have me," he plucked her book bag out of her hands, "and I'm going to take you out for coffee before your next class."

She took his hand gratefully and let him lead her out of the building.

Of course, she recounted what had happened to her in class to Levi. He smiled at the mention of the other fanfiction reader.

"I don't know how to break it to her that I wrote Carry On," Cath said with a sigh before sipping at her coffee, grateful for the kick of caffeine. Early morning classes were going to be interesting.

"Yeah, that'll be interesting. You ought to just send it to her and then get her freaked out reply. Then again she might not believe you," Levi said.

"True," Cath murmured. "I hardly believe me sometimes. I put up another Cornelius one-shot yesterday and it had over a thousand hits in the first hour. I could hardly believe it."

"You're just that good. Now, what's your next class?"

"Journalism," Cath said with a shiver.

She needed to do two classes in two writing genres. So even though she was taking advanced fiction writing, she still needed another writing class. And unfortunately her options were limited. Poetry. Eh not really her thing. Non-fiction? That sounded equally boring. And while journalism didn't exactly inspire her, she'd heard the professor was very good. She'd muddle through somehow.

"Well, I'd better get you back in time for class. You got enough coffee?" Levi asked, peering at her cup."

"Get me one more refill, and I'll be ready."

They headed back to campus. Levi dropped her in front of her building before heading to his own class. Cath again felt knots twisting up in her stomach, and unfortunately all the coffee wasn't helping it feel anymore settled.

She chose a seat towards the back, only to notice a curly head a few rows ahead. Was it possible?"

"Lauryn?"

A head jerked up and turned towards her. The eyes behind those glasses flashed.

"Oh my gosh! You're in this class too!" Lauryn gave a grin and rose from her seat with her bag in hand, shuffling past other students to slide into the chair next to Cath. "How are you?"

"I'm so nervous. I feel sick," Cath admitted.

"Yeah, Professor Walton is a bit tough, but he's fantastic. I had him for a magazine writing class last semester and it was my favorite thing I've taken."

"Don't you only need two classes?" Cath asked.

"Yep, but I'm taking this for fun. Seriously, you have to tell me more ab—"

She was quieted by a tall slim man walking into the room. He walked to the front and fixed all of them with a piercing gaze. Cath's already overly excited stomach did another roll. His fixated stare was like something she'd write onto Cornelius, deep and calculating and mysterious.

"Welcome to journalism 101," he said, going over to the whiteboard and scrawling his name. Cath was startled by a deep rumbling voice, tainted with a British accent.

"Now, from my past experience," the professor continued, "I have a mixture of students in here. Some of you are journalism majors, you are eager to study your subject and frustrated by the perhaps…basic nature of this course. Others of you are more likely English majors, trying to take a writing course for your writing credit. Many of you probably would prefer not to be here. You're more likely longing for the joys of free fiction work, or the fluffy nonsense of poetry. I can assure you this class will be a challenge if that is the case."

Cath felt herself sinking into her chair again. She was going to die this semester.

"You'll write five journalism pieces over the course of the semester, not including smaller pieces you'll have on a weekly basis. I'll place you in writing groups that will critique all of your main pieces before you hand them over to me. Hopefully that will help improve potentially problematic content so that none of you fail. My goal as a professor is not to be harsh or cruel, but to demand a level of excellence from all of you, push you to attain your best results. I believe each and every one of you is capable of such."

Lauryn looked at her and mouthed a "are you ok?" eyebrows furrowing. Cath wondered if she looked a bit green. Probably. She shook her head at Lauryn.

"Last but not least, in the modern world we rely on social media a lot for news now a days. Each of you will be required to create a Chatter account, and post at least fifteen 'chats' a week. No worries on what. You'll need to follow at least a hundred people, and hopefully have fifty following you by the end of the semester (but don't stress too much on numbers). So, with that done, let's talk about what journalism is and why it's important."

Cath almost felt her eyes closing, willing herself to concentrate on keeping her breathing even. Just another forty six minutes, and she'd be done with her first day of classes.

* * *

Baz let out a long sigh and snuggled closer to the warm body beside him in bed. Simon groaned and shifted, trying to get comfortable again with the change in position.

"Morning," Baz whispered with a long sigh into his boyfriend's ear.

"M'ning," Simon mumbled. "Time is it?"

"We have an hour til first classes," Baz said.

Simon groaned and sat up some, blinking a few times as he tried to wake up. He finally seemed to see Baz for the first time, looking him over and enjoying his bare chest, eyes trailing over the smooth pale skin and down towards the white sheet that draped just above his hips.

"Want me to make you some tea?" Baz asked.

"Yeah, that'd be nice. I'd do it…but…since you won't have any I guess…"

"Don't over-think it, Snow," Baz said as he slid out of the bed. "Don't you worry your pretty little head."

Simon smiled and leaned back onto his pillow, eyes closing. He waited until he heard water boiling and then opened again, watching as Baz pointed his wand at the cup, heating it with a simple charm. Once done, he trailed back over, handing the mug over.

"You're the best," Simon stated, leaning over to touch his lips to Baz's.

"Anything for you," Baz said, settling on the bed beside him. "Today we start our fifth year. Can you believe it?"

"No," Simon admitted, blowing on the drink to cool it slightly. "You nervous?"

Baz's brow furrowed, eyes fixing on the wall for a moment as he considered. "Maybe a little. Professor Hilterdale is supposed to be rough. You?"

"Yeah," Simon admitted, setting the tea to the side in favor of wrapping an arm around Baz, pulling him closer. "But if I have you there I think I can do it. I mean, with you I always know I'm going to make it. You remind me how much good I can do."

Baz let out a long laugh. "Me, Snow? Are you crazy? All those other people praising you, and I'm the one who makes you Mr. Confident?"

"Of course," Simon said, squeezing more tightly. "Because out of all those people, you're the only one who counts. What would I do without you, Baz?"

"Flounder around on your own and die?" Baz guessed dimple flashing as he gave a cheeky grin. "Eh, you need me, it's true. You'll do fine today, Simon. I'll be here for you after class. You'll get through."

"I hope so," Simon sighed. "I really do."

They moved a bit closer, remaining in a tight embrace. Simon accepted it without complaint, well aware that in a few minutes they'd both need to dress and be ready for class. But for the moment they could linger, comfortable in their own little world. Confident in one another, in their love, even as the uncertain future stretched out before them.

A/N: Just taking a Cornelius break and writing a short little Simon Snow one shot for you. A special shout out to you, Lauryn. Hope this helps prove it's really me in case you don't believe it.

**2 comments:**

**Laurynguest- OH MY GOSH!? You're MAGICATH! I'm taking classes with Magicath. I can't handle this. Oh my gosh oh my gosh. You are sooooo having coffee with me.**

**Leviathan- Seriously, told you that coffee thing would end up here. Thought it'd be Cornelius, I was wrong. :-) Am I really the stalker vampire though?**

**Magicath- Leviathan, Baz doesn't drink tea. So yes it had to be you. And you really shouldn't think of that as an insult.**

**Leviathan- Didn't think it was. Looking forward to future Baz/Simon then ;)**

-From "Confidence" posted September 2012

by FanFixx . net author Magicath


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being so slow on updating. Enjoy!

Cath spent several hours of her second day online. Between checking her FanFixx account to see how many readers she had, and scrolling through the latest Cornelius stories, she started setting up her own Chatter account. She decided to just make her tag Magicath, figuring that way she would have an easier time gaining some followers. Hopefully that would help.

She turned back to fanfixx, wondering if she could find energy enough to write another chapter. However, as she was about to she noticed a new comment on "Confidence" and decided to look at it. Lauryn's and Levi's had both made her laugh, and she hadn't had much feedback on her Simon Snow writing.

_Wow, I'm impressed. Baz and Simon usually squicks me, but you write it really well. You should write more to this. Or maybe write a sequel oneshot or something. Seriously, good job. –Fanmage_

Cath smiled and sent a quick reply telling him she'd consider it but her Cornelius projects were eating up most of her time. By the time she was finished replying, another comment had popped up on _Just What the Doctor Ordered_.

_What is this?! I think I've fallen in love with your writing. Most people cannot pull off Cornelius, especially Tomius, but damn you make it work. Your writing is simply gorgeous, that opening scene made me eager to read the rest (which I probably will in the next few days…or hours maybe instead).-Fanmage_

A small giggle escaped her mouth. Just in time, another small review popped up on an old piece.

_I see you've written a lot of Snow stuff. I actually think I ran across some of it before I'd set up my account, so now I can bookmark it which is great. Anyhow, this is awesome. Look forward to hearing more from me.-Fanmage_

Out of curiosity, Cath clicked on Fanmage's page to check out his writing. She was delighted to find a mixture of both Cornelius and Simon Snow works. She clicked on a oneshot to have a sample, though she had to pause at the description of a work in progress about Baz's childhood and upbringing that almost had her abandoning all her homework to devour. She'd have to mark it for later.

Just as she was almost finished reading the oneshot, a PM popped into her mailbox. She opened it and was unsurprised to see Fanmage's name.

 _Hey, so you look like you're pretty successful and probably don't have time to just chat. But if you ever want to discuss Snow or Cornelius or any other nerdiness in particular, I'm your guy. Seriously, shoot me a message anytime. You're awesome and I can't wait to read all of your works._ – _Fanmage_

Cath smiled. And typed back a message.

_Thanks so much for reading and reviewing my works. It means a lot to me. I looked at your stuff too and I'm also interested in reading those. You write Baz masterfully. And feel free to PM me anytime. I'd love that.-Magicath_

Another moment and then there was a 1 next to her inbox again.

_Magicath you're magical. Thanks for reading as well. Look forward to hearing what you think. Have you ever considered writing a piece from Penelope's perspective? From viewing a sample of your stuff it looks like you're good at getting in different character's heads. Bet you'd be amazing at it. Well, got to go crack down on some homework. But I'll TTYL. –Fanmage_

"What are you busy giggling about?" Reagan muttered from where she was sprawled on her bed, looking at a book. Or rather, pretending to look at a textbook while actually using her phone.

"Oh, just a review on my latest stuff," Cath said with a shrug. "Somebody likes it."

"Well duh, I thought you had hundreds of little fans out there," Reagan said.

"Yes, but less on my Snow stuff lately. Good to have people comment is all."

Reagan just shrugged and closed the textbook with a sigh. "Well, I'm done reading this shit. Want dinner?"

"Yeah," Cath said, shutting her laptop. "I'll ask Wren if she wants to join."

"Sure," Reagan said with a shrug.

Cath grabbed for her keys and walked down to Wren's room. She knocked on the door and Jenna answered.

"You want to grab dinner with us?" she offered, praying the girl would say no.

"I have class in fifteen minutes. But thanks anyways," Jenna said.

"Cool. Wren, what about you?"

Wren looked up from where she was sitting looking at her laptop. "Hmm? Sure."

Cath's twin snapped her computer short and rose, stretching gracefully.

The two headed back to meet Reagan at the elevator. They rode down together in silence. Cath spent most of her time trying to assess Wren's state without actually asking. Her sister didn't look good. Bags under her eyes, no makeup, sweatshirt and jeans. Cath didn't have to be a genius to see what was happening to her.

Reagan thankfully seemed to sense something was wrong, so she started up a conversation about one of her classes, telling some pretty fantastic stories about the idiots who couldn't seem to understand the syllabus.

"Seriously, I thought the professor was going to start shooting people," Reagan said. "People are in college and they still can't learn to read through the damn thing before asking the professor. I swear there will be people graduating who don't know how to spell bachelor's. Idiots."

By the time they'd found food and seats, Wren's mood seemed to have improved minimally. They played a little bit of Reagan's old game telling stories about the people who walked by them. Cath had to admit she'd missed this a lot.

"You've been watching too much Cornelius," Reagan said after Cath's third statement beginning with pointing out a clothing trait and making a guess from there.

"Not my fault it's so wonderful," Cath said with a sniff.

"Have you joined her on this?" Reagan asked Wren.

"Not really. I promised Cath we could watch sometime soon though. Figured it'd make a good study break."

"Yeah, it's not all that bad," Reagan admitted. "So…since Cath is too much of a wuss to ask, how's it going today? You doing any better?"

"She told you then?" Wren said with a sigh, barely raising her head from where she'd been staring into her soup.

"Mentioned you'd had a breakup," Reagan said with a wave of her hand. "We've all had them. Seriously, though, if you want to talk about it at all, I know your sis is always up for it…but so am I for that matter. No one knows heartbreak better than me." She laughed at her own joke.

"Well, we talked again today," Wren said. "I don't actually know if it's over. Things have been—complicated."

"Wait, what do you mean?" Cath asked. "I thought you said…but…"

"Apparently there's been family drama at home," Wren said with a sigh. "He said he's having problems and he just isn't sure he can deal with a relationship right now…though he admitted it was more about not knowing if he could be there for me in the right way with all he's going through. I don't know all the details…but it really was more about him than us. But after finding out about my binge…he realized I do need some level of support. He's not sure I can handle being on my own right now." She let her chin plop down in her hand. "He's right I guess."

"Wait, how did he find out about you drinking? Did you tell him?" Cath asked. Wren had seemed like she didn't want to talk to anyone about it. She'd been avoiding Cath's questions since it'd happened.

Wren bit her lip but finally looked up and stared her sister in the eye.

"Promise you won't tell dad?"

"I…promise?" Cath said, anxiety coiling in her stomach as she spoke those words. What could have happened?

Wren pulled her phone out, flicked through a few things and then handed it over with a video playing on the screen. Cath thought she might be sick.

The video showed Wren dancing at what looked like one of the frat houses. She was moving to a beat, hips swaying, body gyrating. And then suddenly her hands were at the bottom of her shirt, and she was pulling it off. Wren snatched back the phone.

"You get the idea," she whispered.

"Did you just take your shirt off?" Cath demanded. "Wren, did anyone hurt you?"

"I just did a strip dance in public," Wren said. "That's all…at least I think that's all. I haven't heard or seen anything else. But this has been going around the last few days."

"The joys of modern technology," Reagan muttered. "Damn girl. That sucks."

"Yeah," Wren whispered. She set her spoon to the side, clearly done with her food she'd barely touched. Cath had to admit she didn't have much of an appetite either after finding out that news.

"Anyhow, Jandro's worried about me," Wren said with a sigh. "So he wants to talk it over more and we'll decide what's best. He said either way he's going to try to keep helping me if he can. In all honesty I don't really blame him. I know I'm a mess right now and he doesn't have time or energy for more stuff to deal with."

"It'll be ok," Cath said, though she felt no conviction in those words.

"Yeah. So, Reagan, any new boys for you?" Wren asked.

"No," Reagan snorted. "I went home for the summer. Small place, same people I've known half my life. We'll see though. I have an eye on this hot guy in my math class. But hey, guys are idiots half the time. We'll see."

"Hey! We are not."

Cath spun to see Levi standing there with his own tray. He grinned at her.

"You don't have a meal plan this year," Cath said.

"Yeah, but I didn't feel like cooking tonight," Levi said with a smile. "Figured you'd be here around now anyways."

"Take a seat idiot," Reagan said, gesturing to a chair. "And don't you dare dispute it. We're having a good girl talk session about boys."

"Well who am I to argue with that," Levi said with a wink. "So, how's it going ladies?"

"Fine," Reagan muttered, lifting her fork up to stuff her mouth with some of her salad.

"Yeah?" Levi sat next to Cath. "Did any of you see tube-socks girl. Seriously, they were striped with neon smiley faces. What do you think her deal is?"

"We're playing again?" Wren asked curiously. "What about Mr. eyebrow-piercings over there?" she said, pointing a few tables away.

"Nice!" Levi crowed.

Cath smiled and joined in, deciding to make up an unrequited love story for eyebrow-piercings and his companion at the table. Well, even if classes weren't the best, at least she still had this.

When she returned back to her dorm room, Cath was surprised to find several new posts to her on chatter. Several were from some of her regular readers who were excited to be able to follow her on another site now. But one in particular caught her eye.

_ThomasB- Your magicath? Either you read fanfix or your actually the writer. which is it? if your her we need to meet up. its fanmage btw!_

Fanmage was in her class? What was this, fandom heaven? Cath grinned and quickly messaged him back.

_Hi just getting the hang of this. Yep it's me! Can't believe we're both in the same class. Weird! Find me tomorrow?_

He messaged back momentarily.

_ThomasB- Yep! Cant wait. Ill have to give you some of those fixx suggestions. Seriously though your awesome._

Well, with that making life seem a little more bearable, Cath turned back to her actual homework, hoping for the best in meeting a fanboy for the first time.

* * *

Cornelius was worried. Concerned. Bothered. Anxious. Whatever one called it in a situation like this. He didn't tend to be normally. In most situations he was the level-headed one. He was the one who would think logically when everyone else wasted there time in senseless panicking. A few years back he'd taken a case where a child had been kidnapped with the kidnappers promising to kill him when the day was out. While everyone else worried, Cornelius was the one who had done the work and saved him in the end. But after all that stress, it was now that he truly became concerned.

Something was wrong with Tom.

When you live with someone for long enough, you begin to pick up on things. Little things. Like a certain amount of bags under eyes that add up to obvious sleepless nights. Or a few too many bottles in the rubbish bin that amount to what look like some binges in drinking. And a certain smell that warns of substances one would rather not think about in regards to the people they know and love.

Supposedly the doctor had left these habits behind. Supposedly he'd overcome these after everything that had happened. But here were the signs again, and Cornelius couldn't help but worry. He knew Tom has struggled with substance abuse in the past. He knew Tom's brother had an even greater problem with alcohol and that the familial link likely hinted at a history of alcoholism within their lineage.

But why now?

After everything that had happened, things seemed to be looking up. They'd overcome the worst together. They'd faced down mob members and lunatics and killers. But somehow Tom's worst enemy almost seemed to be himself.

"Good morning."

Cornelius spun to look at his friend. The man appeared relatively normal. No hints of any problems from the night before. But still his heart raced at the mere thought. He couldn't maintain the cool and collected persona he wanted.

"Morning," Cornelius said. "Tea?"

"Yes thanks," Tom said, sitting at the table and allowing Cornelius to pour him a cup. "You alright?"

"Yes, why wouldn't I be?" Cornelius asked.

"Just wondering. I remember last case was hard on you. I can tell you've still been thinking about it," Tom said.

"Yes well, we have to move past these things eventually. Have to be able to move on, get over them…" He glanced at Tom meaningfully, but the man appeared to be ignoring him, favoring picking up the morning's paper instead.

"Hmm yes. I suppose."

"Tom…if something was…wrong…would you tell me?" Cornelius asked.

Tom put the paper aside momentarily, turned to gaze up at his friend, brown eyes glinting. "Of course. Wouldn't you?"

Cornelius frowned and poured his own tea. Perhaps Tom had a point. He wasn't usually forthcoming about his own problems. He thought about speaking again, but Tom lifted the paper high enough to cover his face.

Cornelius sipped at his tea, pondered the possibilities of getting Tom to open up. He needed help. But did one wait for a cry of help to extend a hand? Or were signs enough to start taking action? He wasn't sure. Whatever the case, Cornelius knew it was his job now to take care of this man. Regardless of what happened. He had to protect Tom…even if it was from himself.

-From _Just What the Doctor Ordered_  
By FanFixx . net writer Magicath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment if you're able to. I always love feedback!


	6. Six

It was like something out of nightmare. As Cath sat in the circle of tables, staring out at the other members of her fiction class, she kept hoping any moment she'd wake up and find this wasn't the case.

First thing when they'd arrived for the eight AM class, Professor Piper had them all form a circle. And then she'd told them they were going to start off their semester reading their exercises aloud to the whole class.

Cath had stared down at hers and prayed they would run out of time. Maybe she wouldn't actually have to read hers. Maybe the world would end first. She was beginning to hope that would happen.

She listened to one of the seniors read her piece. She used fancy descriptions, comparing the swirls of tea in a cup to gray clouds overhead. Cath felt her hopes sinking lower. The clock seemed to be broken. No time had passed and soon it was going to be her turn.

Lauryn's piece was more humorous, but while it should have had Cath laughing it only made her feel worse. Lauryn read loudly, putting different voices to her characters, describing a pizza maker spilling sauce all over in a catastrophic event.

"It looks like someone murdered a raccoon in here!" she said for her one of her characters. The whole class erupted into laughter.

When it came time for critiquing Lauryn, everyone was full of positive feedback. They told Lauryn how fantastic her characters were, how funny her dialogue was, how well the whole piece worked together. Cath wanted to disappear as Professor Piper turned to her.

"Your turn, Cath," she said. "If you'd read us your piece, please."

Cath looked down at her exercise, swallowed back her fears and began.

The exercise had been fairly straightforward. "Describe your potential protagonist in a normal everyday routine (making breakfast, grocery shopping, driving to work etc.), when suddenly, something different happens causing conflict. Try to communicate as much as you can about the character through the details of what happens."

Professor Piper made that sound simple. Cath had slaved at her project all night, trying to find a way to create a character she liked well enough to share with the class. The thing was, the characters she read about or even watched on TV…those she felt like she really knew. Like how she was aware Baz didn't like tea, or how Cornelius absolutely hated the color red. But her own characters were mysteries. People with plain faces and even plainer personalities. Not the type anyone wanted to read about.

She'd done her best, figured she'd go where her gut lead her. But somehow this felt a little bit wrong.

She cleared her throat, and tried to read in her loudest voice, sure she was rushing. She probably was, even though it felt like nothing could be slower.

The plot was sort of weak. Cath winced as she actually read it aloud. A man was waiting for the tube. He'd been struggling with depression. Felt like it wasn't worth it. And then suddenly, he saw a boy fall down onto the rails. He jumped down and saved the boy up, returning him to his anxious father. The other man had invited him to lunch, and like that, his life suddenly felt a little bit brighter.

Once she was finished reading, Cath bit her lip and waited for the critiques. She was a bit surprised when one talented senior began, saying she liked some of the smaller details in the piece. But after that it all went downhill.

"Are you trying to imply he's depressed?" one of the upperclassmen asked, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes.

"Yes, that's what I was going for," Cath said. "I didn't want to say it outright, but I thought if I put enough details in—"

"Well, it's not clear," the girl said. "And besides, people who are depressed don't just turn around and suddenly be all fine and dandy. You really need to work on some of those major details, it just didn't make sense."

Cath nodded, teeth digging into her bottom lip as she did her best to fight off tears.

"I think I'd like to know more about the main character," another girl added. "There wasn't enough there for me. And it felt—a bit cheesy if you know what I mean."

Professor Piper nodded and cut in. "I think you did very well for a first start, Cath. I agree with Allison that some of your details were very good, and I thought you impressively framed Andrew as a man in his late thirties…age can be hard. I must ask, were you implying he was gay? I remember some of your other pieces leaned towards that, but I wasn't sure here."

Cath gave a tiny smile. "Yes, I kind of hoped to leave it a bit ambiguous, but I dropped a few hints."

"Nice subtlety on that," Professor Piper said. "Makes him more complex, but doesn't overpower other important elements of his character. I also have to say I was impressed by your use of British dialect, both in using correct terms for things that aren't the same in our American English, and I would be interested to see how you wrote the dialog for the homeless man he runs into…that sounded quite well done if your reading matches what you wrote. On character, I think you succeeded, I think I agree that the plot was a bit feeble, keep an eye on that. Also on adverbs. Don't overuse."

Cath nodded, lowering her eyes down onto the desk. The compliments had been nice, but the criticism still made her confidence feel like it was in shreds. She felt tears welling even as she tried her best to listen to the next student reading her piece.

After a few more minutes of critiques, Professor Piper glanced at the clock and told them they were done for the day. Cath hastily stuffed her notebook and pen away, trying her best not to start crying.

Lauryn was chatting with one of the older students, so she left. Levi had thankfully taken a morning shift, so he wasn't around to see her crying. She walked back to her dorm trying to figure out why she was so upset. It hadn't been that bad. Professor Piper had liked her writing. But those critical comments stuck with her. Maybe she shouldn't write at all. Especially when there were so many better writers out there.

By the time she had journalism class, Cath was already just waiting for the day to be over so she could go curl up in bed and watch Netfilms for the rest of the day. She had no motivation left. She'd thrown away the draft she'd written, figuring she'd start over for her actual project. It wasn't due until December anyways.

Journalism threw in more stress. To begin with, Cath finally met Fanmage. And it began with him screaming Magicath to the classroom.

Everyone turned to stare at her as she shyly raised a hand. A short skinny boy with glasses grinned and waved at her before hustling over.

"Hi, Fanmage…or Thomas if you'd prefer," he said, holding out a hand.

"Nice to meet you. Magicath, or well Cath…"

"Your stuff is wonderful," he said with a smile. "Seriously, you have to tell me what made you come up with the idea to Dead Ends—that's like my new all-time favorite fic of all time."

"Sorry I'm late," Lauryn said as she slid into the seat next to Cath. "Who's this?"

"Oh this is Thomas," Cath said. "He's um…another person from fanfixx . net."

Lauryn gasped and started gushing almost immediately, asking him the typical questions about what he wrote and what stories he preferred. He answered them with a grin.

"You mind if I sit with you guys?" he asked.

Cath shook her head and without another word he slid into the seat on her other side.

"So, you want to get together after class and chat some? Seriously, I need to tell you this great idea," Thomas said.

Before Cath could reply Professor Walton appeared.

"Good morning, students," he said to them, setting down his bag and going over to the board. "I think today is a perfect day to throw you into the process of journalism. So, first thing, I'm going to have you pick a partner and go around campus conducting an interview for a half an hour before meeting back here. I'll hand out a topic and you'll ask your fellow peers about it. Best of luck to you all."

Cath looked to Lauryn, but the other girl had made eye contact with someone else.

"Sorry, next time, I promise!" Lauryn said with a smile before heading off.

"You can be with me, Magicath," Thomas said.

Not feeling like being rude (or resigning herself to working with a total stranger) Cath agreed. Professor Walton headed over and handed them a slip of paper. Thomas peered down at it and groaned.

"Please tell me you know something about football, or we're screwed," the boy said.

Cath shook her head, staring dismally down at the topic. Well, this was going to be awful. As though being forced to talk to random people wasn't bad enough.

"You'll return at 10:30," Professor Walton instructed. "At which point you'll be expected to compile a short outline of how you might lay out this article with your interviews. Go!"

Cath reluctantly gathered her bag up, looking to Thomas who didn't look any more thrilled than she was. He grimaced as he slipped his backpack into place.

"You ready?"

"Guess so," Cath said, clutching at her notebook and pen.

"Great, let's go pretend we're excited about football," Thomas said with a half-smile.

The two decided to head towards the student union building to finding people. Thomas suggested grabbing coffee there too.

"So, what'd you do this summer besides write fanfiction?" Thomas asked.

"Oh, some reading, watched _Cornelius_ for the first time, stuff like that. What about you?"

"Worked at my local library," he said with a shrug. "It was alright. Did some fanfiction reading, oh and like five or six pieces for my fanart collection. I wish I had more time to keep making them, but with school and work, eh it's hard. Oh and made it through less than a third of my reading list. I was trying to start _Servant of the Gods_ since some people have said it's like the next thing to read if you love Simon Snow…but I only got through the first two books."

Thomas paused and noticed a guy at his computer at one of the tables.

"Want to ask him what he thinks about football?"

Cath shrugged. Thomas headed over.

"Excuse me, would you have a minute to tell us what you're hoping for the football team this year?"

The guy looked up and blinked a few times. "Um…hope they do well. Kind of expect they're gonna suck this year though. Team's mostly freshman and all."

"Do you hope to go to many games?" Cath asked, even as her voice trembled halfway through the question.

"Yeah, well wouldn't miss the tailgate parties at least, if you know what I mean," he said with a smile. "That it?"

"Yep, that's great," Thomas answered, pushing his pen back into his pocket. "Thanks for your help."

Cath followed after him as he headed over to grab coffee.

"You want something? On me," he said with a warm smile.

"Um…12 ounce mocha?" Cath asked.

"Great," Thomas said. "You go find someone else and I'll get our drinks."

Cath wondered if it was too late to suggest she buy drinks instead, but Thomas was clearly intent on doing so. She sighed and looked for the least intimidating person or persons in the room. Two girls were chatting over their breakfast sandwiches. She decided to try them.

"Um hi," she stammered. "You have a moment to tell me what you think about the foot—football team this year?"

One of them giggled. "Sure, I think they're probably not going to do as well this year, but that's life."

"Um…" Cath tried desperately to think of another question. "Do both of you like football?"

"Yeah," the other girl said, but she had begun shooting Cath a weird look.

"Ok, um thanks," Cath said, biting her lip as she closed her notebook again and walked back over to where Thomas was waiting for their drinks.

"For you," Thomas said, handing over a medium mocha. "Hope you like whipped cream."

"It's perfect thanks," Cath said. "You didn't have to get me a bigger size, it really was fine as a small."

"No worries, my treat," Thomas said with another easy smile. "You get anything else?"

"Not really," Cath admitted. "I think most people think we're pretty annoying bugging them with questions."

"Yeah, that's reporter life," Thomas admitted before bringing his cup up to sip at his drink. "So, I know we're supposed to be working now, so I don't want to distract you with fanfiction stuff now. And I just remembered I have a meeting after class. But would you want to get dinner tonight or something?"

"Sorry, I can't. I promised my boyfriend we could make dinner together tonight. But I'm probably free tomorrow," Cath said.

"Oh," Thomas frowned. "Yeah. Um we can just find another time then."

It became awkwardly silent after that. Thomas found a few other people to ask questions to. Cath kept trying to come up with more interesting ones, but every time she got to the point of asking them, they'd slip her mind. Mostly she let him handle it, spending more time writing down their answers so Thomas could focus on asking.

As they were walking back to class, Thomas finally started talking to her again.

"So, how long have you and your boyfriend been together?" he asked.

"Oh, um less than a year," Cath said. She knew people were supposed to keep track of those things, but honestly she thought month anniversaries were sort of stupid on a whole. Six month maybe, a year yes, but there were too many people she knew posting "two weeks dating!" on their Facebox accounts. Honestly, it was annoying.

"Cool. You…serious about him?"

"Yes," Cath said, frowning. She wasn't sure what he meant by that, but she didn't really like where this was going.

Thomas didn't say anything more, and before she could even work up the courage to ask what his question had really meant, they'd arrived back in class.

By the time all of the awkwardness was over, Cath was thoroughly done. Between reading her piece in fiction writing and dealing with critiques, trying to interview people and feeling like a dunce, trying to work on the article while Thomas continued to behave strangely, she couldn't deal with it anymore. Why was everything so difficult? Why did she feel so overwhelmed already?

And to think it was only the first week of school…

* * *

 **Magicath** : Sorry guys, not feeling in the mood to write today. Bad day. See you tomorrow. #amnotwriting

 **Cornelius4eva:** @Magicath noooo! need more just wat the dr. ordered!

 **Snowzgirl:** @Magicath sorry you had a bad day. feel better soon so you can write more!

 **ThomasB:** @Magicath hey, hope you're feeling better. Journalism was sucky I hear you.

 **LaurynMichels:** @Magicath Want to talk? Sorry for ditching you today.

 **Slashisbest:** @Magicath not allowed. Also, when's the smut coming? ;)

 **ThomasB:** @Magicath also on dinner, sorry had to check schedule. Next week Tuesday good?

 **Magicath:** @ThomasB that sounds fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to greekgeekwriter for the comment!
> 
> I was told these characters are a little overly dramatic, so apologies for that! I really am trying, but it’s hard because I’m a dramatic person…also I need to find a copy of Fangirl and read it again…might help me refocus on what these characters are actually like, not how I remember them…
> 
> Hopefully next chapter I'll be back to more familiar characters like Levi. :)
> 
> Anyhow, thanks again to my loyal readers. You guys are wonderful!


	7. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait guys! Here's a new chapter!

Cath nibbled on her lip as she watched Levi at the stove. She wanted to just stop thinking. She really did. Why didn't brains come with off switches? Then she could simply focus on spending time with Levi and having dinner. Focus on enjoying what was supposed to be special.

"You okay, Cather?" Levi called over his shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said. "What are you making anyhow?"

"Spaghetti," he said, turning a bit to give her a smile.

"Sounds good," Cath said, trying to infuse enthusiasm into her tone and failing. "How was your day?"

"Nothing special," he said with a shrug. "Yours?"

"It was all right," she said, leaning back against the counter. "Is there anything I can help with?"

"Want to butter the garlic bread for me?"

She nodded and went over to start working on it, hoping maybe being so close to food would distract her.

"So, nothing going on?" Levi asked as he dipped a spoon into the sauce and then brought it back to his mouth.

"Just…I don't know," Cath whispered, moving her lip back between her teeth as she worked on slicing open the bread.

Levi had moved away from the stove, coming over to lay a hand on her shoulder.

"You can tell me anything, sweetheart. Bad day?" His eyes were fixed on hers, studying her for signs of what had gone wrong. "Seriously, need me to pull the pasta off the stove and go have a talk first? I don't mind."

Cath gave him a half smile and shook her head. "No. I'm hungry, and it smells great. It's just—I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be in college."

Levi laughed for a moment before noticing she wasn't laughing with him.

"Oh, you're serious. Cather, you're brilliant!" he exclaimed. "What's making you think that?"

She sighed. "Well, I just was told my writing wasn't very good today. And then in my journalism class…well I figured out just how much I hate journalism. I mean—what am I even going to do in the real world?" Cath sighed and decided to just stop talking, too worried she might dissolve into tears as she'd done earlier.

"Aw, you'll figure it out sweetheart," Levi promised. "You're doing fine right now. Can't let one bad day get you down. Now, what's this about your writing not being very good?"

"Just some people in my writing class being critical. I feel like I'm the worst writer in there."

Levi shook his head. "Can't possibly be true! I'm sure your stuff is great. Here, you go read it to me while I finish up the pasta. I'll give you a better opinion than any stuck up English major."

Cath smiled. "You do know you're biased right?"

"So?" Levi said. "Go sit down and read to me while I finish. Besides, if I don't go back to the stove that pasta is going to boil over."

Cath sighed before going over to find her backpack, pulling her laptop out. She winced as she looked at her work again, already catching a few awful mistakes. If she had any other original works on her, she'd probably have chosen to read one of those instead. But there was no stopping now.

She started reading. It was different from when she read her fanfiction. Or perhaps more like the first time she read him fanfiction. She was tense, nervous. She stumbled over a few words. But when she glanced up to see his smile still there, Cath began to gain some confidence.

Continuing on, she allowed herself to focus on Levi rather than the flaws she kept seeing no matter how far she read. His adoring looks were enough to give her the strength to finish.

When she finished Levi was just dishing up the spaghetti. She waited a moment, anticipating his reaction.

"Well, I'll say that I've read things of yours I think are better, mostly because I sensed you didn't have as much passion in writing that," Levi said. "But it's still better than anything I could write or most anyone else for that matter."

"Thanks," Cath said with a sigh, snapping her laptop shut.

Levi pushed a plate in front of her. "Here, food will make you forget for a bit."

Normally, that probably would have been the case. There was nothing like eating a homemade meal on an empty stomach. But Cath's mind kept churning out possibilities. She couldn't stop thinking about how next Friday was going to go, reading another creative excerpt to the class, facing criticism again.

Levi had tried to keep conversation flowing. He told her about the weird people who'd come in to Starbucks, talked about how much he was enjoying his classes, rambled about wanting to watch another episode of Cornelius with Reagan. But eventually he stopped.

"This is really bothering you, sweetheart?" he asked, eyebrows furrowing as he watched Cath's fork drift through the remnants of spaghetti littering her plate.

"A little bit," Cath admitted, biting her lip. "I just don't know how I'm supposed to make it through the semester like this."

"You're a brilliant writer," Levi said. He reached out and took her hand. "You'll have some good days and bad days."

"I'm a good _fanfiction_ writer. It's not real writing," Cath said.

Levi smiled. "Just because your professor says that doesn't make it true. You have lots of people who love your fanfiction, and I bet you'd have a lot who'd love your fiction pieces too. Don't get so down on yourself."

Unsure what else to say, she settled for shrugging.

"No, I'm not letting you sit there and feel like you're a failure. You're great! Your piece for class was great! Now, we're finding a more permanent solution for this."

He frowned and thought for a moment. Cath sighed and took his plate to go over to the sink and wash up. Levi was clearly still in the process of thinking.

"I've got it! Can't you just put some of your normal writing on fanfixx for people to read?" Levi asked. "I bet you'd get some pretty good feedback."

"FanFixx . net is for works in fandoms only," Cath said with a smile. "They'll just take it down if I put up something original."

Levi reached up to run a hand through his hair. "Um…isn't there an original works fanfic site though? That's connected with fanfixx? Like fix . net or something?"

"Fixpress?" Cath said, looking up from her washing with a frown. "I've never used it."

Levi stood up and went over to her bag to snatch her laptop. He opened it up and typed in the right password. Cath just rolled her eyes but let him, watching curiously over his shoulder as he went to fanfixx and then pressed a link to the connected site.

"Here, see, you can just connect your two accounts. And then, you can post your stuff and you'll have some more _unbiased_ readers tell you what they think."

"Levi, it's not that big of a deal," Cath protested.

"Nope. I'm going to put it on here whether you want it or not." He looked up and smiled. "Hey, if you have less than ten reviews or three negative reviews at the end of the week, we can take it down and never repeat this again. But for now, let's try this and see how you do! I bet it will be great!"

His enthusiasm was semi-contagious. Cath just shook her head and sighed. "Fine."

Levi pumped his fist and whooped before moving to upload the document.

"You have a title for this?" he asked.

"Oh…um…just call it 'Catching the Train,'" Cath said with a shrug. She didn't really care at this point.

"Perfect. Um, why don't you take over marking it how you want, rating and all that."

Cath set the dishes down and came over to take over. Before Levi could take over the dishes, she grabbed his arm and pulled him in for a light kiss.

"Even if this doesn't work, thank you for trying," Cath said.

"Anything for you, sweetheart. Now, go post that. I'll check on your account and see if you don't," he said with a smile and a wink.

"Should I just stop reading to you now that you seem to have it handled yourself?" Cath said.

Levi's jaw dropped open. "What no! That's only on your really short ones like Confidence. You can't stop reading _Just What the Doctor Ordered_! It's too good! No! Please don't do that to me!"

His eyes had widened, lips making a pout that could make a toddler jealous.

"Alright," Cath conceded. "I wouldn't torture you that way. I'm not some sadist like Madeline Devine."

"Hey, no spoilers!" Levi said. "I haven't gotten to the episode where the arch nemesis is introduced!"

Cath giggled. "Sorry. Anyhow, I'll post it. I promise.'

"You'd better," Levi said. "Now, you still hungry enough for dessert?"

She turned her head slightly to smile at the sight of a small tub of her favorite flavor of ice cream.

"You know me too well," she said with a smile.

Levi winked as he grabbed two spoons out of a drawer. "That I do. Now, do you magic Cather. And we can celebrate your first publishing as a 'real' writer."

Cath just turned back to the laptop to type in the words she wanted to on warnings and a small description, marking it as complete before hesitating over the publish button. Her heart was racing, and she swallowed down her fear before hitting the button, sending her work out into cyberspace for the world to read.

Levi pushed the tub at her with her spoon already embedded in the ice cream.

"Have some. And then after that, tell your Chatter and fanfixx friends about this page so they'll come read it."

Cath sighed but dug into the ice cream. A little distraction did sound nice. She savored the smooth creamy dessert. If only life's biggest problem was ice cream melting too quickly. Wouldn't that be perfect?

* * *

Twenty-seven.

That was the number of reviews on "Catching the Train."

She stared at it again, disbelieving. And considering not every reader reviewed, that was fairly impressive. Once she hit the week, she'd be likely to have more than thirty. Levi had been right apparently.

_Great stuff. Keep going! I want more!_

Cath was incapable of hiding a smile at the beautiful bits of encouragement from both old fans and new ones. Somehow one short segment about a man waiting for a train had managed to snare the attention of hundreds.

There was a knock at the door.

Cath looked up and frowned. She wasn't due to meet Thomas in the lobby until six. The clock read 5:43.

"Come in," she called.

Reagan looked up from where she'd been laying on her bed, half asleep.

The door opened and Lauryn peeked in, eyes going wide behind her glasses.

"Oh, hey! Wasn't disturbing you was I?"

"Too late now," Reagan muttered, rolling over and burying her face in her pillow.

Cath smiled. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, um I'm stuck on the fiction homework and thought I'd stop by to see how you're doing on it."

"And how did you find my room?" Cath asked. She looked down at her phone. "You could have just texted me."

Lauryn grinned. "Oh, yeah well…I know people who can find that information." She gave a wink before putting a finger to her lips. "Anyhow, can you help?"

"Sure," Cath offered. "Or well…for a bit. I'm going to dinner with Thomas in about fifteen minutes."

"Oooh, he's kind of cute!" Lauryn giggled. "Is it a date?"

Reagan's head shot up and she glared at Cath. "What?"

"No!" Cath said. "I have a boyfriend. It's just a chance to chat about our fanfictions."

"Oooh! Can I come?"

Feeling suddenly very uncomfortable with the way Reagan was staring at her Cath just decided to agree. After all, Lauryn liked fanfiction. She'd be a good addition to their conversation.

"Sure," Cath said. "You can give me advice on my journalism piece."

"Great! It's settled then." Lauryn beamed before glancing at Reagan. "Oh um, I'm sorry. I'm such an idiot. I'm Lauryn by the way."

"Reagan." She was still frowning, but had relaxed some, laying back down.

"Oh, great. Well, Cath, maybe we should let her sleep and go talk in the lobby? I mean we don't have that much time anyways."

Cath nodded and gathered up her wallet, phone, and keys before following Lauryn to the door.

"Bye Reagan," she said.

The other girl just grunted as Cath closed the door behind her.

"Oh my gosh, so I normally don't do this, but your roommate—" Lauryn hesitated a moment.

"Oh don't worry, she's always like that," Cath said.

"No, that's not it. It's just…oh never mind," Lauryn said, waving a hand in Cath's direction. "It really doesn't matter."

They arrived down at the lobby, taking a seat on a few chairs to the side, watching as fellow students went to and fro as their daily schedules ran their course. Like the ebb and flow of a tide.

"So, what's your boyfriend like? Is he cute? Is he a fanfiction writer too?" Lauryn asked.

Cath tried her best not to laugh and failed miserably. Honestly, describing people was never her strong suit. Unless it was Baz and his broody personality, or Tom and his quirky sense of humor. Or any other character for that matter. But painting pictures of real people was a challenge.

"He's great. And no, he's not a fanfiction writer. He hadn't read any until he met me actually," Cath said.

"Oh cool. How did you two meet?" Lauryn asked.

"Um…really long kind of awkward story, but basically he had dated Reagan and was over a lot to see her since they were still friends."

Lauryn's eyes rounded behind her glasses. "Oh my god that's hilarious."

"Yeah, it sort of is. So, are you dating anyone?" Cath asked.

"Nope, I'm unattached at the moment," Lauryn said. "But looking. I have my eyes on a few different people."

Cath smiled, doing her best to convey some level of encouragement, but before she could say something, Thomas appeared at the door. Lauryn waved at him and he swiped his card to enter the building.

"Hey, what are you two up to?" he asked.

"Lauryn needed some help with fiction," Cath said. "And she asked if she could come along to dinner, and I figured that would be fine."

His expression drooped a bit, but not enough that Cath recanted her offer.

"Oh yeah, great. Well, I'll drive if you don't mind. Figured we'd go to Harry's."

"Never been there," Cath said.

Lauryn just stared at her. "Are you kidding me? And you call yourself an English major? It's like our typical haunt! Anytime any of us get together, that's usually where we go. I mean, the food isn't stellar but it's open 24/7 which is great when you're up late doing papers. Also, they have fantastic pie milkshakes."

"Well, I haven't spent a lot of time with other English majors," Cath said.

"We're changing that now," Lauryn insisted.

Thomas offered another smile and led them back to the door and to his car. Cath let Lauryn take shotgun. Honestly, there were advantages to being in the back. People forgot about you when you were back there. And that suited Cath well.

Lauryn chattered on as they drove, moving from one subject to another at rapid speed. Thomas would glance back towards Cath occasionally, but mostly he took to nodding at Lauryn's comments every so often.

"You ever considered writing?" Thomas asked.

"Sometimes I think I have some ideas, but I just never have followed through. Honestly, part of me is scared if I start I won't stop. And I have a lot of other writing projects at the moment," Lauryn said.

Cath had to smile at that. There was truth in that matter. Fanfiction was addicting. She suddenly wondered if she'd write it the rest of her life. She tried to picture herself old and gray and wrinkled, still hunched over a computer typing out another update.

They pulled into Harry's parking lot a few minutes later. Thomas opened the door for her, allowing her out of the car. She followed him and Lauryn into the restaurant, still allowing Lauryn to direct most of their conversations.

"Are you seriously a Penelope fan? You've got to be kidding me," Lauryn said as the waitress led them to a booth. Cath hesitated a moment as the two slid in before her. She hated how trapped booths made her feel. She chose to sit next to Lauryn so that the other girl was against the wall.

"What, I think she's underrated!" Thomas said. "Seriously, I think we need more support for her. Which is why I think Cath would write a great piece with her."

Cath grimaced. "I appreciate you liking my writing, but I'm not really a big Penelope fan either."

Thomas sighed, and looked down at the table. "Guess I'm on my own then. Personally, I'd love to see a Penelope/Agatha piece actually. There is _not_ enough femslash in the world."

If Cath was braver she might have commented on that, wondering if he had good motives or if it was just a pervy guy thing in wanting to imagine two girls together. Thankfully, Lauryn wasn't just going to sit quiet and let an opportunity to give an opinion pass.

"I agree, there is a strong lack of good femslash," Lauryn said. "Though I've never been sure that a Penelope Agatha pairing could work in more canon works. If you went AU it's possible. Personally, if I was to pick a good femslash pairing I'd probably have to say I've seen some fantastic Madeline/Selene fics. Really, what you need is a work with two strong female leads. And there is a lack of those unfortunately. Maybe one day there will be a greater amount of those in popular med

Thomas raised his water glass. "Here here," he said with a smile. "Yeah, my sister's gay. So I guess I've just felt a good amount of motivation in trying to normalize femslash the same way slash is becoming more common."

Cath couldn't help but smile, glad to know his motives were better than they'd first sounded. She'd had one too many request for X-rated woman on woman stories from weirdos on fanfiction. She honestly was glad to see not every guy went that direction.

"That's great," Lauryn said. "Hey, tell you what, if you write me a nice fic on Radovan and Bernadetta in the early Watford days, and I will make my first fic a Penelope/Agatha."

"How long?" Thomas asked, eyes narrowing.

"At least 5000 words. One shot is fine, or multi chapter if that suits you better," Lauryn said, leaning forward and offering a challenging smirk. "You up for it fanmage?"

Thomas chuckled. "Are we going to put Magicath into the bargain somewhere too?"

"I'm trying to finish my major work in progress," Cath protested. "I don't have time for—"

"Oh yes, sweeten the deal," Lauryn agreed. "Make a blood pact between the three of us like Snow's dad and Radovan and Magnus?"

"I don't think I can—" Cath was cut off as a fourth voice interrupted.

"Can I start you off with drinks?" the waitress asked.

The three looked up at the young woman at their table. She was chewing gum and tapping her foot, watching them with a bored expression.

"Water's fine," Cath said.

"Coke," Lauryn said.

Thomas sighed and grabbed for the menu, scanning it before ordering a beer. He showed his ID and then tucked it back away as soon as the waitress left.

"No, I have a good idea for Cath," Lauryn said. "I think she should write a Cornelius Snow crossover."

Thomas's eyes lit up. "Damn that's a good idea. Pairing?"

"Anything she wants," Lauryn said. "Because I bet anything she chooses would be good. Cornelius/Snow, or Baz/Tom or a mix and match or whatever."

Cath squirmed. She'd never thought of mixing her two fandoms, but she had to admit it was an intriguing concept. She'd seen fanart of Tom and Cornelius at Watford before and she'd liked it.

"All right," she said, for the sake of shortening their argument. "I'll do it. But both of you have to help me come up with an idea for journalism tomorrow, because I'm stumped."

Thomas smiled. "It's settled then. We each have our assignments. Is there a time limit for completion?"

"Please no," Cath begged. "I can't do time limits. I have too much else to do."

Lauryn sighed and rolled her eyes. "All right, we'll be generous. Just by the end of this semester. Deal?"

Cath hesitated a moment before reaching out to shake hands with Lauryn first, then Thomas. She'd sealed her fate. Yet another fanfiction piece to work on. She'd only hope she could find the time with everything else going on in the semester.

The waitress came back with drinks, popping a big pink bubble with her mouth before withdrawing again.

"So, what's your last name?" Lauryn asked Thomas. "Because I find it awesome you're Thomas B like Tom Benton."

"Thomas Barath. And yeah, half my inspiration for my chatter name."

"Man, I wish I had some sexy fandom related name," Lauryn said. "Can you picture me as a Madeline?"

Cath shook her head, smiling into her glass.

"Yeah, me neither," Lauryn said. "Well, maybe some day I'll change it to something more exciting. Or at least make my fanfiction writer name something cool like magicath! If only Lauryn fit onto some other word."

"Laurynlbranch," Cath joked.

"Or Laurynasia, or laurynate," Thomas suggested. "Hey, what about a cool anagram!"

"Oh I'm horrid with those," Lauryn said waving a hand dismissively.

Thomas pulled out his phone and tapped in her name. "Chairmen Sully."

She giggled and shook her head.

"Manures Chilly."

Cath almost spat her water out. Thomas was grinning as he set his beer down, focusing on the

"Caner Mulishly," Thomas recited. "Raunchily Elms."

"Now you're just spouting nonsense," Lauryn said.

"Carmine Lushly," Thomas said with a grin.

"Oooh sexy!" Lauryn giggled. "It sounds like some trashy romance writer. You know like _Beach Magic_ by Carmine Lushly or something."

"Perfect for writing a smutty femslash piece," Thomas said.

"Ew, no we did not say anything about smut in the agreement!" Lauryn said, reaching across the booth to slap at him.

All of them were laughing at that point. And as disastrous as Cath had anticipated the meeting would be, things were turning out rather well. All in all, she was beginning to feel quite satisfied with her choice of friends. Perhaps English major life would work out well for her after all.

* * *

**A/N: I'm trying my hand at normal fiction now apparently thanks to my boyfriend. Please review if you like it. I'm not so sure. -Magicath**

He kept looking at his watch out of habit. Hands moving minimally as he took the familiar steps down to the tube stop. On a normal day he'd be rushing to catch the next train. But today his pace was leisurely. He might be ready for his train, but he wasn't in a rush to get there. Everything in his life had slowed. The time it took him to fall asleep. The hours he sat in his office. The steps it took to get to the kitchen and make a meal.

Andrew reached a hand up to rub at his chin, feeling the bits of stubble there that he should have shaved off but had forgotten about. Morning routine was slowly breaking down. He was lucky if he grabbed a bite to eat before heading out the door. Not today. He'd have to settle for wrestling up a sandwich at lunch hour. Or perhaps he could skip eating and take a kip instead.

He was pulled from his thoughts by a pointy elbow digging into his side.

"Watch it," a man said to his side.

He ignored it and continued on. Taking the steps one at a time. Slowing some as he arrived at the platform. The familiar stop he always took in the mornings. And returned to late in the evenings, long after the traffic had died down. But morning he dealt with the crowds. Put up with elbows to the ribs and people knocking against his briefcase.

"Eh, you gotta a quid to spare?" a man suddenly asked to his side.

Andrew clutched his briefcase tighter as a man bundled in rags came closer to him, grimy face peering up at him hopefully. The last thing he wanted was for his wallet to get pinched. Then again, what would it really matter. Money was useless to him in most respects.

"Please sir, gotta bit a change on you? Hard lines fer me right now. Just a bit for a spot a grub?" the man asked.

"No," Andrew snapped.

"Just enough fer a cuppa. Please? 'm cold and 'ungry. 's parky out an' I ain't got nower to go."

Andrew's jaw clenched. "Sod off."

The man mumbled some kind of an apology and scuttled off. Andrew did his best to ignore the other man. Help didn't always come when one needed it. He was all too aware of that fact. His throat felt too tight as he thought about the last few months. He just needed to head off to work. Once there he'd forget for a bit. His office could be a sanctuary from all the outside troubles.

He couldn't even help himself. What would make him offer help to someone else? Perhaps he should have though. Maybe that would have made up for his mistakes. Maybe he could erase the past bits of missing calls and standing up dates and being such a failure. He glanced down at his now plain left hand, wiggling his fingers and wondering what it would be like to still have the ring on his finger.

It didn't matter anymore. No one needed him. The world would be just fine without him. Why if he took ten more paces over to the platform…all might be well.

Andrew looked up from his thoughts, watching the other side of the platform which was equally busy. A little boy was running along the lines, joy evident in his expression. He wished he could capture even a fraction of that level of happiness.

However, as he watched he saw the boy's foot slip. He let out a small yelp and tumbled forward. Andrew stiffened as the unthinkable happened, the boy toppling onto the tracks. Only a few other people had noticed, whispering and pointing, people clearly looking around to figure out what to do.

He'd taken a psychology course before. Andrew was aware of the phenomenon that was occurring. People waiting. People expecting someone else to jump in and fix everything. No one wanted to be the first to act.

But there was a noise, and he glanced at his watch. The tube would be arriving any moment. He set down his briefcase hoping the homeless man wouldn't pinch it, before running to the edge and jumping down onto the tracks.

The boy was to the side. He appeared to have broken an arm, and was crying. Andrew grabbed him, careful not to move close to the electric rail and moved over to the closest edge, lifting the boy up. A hand reached down and snatched the child from him.

A rattling came along the tracks. He turned and saw the light coming closer. For a moment Andrew pondered simply sitting there. Simply letting the inevitable happen. And then the hand had returned and was grasping at his arm. He turned towards the ledge, gripping it with one of his own hands before allowing the stranger to help pull him up.

He toppled onto the edge just as the carriages went whizzing by. Andrew gasped for breath as he sat up, turning to look at the man to his side, gazing at him, eyes wide, mouth slightly parted.

"You saved him," he whispered. "Thank you. For a moment I thought my son was gone."

"It's not a problem," Andrew said. "Someone had to do something."

The man smiled at him, and Andrew caught the way the expression shifted something about him. He caught the new beauty there with the expression of relief.

"Regardless, I need to repay you. Please, can I take you out to lunch…or er…early breakfast or something of the like? Tea? Anything. Really I cannot thank you enough."

Andrew's eyes drifted from his watch to his briefcase across the way. The job had been his life. He was already running late. But hadn't it been the job that had cost him everything before?

"Why don't I come with you to the A&E. I'd take a cab, it will be faster," Andrew suggested, glancing at the boy's arm. "And then we can get lunch after."

"Sounds perfect," the man said with a warm smile. "I'm Ben and this is my son William."

"Andrew." He reached out to shake the offered hand. "Pleasure to meet you both."

William sniffled a bit but extended his good hand as well. "Daddy, you promised we could go to the park?"

Ben sighed and glanced down at his son with obvious affection. "Well, you can't very well play at the park with a broken arm, now can you? Come on. Andrew's right. We've got to get you to the hospital."

He stuck out his lip in a pout. "Can Andrew carry me?"

Ben looked at Andrew who gave a hesitant nod before allowing the little boy to be transferred into his arms.

"There now," Andrew said as he rose to his feet, still holding William close. He followed Ben towards the tube exit, reflecting on how he'd left with a briefcase and was coming back with a child. Ben's smile brightened the way ahead of him.

As William continued to exhibit signs of distress, Andrew added another few words. "Everything will be all right.'

And from his perspective, it was entirely true.

**AN: I really don't think it's very good, but if it is please tell me. Thanks for reading. –magicath**

-From "Catching the Train"

by Fixpress . net author Magicath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh it’s been hard updating this regularly, and for that I’m sorry loyal readers. Currently doing my best to put full energy into a Sherlock fic with the hopes that if I finish that I can devote more regular time to this story and my other WIP…but it’s shaping up to be longer than I expected.
> 
> Honestly, this mostly started as a joke. My friends read fangirl around the same time I did and remarked how sad it was there wasn’t a sequel. I jokingly suggested reading fanfiction, but the one who took that seriously informed me there wasn’t much good out there (which isn’t true because I’ve read a few I liked), so I jokingly told her I’d start a sequel for her. Now she and my other friend have stopped reading, so it’s been hard to keep going without their support. But I’ve had such great feedback from other people that I do want to continue.
> 
> Anyhow, long rambling rant on updates. I’m so sorry. Also, I have a Tumblr now- just search elsarenard and you should find me (or check my profile).
> 
> Lastly-I just realized Laura is her mother's name. Whoops. :P I knew it seemed semi-familiar. Darn it!
> 
> Thanks to HopeS., greekgeekwriter, Readernotwriteryet for the comments! You guys are awesome!
> 
> -elsarenard


	8. Eight

Cath returned to Pound Hall with a smile on her face. The rest of the night had been equally entertaining. Lauryn had started rambling of ship names while Cath and Thomas gave their opinions. They had their few disagreements, but for the most part it had been fine just discussing civilly. Though at one point there had been a rather heated debate about Selene as a character, and something about Madeline/Cornelius pairings as well.

It was only when she walked into her own bedroom that some of the joy died away.

Reagan was staring at her from her desk.

"Have a nice _date_?"

Cath closed the door and went to sit down on her own bed.

"Yes, it was fine, though I thought I already said it wasn't a date," she said.

Reagan sat up straighter.

"Look, I think we should talk."

Cath nibbled her lip. "It wasn't a date, Reagan. Just dinner with a friend who also writes fanfiction. Besides, Lauryn came along too."

"Ok, Levi isn't usually the jealous type," Reagan said. "But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be careful. Going to dinner with a guy sounds pretty date-like."

Cath just stared at her, unsure how to respond.

"It wasn't a date," she finally said. "I just wanted to go out with some friends."

Reagan pursed her lips. "Look, Cath, that's great, but you really ought to talk to Levi about it and make sure he doesn't have a problem with you having a close guy friend."

"Didn't you have guy friends when you two were dating?" Cath asked. She couldn't picture Reagan without a few guys around her, but then again, she'd only seen her post-Levi so she couldn't know for sure.

"Well, yes, but that was me," Reagan said with a frown.

Cath just stared at her, thinking she'd already made her point.

"Cath, we're completely different people. And besides, Levi cares more about you than he ever did me. God the googoo eyes he gives you are ridiculous. My point is, how many guys have you had as friends before? Because what I remember from the scared little freshman last year was a completely different reaction to male attention."

"I had a male writing partner last year," Cath pointed out.

"Oh yeah that weird guy," Reagan muttered. "Still, for the most part you just don't seem that interested in guys. I'd just worry…I mean Levi could take it the wrong way. So talk it over okay? See how he feels about it."

Cath sighed. "Fine. I don't see why it's that big of a deal, but if it really bothers you, I guess I can talk about it."

"Do," Reagan said. "Look, the last thing I want is you two breaking up over something stupid. Because then it forces me in the awkward middle ground position of having to take a side, and I don't want to do that. Or remaining neutral and possibly pissing both of you off. Seriously, that sounds like shit."

"Yeah, that would be pretty awful," Cath agreed. "Um…anyhow…sorry for freaking you out with my supposed date. I really wasn't trying to seem like I was going behind Levi's back. It's just been cool meeting other people who are into fanfiction and stuff."

Reagan smiled. "Like Levi doesn't? He reads all of your stuff. Or me? Speaking of which, how do you feel about watching an episode or two tonight? My treat for being such an asshole?"

"You're just looking out for me," Cath said. "It's really fine. You're right, I should make sure Levi doesn't have a problem with it. I don't think he will, but I'd hate for him to get the wrong impression or feel like I'm going behind his back."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Reagan muttered. "So, how'd your time out with friends go anyhow?"

"It was fine," Cath said. She slumped onto her bed. "I sort of got roped into writing a fic for both of them though."

"Oh, and what fic was this?" Reagan asked.

"Um…they want me to do a Simon Snow and Cornelius crossover."

"How would that even work?" Reagan asked. "Do you know how you're going to do it? Is that like a normal thing or is that their original idea?"

"Oh, no it's a thing," Cath assured her. "I've seen fanart of Cornelius and Tom at Watford. I mean, there's a variety of ways to do it. Tom and Cornelius are mages who attend there, or you could have them getting involved in a magically made crime, possibly running into Snow as a result. I've seen ones where they adopt Simon, or where they are trying to defeat Baz (which are awful fics that shouldn't exist). I don't know, it just depends."

"What about Simon, Baz, Cornelius, Tom foursomes?" Reagan said with a smirk.

Cath turned bright red. "At this point, if you can think of a pairing, it's probably already been done. And I would guess that one's out there. It is _not_ what I would write though."

"Relax, I know you don't go for porn without plot," Reagan said with an eyeroll.

"Oh my god, you just used a fanfiction term!" Cath gasped, and then let out a laugh.

"Calm your inner-fangirl, Cath. Sheesh. Out of curiosity to see how far pervy fan's minds could go I might have googled a few things I shouldn't have. Adult sites for fanfiction should not exist."

"You found adultfix?" Cath gasped.

"I don't even want to know how you are aware of it existing," Reagan muttered. "Anyhow, point is I don't see you writing foursomes. And it would be weird anyways. Like, I can really see where you get the Tom/Cornelius pairing. It works pretty well actually. But just throwing them into a random sex filled—whatever—the point is it's weird. Although I have to say I don't mind when it comes to some of those sexy looking fanart pieces."

"I've ruined you," Cath gasped.

"What?" Reagan said, shooting her a look. "Come on, are you really going to pretend you don't fantasize about Scottie Hollins? Because he is _hot_."

Cath giggled. "Not a Wolfgang Honeycut fan then?"

"Oh he's alright too. Guess he has more of the tall dark and handsome appeal—your broody vampire type or whatever. But Scottie's got more of that gentlemanly British charm. And his accent? His voice just does things to me."

"We can watch more if you'd like. It's a good thing you're not in my journalism class. Our professor has a British accent." Cath smiled at the thought.

"Shit, I know what my major should be now," Reagan said. "Seriously, put on another few episodes. I wouldn't mind watching. _Really_ wouldn't mind."

Cath got up to go find her laptop, eagerly searching out the next few episodes. She scooted her chair over to set it up in front of her bed. Reagan came over with one of her pillows and slumped down on the opposite side.

"Oh, I have journalism homework tomorrow," Cath said as the music intro started.

"Want to skip this?" Reagan asked, gesturing to the screen.

"No," Cath said adamantly. "I can write it tomorrow morning. I don't think it will be too hard after all."

"Great," Reagan said settling back. "Now, silence so I can listen."

Cath stopped talking. She knew that assignment was important, but at the moment she didn't even want to think about it. And in the next few minutes as further familiar scenes played out, she soon stopped thinking on it altogether.

* * *

The red markings at the top of her paper didn't look good. But then again, Cath wasn't entirely sure what they meant either. What kind of person wrote NG at the top instead of a letter like A-F, or a number between 0 and 100. At the bottom there was also the very disheartening "see me during my office hours today if possible."

She'd pulled out her syllabus and noticed he had office hours after class that would probably work. But still, Cath was wondering if she should pretend she was too busy and go in another day. Maybe she could just pretend she couldn't read his handwriting.

Lauryn leaned over next to her. "What'd you get?"

"Um…" Cath glanced at Lauryn's paper to see a C on the top. "It's not a big deal."

"I got a B," Thomas said, looking quite pleased with himself. "Not bad for my first class with Professor Walton. He's a tough grader."

Cath was about to open her mouth to ask what NG meant, figuring Thomas might know, when Professor Walton stalked to the front of the class.

"I'm extremely disappointed with your first papers," he began, eyes flashing. "You ought to be better writers than this. I had no A's, a handful of B's and mostly C's and D's. A few of you, turned in such abysmal papers that I decided they were not even worthy of my time. Those will have an NG or "no grade" at the top. Now, it's not a zero. It means you may rewrite the assignment for a fraction of the points, though I will expect you to include another paper explaining everything you did wrong."

He paused and looked around the room. Cath felt her throat tighten, tears threatened her eyes again. She couldn't cry. But had her paper really been that awful?

"Alongside that, I've decided to assign you groups for your next major papers. I expect them to be much more polished. If you need help we have a writing center on campus that can help you."

Half of his words weren't make it into her mind. Cath was still too miserable pondering what she could have done to have truly deserved not getting a grade.

Professor Walton was calling out names for groups. That was until one of the students raised a hand to interrupt him.

"Excuse me sir, wouldn't it be more conducive to better cooperation if we were to pick our own groups? In such environments with peers more at our level we might appropriate the material in a more concrete manner."

"Look who swallowed a thesaurus," Lauryn muttered under her breath to Cath.

"I'm afraid that won't do," Professor Walton said to the student. "I assigned these groups to help balance our more talented journalists with the less talented ones. For that reason Ryan, I've placed you in a group with Thomas Barath, Cather Avery, and Jessica Stewart. I hope that will be acceptable."

The other boy frowned but thankfully didn't argue.

"Damn, bad luck both of you," Lauryn said, frowning in the direction of the obnoxious boy.

Cath just shrugged. She was getting used to bad luck at this point in the semester. It was just a matter of when she'd get some good luck instead.

At the end of class Cath had made her decision to get the visit with Professor Walton over with quicker. Like ripping off a bandaid was her thought- though in her opinion the better option with a bandaid was to simply wear it until it lost its stickiness and fell off without any help. But professors didn't work quite the same way as bandaids did, and she was worried she might get an email by the end of the week if she didn't come see him.

The problem was she hadn't anticipated Levi waiting for her in the hall.

"Hey Cather," he greeted, coming over to peck her on the lips. "Both of us need to agree to take easier classes next semester so we have more time to spend together."

Cath tried not to smile and failed. "I can't keep track of your shifts."

He snorted. "You're telling me! I almost missed one yesterday. So, since I'm off this afternoon, what do you say we go get some lunch? It's still nice out. We could get a picnic and go somewhere."

"Sounds nice," Cath responded. "It's just…I need to go talk to my professor."

He cocked his head. "Uh oh. Trouble in paradise? What's up?"

Cath sighed and slung her backpack off her shoulder, reaching inside to easily pull out the fairly crinkled up paper.

"Just had this note on it to come see him. Alongside being told it wasn't worthy of being graded. I have to write it again."

His eyebrows crinkled adorably and then he whistled.

"Damn. Your professor must only read genius authors if he can look at something you write and think it's not good."

"Shut up," Cath said, reaching out to push his shoulder to show her amusement. "I did do a pretty crappy job on it. Reagan and I were up late watching more Cornelius."

"And you two didn't call me?" he asked, frowning.

"You were up late working on that assignment!" she told him. "Plus, it gave us some good girl time to enjoy the show for more than its plot."

"All right, so maybe it wasn't so bad to miss it after all. I tell you what, I'll walk you to your professors and after you're done talking with him we can do whatever you want for the afternoon. Picnic, movie, TV show, lunch, cuddle time. Whatever makes you feel better."

There was a moment of hope for her. Bad luck with classes, but good luck with her personal life. What with her new friends, and with Reagan watching out for her, and with Levi being his usual self. If nothing else she had those. And weren't those more important than grades or being the best student in the class?

"Sure," she agreed. "In fact, I actually need to talk to you about something—"

"Hey, Cath," a voice said behind her.

She turned to see Thomas standing there, pushing his glasses back up his nose before tucking his literature book under his arm.

"Want to go grab lunch?" he asked. "We can go discuss how you think I should write Radovan. I'm bad with imagining younger versions of characters, but I'm sure with your vivid imagination you can help me make him super sexy. Or we could role play it. You be Bernadetta and I play Radovan and see how it goes."

He winked, and Cath shot a look at Levi.

After everything Reagan had said, she'd expected Levi to be pretty cheery and accepting of Thomas. However, when she finally saw his face, she noticed his face had scrunched up, frown in place, eyes narrowed as he stared at Thomas.

Thomas too had seemed to see Levi for the first time, and Cath saw his hand tighten on his book.

"Thomas, I don't think you've met my boyfriend, Levi. Levi, this is Thomas. Um…we've been talking some about fanfiction together and we're in a writing group together."

Levi's mouth seemed to tighten even more. Thomas in the meantime had stepped back a pace.

"I've got to get going actually. I'll see you around, Cath."

Thomas disappeared in a matter of seconds. Cath turned back to Levi, intent on finding some kind of answer.

"Let's go see your professor," Levi said, though his voice had lowered a tone, eyebrows still furrowed.

"Sure," she said.

They started walking. She bit her lip and had a debate in her mind if she should talk about it or not. Levi was silent for once. Cath walked a step behind him as he strode back towards Andersen Hall.

Once inside he left her to go up to the second floor, promising to be waiting for her when she was done. He still was frowning, so Cath didn't really know what to make of things. She went up feeling even more discouraged. Maybe Reagan really had been right.

Professor Walton already had someone in his office. So she waited outside, heart pounding faster the more minutes passed. After what felt like an eternity, another student went storming past her. She stood up and took a deep breath and walked into the office.

The professor looked up at her over the edge of his reading glasses. He pushed a large stack of papers aside, gracefully popping the cap back onto a red pen.

"Ah, Miss Avery, come in."

Cath swallowed and took off her backpack. She set it down and went to sit on the edge of the chair in front of his desk.

"I was very surprised by the quality of the work you turned in on Friday. I hadn't expected it based on your reputation in the English department." He glanced up again, staring her in the eye. "Most of your professors have remarked that your abilities are quite impressive, especially in writing. I know Professor Piper especially has expressed high hopes for you."

Cath bit her lip and nodded. She hadn't been aware her professors had spoken of her so highly. All in all she'd expected to mostly blend in and disappear as she normally did in a crowd of people.

"That is the reason I want you to be well aware I expect better of you," Professor Walton said. "I know some of this is merely a matter of having no formal training in journalism. For that reason I've paired you in a writing group that should help you learn. But the grammatical errors and poor word choice all reflect on sloppy writing. You need to take time on your pieces. Is that understood?"

Cath nodded, trying to figure out why her throat kept felt like it was closing up.

"Good. I expect you'll turn in a second attempt at your paper?"

She nodded again.

"Good. Well, for the moment that's all. I simply want you to be aware that even if this is an introductory course, I hold my students to higher standards. Especially ones I know can do better. Now, if that's all I bid you good day."

Cath rose from the chair, unsure if she was supposed to say something or not. Her personal scolding didn't seem to need a response, merely a look of proper penance in light of what she'd done.

She headed downstairs and found Levi staring at his phone. He looked up when she arrived, but he didn't smile.

"So, what's the plan?" she asked him. "Still on for lunch or something?"

"If you want. Or if you'd rather go eat with that other guy, that's fine too."

Cath hesitated a moment before touching his arm. "Levi, I wanted to talk to you about this….if you're jealous that I'm spending time with another guy I can always stop…I just have been enjoying having someone to talk about fanfiction with. But you're more important. And I don't want you to be upset."

His mouth dropped open. "Jealous? Where are you getting that?"

"Um…the fact that you seem sort of upset?" Cath suggested, staring at him.

"I'm not jealous," Levi said. "I just—I don't like that guy, okay? Seriously, it's not…I trust you sweetheart, don't you know that?"

"Yeah," Cath said. "It's just Reagan got all nervous about you maybe thinking something bad about me being friends with him and she said I needed to talk to you about it."

"Reagan's being paranoid," Levi said.

"That's what I said!"

"Yeah," Levi agreed. "Look, I don't want to talk about it, Cath. I just…I don't like him. And I don't control you or anything like that, but my advice would be to leave him alone. But again, I leave that up to you. Now, let's go get something to eat."

Cath remained quiet. She didn't know Thomas well enough to defend him, nor did she feel confident enough to interrogate Levi about why he hated the other boy so much. All she could tell was that something bad had obviously happened between the two of them.

* * *

Selene would not leave him alone. Cornelius could not quite figure out what he'd done to merit the attention, but she was constantly wanting to spend time with him, continually trying to claim his evenings to go out to dinner, or his afternoons to spend time together. He couldn't quite figure out how to politely tell her he'd much rather be spending the time with Tom instead.

Looking her over, he had to admit she had everything he could possibly want. She was lovely. Slim and well-groomed and complete with the ideal proportions for women's curves (or at least those most frequently advertised as such). She had a brilliant background in politics and knew how to hold her ground on any issue that came up for debate, could keep a conversation running with ease. And besides that she seemed to greatly admire and enjoy time with him.

But when he compared her to Tom she fell short in every respect. She could never outshine his brilliant doctor. Not in a million years.

At this point, however, he was not quite sure how to correct his fatal mistake of allowing her to assume they were dating. Somehow she was under that impression, though he had by no means ever asked her out properly. But her current place on his lap gave him the idea that she was becoming quite keen on becoming even closer.

Tom was currently sending them glances. Cornelius wasn't quite sure what to make of them. Perhaps he was jealous. That was likely it. It had been a while since he had been out with a woman, even though Cornelius was quite confident that Tom could find one with no trouble. Still, maybe he should be considerate, move Selene elsewhere.

Or maybe he should finally tell her that he wasn't interested. Except then that would leave him with the empty void of reality. Then that would leave him to face the fact that Tom didn't love him. And never would.

Still, the looks Tom was giving him was making him feel guilty. There was nothing worse than making his best friend feel poorly.

However, before he could act on the thought of leaving, Tom stalked over to him.

"Cornelius, let's get lunch? Give you some energy to puzzle through the latest clues Devine gave you?"

His eyebrows scrunched up adorably. His frustrated face still made Cornelius feel warm, want to smile. Why was every bit of the doctor so endearing?

"Yes," he said, carefully pushing Selene off of his lap. "I'd love to."

Selene pouted slightly but didn't say a word. She was aware that Tom wasn't a good person to get in the way of, not after all he'd done in his shady past.

"Come on. We can eat at Antonio's again," Cornelius said. "My treat."

Tom offered a half smile, but Cornelius took it in full. Anything to see Tom happy again. No matter what it took, he'd make him smile and find out what was wrong.

**AN: Sorry if this was sloppy today guys. Got a lot on my mind. –magicath**

-From _Just What the Doctor_ Ordered posted September 2012

By Fanfixx . net author Magicath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to amenityeverlark for commenting!
> 
> Few clarifications- on college and courses and all that. I am an English major, but I attended a really small school, so I probably mess up on a lot of stuff. If there are any UNL students out there, don't get onto me for messing up your college! It's a bit different from mine. :)


	9. Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well in this long break between chapters I only had a few votes on Laura’s name, but it looks like most people think it should just stay the same. I will try to refer to Cath’s mom differently so it doesn’t become confusing. So sorry for making that mistake in the first place! Here’s a chapter to make up for it.
> 
> Chapter warnings: General discussion of sex. Nothing too graphic, but just too keep people from being annoyed at me.

It was like the olden days when they'd crawl into each other's beds after a nightmare. At least, that was how Cath imagined it as she laid quietly next to her sister, neither talking, simply supporting in silence. The only difference was that these nightmares weren't strange dreamlike hallucinations or unconscious fears. These were real life problems. And those were so much harder to escape from in the long run.

Cath sighed and leaned in closer to Wren. With the last week some of her confidence about the year had disappeared. Sophomore year was proving to be even trickier.

"Wren," Cath said after a long moment, "does Jandro ever get…jealous?"

Wren shrugged, still staring up at the ceiling. "Yeah, sometimes. It's more like he's protective, you know? I think it's more for my sake than for his own fragile beliefs about our relationship or male pride or anything like that. He doesn't want guys hitting on me or harassing me."

Cath bit her lip as she considered. It sounded pretty reasonable to her. Maybe protectiveness was behind Levi's motives? He had made it sound more like that.

"Why?" Wren asked.

"Oh, well…there's this guy in my writing class who keeps talking to me about fanfiction and other stuff…and well…Levi met him a few days ago and he freaked out. I've never seen him act like that," Cath said.

"Did you ask him about it?" Wren said. She sat up and stared down at Cath. "Because you should and you can't just chicken out of it Cath. It's important to communicate. Communication is key to healthy relationships."

Cath rolled her eyes. "I knew I should have discouraged you from taking that psychology class."

Wren huffed and crossed her arms. "Shut up and tell me what happened!"

"Yes, I asked him, but he won't talk about it," Cath said with a sigh.

"Well you'll just have to pressure him into it," Wren said. "Have you tried withholding sex?"

"What happened to miss psychology communication is the key?" Cath said, even as she smiled at the joke.

"Oh, she read this marvelous fanfiction piece where Baz got Simon to cave to his demands by going a few weeks without shagging," Wren said with a wink.

"Ug, I wrote that years ago," Cath said, feeling her face begin heating. "That is so embarrassing. All of it is so embarrassing. I can't believe how little I knew about—"

"Sex?" Wren said with a giggle. "Come on, shouldn't you be able to say that word now without blushing? You're deflowered and everything!"

Cath swatted at her playfully, even as she knew her blush continued to grow. Wren was right, she should be past embarrassment, but somehow she still wasn't. Maybe it would always be awkward for her. Though at least she'd moved past any awkwardness with Levi a long time ago.

"Ok, well anyhow, I'm not going to do that to get information," Cath said. "Maybe I'll just wait a bit and see if he loosens up some."

"Yeah," Wren said. "Not a bad idea I guess."

"How are things with Jandro?" Cath asked. "I'm sorry I haven't been around more. I think once I start to get the hang of journalism maybe I'll have more time…or maybe not considering I'll have to start my novel sometime in the next few weeks."

Wren's eyes widened. "You have to write a novel? What are you going to write it on?"

"I don't know and I'm not talking about it now," Cath said. "I'm pretending it doesn't exist until I reach a due date. Now, Jandro."

"Oh, yeah things have been all right. We're officially back together, but he's been busy and hasn't had much time for me. He's taking me to AA tomorrow though."

"How's it been going?" Cath asked. "Have you gone drinking anymore? I won't tell dad, I promise."

"Oh that line sounds familiar," Wren muttered with an eye roll. "'I won't tell dad, I promise Wren, please please please tell me your secret' and then the moment I would you'd tell on me."

"I guess I was a bit of a brat when I was three," Cath said. "But I have distinct memories of you stealing my favorite Barbie and then losing her at a friend's house."

"Ah good times," Wren said with a sigh. "No, I haven't been out drinking again, though it's been tempting. Everyone parties here, Cath. Other than my loser roommate that is. God she's always here. I miss having friends."

Cath reached out and pulled Wren into a tight hug. "Now you know how I felt last year."

"Yeah," Wren said, "except you _like_ not having friends."

"I tolerate it," Cath said. "But lonely gets uncomfortable after a while. I'm glad I have friends this year at least."

"I'm glad you too, but if you could share some of your weird awkward make friends ability that would be great," Wren said with a wry smile. "Look at us, Cath. You're off every weekend with your boyfriend and spend afternoons with Reagan or your English friends. And me…I hang out here and try not to be bored out of my mind. It's like we switched places or something."

"Well, maybe you'll finally get your acceptance into Watford this year," Cath said. "And then none of this would even matter."

"God I wish," Wren said. "I could use a little magic."

Cath smiled and thought to herself, _couldn't we all_.

* * *

Cath was especially wishing for some Watford magic by the time fiction class rolled around the next morning. Some of the sharing had become easier, but every time she had to read a piece in class she still felt like her throat was going to close up.

Professor Piper had made her write a piece without adjectives and adverbs. Cath had known the exercise was especially directed at her. And she had to admit it was awful. Upon a few students begging, Professor Piper had conceded that they could use three. It still wasn't much to work with.

Thankfully Lauryn had been very supportive, even if a few of the senior girls had still wrinkled their noses. Of course, once Cath was done reading her piece and feeling some level of relief, Professor Piper brought new anxiety to her.

"Get with a partner and start talking about your plot idea for your long fiction piece," Professor Piper said. "I expect you have a skeleton, but you need to begin fleshing out those basic bare bones ideas."

Cath felt her heart sink and turned to Lauryn who was grinning.

"Oh my gosh, so I have the most fantastic idea ever. I have like this whole sci-fi world type idea with like this city and it has a clear wall around it and I was reading about old mining towns in the Appalachian's and I was thinking it'd like be cool to do some kind of modern twist on those awful tragedies that occurred and like have this world and…"

Cath stopped listening for a few minutes while she frantically tried to pull some kind of idea together. She hadn't even begun to consider what she could write about. Everything that seemed possible was far too simple, nothing like the masterpieces these other students were creating.

"Anyhow, so I'm thinking like I might have a kind of hinted romance," Lauryn said. "I really respected what Thomas said a few weeks ago and I think I might try to incorporate a little bit of that. Speaking of which, what's been with him lately? He keeps refusing to sit with us and I just don't get it. Did we do something to offend him? Plus he hasn't commented on any of your fanfics lately."

Cath sighed, debating if she should tell Lauryn the truth. After a long moment she decided it was worth it.

"Um…I introduced him to my boyfriend and I think they have some kind of dark history or something," Cath said.

"Ooh. What? Dark history? Oh my gosh this is like something out of a novel!" Lauryn said. "Puh-lease tell me what it was."

"I'm not sure," Cath admitted. "He wouldn't tell me. And now Thomas is avoiding me."

"Well at least it's him and not your boyfriend," Lauryn said with a smile. "Hey, first off you need to introduce said boyfriend to me. Secondly, I'll wrestle it out of Thomas in journalism, what do you say?"

Cath smiled. "Well so long as you don't know Levi Stewart it should be all fine."

"What him?" Lauryn mock gasped. "He's the horrible bandit who murdered my whole family and set fire to my house!"

Cath sighed. "Stop it. It's not even funny. I have no idea what happened with them, I just want everything to be ok…"

"Kidding," Lauryn muttered. "Never heard of him. But seriously, I can't wait to meet him! Eek it's going to be so great! And then I'm going to threaten Thomas with discontinuing my fanfiction if he doesn't at least interact with us."

"Cruel," Cath said.

"Yeah, totally, anyhow, so what's your novel looking like at the moment? I loved your short piece."

"Thanks," Cath said, shifting in her seat. "I actually am not sure yet. There's a lot to decide…"

"What about your first thing you wrote? Think you could expand that at all?" Lauryn asked. "I know you've had good feedback on fixpress about it."

"I don't know. I think I'm just going to put off deciding a little longer."

She looked up to realize that Professor Piper had come to stand behind them. Cath shrank into her seat as the professor looked at her critically.

"So, Cath, why don't you tell me a little about your writing project," Professor Piper said in such a sharp tone that Cath automatically began picturing knives.

"Oh…well…I think Lauryn might have a better idea so why don't I just let her—"

"Cath, I asked you. Please tell me."

Cath nibbled on her lip as her brain worked frantically. Maybe she could come up with something in the few seconds before Professor Piper lost her patience? She stared at her professor who had now crossed her arms.

"I…to be honest, Professor Piper, I just haven't been able to think of anything lately," Cath admitted. "I was wondering…" she hesitated and made the rest of her address to the ground instead of facing the other woman, "…if I could maybe do a portfolio of short stories instead of something longer?"

Professor Piper sighed. "Cath, you know I can't make exceptions. That's the assignment this year. I know it's tough, but I have confidence in you. You've had almost a month to work on this now, I'm disappointed you haven't put more thought into it. You have no ideas what so ever?"

"Nothing interests me that much," Cath admitted. "Not for something so long. I've gotten to a point where I can make myself write shorter fiction. But part of a novel or novella! It's so much. I just don't think I can possible make it work."

"Cath, I'm just going to give you the best advice I've ever heard in terms of selecting content," Professor Piper said. "The best thing to do is to write what you know. Now, your piece on the British tube was lovely, but I'm guessing you don't have much actual experience with that sort of thing."

"So what, write a boring piece about a girl in college?" Cath asked, lifting her head to stare perplexedly at the professor. "I mean, Simon Snow is a huge success and I don't think Gemma T. Leslie attended a magical academy."

Professor Piper just shook her head. "Cath, surely you know something about Leslie's past. She was struggling with a large amount of depression at the time she started writing her books. Putting a story about struggle between darkness and light, a story about a boy seeking answers in times of confusion, all made sense with what she was going through. That is part of what makes Simon Snow such an excellent series. It has captured elements of human experience and put them into a setting of magic."

Cath nodded. She had heard that over and over again, but sometimes it seemed hard to believe that someone as successful as Gemma T. Leslie really battled depression.

"Cath, you can do something extraordinary, or you can set something more close to home. Either way, the point is to capture an element of human existence that you are experiencing. Put some of what you're feeling into words."

She did her best to nod, even as she thought about what Professor Piper was saying. She wasn't sure what she could capture from her life, but it was the only thing she had to go on at the moment. Glancing up she noticed the clock had reached the hour mark, marking the end of their class. Professor Piper had wandered back over to chat with another student.

"I'm so sorry that happened," Lauryn said. "That sucks. I'm sure you'll think of something great though! Maybe include some awesome guy on guy?" she winked at the mention.

Cath shook her head. "I don't know. I'll have to think about it. Want to come get coffee with me and my boyfriend then?"

"Ooh I'd have to cut class!" Lauryn said. "But I guess since it's just my easy lit class I could."

"Great," Cath said, though she did wonder if that was the best decision on Lauryn's part. "Hopefully you'll like him."

"Honey, if you like him, I'm sure I will."

Levi met them out in the hall. He swooped in to peck Cath on the cheek before giving Lauryn a curious grin.

"Levi, this is Lauryn, she's coming to coffee with us," Cath said.

"Nice to meet you," Levi said, offering his most charming look. "Well, I didn't realize I was going to get to treat two lovely ladies to coffee today."

Cath gave him a playful shove and Levi promptly apologized by offering her another kiss before going to hold the door open for the two of them.

As Levi marched on ahead Lauryn leaned over and whispered to Cath.

"Oh my gosh he is adorable. You have _noooo_ idea how lucky you are!" she said with a smirk.

"Believe me, I have every idea," Cath said, watching her boyfriend's tall frame fill the next doorway.

* * *

Lauryn spent about half of the time interrogating Levi on his fandom preferences, but overall, her she was highly approving. She jabbered to Cath as they walked to journalism, telling her all about how perfect they were for each other and how much she shipped them whole heartedly.

When they reached the classroom, Cath had almost forgotten about Lauryn's promise. She was busy digging in her backpack for a pencil and her notebook when Lauryn shouted across the room.

"Hey Mr. fanmage!"

Thomas looked back at them from two rows up, probably intending to go sit in the front like he had the past few days. Cath lowered her eyes even though he didn't appear to be looking at her.

"Suddenly you too good for us, huh, fanboy?" Lauryn demanded, crossing her arms, eyebrows furrowing dramatically beneath her glasses.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Thomas said as he walked back over.

"Yeah, you haven't sat with us in almost a week," Lauryn said. "How's that for friendship."

"I concentrate better in front," Thomas said. His hand twisted the strap of his book bag. "I'll see you outside of class."

"You'll see an end to our blood pact if you walk away," Lauryn hissed. "You want me to finish my fanfiction or not?"

Thomas paused and looked at her again. "Seriously? You're pulling that card? Do you want me to do well in this class or not?"

"You sat back here for several days before you went all silent treatment on us," Lauryn pointed out. "Come sit your butt in this chair and we're going to talk."

"Talk about what? There's nothing to talk about," Thomas said.

"You act that way and I am seriously going to forget we ever talked about writing fanfiction together," Lauryn threatened.

Cath was trying to hide her smile and failing. Lauryn trying to be tough was just too perfect of an image. Like a Chihuahua barking and thinking it sounded like a Great Dane.

"Fine, what the hell do you want?" Thomas snapped.

"What's with the silent treatment?" Lauryn said.

"I just have been busy. I'm sorry. I'll come sit with you, ok?"

Cath knew there had to be more than that, but from what she could tell there was no good way to ask without actively confronting him, and even Lauryn seemed to recognize that there was an apparent boundary in place there.

"Can't believe you'd even joke about that," Thomas muttered as he slid into the seat next to Lauryn.

His fists clenched and Cath felt a hint of uneasiness before it passed as Thomas reached to pull out his things. Lauryn shot her a look. Cath realized she was still curious, but obviously was still holding back. Maybe they'd work it out of him in the future then.

She offered Thomas a half smile the one time he looked at her, but he quickly glanced away. Well, at least he was sitting with them again. That was a start. Cath looked down at her notebook, readying herself to start into journalism again.

But at the same time her mind was wandering. Write what you know. That had been Professor Piper's advice. Maybe she had a point.

* * *

**A/N: Hi guys this is my assignment for my last writing class on not using adjectives and adverbs. Try it out yourselves if you're brave enough. Hope you like it. -Magicath**

Andrew rotated from foot to foot as he waited in front of the door. He'd been pacing the sidewalk in front of the building for an hour, but he'd worked up the courage to come up after a phone call to his sister.

The door opened. William peeked his head out and then a smile blossomed as he spotted Andrew.

"Hiya!" he said.

"Hello," Andrew said before moving past him into the small flat. "Your father home?"

"Yes." William darted off. "Daddy!" he called down the hallway.

Andrew swallowed as he heard Ben's footsteps coming towards them. He gathered himself before pushing the bouquet out in front of him. Ben paused, eyeing the flowers.

"I wanted to come say thank you for all you did," Andrew said. "I appreciated it."

"It was not a problem," Ben said, brow furrowing. "And you're here now because?"

"Because…I know we had been becoming friends and you talked more about your late-wife last time and it made me…feel like maybe you didn't understand what I want from you."

"I thought you had showed me," Ben said, glancing at the flowers.

"So…you understand? And you…agree? You want this?" Andrew asked, trying to contain the stammer encroaching on his speech.

"Of course," Ben said, reaching out to take the bouquet, pulling it from Andrew's hand that was still trembling. "And I agree. I want this."

"I just…with your wife just having died…I thought you wouldn't want to…I thought I'd misunderstood."

"Never," Ben said. He lifted the flowers to his nose and sniffed. "William adores you. And I've found I'm becoming attached too."

Andrew hesitated before stepping forward. Ben reached out and caught his hand.

"Stay," Ben said.

"I have a meeting in an hour, but I can stay until then," Andrew said.

"Yay!" William crowed. He charged forward and ended up in Andrew's arms. Andrew scooped him up and ran a hand through his hair, admiring the curls. The boy cuddled against him arms wrapping tight.

"I don't think he will let you go," Ben said. He squeezed his hand. "And neither will I."

Andrew smiled at him, but found he didn't mind. Meetings could wait. This was more important by far.

**A/N: Might have missed one or two (we were allowed three total) but I hope that worked. Thought I'd continue with Ben and Andrew a bit, though I might abandon them for my final project. Don't worry, I'll try to write a few more exercises using them. –Magicath**

**-** From "Stay" posted October 2012

By Fixpress . net author Magicath

* * *

**A/N: I'm feeling very inspired today. Had a good talk on writing.-Magicath**

There was a boy in his room.

Cornelius looked at the room number again. Sure enough, Aremore Hall room 713. The same as the assignment on his sheet. There had to be a mistake. Maybe he could catch his parents before they both came upstairs and wasted their valuable time unpacking.

The boy looked up and smiled at him.

"You must be Henry!" he said.

"Cornelius," he corrected, unsurprised to hear his first name being used instead of his preferred middle. He ignored the boy's hand, not eager to touch the likely sweaty and germy digits.

This had to be a mistake. Cornelius was certain of it. Eyeing the other boy he could just sense all the things that were _wrong_ with him, all the problems he'd cause. Cornelius didn't need any more problems. He'd been promised a single room and that was what he would have.

"Do you have more things?" the other boy asked, grinning at him again with that idiotic look. "I'm already mostly unpacked, though I'm sure there's still some rubbish in a few of those boxes. After this Anna and I were going to go grab a spot of lunch. Would you like to come?"

Cornelius didn't answer, still sizing the other boy up. Long lean body, thin limbs, blond hair that was unkempt in spite of the fact that he could make out a comb sitting on the boy's dresser already. Had Watford really decided to assign him this idiot as his roommate?

A girl appeared in the door, carrying more boxes. She came over to the boy's bed and set it down. Cornelius barely looked at her. Bad enough to have one stranger in the room, but two?

"So sorry we took this side since you weren't here," the girl stammered. "But if you really want it I'm sure we could move the stuff over." She turned to the boy. "Ready to go to lunch?"

He nodded, glancing at Cornelius who still hadn't moved from where he was standing awkwardly still.

"Coming?"

Cornelius shook his head.

Once the two of them had disappeared out the door he turned back to his bed, setting his things aside and letting out a long sigh. He knew he couldn't react to this. His mother would become even worse if he behaved badly, acting as though he had to ruin everything, even though he'd tried so hard to be strong.

He hadn't even wanted to come to Watford. He'd tried to persuade his parents to allow him to either teach himself or hire a tutor, feeling a private learning environment separate from the general riff-raff might be more suitable. But his mother had insisted (and his father too due to her nagging).

He'd originally thought he and Gwendolyn could share a room, but the school had been strict about having no co-ed bedrooms even for siblings. And besides, Gwendolyn had already disconnected after her one year at Watford, and she no longer had any desire to spend time with him.

"Honestly, Cornelius, you put up with the general annoying students and you pull through," Gwendolyn said with a sniff.

"But we've shared a bedroom before," Cornelius protested. "It would be fine."

"I already have a roommate who prefers to spend most of her time in the library, and I like it better that way. If you were around I'd never get any _work_ done," she said. "Can't you please respect that I'm trying to make something of myself? If I'm to finish school in six years and make it onto the council of mages, I cannot waste time babysitting my little brother."

"And what am I supposed to do exactly?" Cornelius asked.

She sighed and looked back at her textbook, still trying to study over the summer. "Go have an adventure I suppose. Just _leave_ _me_ _alone_."

So single room it was to be.

Until he came in to find a roommate instead. He couldn't quite believe that. But Gwendolyn had a point. It would be an adventure living with another person. Perhaps he could cope by pretending it was like one of the many stories he'd read. His mysterious roommate could be anything at all. He could spend the year imaginging all kinds of possibilities. What kind of person could lie behind that dazzling smile?

-From _Cornelius Bell and the 10,000 Smiles_ posted October 2012  
By FanFixx . net author Magicath

**A/N: There you have it, my first Cornelius/Snow crossover fic. Please let me know what you think! -Magicath**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the long wait. I have been really busy lately, but I’m trying to write a regular amount every day now, so hopefully that will help.
> 
> Thanks to amenityeverlark for commenting!


	10. Ten

A week later Cath had still not managed to weasel any answers out of Levi or Thomas. Lauryn hadn't really had much luck either.

"I mean, what the hell do I need to do, go all seduction level on him?" Lauryn said one day after journalism class. "Idiot. I can't believe this happened, it's just so unreal."

Cath tried to restrain a smile and failed. "I don't know, we just have to give up I guess."

Lauryn shrugged, scowling at the ground. "At least he's talking to us now."

 _Barely_ , Cath thought. Thomas made small comments to both of them, but he hadn't even started his promised fanfiction.

"How's your femslash piece going?" Cath asked as they headed towards the cafeteria.

"Terribly," Lauryn muttered. "I mean, I just don't know that I would ever really ship the two of them, so it feels pretty fake. But we'll see. Maybe they'll grow on me. But oh my god, your first chapter was stunning. Are you going to write more?"

"Probably," Cath said. "I feel bad abandoning Just What the Doctor ordered though."

"Yeah, that's hard," Lauryn said. "And I'm sure your fans would be pissed since all of them are enjoying your stuff in light of not having anything new to watch at the moment. I mean there's gonna be a new season in January, right? But god that's just so far away."

Cath smiled. "Yes, I guess that's part of what makes fanfiction so appealing. You get to keep living in those different worlds, even when they stop going in real life…"

Lauryn nodded. "Exactly."

Lauryn snagged a table for the both of them, their favorite off to the side where they had a good view of the whole place.

"Do you know what you're writing your next journalism piece on?" Cath asked.

"Well…campus events…I mean there are tons of those so I'm not really worried about it. I'll probably just get dragged along to something at some point and then I can write about it afterwards," Lauryn said with a shrug as she swirled bits of cracker into her soup.

"Yeah, but we have to interview people, right?" Cath asked.

"True. I figure I'll probably just go with my roommates and then ask them. I know our professor said not to, but hey…how he going to know if they're my roommates or not?" Lauryn said, shrugging.

Cath nodded. She was about to ask about Lauryn's latest decision on her fanfiction, when a chirp came from Lauryn's phone.

"Ug, it's my mom. She's always bugging me," Lauryn muttered. "Seriously, I thought by the time I was a junior she'd be over it, but she still wants to talk to me at least once a day."

"Sounds like she just cares about you a lot," Cath suggested.

"Sure. Plus she works at home, so she has more free time where she gets bored and lonely," Lauryn said. "What about your mom? What's she like?"

Cath set her fork down and tried to find some excuse to avoid the question. However, when nothing came to her staring at her food tray, she finally gave up.

"She um…she's well…she kind of walked out on us when I was little. And last year she tried to kind of reestablish ties with me and my sister. I'm…still not really sure how I feel about it."

Lauryn frowned. "Oh gosh that sucks. I'm so sorry. And here I am complaining about my worrywart overprotective mom when you hardly talk to yours. I'm an asshole, seriously, so sorry."

"You didn't know," Cath said, reaching out to sip at her water and clearing her throat before she tried to change the subject. "What about your dad, what's he like?"

"I don't have one," Lauryn said. "Or well…my mom's never been married or anything. She adopted me when I was still a baby. So…it's always just been me and her."

"Guess I just made it up with that question," Cath pointed out, feeling her cheeks heating up a bit. "Sorry. I didn't realize. So are you like…an orphan or…?"

"Closed adoption, so I have no idea," Lauryn said. "I've thought about trying to find my birth parents…but it's never happened. It would be interesting to know though. I mean maybe I'm like Simon Snow and my dad's off being a mage somewhere."

She giggled at the thought, and Cath was surprised to see there wasn't any bitterness in her friend's expression or tone.

"I honestly don't remember any other kind of life," Lauryn said. "I love my mom, even though she's really annoying sometimes. But she's great, and I'm really glad I have her. I mean, you make family out of what you have, right? To me there's not really a right or wrong way to go about it. Family are the people you care about. Not necessarily the ones who share your blood."

"Yes," Cath said. "I guess they are."

* * *

After lunch, Cath started to realize that it had been a while since she'd talked to her father. In fact, she had to check her phone log to see when the last time she'd called him was. With how busy she'd been, she'd had less time to worry about him.

The phone rang and rang and rang again. Cath sighed and started debating if she should leave a message or just hang up and call again later.

After a few rings he picked up.

"What's up Cath?"

"Just was talking about families with one of my friends today and it made me think about you and how I haven't called you in a while."

"Ah, that's ok, I know you've been really busy."

"Yeah, I know Wren hasn't mentioned being home recently…but I thought you wanted her home most weekends?"

"She's going to her meetings, she says things have been fine," her dad said. "Besides, I've been swamped with work lately. So I feel bad making her come home only to have her sit alone in her room. So long as she's not been partying, I think it's fine."

"What are your latest projects?" Cath asked. "Anything I can help with?"

"Not really. I'm just keeping busy," he said. "In fact, I'm going to have to make a few calls in a few minutes, so unless you have something really important I might have to say goodbye for now. That ok?"

Cath shrugged and then realized he couldn't see. "Yes. That's fine. Take good care of yourself."

"You too, sweetie. Call me sometime this weekend if you want. I think I'll be a little less busy on Sunday."

"Ok," Cath said. "Bye."

There was a knock on the door. She set her phone down and went to answer it.

Levi was leaning against the doorframe, smiling his usual wide and beautiful grin. He stretched out a hand holding a small white box tied with a ribbon.

"Excuse me miss, did you happen to order some cupcakes with a charming boyfriend on the side?"

Cath smiled and reached out to take the box. "You shouldn't have."

"Shouldn't have what?" Levi said, blinking at her with a faux tone of innocence. "I just was going by Cupcake Seduction and though…hmm…I wonder when the last time Cath had a peanut butter cupcake was. Maybe if I buy her one she'll write me more fanfiction."

He winked at her, and Cath pulled him into the room to wrap her arms around his neck. She lightly went up on a tiptoes to place a gentle kiss on his cheek and then a longer one on his lips.

Levi pulled her in to hug her and kiss her a little more. He pulled away after a moment and smiled.

"See, knew it would work."

"Has writing fanfiction become your euphemism for….other things?" Cath said.

"What like you fanfiction writers don't have euphemisms for other things?" he said with a raised eyebrow.

"That's beside the point," Cath said.

She pulled away and went over to open the cupcake box, opening it to reveal two neatly made cakes with a decadent looking yellowy brown frosting on the top and a few chocolate sprinkles. Cath's mouth began watering at the mere sight. Levi had started into a habit of buying her peanut butter desserts whenever he saw them, trying to have her try as many as possible. So far the cupcakes were her favorite though, which was why Levi kept buying them.

"So, do you want to watch another Cornelius episode while you eat that?" Levi asked.

Cath smiled and shook her head. "No, because we're on the season two finale. And if you finish that one, you'll have to watch the first episode of season three and you have class in an hour."

"Have to? How little self-restraint do you think I have?" Levi asked as he went to sit down on her bed.

"You're not listening," Cath said.

"I'm not listening? I just heard you quote Cornelius at me to prove a point, I'm listening," Levi said with an eye roll. "I'm fine watching one episode."

"No you're not, because it's the season finale and the cliffhanger was _huge_. I'm just lucky I got to watch all of them at once on Netfilms because the wait after that would have been awful to experience."

"Fine, you're the expert."

"Yes, I am," Cath said. She lifted one of the cupcakes out of the box. She held it out for Levi. "So no Cornelius. Why don't we just…talk…you know…while we eat."

Levi smiled and leaned forward to have a bit of the cupcake. It was a bit messy and tricky trying to feed it to him, and most of the frosting ended up on his nose while Cath tried to stop laughing.

"I think we just disproved the romantic nature of feeding someone," Levi said with a grin. His tongue snaked out to try to catch the frosting still on the tip of his nose. "I think I'm going to be smelling peanut butter for a week."

"Probably," Cath said with a smile. She leaned in and kissed him again. "You're adorable."

"I'm pretty sure that's you, Cather," Levi said, he pushed the cupcake box aside and wrapped his arms around her. They fell into a pleasant moment of lips touching and Levi's hands coming up to cup her face.

Somehow both of them ended up laying on Cath's bed, continuing to kiss. Levi's fingers trailed over her side, until they slid to the hem of her shirt, caressing at a small patch of bare skin. Cath suddenly realized and pulled away.

"No fanfiction in the bedroom," she whispered.

Levi frowned for a moment and then remembered the earlier joke and laughed. "Whatever you say, Cather. Too bad though, I had some great ideas for the next one."

"And I have some great ideas about Reagan walking in on us and being pissed," Cath said.

"Yeah, true story," Levi said. "I just adore you, Cather. You know that right?"

"Yes," she answered and leaned in to peck his lips again.

"So, life update. How is your day going?"

Cath shrugged and grabbed a pillow to stuff behind her back before shrugging. She didn't really know what was to be said.

"Ok," she said.

"Not good enough. Give me a high and a low," Levi said.

"High…I somehow managed to get a B on my last exercise for journalism," Cath said. "I don't really know how. And low…I still have no idea what I'm writing for my fiction class and I think my professor's going to start pushing me to write more."

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," Levi said. "But hey, you're a brilliant writer. I'm sure you'll come up with something great. You have no ideas at all?"

"Everything I think of is so boring," Cath said. "My professor said to base it on things I know a lot about…but nothing in my life is interesting."

"Hey, not everyone's life is really exciting," Levi said with a smile. "But you find bits and pieces that make it more so."

"Like what?" Cath asked.

"Like today I served a lady who wanted me to put ice in her drink, but she didn't want any of it to be floating," Levi said. "And I think last week someone wanted their coffee made at one hundred and twenty degrees."

"All that proves is that your life is interesting," Cath said. "I don't meet weird people like you."

"You'll think of something," Levi said. "It will be great."

Cath shrugged, but didn't bother to argue with him. She moved so that she could lean against his tall frame, laying her head on his shoulder.

"Levi," she began, and then broke off.

"What Cather?"

She sighed and closed her eyes, For a moment she thought about asking him again, but the comfort of the moment was just too nice. "You're wonderful."

"Aw, thanks," Levi said, leaning in to kiss the top of her head. "You're pretty great yourself."

* * *

A few days later, Cath found she still just couldn't let go of it. After yet another class with Thomas not looking at her, she'd had enough. But she was running out of ideas for how to get either of them to say anything.

She was sitting at her desk trying to motivate herself to write another chapter. The door opened and Reagan walked in, flinging her bag aside before jumping onto her bed.

"Hey," Reagan said.

"Hey."

Cath thought a moment, and then realized that Reagan might be able to offer better advice.

"Reagan, do you know a Thomas Barath?" she asked.

"No, why?" Reagan said, eyes narrowing.

"Never mind," Cath said.

"God Cath, you can't just bring someone up and then not tell me why you did," Reagan said with an eye roll. "Seriously, who is he?"

"Classmate. Just thought you might know who he was…Levi seemed to not like him very much."

"Well Levi and I took a pretty good break from each other once we broke up," Reagan said. "I really don't know a lot about what happened to him for a while. Can't you just ask him?"

Cath shrugged. "He didn't really seem to want to talk about it. I just…it's been weird and I feel kind of bad."

"Do you want me to use my best friend powers or something?" Reagan asked.

Cath crossed her arms. "You promised you wouldn't do that."

"If it benefits you does it really matter? And besides, it's not really best friend powers, it's just me being more assertive and willing to not take no for an answer if he doesn't want to talk about it. Who is this guy anyways?"

"The one I went on that 'date' with that you encouraged me to tell Levi about," Cath said.

"Did you ask if he was jealous? Clear up what your relationship was?" Reagan asked, sitting up straighter.

"Yes, he said he wasn't jealous. Just said he didn't like him, but he wouldn't say why."

"Want me to ask him and get back to you on the results?" Reagan said.

Cath bit her lip, but eventually nodded. She just wanted to figure out how to make things better. She wanted her fanfiction circle back together. And she wanted Levi to not feel uncomfortable around her friends. Was that too much to ask?

"I can't imagine it's anything that serious," Reagan said. "Levi gets along with everyone."

"That's what I thought," Cath said. "Until I saw his face."

Reagan shrugged. "I'll mention to him that you were upset about something. Make it seem like it wasn't even your idea in the first place. Sound good?"

"If you can, that would be nice." Cath said.

"Yeah, no problem," Reagan said. "But just be warned…you might not like whatever it is. If that's a risk you're willing to take, so be it."

"Yes," Cath said.

"Just don't shoot the messenger," Reagan muttered.

Cath nodded. With that settled she turned back to her computer. She closed out of her school assignment and opened Just What the Doctor ordered. Well, with all the tension, maybe she could use some of the tension to fuel her work.

The next day Reagan came in after her night class.

"Sit. We're talking about this," Reagan ordered, pointing to her own bed.

Cath closed her laptop and came over to sit on the bed. She looked at Reagan, trying to study her face for signs of what had happened.

"Look, first off, in the future, just ask Levi about it. Tell him it's bothering you," Reagan said. "Seriously, I think he's annoyed now that you didn't tell him."

Cath wrapped her arms around herself. "I just didn't know how," she admitted.

"Ok, well for future situations, ask him yourself," Reagan said. "Seriously, all you needed to do was tell him you were upset and he would have probably told you everything."

"Should I do that now?" Cath asked.

"Yeah, well the plan failed and he figured out I was asking since you weren't feeling comfortable enough to ask yourself. He's going to need a little cool down time, so he said I could tell you."

"So what happened?" Cath asked.

"Long story short this Thomas guy is some rich bastard who made Levi's first year at Starbucks a living hell. Bullied him, made fun of him, asked for ridiculous orders, complained that Levi had gotten it wrong even when he hadn't. Was basically a huge pain in the ass and poor Levi just had to deal with it."

"Wait, really?" Cath asked. She couldn't really believe that. Thomas didn't strike her as a bully. She wondered if there was a good way she could ask him about it. But "hey did you make my boyfriend miserable" just didn't seem like a very good strategy.

"Yeah, from what I know. I can't really remember everything, but that sounded like the most of it. Sounds like this guy is a douchebag so I recommend you just stop talking to him…which brings me to Levi's problem. Levi wants you to be happy. He knows you have trouble being social. So you have to understand he was trying not to ruin your friendship if for some reason it was working for you. But at the same time he was upset that this annoying guy that he hated was somehow close to you. Mixed feelings really."

Cath nodded. She felt a pit growing in her stomach as she tried to figure out how to handle the situation. What was she supposed to do about this?

"My advice, just stop hanging out with this guy. Sounds like it would be easier on you," Reagan said. "And besides, who's more important to you?"

Levi, hands down. She knew that. She remembered when he'd asked her if she was rooting for him. The answer was yes. Always yes.

"I'll see what I can figure out," Cath said, even as he stomach churned at her words. She needed to find a solution. There had to be one. But within a few minutes she was already more aware of the complicated nature of the situation.

* * *

**A/N: I really just am not feeling inspired on Cornelius Bell and the 10,000 Smiles, so I'm going back to this one instead. -Magicath  
**

Cornelius took a deep breath, trying to steady his rapidly racing heart as he listened to the words Anna was speaking.

"She's cruel to him, Cornelius. I don't know how you haven't noticed, but she is," Anna said calmly. "And if you're not careful, Tom's going to walk out on you. He's close enough as it is. Been asking me to help him look at flats lately. I keep trying to find excuses, but I'm running out."

The thought of Tom leaving…that was more than he could handle. He had never had a family by blood he cared much for, or at least not that he ever remembered. His parents who had always been too busy to give him much attention. Or Gwendolyn who had her own life and her own concerns and had never looked back when he needed her most. Cornelius was more aware than ever that family was not about blood relation.

Family was something you made. Family was Anna and Miss Dyer, Allen and Selene….and Tom.

But Tom had always been there for him. He'd been the one that had helped him through his darkest days. It had been Tom who had seen the best parts of him, seen what no one else had ever cared to see.

And yes, Selene was lovely. For a time he'd thought about what it would be like to start a family with her. To actually have what he'd only dreamed about. But if she was going to cost him the one person he cared for most, could he actually stand to be around her? Could he actually just sit back and watch Tom walk away?

"You need to do something," Anna said.

"Do what exactly?" Cornelius said. "You act as though there is a simple solution to this problem, while there is not."

"How is it not easy to figure out?" Anna said with a sigh. "Cornelius, this is Tom we're talking about. Tell Selene to leave him be. And apologize to him before you lose him. I know you don't want that. I've seen how you look at him."

His head jerked up, and he stared at her. Her warm brown eyes were staring at him with a level of sympathy.

"It's why I stopped pursuing you," Anna clarified. "Not because of Selene. Because I saw you when you thought no one was looking. I saw the way you looked at him. Your passion. Your raw and vulnerable emotion. You try to hide it, and you normally do so well. But just for a moment it was there. And I knew you were already taken, and I backed off."

Cornelius was silent, for once without a response. She was correct of course. She always had been.

"But I think Selene recognizes it too. Consciously or unconsciously, she's trying to create a rift there," Anna said. "And you need to stop it. You need to stop it now, Cornelius. Or have you not thought about why he's gone back to the bottle. You're losing him. It's your fault."

"I have so few friends," Cornelius admitted. "I want to keep them both if I can."

"Sometimes you can't," Anna said. "Sometimes it's about choosing. I doubt Selene would ever be as understanding as me. It's going to come down to making a decision."

She was right. He pondered the possibilities, but already he could tell she had a point. It did come down to a choice. And he already knew how his heart was going to vote, even if his mind hadn't quite figured out the more logical decision. He just knew already, he was about to lose someone. It only depended on whom he chose.

-From _Just What the Doctor Ordered_ posted Oct 2012  
by Fanfixx . net author Magicath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a shorter chapter so apologies on that! Thanks to my commenters!


	11. Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter gets about as racy as this story will come. Nothing explicit, just a little cute "fanfiction" ;) interaction between our favorite couple. 
> 
> Also amped up the language a bit. So if that offends you I’m so sorry. (I'm a bit paranoid on warnings after some problems on my other fic, so I'm being extra cautious).

"Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh," Lauryn all but screamed when she came into fiction writing class that next Monday. "Cath, have you read it? Puh-lease tell me you've read it!"

"Read what?" Cath said. She tried to think through what had been in her email inbox that morning in terms of chapter updates, but she was drawing a blank.

"Oh my gosh, you're _kidding_ me," Lauryn said. "He posted his first chapter!"

"Who?" Cath said with a frown.

"Thomas! He posted his first chapter, and guess who it's dedicated to!"

"Um…you?" Cath guessed, trying to avoid the stares from several of her other classmates. Two of the senior girls were already whispering and giggling as they shot looks towards Lauryn and Cath.

"No!" Lauryn said. "He dedicated it to you, dummy!"

Cath frowned. It had been a few days now, but she'd started spending even less time around Thomas. In fact, they hadn't exchanged two words since Reagan had told her what had happened.

"Skim it before class. Seriously. You have to. I'm dying to see what you think."

Cath opened up her laptop and quickly entered fanfixx . net to scan over Thomas' profile. She easily found his newly posted story, clicking on it and reading over what he'd written.

She scanned as fast as she was able, even as Professor Piper walked into the room. Cath noted that Radovan was recounting years of acting in behavior that wasn't his own to Bernadetta, explaining to her that he'd dealt with some bad influences but trying to convince her that he'd changed. And it was true, at the end of the chapter her name was listed as the inspiration and dedication.

"I cannot wait for the second chapter," Lauryn gushed. "Oh my gosh he writes _beautifully_. Like poetry. But seriously, what do you think?"

"I think that might be as close to an apology as I get," Cath said quietly. "But I liked it."

"You think so? Gosh I hope he actually says sorry to your face. He's been acting like a royal jerk. But I am just so in love with this already. It's so hard to find good Radovetta fics out there."

"Yeah," Cath said, even as she thought about what she'd learned and pondered if she could ever forgive him even with an actual apology.

"Seriously, you have to talk to him about it in journalism," Lauryn advised. "This is really cool and it might mean things are back to normal, which would be great."

Cath nodded, even as she didn't really believe it. "Yeah," she said weakly. "Well, if nothing else at least he's holding up his end of the deal."

"Thank god," Lauryn said. "I'd been thinking my femslash would be for nothing."

Cath smiled. "At least that's not the case."

"Cath, Lauryn," Professor Piper said. "We're starting. So since you two seem so eager to chat. Why don't you go ahead and read your exercises first."

Lauryn groaned before pulling out her laptop. Since Cath had hers open, she realized she was going to be required to go first.

Her voice shook some, but she'd found that a month's worth of practice of reading to the class or to smaller groups had given her more confidence in just getting through her work without stumbling too many times. Even so, her heart was racing by the time she came to the end.

Just as she'd told Levi and others, she'd thrown her first chapter draft together in a matter of hours the night before, swigging coffee and trying her best to come up with a decent idea. Stuck and unable to come up with anything, she'd just stuck with her characters of Ben and Andrew, even though she really didn't have any idea what sort of book she'd write for the two of them.

When she was done, she sat quietly while the class considered for a moment.

"Loved your first sentence," a junior boy said. "Sounded good to me. You phrase things really intricately and it's fun to listen to."

"I still just love your two characters," someone else said. "But I guess I thought part of that love came from the other sections you wrote rather than this one. I think you need to remember most people would be come into this fresh and rewrite it with that in mind."

Cath nodded, doing her best to not show the wince that she was feeling internally.

And then one of the senior's raised her hand.

"I felt like your writing was pretty good," she said. "But your characters feel…tired. Like you don't really want to be writing about them at all. It honestly just feels like you got bored writing it, and it was therefore boring to listen to you reading."

 _Well, that's true,_ Cath thought. At least they weren't making things up in their criticism or being overly nitpicky. She knew she was tired of Andrew and Ben. It would be a different thing if she could write on Tom and Cornelius.

"I agree," Professor Piper said. "Your details were lovely, but I think your basic premise needs some work, or maybe just a rewrite.

Cath nodded and sank down into her seat as Lauryn began reading hers. To Cath's utter frustration, Lauryn's was playfully witty, full of great moments between the characters even in a few lines. People gushed compliments afterwards. Not surprising really, Cath supposed.

The rest of class had a lot of the same results. People were sharing stories that already seemed so amazing.

By the end of class Cath was feeling discouraged. She had no idea how to write something like this. Short stories were hard enough.

Class ended. Lauryn was gabbing about something else, but Cath was having trouble listening. Of course, to make matters worse, Professor Piper snagged her before she could leave.

"Cath, you write beautifully, but I think it's the idea process you get stuck on," she said. "I really think you need to make a list of things that are important to you, ideas that are relevant. I mean, think about what inspired your 'Prarie Schooners' piece last year."

Cath nodded, trying her best to not take the advice too personally.

"To be honest, some of the problem does really seem to be in your subject matter. Love stories…they're something we like as humans…but I think love just tends to bore us sometimes too," Professor Piper said. "We crave it but we hate it at the same time. Just something for you to consider. I like the conflicts you've had with Andrew in your earlier writes. If you can include some more of those in your story, it might help add more depth. Love can simply be incredibly flat in terms of a plotline."

Cath nodded and then quickly scooped up the last of her things to head to the door after Lauryn.

Lauryn refused to leave the issue of Thomas' fic alone. She kept speculating over possibilities for the entire hour between classes, discussing how perfect his portrayal of Radovan had been and how she thought his plot set up had been perfect.

Of course, none of it helped settle Cath's nerves. Between the criticisms that morning in fiction class, and all the confusion with Thomas and Levi, she was not feeling very good continuing to talk about it.

"So, are you going to tell him he did a good job?" Lauryn asked.

"Maybe," Cath said. "I don't know."

"Well, I'm going to tell him he's a little shit for not writing it sooner and for being such a jerk before."

Cath nodded, trying her best to listen even as her mind wandered. Of course, by the time class came she was even more anxious. Sitting in her seat, fiddling with a pencil as she glanced towards the door.

Thomas came in about two minutes before class was about to start. He slid into his usual seat beside Lauryn. Cath tried staring at the ground instead of at him.

Her phone buzzed.

Cath looked down at it, quickly flicking it onto silent even as she scanned the message.

_Meet me after class?_

Thomas. She glanced up and looked at him. He was tucking his phone away, but he made eye contact. She knew there was no pretending she hadn't seen it.

She nodded, even as her heart began racing faster. What was he even going to say? What could he say to make it better? All Cath had to do was picture Levi's face, and she wondered if she could ever look at Thomas the same way again.

Class dragged. Talking about libel and slander, nothing that really interested her too much. Her mind kept going back into the words of Thomas's fanfiction, remembering those parts that had caught her attention beyond just the dedication.

By the time class was over Cath felt even more at a loss for words. She couldn't really put these feelings into easy phrases. Any writer who could would have to be amazingly talented.

She packed up her things, telling Lauryn that she'd be skipping lunch. Lauryn just nodded and headed off by herself, leaving Cath to follow Thomas out of the building. He picked a bench not too far away where he sat down and patted the place to his side. Cath sat and waited for him to start talking.

"So, I didn't really think about it…but…have you read my fic?" Thomas asked, reaching up to adjust his glasses as he peered at her.

"Yes," Cath said. "I did. It was…very well written."

"Thank you," Thomas said. "But…did you see my dedication?"

"Yes," Cath said.

"And…?"

"I don't know what you want me to say," Cath admitted.

"Look," Thomas said with a sigh, "a few days ago the way you looked at me…I realized you must have talked with you boyfriend and you knew the full story. And honestly I just felt awful afterwards. I mean…I'm not the same person I was freshman year and I did a lot of dumb shit that year."

"You really were cruel to him," Cath whispered. "And I just don't know if I can be around you because of that."

"I'm not the same guy I was freshman year," Thomas said. "I mean, are you the same person you were the first day you walked onto campus?"

Cath tried to think back to that day. Nervous little freshman version of herself who just wanted to go home and was scared of her weird roommate and said weird roommate's boyfriend. The girl who ate granola bars and peanut butter because she didn't know where the cafeteria was. The girl who turned in fanfiction for her first writing assignment. She thought about Reagan's freshman roommate who still looked so young and fresh-faced, that sparkle still in her eye.

No, she wasn't the same person either.

"I come from a pretty well to do family," Thomas said. "I came here pretty ignorant about the world and the people in it. And yeah, I screwed up. I'm sorry, ok? I really am."

Cath held her tongue, still trying to think about it. Really she wasn't the one who needed an apology.

"Do you forgive me?" Thomas said.

Cath shrugged.

"If…you need some time or whatever…that's fine," Thomas said. "You seem like a really awesome person, Magicath. And I would hate to have to stop talking to you."

He laid his hand on hers for just a second and then he pulled away. Cath sat still for a moment, glad he hadn't tried to touch her any further than that. Thomas rose to his feet and walked off towards the library without another word, leaving her to simply consider. Maybe he had a point. Maybe he didn't.

She tried to think about what Simon Snow would do in a time like this. What about when Penelope had messed up and been mean to him, hadn't he forgiven her? Or what about Cornelius after Tom left him? He'd forgiven his friend too. And maybe Thomas didn't quite count as a friend yet, but in terms of human decency, Cath couldn't see a reason to withhold forgiveness.

Of course, there was one factor she had to consider no matter what. One she'd been trying to ignore for a few days.

Levi.

* * *

Levi's roommate answered when she knocked. He smiled at Cath, beckoned her inside and closed the door behind her.

"Hey, Cath. Been a while since I've seen you around."

She offered a half smile. "Yeah I've been busy. Is Levi in his room?"

She scanned the living room and kitchen area and didn't see him.

"Yep, go ahead and just head up."

Cath nodded her thanks before heading through the maze of house up the stairs and to Levi's familiar door. She hesitated only for a second before knocking, biting her lip as she listened to the rustling inside.

"Come in."

She opened the door and stepped inside. Levi looked up from where he was lying on the bed. He didn't give her that usual bright smile, and her heart sank.

"Hi," she said. She held out the bag she'd brought with her. "I got you burgers. They're as big as your fist."

Levi's eyes warmed even if his mouth didn't move. Cath came over, walking slowly, before extending the bag to him. Levi took it. He opened it and looked inside to find the promised burgers.

"I also brought fanfiction," Cath said, holding up her laptop. "So…"

Levi shook his head. "We need to talk first. Maybe eat too."

Cath nibbled her lip again, but managed a nod. She'd thought maybe this would happen.

Levi led her over to his bed, sitting down and opening the bag. He handed her one of the two hamburgers from Pears.

"Why didn't you just tell me how you were feeling?" Levi asked.

Cath shrugged. "I just didn't know how. I already told you…I'm not good at…this…"

"At talking to people about how you're feeling?" Levi said.

Cath took a deep breath. "At this…this boy girl…boyfriend girlfriend…how to be a normal person in a relationship stuff. I don't know how to do it, Levi. I'm so stupid about these things. And then Reagan was getting all angry about me being around another guy and I just thought I'd done something wrong and then you got upset too and I thought...I worried about losing you and I couldn't take it."

"Oh sweetheart," Levi said. "Never think like that. Fuck, if I'd known…I just…I felt like you didn't trust me. Or something. Like I wasn't good enough for you to talk to me or…Cather I just need you to be honest with me, okay? But never think those things. You're beautiful and fantastic and you're the best possible girlfriend a guy could have."

Cath started feeling teary suddenly. _You're just going to make it worse_ , she chided herself. But it didn't matter. She already had a tear on her cheek and that started the landslide.

"I'm sorry, Levi. I'm so sorry," she whispered, feeling extremely pathetic. This wasn't how it was supposed to go at all.

Levi didn't say another word, simply pulled her into his arms and let her bury her face in his neck and cry, clinging tight to him while she did.

"You're so wonderful, Cather," Levi said. "Please never doubt that. Please, you can't just sit and let these things bother you. I don't want to hear anything like that through Reagan ever again. Please, promise me you'll come to me next time something's bothering you."

"I…I promise," Cath managed, squeezing him just a bit tighter, eyes screwing shut when she felt him begin to truly reciprocate, hugging her closer.

"God I love you so much," Levi whispered into her hair.

Cath let out a shaky laugh. The l word. They'd never discussed it. But there it was. Just like in any of her fanfictions, it certainly had a level of weight to it, but here in the moment it simply felt _right_.

"Love you too," she whispered, taking a deep breath, finding that familiar scent that was only Levi.

They were still for a moment. Cath started to wonder how long standard makeup hugs went, until Levi finally sighed and pulled away.

"Guess we should eat those burgers before they get cold," he whispered.

His smile had returning much to Cath's relief, and his fingers came out to brush a tear from her cheek before gently straightening a piece of hair that had fallen out of her ponytail. Cath blushed and pulled her glasses off to wipe them on her sweatshirt.

"So, look…this guy might have been a jerk to me…but if he's your friend that's great," Levi said softly.

Cath opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her off.

"No Cather, you need friends. You've already said this is hard on you. I want you to have a great year of college."

"He said he was sorry," Cath suddenly said. "I believe him."

Levi's jaw twitched, but he did manage another smile. "That's great."

"But if you want me to stop spending time with him I will. You're…you're more important," Cath admitted.

"No, sweetheart. It's fine. I'm not jealous or anything. And you know…it's been a few years…maybe he's really changed. Look, you do what makes you happy, all right?"

Cath nodded and then reached for the burger bag. "Hungry?"

"Starving," Levi admitted.

Cath tried to start up an easy conversation with Levi while they ate. Really, it wasn't too hard. Once she got him started on one of his favorite classes it was almost hard to get him to shut up. By the time he was done jabbering about his latest projects, they'd both finished their burgers and Cath was awkwardly sitting there, waiting for the right moment to butt in. She couldn't find it.

"Oh," Levi said, suddenly noticing her laptop to the side. "Um…your fanfiction? Want to read it to me?"

Cath nodded. "I need to use the bathroom really quick and then I'll be back to read it, ok?"

"Yeah, sure. Whatever makes you more comfortable."

Cath disappeared into the hall, finding the bathroom and slipping inside. She eyed the toilet that had mold gathering along the sides before closing the lid and sitting down.

It wasn't too hard. She wriggled out of her sweatshirt, and then undid her jeans and decided to just kick off her shoes too. She shoved them back into the corner of the bathroom, hoping Levi's housemates wouldn't disturb them for some reason. Knowing them, they'd probably just ignore them.

She stepped back into his room, reaching down to smooth the long fabric hanging around her legs. Levi was laying on the bed looking at his phone. He didn't look up until she closed the door.

There was something sort of cartoonish about double-takes. Little moments of looking and not processing and then looking again.

"Um…Cather?" he said, still staring at her.

"I want to read you some fanfiction," Cath said, trying to steady her heartrate and appear calm even when she was anything but.

"All right."

He was still studying her, taking in the Watford robes she'd worn for the last movie premier. He managed a smile as she sat on the bed, pulling open her laptop. Cath cleared her throat before beginning to read.

_By seventh year, Cath Avery was pretty sure she was going to be alone for the rest of her life. Well not alone alone. She'd probably buy a cat or a dog or maybe a small dragon or something. But her romantic future wasn't looking particularly bright._

"Holy fuck, Cather, what the hell is this?" he said, pulling her out of her story.

"Would you just shut up and listen?" she said, rolling her eyes.

Levi settled back on the bed, but his eyebrows were still furrowed.

_I mean, just watching her Watford roommate Reagan was indication enough. She'd bring back a new guy once a week. And she seemed to have some sort of a steady boyfriend anyways, or at least judging how often he was over._

_That was the hardest part of being alone actually. It had been fine for a while. Cath hadn't really felt aware of it for the longest time. It was normal not having a person to flirt with or talk to late into the night or go to the school dances with. But when Levi was around, things were different._

_Loneliness was fine in itself. But when faced with the possibility that there was someone like Levi out there, the future suddenly started to become altogether too grim. Levi was everything. Bright smiles and friendly jokes and an ability to see Cath even when she was certain she must have swallowed an invisibility potion based on the way others looked past her. Levi was sunshine and hot tea and nights by the fire. And with Cath wanting him and knowing she couldn't have him, life started to seem like hell._

_That was until one fateful night…_

"This is ridiculously cheesy," Levi said though he was grinning all the same. "How long did you take to write this."

"This part, not long at all. The end took me a bit longer. Now shush."

_Cath had been helping Levi with an assignment for his Hexes class. They'd stayed up late into the night, laying together on Cath's bed to try to work over the ancient tomb that Levi had dragged along. The work of reading it was exhausting, and Levi soon was drifting off. Cath found herself following, and soon the two were asleep._

_They woke together. Warm and comfortable and still quite sleepy. Unthinking, Cath leaned in and brushed her lips against Levi's. It was wrong. She knew it was wrong._

_"I'm sorry," she said in a whisper. "I know you're Reagan's but…I really like you."_

_Levi smiled and shook his head. "I'm not. Where'd you think that, Cather?"_

_"But you're here to see her all the time," she said._

_"I'm here to see you all the time," he said with a grin. "Oh my god, Cather. It's always been you. Reagan and I broke up years ago. Sure, she's my friend and I come see her sometimes. But you're the one I wanted to spend time with. You're the reason I keep coming back."_

_Cath leaned in and kissed him again. Levi didn't try to stop her. This time their lips stayed together longer. Cath let out a little sigh and_

"That is not what happened," Levi said.

"It's _fanfiction_ , Levi. It doesn't have to be what happened."

"Uh huh," he said, still eyeing her Watford robes. "Ok continue."

_Cath let out a little sigh and opened her mouth a little more. Levi accepted her invitation and deepened the kiss, tongue moving in to brush against hers._

_There was a moment where they laid there. Levi's hand had moved down her waist to brush her hip. Cath drew away._

_"I've never done this before," she said._

_"Done what?" Levi said._

_Cath blushed, but she didn't stop. She reached up and slowly undid the first button. Levi's eyes widened._

_"Only if you want to."_

_Cath nodded, reaching to undo the next_.

Cath pushed her laptop off her lap and copied her written character. She undid the first button, then the second, then the third. Slowly she managed to open the rest of it in sync with her reading. Levi stared.

"Oh my god Cather," he whispered.

Cath let the robe slip off her shoulders, revealing the blue lingerie set that Wren had bought her for her birthday.

"You can't be going around in those five pack underwear and cheap bras anymore," Wren had said. "Not when you have someone to see them."

She'd hidden them at the bottom of her drawer and very nearly forgotten them until she'd been trying to think of a good way to apologize to Levi. Well, after all the fanfiction makeup sex she'd read, she was hoping people were right about how good it would be.

"Oh Cather," Levi said, beaming at her. "Look at you. Making something that's still so utterly you…so cute and nerdy and sweet… and yet still so utterly sexy."

Cath smiled, a lock of hair falling in front of her face as she ducked her head.

"Read the rest?" Levi whispered.

"Well…from here…it's sort of more interactive…choose your story type thing," Cath whispered.

Levi smiled, reaching forward to wrap his arms around her, lips finding their way to her forehead, and then her cheeks and nose and finally her mouth.

"Love you, Cather," he whispered. "God you're magical."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry guys, was a bit too busy writing some personal stuff today so this section's a bit short. –Magicath**

Just tell him how you feel. That had been Anna's advice. It had sounded so simple. But feelings were complicated things and sometimes Cornelius found that putting them into words was simply too difficult. Besides, what if Tom reacted badly. What if he hated Cornelius.

Just tell him. Could it really be so simple? He was so awful at this whole thing. He always had been. He remembered his first bumbling attempts at asking another boy out back in secondary school. He'd been laughed at and then teased mercilessly after. Even when he'd found a boyfriend his last year it hadn't been a very healthy relationship. Gwendolyn had always compared the boy to an end table. Convenient and steady and simply there. But not the things you really wanted in a person.

So it came as no surprise that he had no concept of how to tell Tom what was on his mind. He was pathetic in that respect. Cornelius might be a genius, but even he had his limitations.

He sighed. Time to face the inevitable. He walked down the hall, held his hand up, and rapped twice on the door.

Tom answered with a weary "what is it."

Cornelius opened the door and stepped into the room. Just tell him how you feel. He's your best friend. That was what Anna had said.

"Tom I…" he broke off and swallowed. "I need to tell you something."

-From _Just What the Doctor Ordered_ posted Oct. 2012  
by FanFixx . net author Magicath

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve had a few people worried about Levi/Cath. Don’t you fret darlings. I’m a Cavi (Leth…Lether…? They’re all terrible honestly) shipper all the way through. No matter what I put these two through, just know probably 90% of the reason I’m writing this is because of how amazing Levi is. So lay those worries aside. The course of true love never did run smooth after all.
> 
> Also, my Fangirl copy is STILL not in from the library and so I couldn’t check if they wear robes at Watford…I really just want to assume they do but if someone wants to correct me on that it’s fine, just know I honestly did try to find out the truth.
> 
> Reviews inspire me so please keep them coming! They are so wonderful! Also feel free to come find me on Tumblr!


	12. Twelve

Cath couldn't think of a single thing to write. She was staring at a blank document, wondering why she'd chosen to make this her Friday night project. Probably mostly because Levi was working. And because Professor Piper had been pressuring her, and she knew that it would come to a point of needing to write.

There was a knock on the door, and she looked up in relief. Something to distract her. Something to make her forget about the blank void that she was somehow expected to fill.

"Come in."

The door opened and Wren peeked in.

"Hey, you busy?"

"No," Cath lied.

"I was wondering if you wanted to watch a movie or something?" Wren asked.

Cath looked at the blank page again and shrugged. "Sure."

"I'll get my laptop and be back. We'll see what's on Netfilms."

She disappeared for a moment but was back a few minutes later with her laptop, a blanket, and a bag of microwavable popcorn.

"How was your day?" Wren asked.

"Average," Cath said.

"Yeah, mine too." She went and started setting up Cath's bed how she wanted, putting the pillows up against the wall. "I'm glad you're not busy. All my friends are out partying tonight."

"It's just so weird how last year this was me," Cath said. "You know…Wishing you weren't so busy so we could spend time together."

"True," Wren said. She sat down on the bed and opened her laptop. "What do you want to watch?"

"I don't know, whatever you want to watch," Cath said, closing her own computer.

"Hmm…oh we should watch that _Deception_ , it's supposed to be super good," Wren said.

"What's it about?"

"Sort of action based, suspense, all that," Wren said. "Like some guy—"

Cath wrinkled her nose.

"Oh my gosh, seriously? Cath you can't just judge it on a single description," Wren said with a sigh. "You didn't even let me finish."

The door opened before Cath could reply and Reagan came strolling in. She dumped her backpack to the side, giving it a rough kick to send it sliding under the bed.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey, want to watch a movie with us?" Wren asked.

"What movie?" Reagan asked as she slipped off her coat and toed off her shoes.

"Well I'm trying to talk Cath into watching _Deception_ but she's being a baby about it," Wren said, frowning as she turned back to her screen. "So I think I'll probably have to find something else."

"Yeah it wasn't all that good anyways," Reagan muttered. "And everybody gushes over the main actor but really I don't think he was that hot."

"All right not that one then," Wren said. "What about _Into the Void_? I liked that one."

Cath shook her head again.

"Oh come on, Cath," Wren said with a sigh. "What's wrong with that one?"

"I just don't want to watch something so boring," Cath said.

"Your definition of boring just makes _no sense_ ," Wren muttered. "How is action packed with a cute lead boring?"

"I don't know," Cath said. "I feel like all action films are the same thing. Just lots of explosion and guns and pointless car chase scenes. Not to mention there's no magic."

"Oh my god, you cannot say that anymore," Wren said. "Not being the Cornelius fangirl now."

Cath frowned. "But Cornelius is different…he seems kind of magical you know? How he can look at people and just figure out everything? And Madeline Devine is like the best villain there is. I think she might even be more interesting than the Insidious Humdrum. Like she can hack into anything and she's…"

"Nope, you're not allowed to play that card anymore," Wren said. "You expanding your tastes means you can't get out of watching things you assume you won't like. Seriously, should I go message your fans and get them to convince you instead? Seems to be the only way to do it anymore. I try to get you to watch Criminal Minds with me and you turn it down. But then your fans speak and suddenly you're all about a detective story. I don't get it."

Reagan sighed. "We'll convince her to watch something different next time. For now just find some shit she finds ok. I don't have the energy to argue."

"Fine," Wren said. "I'll look at fantasy."

Reagan sat on her bed and watched the twins. Cath wondered if this was weird for her since Wren had never been around last year. Did friends get jealous too?

"What about _Time for Us_ , it's listed as fantasy, drama, romance."

"Let's see the lead actor," Reagan said.

Wren smiled and rapidly did a google search. Her eyes widened and Cath looked over her shoulder to see a relatively attractive young actor. Wren turned to screen to show Reagan.

"Yeah, that will do," Reagan said. "Let's watch that one."

Cath still wasn't convinced.

"It's set in England," Wren said. "And the actor is British."

Cath sighed, made a face, but then did nod.

"You going full anglophile then?" Reagan asked as she pulled some of her own pillows off her bed and brought them over to Cath's.

"I don't know, it's just an interesting place," Cath said. "And the accent is lovely."

"Yeah, I'll agree with that." Reagan smiled. "But the romance isn't gay, sorry, Cath. You'll have to settle for something of the heteronormative variety."

Cath rolled her eyes. "It will be fine."

"Suuuure," Reagan said with a smirk.

"This will be nice actually. Been a while since I've watched a romance," Wren said.

"Same," Reagan agreed coming over to claim one side of Cath's bed.

Cath went over to grab her chair, pulling it in front of the bed to create a makeshift stand for the computer. Wren set it up and started the movie.

"I'll make popcorn in a few minutes if that's ok?" she said.

"I will die if I don't have popcorn right now," Reagan said with an eye roll.

Wren tossed a pillow at her, causing Cath to erupt into laughter.

"Oh you're going to get it," Reagan said, tossing the pillow back and then a second and then a third.

"Hey, are we going to watch this or not?" Wren said with a playful glare in Reagan's direction.

"Yeah, we probably should," Cath said.

They fell into comfortable silence for twenty minutes or so. Reagan finally flicked off the lights, settling back against the wall.

"He's pretty cute," Wren admitted.

"Kind of nerdy," Reagan muttered. "But yeah. Your boyfriend have any problems with you admiring actors?"

"No," Wren said.

"How are things going with Jandro?" Cath asked.

Wren let out a sigh and propped her chin up with one hand. Cath wondered if she should offer to pause the movie. At least they were at a slow part. Thank heavens for slow parts.

"He's been pretty busy," Wren admitted. "I guess I can see why he wanted to break up, you know? He doesn't really have enough time for me. But…it's been all right. We had a date last week and it was nice having some one on one time." She sighed and looked over at Cath, face illuminated in the glow of the screen. "What about you and Levi?"

"Oh…we um…"

"They had a fight," Reagan muttered. "But Cath made up with him."

"Oh, wow," Wren said.

Cath's hand twisted in the blanket on her lap. She should have thought about the fact that Wren probably would want to know things like her fighting with her boyfriend. Why hadn't she told Wren? She'd told Reagan. She'd mentioned it to Lauryn.

Her mind wandered back to the year before and how she would have been texting Wren hourly updates about her emotional state. She remembered when she and Abel had disagreed over something her senior year, and she had bawled into Wren's arms for a good hour about it. Had they really grown that far apart?

"What did you do to make up?" Wren asked.

"Oh…" Cath shot a look at Reagan. "Um…just apologized and talked it over mostly. It was good."

Reagan rolled her eyes. "Code for Cath staying the night at Levi's. And him having the most goofy grin all the next day. Try having a coffee date with a guy who just had fantastic sex sometime. It's awful."

Wren laughed. "Yeah, I'd imagine it is. Man, you two really are so cool about all of this. I know if one of my best friends ended up dating my ex I'd be jealous as hell."

Cath looked at Reagan. She waved a hand dismissively.

"Levi and I were never emotionally invested," Reagan said. "It was a relationship of convenience at the time. So yeah, if it was a guy I actually liked and had put time and energy into …yes I'd probably be jealous about it. It's still weird, but we survive."

Cath was torn between smiling and frowning at Wren implying she was Reagan's best friend. She never was quite sure where the line was drawn between them, but it was a nice thought of having a best friend other than her sister. Maybe Wren was right. She didn't see Reagan spending a lot of time with any other person individually other than Levi.

"What about you, how's your romantic life?" Wren asked. "Any boys you have your eyes on?"

Reagan shrugged. "Nope. A few I think I might want to screw, but other than that nope."

"Well, are you interested in dating?" Wren asked. "I mean it's really cool if you're not."

"I don't have strong feelings either way," Reagan said. "The freedom of singleness is kind of nice."

"Yeah, it's the nice thing about being in a modern era," Wren said with a grin. "No dowries or requirement to court or marry or any of that shit. Just the freedom to do as we please, marry if we want, date if we want, have sex if we want, and so on."

"True that," Reagan said. "Ug can you imagine me married to Levi? Because in my town that is so how it would have gone down. Only guy I ever had even minimal interest in. Fuck, that would be awful…" She paused and looked over at Cath. "No offense of course."

"None taken. I can't imagine you as a housewife to anyone," Cath said with a smile. "But yeah, I think you and Levi would have been especially awful as a couple."

"Yep," Reagan said. "Also, did anyone else think that section made any sense or was it just that I missed something?"

"No, that definitely was messed up," Wren said. "Total plot hole."

Cath nodded. "Yep."

"But seriously, Reagan, we could try to set you up if you wanted," Wren said. "Or maybe we could make you an online dating profile or something."

Reagan rolled her eyes. "There's speed dating at the student union in a few weeks. If I'm desperate I'll go to that."

"You'll find someone," Cath said.

"Or maybe I won't," Reagan said. "But you know, life isn't a rom-com. I don't require some hot guy to make my life complete, you know? Anyhow, I'm gonna go pop that popcorn. You two keep going. I doubt I'll miss anything other than maybe another plot hole or something. But we've already had the meet-cute so from here on out it's just awkward fumbling to get the actual relationship to work."

Wren laughed and pulled the blanket she'd brought up tighter around her. Cath smiled and leaned her head against her sister's shoulder. The door closed behind Reagan.

"So, made it up to your boyfriend then?" Wren said, nudging Cath.

"Yeah." Cath felt her cheeks heat up and was glad of the dark. "Just you know…talking…"

"Hmm 'talking' sure," Wren said. "You two seem so ridiculously happy I can't even imagine you fighting."

"Well, everyone has rough patches sometimes," Cath said.

"Yeah," Wren said. There was a buzz from her phone. Wren glanced at it and quickly turned the phone over.

Cath lifted her head up to look at Wren more closely.

"Things not as smooth as you said?"

"They're fine," Wren said. "Everything's fine, Cath. Stop being such a worrier."

"Someone has to worry about you."

"Well, it doesn't need to be you," Wren said. "You worry about you fans and your classes and keeping your boyfriend happy. And I can worry about me."

Cath said nothing. There were no words to say. No argument was going to convince Wren. It was like she could see the walls going up. See her sister starting to prepare for a battle if she had to. Cath didn't think she had any weapons that could bring surrender. So she admitted defeat for the moment. She'd simply have to keep a closer eye on Wren in the future.

* * *

Yet another journalism class resulted in yet another near meltdown. Cath was exhausted enough after having worked on her article for several hours. And sitting with her peer group had having her work torn apart just was the end of how much she could take. Especially after having another paper handed back to her with a C. It was like Professor Walton hated her. He probably did all things considered.

She packed up after class doing her best not to let any sign of weakness show. The last thing she wanted to be remembered for was being the girl who cried during class.

But of course, before she could make a quick escape, Thomas had to talk to her.

"I'd like to get your opinion on some basic Watford information," Thomas said. "I was scanning my copies of Snow the other day and I couldn't find anything about it, but do you know if the school's attic space is ever given any mention?"

Cath opened her mouth to reply only to have Professor Walton call her name and motion her over.

"I'll talk to you in a minute," she said to Thomas before shouldering her backpack and stepping up to the front of the class.

"Miss Avery," Professor Walton said. "I was looking at your Chatter account the other day and I realized something."

Cath felt her hands start shaking. She shoved them into her pockets. "Oh…I know I haven't been posting lots of news things, but you said we could have personal tweets too. So we can learn how to use it."

"Oh I have no problem with your content. However, I know as I surveyed your account I thought your username sounded familiar. I was also a bit baffled by your huge amount of followers you gained even in a month. And then I realized your name sounds familiar from my research I've been doing on fanfiction." Professor Walton frowned. "So, are you just a reader who likes Magicath? Or are you the actual writer herself?"

"I…I'm the writer," Cath stammered. "You're…researching fanfiction?"

"It's quite the modern phenomenon," Professor Walton said. "Quite interesting really. And I cannot deny the subject would work well as a feature piece…human interest story all that."

Cath shifted from foot to foot. "Sounds like a very interesting idea."

"Yes, especially with the popularity of works like the Snow series," Professor Walton said, frowning. "It's like some sort of insane cult."

Cath wondered if that made her some sort of cult leader. Or maybe just a cult propagandist or something like that. Spreading the message for others to find and follow.

"The point is I would love to do an interview with you if you would be amenable?" Professor Walton said.

"Oh…" Cath stared at him. "I…why would you want…I mean am I really what you want in some sort of human interest story?"

"Well of course," he said, blinking at her and scowling all the more. "Back in my day if someone wanted to become famous from writing they had to get an offer from a publishing company or be hired by a newspaper or magazine. Now a days, you young people put your works up on public forums and blogs and all of that nonsense and suddenly you can become famous just from that. It's impressive really. Or maybe lucky. I'm never quite sure. Regardless, would you be interested in doing an interview?"

"I didn't think you worked for a newspaper," Cath said. Her breathing felt a bit short as she tried to keep her head.

"Well, I don't. Freelance journalist actually. But I'd find a good place to send the article in to. It's how I do things now a days. So I can maintain my job teaching you ungrateful urchins and still have my name in print from time to time," he said. "Interview? Yes or no."

"Oh…um…yes…" Cath said, unable to think of any sort of excuse.

"Perfect. Well send me an email with your preferred hours and I'll put it in my schedule. Good day."

Cath nodded and headed towards the door, doing her best to move quickly without looking like she was actually running. Of course, as she reached the doorway she remembered that she'd promised she'd talk with Thomas. He was standing to the side, waiting for her, tapping a foot and glancing at his phone every now and then.

"What was the question again?" Cath asked.

"Um…attic. Is the attic ever mentioned?" Thomas said. "I need to know for this chapter update. I got halted in my tracks."

"Did you check the wiki?" Cath asked.

"Of course," Thomas said. "There wasn't anything on it either as an individual article or in listings about the school building itself."

"Then I'm not sure," Cath said. "Probably not. Although…didn't Simon have a meeting up there one time?"

"Um…oh in book four? You're totally right. I think I skimmed past it," Thomas said. "Damn."

"There, you've got it," Cath said, offering the closest thing to a smile she could manage.

"Yeah, I guess I will have to go find that section and see what it says. I'm really thinking—"

He broke off and stared off in the other direction.

"Thinking?"

He remained silent. Cath followed his eyes and found Levi sitting on the floor a few feet down the hall. She froze up. Well, the day just continued getting better.

"Well, good luck with your story," she said. "Um…I'm going to go…"

"Yeah," Thomas said, nodding. But before she could leave he grabbed her arm. "Actually…do you think I could…tell him I'm sorry?"

Cath hesitated, then looked back at Levi again. She wasn't sure if there was a right answer in this situation.

"Um…sure."

Thomas followed her back over to where Levi was sitting. She watched as her boyfriend's jaw clenched, shoulders tensing as he rose up to his feet again, showing his full foot of height over Thomas.

"Um…hi…I don't know if we've ever formally introduced—"

"Thomas," Levi said. "Write a name on enough cups and you don't forget it. Grande caramel macchiato with whipped cream."

Thomas's face fell. "Uh yeah…I just wanted to say sorry…I know it doesn't…make up for anything but…um…yeah…"

Cath sighed and stepped forward.

"He's changed, Levi. That's the point."

Thomas nodded hastily. "Yeah. But I know this might still be weird. So…I'm actually going to leave. You have a good day, Cath. Thanks for the help."

He stalked off without another word. Cath looked at Levi, whose body was beginning to relax some, even though he still had yet to smile.

"Do you want me to stop talking to him?" Cath asked.

Levi sighed. "No. How else is he supposed to get his fanfiction written if he doesn't have you helping him?" He stared after Thomas's retreating figure. "I just don't really want to have to interact with him, if that's all right."

"Completely fine," Cath whispered. She leaned in to hug him, wrapping her arms around him and simply letting her eyes close for a few minutes.

"Hey, I got you Cather. It's all right," Levi murmured into her hair.

It was simply too much for one day. Cath tried to simply pretend her existence was only in that moment, only in that tiny stretch of hall where she'd curled herself against Levi's broad chest. She kept her eyes screwed shut and allowed herself the fantasy of imagining there was only Levi.

* * *

Cath tried to put off the interview with Professor Walton the longest she could put it without seeming absolutely rude. But as she sat in her room staring at the little digital calendar with the appointment marked, she couldn't help but wonder how she was ever going to make it through.

She let out a sigh and decided to just focus on checking her fanfiction account before starting into homework. Maybe some updates and comments and fandom things would make her feel better.

Cath scanned her inbox. She picked out a few stories to give herself time to read later, excited by the prospect and hoping they encouraged her to finish her reading. And then she focused on answering comments.

Carmine Lushly, AKA Lauryn, had more gushing reviews on several of her works. She struggled to not giggle as she read through them, sure Reagan wouldn't appreciate it as she seemed deeply absorbed in her textbook. She'd mentioned something about a test…

A scan of the others showed plenty of positive feedback, a little constructive criticism from a few loyal readers. But one of them had her pausing.

_U sure are one ignorant slut if u think that tom wood ever sleep wit cornilius. U r such an idiot. How dare u call urself a tru fan. U suck._

Cath frowned. It wasn't uncommon. Ever since she'd started she knew that there were people who flamed and were awful. Especially being able to hide behind a mask of internet anonymity. Some people just found it fun to try to make others miserable.

Like she did with most really negative comments, Cath deleted it and then went back to looking through the rest of her things. But she was all the more perplexed when she found another comment on another one of her stories.

_Y u bein so stupid thinking cornilius wood want tom? hes gross. i puked just reading this chaptre. tom is such an idiot. he is a ignorant and pathetic cunt like u. cornilius is suposed to b wiht selen or mabe ana or any ohter caracter. just not tom cause hes stupid and besides their gross together._

"What's wrong?" Reagan said suddenly.

Cath was not aware that she'd made any noise. But apparently at some point something had alerted Reagan to her dilemma.

"Um…just someone being rude to me on my stories. It's not a big deal."

Reagan stood up and came over. "Can I see?"

Cath shrugged and turned her computer to let Reagan look.

"Shit. What the hell?"

"It's really not abnormal," Cath said. "Though I guess it's just the fact that they commented two times that surprised me. Seriously, I've heard all kinds of things about how Tom and Cornelius aren't good together. And there's always homophobes out there besides. There's all kinds of ship hate on the internet."

"I thought the whole point of fanfiction was being able to write what you want," Reagan muttered.

"Yeah, well…it should be…but some people don't get that others have different opinions," Cath said with a shrug. "Or that it's fine that other people don't agree with you or whatever. It's like they completely forget that is the whole reason fanfiction is a thing. That each person's own interpretation of the text can be valid. That they can explore different ships or different genres or if a character was slightly different…" Cath sighed.

"Sometimes the internet sucks," Reagan muttered. "I was reading about some feminist getting shit on Chatter the other day. Creepy dudes threatening to rape her and kill her and all kinds of stuff. It's like how do people think this is somehow ok? Put them at a screen and suddenly they think they can say whatever they want. Douchebags."

"Yeah," Cath said. "I mean, I've seen fellow Tomius shippers give other people a hard time. Seen Coranna shippers do it. Selius too. Nobody's immune. But it creates a lot of division."

"So are most of your friends Tomius people?" Reagan asked.

Cath shrugged. "Thomas prefers Coranna actually. Which is funny because the stereotype is that Coranna shippers are all just insecure girls. And Lauryn is Tomanna, which has absolutely zero place in cannon at all, but I don't give her too much crap about it."

"Yeah," Reagan said. "That's cool you guys can get along."

"It is," Cath agreed.

"Levi mentioned that your guy apologized," Reagan said. "I think that's pretty cool. Maybe he's not quite the asshole I took him for. Though I do warn you that if he ever hurts Levi again I will give him a good piece of my mind."

Cath smiled. "You'll have to beat me to it."

"Hey, give me some role in Levi's protection," Reagan said with a smile. "How about I hold down his scrawny arms while you throw the punches."

"Sounds like a deal," Cath said.

"No one hurts our Levi and gets away with it."

"No." Cath smiled.

"Anyhow, I'll let you get back to dealing with that crap," Reagan said. "The offer of beating someone up goes for you two though, you know? If there's any way to find that guy I will."

"He's anonymous, so I don't even know the basics about him or her," Cath said. "But I appreciate the offer."

Reagan rolled her eyes and hopped back onto her bed. Cath turned back to her computer, but she smiled as she deleted the worthless hate speech. Who cared if internet trolls disliked her and her writing. She had the approval and love of those who mattered. By the time Cath closed out of her account she'd completely forgotten about the whole thing.

* * *

Cornelius was starving by the time he got back to his room. He pushed the feeling away though, intent on getting through homework before he even attempted a go at the dining hall…

There was a boy sitting outside of his room. On closer inspection it turned out to be his roommate.

"Henry!" he said, smiling as he rose to his feet.

"It's Cornelius," he corrected.

"Really?" the other boy said. "Because I kind of like Henry."

"Is there a reason you're sitting out here?"

"I forgot my keys. And my wand," the boy said. "I was waiting for you to let me in."

Cornelius sighed. He'd had too much trouble today to possibly have the energy to deal with this right now.

"I was told you were being transferred," he said.

"What?" the boy's forehead scrunched up.

"You're not supposed to be here. Professor Alistair will be here sometime this afternoon to help you collect your things. Until then I don't want you in the room. It's not yours anymore. It was a mistake in the first place."

The boy frowned. "Are you kidding me?"

"I don't even know you," Cornelius said. "It's too…strange."

"We met yesterday," the boy said. "I know we haven't seen each other much since…I fell asleep on a friend's floor…but I am your roommate and we've already met. I've already been in the room."

Cornelius shrugged. "Look, I can't let you in my room. You'll create all manner of problems for my concentration. Professor Alistair should be here soon to collect you and your things. It's too strange, you understand, right?"

He shook his head. "Not really. But now I don't know if I want to go in with you."

"Good," Cornelius said gratefully.

He leaned against the wall and slid down. "I'm Tom by the way. If you didn't remember that."

"Okay," Cornelius said, not bothering to remember the name. He'd be gone tomorrow anyways. He opened the door and closed it rapidly behind himself, purposefully slamming it shut to send the right message.

He grabbed a book on spell work and settled onto the bed.

TC TC TC TC TC

Cornelius paced the space of his room, wondering why it seemed so cell like. He'd decorated of course. Minimally. But still.

The thought of Tom in the hall didn't help. Like he was blocking the exit. Cornelius had a brief moment where suddenly the walls felt like they were closing in. He couldn't be dealing with this now. He wished he'd thought to just go to Gwendolyn's room and talk with her instead.

The door opened in the middle of his thoughts. Professor Alistair and Tom walked in. His professor gave him an odd look, robes billowing behind him as he stormed in. Tom smiled before going to sit on his own bed.

"Mr. Bell," Professor Alistair began. "You had mentioned to me that you were feeling uncomfortable with the rooming situation. That did not mean you were allowed to lock your roommate out."

"He's not my roommate," Cornelius protested. His eyes flicked to Tom, still on the bed. "I was promised a single room."

"Such accommodations cannot be made," Professor Alistair said. "You misunderstood me, my dear boy. I'm more than happy to help bring about some discussion of personal space or helping you two work out how to be happy together. But I cannot simply reassign you rooms. I'm sorry."

Cornelius was silent. He should have figured as much. He nodded to the professor.

"Is everything fine here then?"

Both boys nodded.

Professor Alistair seemed to be satisfied and turned to the door.

"Feel free to come speak with me any time, boys."

Cornelius frowned as the door closed. Tom stretched out on the bed.

"Hello."

Cornelius didn't respond.

"How was your first day?" Tom asked.

"Fine," he said.

"Did you find all your classes?"

"Yes."

"Are you meeting people?"

Cornelius's jaw clenched. "Yes, I suppose I am." He glared at the other boy to make his point.

Tom merely smiled and settled back on the bed. If he expected Cornelius to ask him questions back he didn't give any indication.

There was a long moment of silence. Cornelius wondered if Tom had fallen asleep. He sighed and picked up his spell work book, burying his face in it and hoping that his roommate would get the idea and leave him alone.

-From _Cornelius Bell and the 10,000 Smiles_ posted Oct. 2012  
by FanFixx . net author Magicath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you so much to my awesome supporting commenter amenityeverlark! 
> 
> I couldn’t think of a good way to work the word rapey into that scene which was so disappointing. Maybe in the future.
> 
> On a good note my Fangirl copy did come in at the library so hopefully that will help with avoiding some more mistakes that people have pointed out. I seriously just didn’t remember a lot of things having read it in one day almost a year ago. Not sure I’ll be able to read through all of it anytime soon, but at least I have a reference now.


	13. Thirteen

Cath twisted her hands in her lap as she nibbled on her bottom lip. She wasn't quite sure why she'd decided to schedule this stupid interview the week before midterms, but somehow she had.

And now she was stressed beyond belief, all those textbooks and essays and projects a weight on her shoulder she couldn't forget about as she sat in the chair outside of Professor Walton's office, hoping for some miracle to save her. Maybe he'd become sick in the last few minutes…maybe he'd have a car crash. Maybe he'd just say screw it to teaching and fly back to England.

She closed her eyes for just a moment, took a steadying breath and when she opened them she found the professor striding down the hallway towards her. Of course, just her luck.

Cath allowed him to open up his office before following him inside. She took a seat in the chair across from his desk, remembering the last time she'd been here for the scolding about her writing.

She brushed a hand over the skirt she'd worn. She'd borrowed it from Wren, who had said that if she dressed confidently she'd feel confident. Cath wondered how that could possibly be true, when for her confident was her normal t-shirt and jeans, and in this outfit she felt like an imposter.

"Well, shall we get started Miss Avery?" he asked. "Do you mind if I record this? Easier to keep track of what you say."

"Oh…that's fine," Cath said as he pressed the record button.

"Excellent. So your name is Cath Avery, correct?"

She nodded. And then answered verbally when he shot her a look.

"But online you are best known as Magicath. Tell me, when did you first start using the name and how did you come up with it?"

Cath smiled. These weren't too hard of questions so far. "It was a long time ago…you should check my first posting for the actual date, but I was in middle school I think? My sister and I loved Simon Snow so much…but we felt like there were parts of it that weren't being told fully. So we decided to start writing our own stories. My sister really liked what I wrote and thought I should put some of it up online. I was admittedly nervous at first so we made a pact to join together."

"And your sister's fanfiction username is?"

"Wrenegade," Cath said. "With a W. Her name is Wren."

"Interesting, and your choices of names?"

"We thought it would be clever to include our real names while still having something of a penname," Cath said with a shrug.

He scribbled something down on a notepad with a frown before his eyes focused back on her.

"What was your first work about?"

"Oh, it was a silly ficlet about Snow going on a date with Baz. There's a small jump in book two and I thought it would be fun to include what I thought happened."

"But your work that first started gaining popularity was _Carry On, Simon_? Yes?"

"Yes," Cath said. "A more renowned writer recommended it to other people and it started to become more widely read."

"Do you write only Simon Snow works, Miss Avery?"

"No," Cath said. "I've started writing _Cornelius_ ones too."

"Ah," he said. "What causes you to choose your fandoms? Both of those are quite wildly popular. Global phenomenon's actually. Is that the appeal?"

Cath shrugged. "I think they're globally recognized because both are interesting and unique. They're both fairly well done, though I know Simon Snow gets some trash talk because it's only a children's book. There's something universal in Snow about good and evil and making hard choices. And Cornelius is just so incredibly well written that I think most people can see it has real potential."

Professor Walton nodded. "Now, am I correct in assuming you mostly write slash pieces? Could you clarify what slash means?"

"Yes I do," Cath said. "And slash is a writing piece that pairs two people of the same sex together…sexually or romantically…though usually two women is referred to as femslash while males remains simply slash."

"Miss Avery, what would you say to the comment some people have that slash merely fetishizes gay relationships?" His brow raised as he said the question, watching her carefully. It felt like he was setting some kind of trap.

Cath swallowed. She could see from the gleam in his eyes that he had done this intentionally. Pushing hard questions later on. In some ways it was nice. She'd relaxed a little answering the more normal yes or no type questions earlier.

"I…I would say there are some readers and writers who behave that way," Cath said. "The same as there are men who will watch lesbian sex pornos but still remain extremely homophobic in everyday life. I think for me it's always been cool to represent a less normal relationship…" she paused and realized the word normal probably sounded bad there. "I just mean…look at everyday media. 95% of the relationships you see are straight. The few that aren't are often comedic side roles, either there to make things funny or something of a handout to the LGBT+ community so they can't complain about not being represented…"

She took a deep breath, willing herself not to stammer or cry or anything else that seemed to be easy to do in the situation. She just had to think. This wasn't that hard. She'd answered angry reviewers with these things before.

"I think it's cool that in the fanfiction realm heteronormativity doesn't have to be a thing. That you can have a gay Simon Snow…or a bisexual Tom Benton…or I've even seen people who do trans Madeline Devine. A good friend of mine actually is writing a piece with Cornelius being deaf because she's deaf and it makes her feel better to be represented. Yes, I'm straight, but I appreciate that aspect of fandom life…that we can take what is "normal" and change it to what is less represented. And while maybe some writers are merely fetishizing it, many of us are parts of LGBT+ communities or at the very least allies."

She remembered what Thomas had said and decided to add it.

"My friend actually said his sister who's gay has felt really happy finding fanfiction pieces with two women shipped together. I think it's really cool that she can feel represented by us where she can't in mainstream media."

Professor Walton actually smiled. "Fair point. Now, what would you say to authors like Terry Goodkind who refuses to allow fanfiction to be written about his works?"

Cath bit her lip again. "That's tough. I've never actually read Goodkind. I guess I'd say that we need to respect author's wishes on their characters. They have the rights to them and I think that is something to be respected…but I wish some authors could have a better understanding that fanfiction means readers love their work…it means that they told a story interesting enough for people to wonder other things about it, to want to dig below the surface. I…I think if I ever published something I'd be really flattered that my readers enjoyed my characters enough to want to keep telling stories about them."

The professor was frowning now. Cath did her best to not squirm in her chair. Her fingernails were digging into her palms.

"Plenty of people have said that fanfiction is lazy writing," Professor Walton said, eyes flicking up to meet hers. "What would you say in response to that?"

"Fanfiction gets a bad rap," Cath said, doing her best to breathe through her answer. "Partly because there are really lazy people who will just slap down something on a page and put it up…or people who just put up really bad sex and call it writing. But some of us actually do try. One of my friends was asking me for details on Watford last week because he was trying to be accurate in his portrayal. I've had to do research like any other writer would while writing Cornelius fanfictions because I don't know a lot about London or English vocabulary or hospitals…I want to get things right even for something like a fanfiction piece. Many of us have beta readers who scan our works for errors. There are definitely people who try."

"But taking a character that isn't your own…isn't that lazy?" he pressed. "You're not coming up with a plot or personages for your writing. You're simply taking those from others."

"Yes…I think fanfiction writing is a bit easier than other types," Cath admitted. "But I think writers can learn something using fanfiction. It's a good place to try taking criticism for the first time. And if you do it well it can be a good way to really learn about…" she broke off and thought about her fiction writing class, "to learn about style or mood or tone…because when you write your own stuff you can get into a funk of using just one…and not even thinking about it. But…when you write fanfiction it's important to be more aware of those. To think about how the style would be for certain characters. I wouldn't write Snow the same way I write Cornelius. And I wouldn't write my own stuff the same way I write fanfiction."

Professor Walton smiled again, which made her feel slightly less nervous. Maybe he didn't think she was an idiot after all. Was she doing well? She could already picture an article "Disillusioned Girl Thinks Fanfiction is Actually Worth Something."

"What do you think of writers like E.L. James who have revamped fanfiction works for publication?" he asked, cocking his head slightly.

Cath swallowed. "I…I haven't read James's works either. It's not really…my type of thing… I think…if a writer has deviated enough from the storyline of the original work I guess it…I guess it could work. But I think fanfiction should just…stay on the net…and I kind of feel like James has given a bad name to some of us who…well want to write more plot than…other material."

"Do you think explicit materials like James's should be allowed on fanfiction sites?" Professor Walton asked.

Cath did her best to not react, but she was extremely uncomfortable…discussing smutty writing with a professor…. "Censorship is tricky I guess…I mean you've talked about it in class. It's tougher than a lot of people make it out to sound. I'd say there are a lot of minors on FanFixx . net so I'd say writers who do want to write that sort of thing should maybe find sites that cater to older readers…but I really don't have much of an opinion. I don't…tend to write a lot of smut." She felt herself turning bright red at the mere thought.

"Miss Avery, do you actually write your own works?"

"Yes," Cath said. "I've even put some up on an original sharing site. I don't do a lot…it's mostly been for my fiction writing class. But I'm starting to get more of the hang of creating my own characters and building my own plot….I think all the practice from fanfiction has actually helped."

"So you really are suggesting that fanfiction is a good writing tool?"

She nodded and then verbally responded on getting another look. "I guess so…I think it's a good way to get started."

"Interesting," Professor Walton said. He stopped scribbling and reached over to flick the recording device off. "Thank you for your time, Miss Avery. I thought that went very well. I'll send you a copy when I'm finished if that works?"

Cath nodded. She felt breathless so now that she wasn't expected to answer out loud she didn't. Her hands were shaking slightly as she stood.

"You have a nice day, Miss Avery."

She didn't trust her voice enough to say goodbye as she walked to the door.

Once out in the hallway she let out a long breath and did her best to release the tension in every muscle of her body. Part of her hoped that she hadn't botched that up. Because she definitely didn't feel good about that.

* * *

She walked over to Levi's to give herself a chance to not think about the interview. He was supposedly still at work, but she was hoping by the time she got to his house he'd be there.

It was a chilly autumn day, but thankfully there was a little sun shining down. Cath used it as a chance to breathe in the fresh air, admire the crunch beneath her feet of each crackling leaf, and take in the warm colors of the trees. She felt a bit like a stereoptyical white girl as she wished she was wearing her Uggs and had a pumpkin spice latte in hand. Maybe she could ask Levi if he'd bring her one…

She reached Levi's front door a quarter to four. She knew Levi wouldn't be there for another twenty minutes at the earliest, but her hands were freezing and her nose was turning red in the chill. So she knocked on the door and hoped Levi's roommates would be home if he wasn't.

Micah answered.

"Ah hey, Cath?" he said with a warm smile. "Cute skirt!"

"Thanks," she said. "Nice…shirt."

Cath winced. It was just a generic t-shirt but she couldn't think of anything else to say. Micah chuckled and held the door open for her.

"So, how's it going? You have something special today dressing up so much?"

"Oh…um…I sort of had an interview."

"Job?" he asked.

"No…journalist."

"Wow, sounds interesting," Micah said. "Say you hungry? I was just about to heat up that onion dip I made for the party last week. Want some?"

"Sounds good," Cath said. Micah was the best cook in the house and both of them knew it. "With those multigrain crackers?"

"Yes, they're the best," Micah said as he ushered her into the kitchen, pushing the various items on the table onto one side so she could have a seat.

"So, what did this journalist want?" he asked. "Hey are you secretly a movie star in disguise?" he let out a dramatic gasp and then winked at her.

"Oh stop it…it was for my…fanfiction," she admitted, turning a bit red as she said it.

"Oh honey, that's great!" he said. "Wow you must be getting big. No wonder with your awesome stories."

"Thanks," Cath said with a smile.

Micah came back to the table with the onion dip and crackers. He sat down across from her and dipped one of the crackers in. Cath reluctantly did the same, bringing the cheesy dip covered cracker back up to her mouth.

"Micah, can I ask you something?" Cath said.

"Sure thing," he said. "I'm totally free right now."

"Really? I thought you had rehearsals?" she asked.

"Not til ten," he said. "And I'm being lazy and not doing my homework either. Going to be a late night for me. What's up?"

Cath picked up another cracker so she wouldn't have to make eye contact. "Have you ever…had a crush…on a straight friend?"

Micah grinned. "Stereotyping much Cath?"

"Oh I'm sorry, I just thought maybe—"

He shook his head. "I'm teasing you, honey. Don't you worry happens all the time actually. Stereotype, but sadly a true stereotype." He grinned. "Yeah, I've had crushes on straight friends before. Why? You're not worried about me and Levi are you?"

"No," Cath said, blushing slightly. "Of course not. I just am trying to write the next chapter of _Just What the Doctor_ _Ordered_ …and you know…I've written coming out scenes and people telling each other before…but…I guess I was just curious how realistic I'm being."

"Well," Micah said, "my first one was in high school. My best friend. He knew I was gay and everything but…I hadn't told him at the time that I liked him."

"Did you ever tell him?" Cath asked.

"Yeah," Micah said. "I did. Senior year."

"And how did you do it?"

"I kind of blurted it during one of our hangouts one night," Micah said. "Super awkward, let me tell you. I left shortly after that. He pretended things were cool, but it was obvious they weren't. We never talked to each other again. Still haven't. It's really awkward when I go home for stuff and want to hang out with old friends..."

"Makes sense," Cath said.

"You'll do great writing this," Micah said. "Nice amount of suspense and angst and confessions of undying love." He sighed dreamily.

"Yeah." Cath bit her lip as she tried to think of other small talk thing she could say. "Um…how's Josh?"

Micah's smile fell. "Oh…we broke up. Three weeks ago."

"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry," Cath said. "Shit I didn't meant to…I…sorry." She suddenly wished she could just bury her face in the onion dip and pretend she didn't exist.

"It's ok," he said. "Cheating bastard deserved it."

Cath decided silence was preferable to making further awkward conversation. She settled for shoving more crackers into her mouth.

The door opened just a few seconds later, and she had never been more relieved in her life to see Levi. His grin felt like the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.

"Hey Cather," he said, setting his bag down and coming over to peck her cheek. "You look cute today."

"Thanks," she said.

"Oh come on, you told him, didn't you?" Micah said. "She had an interview with a journalist today. You're dating a famous writer."

Levi smiled even bigger. "That's right, that was today! How'd it go?"

"I'm not sure," she said with a shrug. "Um…want to go to your room?"

"Sure," he said. "It's so good to see you."

She smiled and reached out to take his hand.

"Thanks for the onion dip, Micah," Cath said.

"No problem. You go kill that fanfiction chapter, you hear me? I'm sure it will be great!" Micah said.

Cath offered him one last smile before she followed Levi upstairs to his room. Once they were behind a closed door, Cath leaned in to give Levi a proper kiss, before hugging him and letting her feelings out in the safety of that familiar room and those even more familiar arms.

"Missed you today, sweetheart. Kept thinking about you at work for some reason," Levi said, lifting her chin to look her in the eyes. He ran a thumb over one cheek. "I wish we weren't so busy so I could take you on a proper date again. It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"Maybe after midterms," Cath suggested. "After I turn in my first ten pages of my writing project I'm sure I'll be ready to go out somewhere. Maybe a movie or dinner or…"

"Ice skating," Levi suggested. "Always wanted to take you ice skating…though maybe that would be better left for Christmas time."

Cath smiled and pulled him over to the bed to sit down.

"Still no idea what you're writing though?"

She sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder. "No clue. Absolutely no clue."

"You'll figure it out," Levi said. "I'm rooting for you, Cather."

"Thank you," she mumbled.

"So…I don't want to stress you out since it sounds like you're pretty busy with midterms…but…I'm wondering if you have any plans for fall break…three day weekend and all that."

"Oh…I hadn't even thought about it," Cath said. "Maybe Wren will want to go home or something. My dad's been really busy so I'm not sure it would do him much good if we're both there and he can't spend time with us…we'd probably just distract him really."

"So…no plans?" Levi clarified.

Cath's eyes narrowed. "What do you want?"

"Well…my mom called a few days ago…and she's been bugging me for a while about you coming to visit…" Levi said. "And a three day weekend…it would be a good chance to go."

Cath's mouth opened but no words came out. She had somehow known this moment would come of course, but as something far off in the future it didn't seem altogether threatening. Now, as an immediate possibility there was something undeniably panic worthy about it.

"Um…I mean…would that make you happy?"

"Aw, Cather," Levi said with a smile. "This isn't about me. I thought you might like to meet my family…well that and my mom bugging me. A lot. But I can just tell her it will have to be in the future if you don't want to. Don't you worry about me, ok?"

Cath chewed on the inside of her cheek for a moment before answering. "I…I guess I probably should. I mean you met my dad already…so I guess it's kind of fair. And she sounds pretty wonderful from what you've said about her."

"She is going to _love_ you," Levi said with a grin. "And my sisters are too, I'm sure. How could anyone not love you, Cather? I mean look at you."

He pulled back a little so he could gesture to her. Cath looked down through her glasses at her unspectacular sweater and skirt. Her ponytail laying to the side. Nothing about her spoke to any level of amazingness.

"You think so?" Cath asked.

"Of course," Levi said. "I'm so excited to get to show you off…and let you see home too. It'll be great. So…you want to come or not? You don't have to, sweetheart. I don't mind if it's too much. I know you're really busy right now…and that meeting new people…I know that's not your favorite thing."

"It's not new people. It's people that have expectations of me," Cath said. "Everyone has them. Professor Piper expects me to write some amazing novel even though I'm terrible at writing original stuff. And Professor Walton wants me to be some articulate fancy writer who has opinions on all these controversial issues…and all my other professors expect me to get good grades and do well in their classes and to speak up more because I'm 'smart' apparently. And my fans expect more fanfiction even if I'm short on ideas. And—"

His finger pushed against her lips, effectively shutting her up. His brow was furrowed, large forehead crinkled.

"Hey, it's all right. My mom isn't going to expect anything of you, darling," Levi said. "And again, you don't have to come. Just tell me what you want, ok? I don't expect you to come. It was just an option."

Cath swallowed. Today was too much. She wished Levi had picked a better day to ask her. Maybe she wouldn't have freaked out then.

"What do you want to do?" Levi asked her with a sigh. "You pick. It's ok either way."

She took a long moment, thinking it over. It was true; it was unfair that Levi had met all of her family…or at least all of it that counted to her. And she hadn't met anyone at all. And his mom especially sounded like the type of person who cared more about meeting girlfriends…that type of things.

"Ok," she said after a long moment. "Ok I'll come. Besides...it's just for a three day weekend. It's not like it's Christmas break or something."

"Course not," Levi said with a grin. "You can go home for that one." He leaned in to kiss her again.

Cath smiled and leaned against him.

"Now, tell me all about the interview," Levi said. "And then maybe I'll cook you dinner before you go try to work on that big bad novel."

Well, perhaps there were good things about today after all. She smiled and let out a long breath before launching into explaining.

* * *

She took another sip of the caffeinated beverage. When she pulled it away she admired the sharpie scrawl of "My dearest Cather" written in place of the normal Starbucks name. She was so lucky to have him. There was no way she could have gotten through this without Levi's contribution.

A yawn escaped her mouth as she blinked a few times, feeling a little bit of liquid leak out of her eyes involuntarily. They felt so irritated after staring at the screen for so long, but she had to do this. She'd known that this was coming. She'd been aware if she didn't figure out an idea for her novel she'd be doing an all nighter before the first actual due date.

Cath rubbed her eyes before staring at the document where she'd been typing a list of ideas in hopes of inspiring herself. So far it hadn't done any good. She just didn't have any ideas worthy of being written. Nothing was jumping out and saying "write me" or at least nothing that she thought Professor Piper would think was worthy of a novel. Maybe things that might make a funny short story…or maybe more of a flashfiction piece. God she had to figure this out.

There was a long moment where she didn't type, she simply stared. As though hoping the ideas would magically start typing themselves. Wouldn't that be nice? Ideaus revelio. Yes. Perfect.

"You can't keep living in fantasy world," Cath muttered. She looked around, but was glad to see that no one else in the library was remotely close to her. So no one had seen her acting like a crazy person and talking to herself.

"Seriously, Cath. No Simon Snow. This is serious stuff. No borrowing from other writers…you have to be your own writer…you have to write what you know. Get out of fantasy world and back into the real world…"

But what the hell did she even know?

Cath ran through the things she knew. She knew what it felt like to be a twin. But she felt like weird twin stories were overdone. She knew what it was like to have a wonderful awesome boyfriend…but Professor Piper had already told her that love stories just never did make the most interesting idea. Which was true. She knew…what it was like to wish she was in Simon Snow instead of in her real life…

There was a moment where she started to brush that off. And then…something struck her. Maybe she couldn't write about Simon Snow. But why couldn't she write about what it was _like_ to love Simon Snow. Why couldn't she replicate something like that?

She gave a smile and stared at her document again. Yes, that was better than any ideas she'd written so far. Well, there was only one way to see if this would work out, but from what she'd been told this was seeming like the best possible solution. Maybe she could at least try this…but she was nervous…

She shot a message to Lauryn and crossed her fingers. A few seconds later there was one back.

_Still up?_

_Yep. You too?_

Cath smiled and typed back: _Yes. You willing to look over a little of what I have…once I write it that is?_

There was a second with no response then _Yep. You got it girl._

Cath pumped a fist, again glad this section of the Love Library was particularly deserted. She smiled and closed out of her ideas document to open up a new one.

* * *

**Carmine Lushly Inbox: (1)**

Hi Lauryn. Hope this isn't too much of a bother, but here's what I have so far. Please let me know what you think.

-Cath

 _Untitled_  
By Cath Avery  
Writ 327  
Professor Piper

Gabriel glanced over his shoulder, even though he knew looking back didn't do him any good.

 _Focus your eyes forward_ , he could practically hear his mother whispering the words in his ear. He shuddered and brushed the thoughts off. He should have left long before this. Gotten away from those who had brainwashed him for years before he'd finally broken free.

Now if only there wasn't the inevitability of capture, he would finally be able to start again, create a new life. But even with how little he knew about goblins, Gabriel was fairly sure they could run faster than horses.

But for now he simply had to focus. Just run. Just go Gabriel. Just run run run…get away from his past and his mistakes and his mother that evil…

"GABBY!"

She opened her eyes and looked up from her computer.

"What Mom?" she said with a sigh. She looked back at her screen. "Ogre," she muttered, typing it in behind the word evil.

"Get down here now, please!"

"Ok," she said, closing her laptop and going to the door.

She walked down the stairs, though as she did she tried to imagine she was descending a mountain instead. Fearsome Gabriel, off to try to find his future.

"I thought I told you to pick up your brother," her mother snapped the moment she was down the stairs. She turned and let out a growl, one Gabby imagined would be suitably matched with red eyes and fanglike teeth.

"Sorry…I was writing. I lost track of time."

"Oh it's always _writing_ with you," her mother snapped, picking up her water bottle and taking a long swig. Gabby wrinkled her nose, imagining the rank stench of alcohol already on her mother's breath.

"I don't know why you can't be more useful," she snapped. "Do something worthwhile. Now…go get your brother please. Before the preschool teacher calls and complains again."

Gabby's hands clenched into fists. "But I'm in the middle of a—"

"Do I look like I care?" she snapped. "Go. Now. Or I'm taking your laptop away."

It was like threatening to take away air. Or her clothes. Gabby shut her mouth and went to grab the car keys. She sighed and settled for playing out the next few events of the story in her mind. Maybe she'd still have those ideas when she got back. Or maybe her mom would turn full ogre...and she'd have to settle on making herself and her brother dinner…

She brushed off the thoughts. For the moment she was simply going to pretend she was Gabriel. Fictional monsters were so much easier to banish than real ones.

-From _Untitled_ sent by PM Oct 2012  
by FanFixx . net author Magicath to author Camellia Rush

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It was weird writing this chapter because my real life friend named Levi roomed with a guy named Micah…the more I read this book the more weird coincidence I see…
> 
> Thank you to my solitary commenter amenityeverlark! Thank to all those who take the time to give kudos and comments. You guys are awesome!


	14. Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone pointed out an error last chapter on authors and fanfiction so I fixed it. Apologies on that. Sometimes I think I know something and actually don’t. This story is unbetaed so you know, sometimes there will be problems and mistakes and all that. Thanks for being cool about it in advance. Anyhow, onwards.

The email didn't really bode well.

Cath looked it over for the fifth time, trying to figure out what she should take away from such a message. Every way she looked at it, it just seemed like bad news. Perhaps she was being paranoid. But Lauryn hadn't said anything about an email other than the one for her grade.

She was reluctant to knock at the office door, but she knew putting this off would only make things worse. If she tried to play the "I'll go this afternoon game" it would turn into "I'll go tomorrow" which would become "I'll go next week" and then eventually turn into "well I'll just fail fiction writing class and never go again."

Cath knocked on the door and was greeted by Professor Piper's voice.

Her mind kept rereading those words over and over again as she opened the door.

_Hi Cath,_

_I received your fiction assignment and would love to talk to you about it. Would you be able to swing by my office sometime today during my office hours? If not please let me know a time that works for you before Fall Break._

_Professor Piper_

Cath swallowed and did her best to not look as intimidated as she felt as she stepped into the office. One of her hands was shaking so she quickly slid it up into her sweatshirt sleeve to try to hide the nervous movement.

"Hello Cath," Professor Piper said. "Would you have a seat?"

"Sure," she said, sitting down in one of the chairs. "I…just got your email and wanted to see what you wanted to talk about."

"Of course," Professor Piper said. "Well, first off I had time to review your work, and I'm trying to schedule checkups with most of the students to talk over what they've done so far. I thought I'd start with yours."

"Oh," Cath said. "Ok."

"Your piece was lovely," Professor Piper said. "One of the best I've seen from you. It has real potential, and I could really _feel_ your passion. It wasn't like your Andrew pieces from before, all tired out and bored feeling. This had something real and personal, and I loved it. I think my main issue was that it was obvious that you had thrown it together in a short amount of time. With that in mind…do you have an idea of where you're going to take it?"

Cath nibbled on her lip. "Sort of? Just…hoping to make it work, but I'm still kind of figuring out my ideas. I sort of got my inspiration last minute."

Professor Piper nodded. "We cannot control when the muse strikes us. I'm just glad it did strike you. However, due to the obvious problems in writing style—some of your grammatical errors and obvious inattention to detail— I will be giving you a B. I hope you know that's quite good. Many of the students are going to have to redo the assignment."

She was unable to restrain a smile. "Thank you. I'll work harder on making my writing better for the next submission."

"Good." Professor Piper paused and pulled some papers out of her desk. "The next thing I wanted to talk to you about…is an opportunity I thought you might be interested in. As head of the English department I am one of the people who tries to recommend students for different things on campus, and I recently was thinking of you and your problem with writing what you know…" she broke off and smiled. "Your last work was beautiful, and I think it's going to be great, but one good thing for writing is to expand what you know and to expand your experiences. It's why I usually try to find a few good writing students every year who I recommend for study abroad."

Cath's mouth suddenly felt like she'd shoved saltines into it, utterly devoid of moisture. She managed to hack out a "what" before she fell silent.

"Study abroad," Professor Piper said again. "It's becoming more and more common now adays. Very rare back when I was a student. It's really quite special. And I'm looking around at our current sophomores trying to think of one I think have a chance applying not only for a program but for our scholarships here at the university to help it become more of a possibility. And I know you would nail the essay, and I think your academic record speaks for itself. I was wondering if you are interested at all?"

Cath tried to imagine…studying in another country. It was like someone had popped out and told her she was going to Watford. It was like something out of a storybook.

"Where…where would I be going?" Cath asked.

"We have programs all over the world," Professor Piper said. "And any of them would be incredible, but of course for our English majors I almost always recommend the Oxford program."

Oxford? Her mouth had dropped open, and Cath suddenly wondered if Professor Piper might pull back the offer with how ridiculous she was acting. Maybe this was all a joke anyways. She kept trying to think of alternate possibilities.

"I…that would be…"

"I know you seemed to show an interest in England before," Professor Piper said. "It's a little bit easier since it doesn't require any language learning other than some differences in terms and cultural norms and all that. But it would be a great opportunity."

"Um…do I have to…decide now?" Cath asked.

"Of course not," the professor said with a smile. "I wanted to talk to you about it now so you have plenty of time to consider and talk to me if you have any questions and of course work on your application if you do decide. It isn't due until January twelfth. But the earlier you start considering the better." Professor Piper pushed papers into her hands. Cath stared down at a pamphlet with what looked like a castle on it.

"I just don't think…I'm cut out for this," Cath said. "Isn't this a really good school?"

"You were in my fiction class as a freshman," Professor Piper said. "Among upperclassmen. And now you're in my advanced class as a sophomore. I've talked to other professors in the department and they've said your writing is excellent and your comprehension of literature seems to be quite good. They complain you're a bit reserved but otherwise seem to have a good sense that you are excelling. But…even if you're not there's no harm in applying. The worst that can happen is they don't accept you."

Cath swallowed. "I need to think about this."

"Of course," Professor Piper said. "Take all the time you need. Up until January that is."

She bunched the papers up in her hands. "Thank you. I'll do better on the next submission, I promise."

"I know you will," Professor Piper said. "You've come a long way in just a year. You're headed towards great things, Cath."

She blushed and decided to just let the compliment be. She didn't have any more words left. Normally she felt so full of words. Maybe not to say. But at least to think. But right now she was drawing a blank. All she could do was stare into her clenched hands and wonder. Was this a possibility? Could she leave Nebraska for something so different?

She shook off the thought, determined to not let it distract her from finishing midterms, and especially not from getting ready to go see Levi's family.

* * *

After a week of stress and essays and tests, Cath was more than ready for a break. The only problem was she still had no idea if this vacation was truly going to be any kind of a rest.

That Thursday afternoon, Cath grabbed her duffel bag and slid her laptop into her backpack. She glanced around the room, thinking if maybe she'd forgotten something she'd simply have to give up on going.

"You are wound so tight you're going to snap any moment," Reagan said from her desk. "It's going to be fine, Cath. Trust me, Levi's family is wonderful."

"Any tips?" Cath asked.

"Not for you," Reagan said. "You'll be just fine. Levi's mom will love you to death, I guarantee it. Not like me. Always was scared I was going to end up pregnant outside of wedlock. Just maybe…keep the PDA more chill. Not that you're all over him or anything, but you know what I mean. Stick with holding hands."

"Ok," Cath said.

"And to be honest it's not her approval you need anyways. You need to get majority of acceptance from the sisters," Reagan said. "Youngest is the easiest. Just play with her a few times, maybe bribe her with candy. Older ones are trickier. Just try doing some things with them over the weekend and show them what an awesome person you are. And it's Debbie you need to watch out for. She's fiercely protective of Levi. It'll take a lot to win her over."

"Got it," Cath said.

"Honestly, you'll do fine. Let Levi show off his ranch and his range management stuff he enjoys so much," Reagan said with an eye roll. "And just do your best to be your usual quiet and polite self…although I'd avoid seeming too reserved. Might give them the wrong idea. You'll do fine. Levi will love you no matter what."

"Thank you so much," Cath said.

"Oh, one last thing. If Levi's mom asks you to go for a prayer walk with her, say no!" Reagan said.

"Um…why?"

But before Reagan could answer there was a knock on the door. Cath opened it to find Levi's tall frame blocking most of the doorway.

"Hi sweetheart," he said. "Ready to go?"

"Maybe?" Cath said.

"Aw, need me to help you with anything?" he asked. "Got your laptop and homework and warm clothes?"

She nodded.

"And some music to listen to in the car?" he asked.

She smiled and leaned in to kiss him only to have Reagan clear her throat.

"Best get in the habit of not doing that," she said.

Levi rolled his eyes. "My mom's not that bad."

"Yes, she is," Reagan said. "So you keep your hands off Cath. Because when it comes down to it, your mother will put any blame on anything that happens on Cath, not you."

"We'll be fine," Levi said on spotting Cath's paling face. "Shush, you make her sound like a monster. She's great. And she's going to love you."

"I hope so," Cath whispered, before Levi grabbed her duffel bag and walked out the door without giving her another chance to reconsider.

Levi basically made sure Cath had everything she could ever want for the drive. There was Starbucks waiting for her, a gingerbread latte that was still steaming. And a blanket and pillow on her seat too. She put her duffel in back and Levi covered things down with a tarp while she settled her backpack on the floor, making sure her laptop and other things were easily accessible.

"Three hours," he said. "You all set? We can stop once for dinner, but otherwise I'd love if we can just make a pretty straight shot."

Cath smiled. "I think we'll be fine. I have my computer and we have music and I can teach you all the games Wren and I used to play on car trips."

"I think I'll outdo you in that department," Levi said with a grin. "Having four siblings does have some benefits after all."

Cath gave a weak smile. "Yeah. Will all of your sisters be there?"

"Esther's off at her first year of college," Levi said. "And Tamar has a place of her own so she'll probably drop by, but I doubt you'll see a lot of her. Jael should be there most of the time though (since she's ten) and my guess is Debbie will be too."

"I'm totally going to get all messed up on names," Cath muttered.

"Yeah, Old Testament ones will do that," Levi said. "Just be glad mom didn't actually go for Zipporah or Bilhah or something. Then you'd really be having a fun time."

"And your mom is Marlisse," Cath said. "And your dad is David."

"Yes," Levi said. "You've got this. It'll be fine. But hey, let's not talk about that right now. We've got a few hours to kill before you even worry about that. How about you catch me up on Just What the Doctor Ordered."

Cath smiled. "Sure. I actually finished the next chapter today too. Didn't have a chance to post it though."

"Well come on, I can't be left hanging," Levi said with a grin.

She pulled out her laptop and immersed herself back into the fanfiction realm.

For a good hour and a half Levi let her read him fanfiction. Her throat was getting a bit scratchy by the time they stopped for dinner, having caught him up on her biggest work in progress and read a few other pieces she'd never showed him before. She even read him one she'd never even put up.

"It's not that bad," he said. "You could put it up and I bet your fans would love it."

"It's really cheesy," Cath said. "And has no purpose at all. I think I wrote it in about half an hour. Besides, I have enough on my plate without putting more stuff up."

"Yeah, what with your major Tomius and now this strange Cornelius Snow crossover. I can't believe you made me Tom," he said with a grin. "It's really sweet. He's a great character."

"Of course you're Tom," Cath said. "You're good at life. You get on with other people and understand things and me…I don't…I'm terrible at being social and…normal human stuff. It's like Tom says about Cornelius…he's not human. Sometimes I think he really isn't. And I don't even have the detective skills either so I'm really hopeless."

"You have writing skills," Levi said. "And those are better. So what if Cornelius can figure out crimes? You create. You put new material into the air with your fingertips. That's real magic, you know? Being able to take nothing, take little letters and form them into words, and form those words into sentences, and then make paragraphs and somehow weave together some kind of a narrative? Fuck, Cather, that's beautiful." He cupped her chin and looked into her face with such adoration. "You're beautiful."

She swallowed and gave him her best smile. "I love you so much, Levi."

"Love you too, Cather," he whispered before leaning down to give her a long lingering kiss.

The rest of the drive Cath felt utterly relaxed. She let Levi pick some music and she settled back in her seat and looked out the window, watching as the sun dipped lower and lower in the sky, bathing the fields in orange. Nebraska could be so beautiful in the autumn.

Somehow the curving road and the pleasant music soothed her. And before long she found her eyes closing for a few minutes. And then when she opened them Levi was grinning at her, face just barely illuminated in the dark car.

"We're here," he said. "Welcome to Arnold, sweetheart."

Cath glanced out at the darkened streets. She couldn't make out very much in the streetlights, just a few shop windows, a church. And beyond that what looked to be fields.

"Have to drive through town to get to the ranch. Not too far off though. Have a property along the river."

She nodded, but any type of smile was impossible to give, not with the sudden rush of anxiety as she realized it was all going to be happening very soon.

They drove a bit further before Levi made a turn and they went down a dirt road. Cath peered out into the darkness.

"Is this your land?" she asked.

"Yup," Levi said. "Too dark to see the cows but they're out there."

They kept going, passing a barn and then Cath could make out the lights in a house. Levi pulled his truck over behind another car and stopped the engine. Cath felt her hand curling tight around the strap of her backpack. Here she was, ready to meet Levi's family. She looked down at her jeans and suddenly wished she'd borrowed something from Wren again.

"Come on, it'll be fine, sweetheart," Levi reassured her. Her reached over and squeezed her hand once before letting go. His door opened and he slipped out before she could say another word.

Cath opened her own door and slid out, shouldering her backpack and heading to the back of the truck to grab her bag. Levi offered her a smile she could just barely see before the door to the house opened and several dogs rushed out, all barking in a dissonant sort of chorus.

"Hey!" Levi shouted, though he gave a laugh as one dog in particular jumped onto him. "Quiet you. Don't scare off my girl."

"Levi, honey, is that you?" a voice said from the door.

"Yes mom," he called back. "If you'd call off the dogs that would be great."

There was a whistle and the dogs all perked up and turned back to the house. They headed back without any more coaxing. Cath clutched her bag tighter as she took a few hesitant steps towards the door.

"Good drive up here?" Levi's mother asked. "Come in, come in, get you two out of the cold before you catch your death."

"Yep it was fine," Levi said as he pushed forward, moving into the house and leaving Cath to follow behind him.

Once inside with the door shut, Cath had a proper chance to look at Levi's mother. She noticed first off that he had her eyes, maybe a little bit of her face too, and even though her hair was streaked with gray they might have at one point had the same sandy shading too.

Levi had put down his bag to give her a big hug. Cath wondered if that was how she should do things too. Was she supposed to hug someone she'd never met before? Or would a handshake do? Or was that too formal? She didn't really know what to do in this type of situation. She'd already known Abel's family when they'd started dating. Not too much of a challenge there.

Levi's mom released Levi from the hug and turned to her. Her eyes scanned over Cath completely, and Cath did her best to stand a little straighter. Unfortunately she forgot to smile.

"Hello, you must be…Cath is that right?"

"Yes," Cath said. "Cath Avery. It's nice to meet you Mrs. Stewart."

Her expression softened some. "Marlisse please. I insist."

"Of course," Cath said.

"Well, you two must be tired from the drive," Marlisse said. "Why don't I show you to the room you'll be staying in, Cath. And then we can give you a quick tour of the place. Will have to do the one outside tomorrow of course."

Cath nodded. Grateful for the excuse to not have to try to strike up any kind of a conversation.

"Jael," Marlisse called up the stairs. "Would you show Cath your room please?"

A head popped out on the landing and a little blond girl stared down at them.

"What?"

"Cath is here," Marlisse said. "Could you please show her to your room. I told you that you'll be sharing with Debbie while she's here."

Jael frowned, her nose wrinkling. "Can't she just stay with Levi?"

Marlisse sighed. "No. Now go show her your room, young lady before I lose my patience."

"Oh," Cath said. "It's no trouble she doesn't need to move because of me…"

Marlisse turned and gave her a stern gaze. "My daughters have all shared bedrooms before. And I won't have the guest sleeping on the couch. We can accommodate, I assure you. Now, you go on upstairs, and she'll show you where you're sleeping."

Cath hurried up the stairs, finding herself face to face with a blonde girl who couldn't have hit puberty yet but was only just a few inches shorter than Cath herself. She was stick thin, and Cath could already tell she was going to be tall, maybe as tall as her brother.

"Hi, I'm Cath," she managed to say. She glanced back at Levi who gave her an encouraging smile as he headed down the hall, probably going to his own room. She had a good feeling she wouldn't even be allowed in, so she just settled on getting to know Jael who still hadn't smiled at her.

"My room is this one," she said, pointing to the door with her name written in pink letters. "You can stay there cause my mom told me to let you."

"I'm sorry," Cath said. "I didn't know I'd be taking your room, honestly. Well, do you want to show me in? Make sure there isn't anything you need to tell me not to touch or anything?"

Jael's blue eyes narrowed, but she did open the door and showed Cath in.

It looked like most ten year old girl's rooms. Some pink. A few dolls. But Cath also noticed a skateboard tucked under the bed and a soccer ball in the corner. So apparently she wasn't a complete girly girl. And what caught her eye most was the bookshelf. It was pretty full considering how small it was, but Cath caught several titles she recognized from her own childhood. Especially the obviously thick Simon Snow series.

"You like Simon Snow?" Cath asked.

Jael pursed her lips. "Yeah. It's pretty good."

"Me too," Cath said. "Which one's your favorite book?"

Jael glanced at the shelf. "I think I like the last one best."

Cath smiled. "It's pretty wonderful. They're all good though. But I think if I had to pick a favorite I'd go with the first one. It just has a lot of magic for me because it's where it all started, you know?"

Jael nodded and gave a half smile. "Yeah. Well, the lamp on the desk doesn't always work, so you might have to try it a few times. Um…otherwise it's all fine. Just don't mess with my stuff, ok?"

"I won't," Cath said.

"But you can look at my books if you want," Jael said. "I don't mind sharing those. As long as you don't bend them up or nothing."

"Never," Cath promised.

"Ok, well if you want to put your stuff down I'll show you where the bathroom is and what towels you can use and everything," Jael said in a bored tone.

Cath smiled and set her bag and backpack on the bed before following Jael to see the other essentials of the house.

Once she'd been given a partial tour of the upstairs, Cath was led back down to meet the rest of the family.

"Cath, this is my husband David," Marlisse said, pointing to a man in an armchair sitting and watching football.

He stood up revealing himself to be probably over six feet tall. Cath smiled as she realized this must be where Levi got some of his height from, and alongside that she caught sight of the receding hairline, though even in his fifties David seemed to still have a mostly full head of hair.

"Pleasure to meet you, Cath," the man said, taking her hand and shaking it. "We've heard so much about you."

"I've heard a lot about you too," Cath said, hoping that didn't sound terribly awkward. "Nice to meet you."

"And this is my oldest, Debbie," Marlisse said, waving at the other person in the room who still hadn't stood up.

Debbie turned a little to look at Cath, eyes scanning over her, eyebrows furrowed. She finally stood up and stalked over, not bothering to offer a hand or anything, just crossing her arms and staring Cath down. Cath was pretty sure she understood what Reagan had meant now.

Not only did Debbie exude some level of intimidation, but she was extremely pretty. Cath estimated mid to late twenties in terms of her age. She had blond hair like all of the Stewart sisters long and shiny and nicely styled. Her face didn't appear to have any makeup on it but still had a level of natural beauty in the contours and the curves. But most of it was probably just the posture. Shoulders back and head high, arms crossed. Even wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt Debbie just seemed to be saying she was better than everyone else.

"Deborah," her mother said. "Why don't you go heat up some hot water?"

Cath was greatly relieved to have the staring stop as Levi's eldest sister disappeared into the kitchen.

"Are you hungry at all?" Marlisse asked. "We can get you something to eat. Of course you know you make yourself right at home. Feel free to eat anything in the kitchen, fix yourself up a snack whenever."

"No, we ate on the way up," Cath said.

"I have some cookies in the oven. Would you like some tea?"

"Herbal?" Cath asked. "And I guess I'll take a cookie if it's not any trouble."

Marlisse smiled. "Yes, herbal if you'd like. I have most any kind so you don't need to worry about that. And of course it's no trouble. Why don't you kick off those shoes and have a seat. I'm sure Levi will be down in a minute. Probably just fixing up his bedroom the way he likes it."

Cath nodded, wondering if by saying anything he might give the impression she wanted to be in Levi's bedroom. And Levi's mother would probably take that the wrong way.

She did slip off her shoes and sit down on the couch, careful to avoid the corner Debbie had been sitting in earlier.

"So your two other daughters are both off?" Cath asked. "At least that's what Levi said."

Marlisse nodded. "Esther is off at her first year of school. She decided to go to school in Connecticut of all places. I have no idea why really. That's Esther. Set in her own ways. But we can't argue, she earned some great scholarships. And Tamar has a place of her own in town and is a teacher at the high school."

Cath nodded, unsure what else to say. She was saved by Levi turning up with a grin on his face.

He came over and sat down next to her, scooping up her hand and clutching it tightly in his. She smiled at him to try to reassure him that she was surviving.

"Levi, sweetie, would you like some tea?" Marlisse asked. "And cookies? I made your favorite with the toffee in them."

"Aw thanks mom, yeah I'll have a cup of green if you don't mind. And a whole tray of those cookies," he grinned and gave a wink.

"Oh naughty boy," she said. "This is where Jael gets it from."

"Do not," she snapped from the kitchen.

"Oh quiet you," Marlisse said.

Debbie reappeared holding a tray of cookies with a potholder. She set them on the coffee table and went to snatch up a phone before heading towards the stairs. Cath frowned and wasn't sure what to think of this first impression. Levi squeezed her hand a little tighter.

Cath scooped up a cookie and enjoyed it. She let herself lean a little closer to Levi even though she'd been warned about PDA. This was simply an experience that required Levi's reassurance.

After they'd finished off a third of the cookies, Cath started to find herself drifting off. Levi's mother told the two of them to get to bed, though she walked them both up the stairs and saw to it that Levi headed off to his bedroom.

"It's my one rule in the house for you," Marlisse said with a frown. "I don't want you and my son alone. Maybe tomorrow Jael can go into his room with you so you can see it. But otherwise I don't want to catch you two in a bedroom alone or in the barn or anywhere else you two can think of. There are enough people on the ranch that it shouldn't be hard to always be in the company of others. I am under no illusions that my son has been sexually pure, and likely you two have already been together. But I won't have it at my house. Am I understood?"

"Yes ma'am," Cath said, feeling for a moment like all the blood had rushed to her face at once.

"Good," Marlisse said. "Goodnight, Cath. I'll see you in the morning."

"Thanks," she said before heading into the room.

She turned on the lamp on Jael's desk and sat there for a few minutes trying to gather her wits. Maybe she should write some fanfiction. That might help. Possibly. Or not. She swallowed, only knowing she wasn't going to be able to sleep.

* * *

**A/N: Short one shot for you guys tonight-Magicath**

He was a jittery mess of nerves. That much he knew as he stepped out of the car, watching Tom do the same. He kept trying to coach himself through, pull himself together, remind himself to act human. But it was harder than it looked.

Glancing over at Tom he could see he had it all together. Smile on his face as always, casual demeanor. Even his clothes had some semblance of normalacy, while Cornelius kept reaching down to smooth his old tattered jeans.

"Relax, they're going to love you," Tom whispered.

"I'm not so sure your thoughts on that are correct," Cornelius replied.

"Well," Tom said, reaching over to wrap an arm around his waist. "You're my boyfriend. And if my family doesn't like it they can go fuck themselves. They're the family I'm stuck with. You're the family I've chosen. And that counts for something, doesn't it?"

Cornelius sucked in a deep breath. This had never happened before. He'd never been one to be shown off or brought home. Sure, he'd had the occasional one night stand or been a sex partner. But he'd never had someone want him to meet family…he'd never felt like he actually mattered that much to them.

"No matter what, I love you," Tom said. "And that's all that matters in the end."

He leaned in and kissed Cornelius. Soft. Chaste. But still tender and lingering. Cornelius leaned a bit closer, pressing his chest up against Tom's, letting his boyfriend wrap him up in a gentle embrace.

"I'm just not good at this," he admitted when their lips parted. "I don't meet other people's expectations, Tom. I never have."

"The only person's expectations who matter are your own, love," Tom said. "If you've met those you'll be just fine."

He nodded, pulling back so he could sneak his hand into Tom's. The reassuring squeeze he received helped some. He took the first few steps towards the cottage. But he reminded himself that what Tom had said was true. He'd met his own standards. He'd met Tom's. No one else's really mattered all that much in the end.

-From "The In-laws" posted Nov. 2012  
by FanFixx . net author Magicath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had thought I’d write the visit in one chapter but it looks like it won’t happen. So I’ll just continue with that next chapter.
> 
> If anyone is reading this and going nonono Levi’s ___ is named ____ please tell me. The only name I could find was his mother’s and the fact that his sisters all had Old Testament names like him. But if I missed a reference to the sisters or his dad please let me know and I’ll fix it.
> 
> I don’t mind having tiny mistakes like that pointed out to me (I mean, yes I feel like an idiot for making them), but they are possible to fix unlike telling me a character isn’t behaving like they should, or that I shouldn’t have written something a certain way, or like a part of my plot would never happen…because those I can’t change and they just make me feel really frustrated and upset and like a bad writer. Anyhow, rant over.
> 
> Also, I know nothing about ranches. Even though I’m from Idaho. I’m like Cath in that respect. From a country state but raised in a city. So be warned I’ll probably make some errors there.
> 
> Come follow me on Tumblr if you’re on. I’m elsarenard so I shouldn’t be too hard to find.
> 
> Thanks to amenityeverlark, and Lookafterlou1234 for commenting!


	15. Fifteen

Cath awoke feeling disoriented. She sat up and looked around having to put herself back into place in the little unfamiliar bedroom. It wasn't like she'd magically forgotten where she was. She was simply trying to see in the dim room well enough to find the faulty light so she could start getting dressed.

After she'd pulled on a sweater and jeans, she opened her door and peaked out into the hall. There were no signs of life. She grabbed for her phone and checked the time. Ten AM. Shouldn't other people be up?

She stood frozen on the landing for a moment. A dog came out of the rooms and came over to sniff at her. She patted his head, but had to wonder if this was the only thing awake in the whole house. After being reassured the dog wasn't going to make noise, she went to the stairs. She headed down, still looking around for signs of anyone. If she wasn't terrified of Marlisse she'd probably knock on Levi's door, but at the moment she wasn't quite that desperate.

Cath arrived at the kitchen and finally ran into another human. Marlisse was at the kitchen sink washing her hands.

"Ah there you are," she said with a smile. "Levi said you'd probably sleep late but I didn't believe him. You hungry?"

"A little bit," Cath admitted.

"Well, I'd be happy to whip up some eggs and bacon, for you. Or I think there's some cereal somewhere in the pantry. Or bread for toast of course."

Cath hated to be a nuisance, but at the same time eggs and bacon did sound amazing.

"Um if you don't mind cooking up something…" she said.

"It's no trouble," Marlisse said. "I was going to make myself a sandwich for lunch anyhow. You sit at the table and I'll get you something. You want orange juice or milk?"

"Oh…you're…eating lunch. Um water's fine," Cath said awkwardly as she sat at the kitchen table. She glanced out the window and admired the clear view she now had of fields and a barn in the distance.

Marlisse smiled. "We rise early on the ranch. Even Levi was up by six. Old habits I suppose being back in his own bed. But it's no trouble having you sleep in a bit. I'm sure you're tired from midterms. It's actually why I didn't ask you last night if you wanted to go on a prayer walk with me. But if you'd be game tomorrow morning I'd love to take you."

Cath's mouth opened and then closed again. She thought back to her conversation with Reagan and the advice not to do the walk. But she couldn't say no to Levi's mom, that was just rude! Unable to think of any kind of excuse, Cath managed to say, "Sure," and left it at that.

"Good, I'll come wake you tomorrow then. Now, how do you like your eggs?"

"Oh, scrambled is great," Cath said.

"You ever had your eggs straight from the hen before?" Marlisse asked, turning from the stove to eye Cath.

"No," Cath admitted.

"Well, you'll get to then. I'm sure when Levi tours you round the place he'll be sure to show you the henhouse. He mentioned you were a city girl."

"Yes," Cath admitted. "Were you raised on a ranch like Levi?"

Marlisse smiled as she stirred the eggs around the pan. "Yes. All my life. This ranch has been in the family for generations." She sighed. "Sad to say I'm not sure what will happen to it after I'm gone, but I have hopes the kids will manage to settle it and someone in the family will continue."

"Makes sense," Cath said. "Levi mentioned his uncles run it too? Where do they live?"

"Both of my brothers live in town and come by to help. They agreed I could take the ranch house when our dad died since I'd already started a family," Marlisse said. "Speaking of which, what can you tell me about your own family? I'd love to connect with your mother. Reassure her I'm making sure you and my boy are both behaving…"

Marlisse spooned eggs and bacon onto a plate and brought it over for Cath. She stared down at the food trying to avoid Marlisse's question, but quickly realizing she'd need to answer at some point or another.

"Oh…my parents are separated," Cath said. "I live with my dad…um…my mom and I sort of just reconnected recently…but we're still not really close or anything."

Levi's mother gave a frown at that and sat down opposite Cath.

"So you have a mother but you don't really know her?" Marlisse asked.

"Yes," Cath said. "She left when I was about eight. My dad raised me and my twin sister."

"I'm so sorry, honey, that's awful," Marlisse said. "Well, if you ever need a mother's advice on anything, anything at all you don't hesitate to call me, you hear?"

"Yes ma'am," Cath said, giving a shy smile since she didn't know how else to respond. She dug into her eggs and hoped that might discourage conversation.

"Well, I'll wake you up at six tomorrow," Marlisse said. "But for now you enjoy your leisurely morning. And Levi will probably be in in just a few minutes to start your busy day."

She stood and walked back over to the cupboards to start pulling out lunch ingredients. Cath practically choked on her eggs as she thought about the ridiculous time she was going to be required to wake up at. No wonder Reagan had advised against it.

After a few minutes of silently finishing up her bacon and eggs, the back door opened and Levi suddenly appeared.

"Hey sweetheart," he said with a grin, wiping his hands on his jeans before closing the door and striding over to the table. Cath smiled at him and thought about standing up to give him a kiss, only to become aware of Marlisse eyeing them from the kitchen.

"Have a good sleep then?" Levi asked as he pulled her chair back so she could sit down again.

"Yeah, fine. Didn't realize you'd all get up so early," Cath said.

"Eh well you got to get going early on a ranch while there's still daylight," Levi said. He took the chair next to her and leaned over to press a soft kiss to her cheek. "But it's ok you needed some rest. After you're done eating I'm going to show you around though? Sound good."

Cath nodded and smiled, feeling some of the anxiety that had been weighing on her shrinking away.

* * *

Levi took her out to see the various parts of the ranch. But of course, since they wanted to cover a lot of ground Levi insisted that she try horseback riding for the first time.

Cath didn't know if she'd ever been more terrified, but Levi promised her that Bluebell was the gentlest horse they had and that she'd take good care of Cath. Even though Cath did wobble a bit her first time getting up into the saddle, once she was on she did just fine. Levi laughed a bit and coached her through the basics, but soon he said she was riding like a pro.

"You're a natural cowgirl, Cather," he said with a cheesy grin.

She rolled her eyes but focused on not falling off as he encouraged her to ride after him.

Levi showed off the place to his heart's content. He rode her to the edges of the land and let her gaze out at the ridiculous amount of cattle grazing. She kept feeling like she'd somehow fallen into some kind of Western AU. She wondered if she could learn enough from Levi to ever attempt some kind of Western fanfiction of Cornelius or Simon Snow.

After they'd ridden their fair share, Levi showed her the chickens and their milking cow. He even pulled up a stool and let Cath try, though she really never got the full hang of it.

Levi took her into town for lunch, stopping at the one small diner. Cath was just amazed by the fact that Levi knew everyone. Not that it wasn't true of their college experiences, because he definitely knew more people than her. But in a town like Arnold Levi truly knew each and every inhabitant. He'd stop an old woman and ask her how her grandson was, or hold open the door for a couple of teenagers and ask them by name how high school was going.

After a ridiculously greasy lunch of burgers and fries, Levi drove her around the rest of the small town. He showed her the high school he and Reagan had gone to, and pointed out her house too. And went past the few small stores and churches and gave a few facts about the town and the reasons he loved it.

Though Cath couldn't say she found much joy in seeing basic buildings and farms, she loved the way Levi lit up. She loved how he would talk and talk until he just ran out of words because he was so excited. Reagan might get annoyed by his Range Management enthusiasm, but Cath never had, simply because it brought out the best in Levi. It brought out those moments when his eyes shone and his happiness was almost tangible.

And not only did he want to show off Arnold, he wanted to show off her _to_ Arnold. Every person they ran into he introduced. He'd call her: my girl, or my lovely Cath. And would beam at her as though she was the most precious thing he'd ever had the pleasure of seeing. Though Cath didn't normally like meeting strangers, she loved letting Levi show his obvious excitement over their relationship.

Once Levi was satisfied with her time spent in Arnold and the surrounding landscapes, he drove her back home. Cath stepped out of the truck feeling much more relaxed than when they'd arrived the day before. She took Levi's offered hand and let him lead her inside. He suggested watching a favorite movie of his, sitting side by side on the couch.

Eventually her head descended onto his shoulder. Her eyes started feeling heavy even though Levi's movie was playing. She tried to stay awake, but all too soon she was drifting off.

Cath woke up to someone speaking loudly. She looked up to find Marlisse staring down at her with a frown. She pulled away, realizing she was almost in Levi's lap with how slouched over she was.

"Come on, mom, she's just tired," Levi said.

"If she's tired she can go nap in the bedroom. Or she can get up and come help me with dinner. Maybe that will help wake her up."

"I'd be happy to help," Cath said, feeling her face heating up. She squeezed Levi's hand and then stood up to follow Marlisse into the kitchen.

"I'm really sorry," she whispered once they were out of Levi's earshot.

"Don't you worry," Marlisse said. "I'm not upset. I thought you could use something to do so you don't mess up your sleep for later."

"Thanks," Cath said.

"You peel some potatoes, and I'm sure you'll start feeling a little more awake."

Marlisse plopped a bowl down in front of her. Cath offered a weak smile as she picked up one of the potatoes and reached for the peeler Marlisse had set to the side.

She let her thoughts wander as she did the menial task. It was a nice time to think about her writing and plot ahead for the next chapter.

It wasn't until Cath was almost done with the potatoes that she heard the door open and Marlisse talking to someone. She looked up, just in time to see yet another blonde entering the kitchen, shoving several grocery bags onto the counter before turning to Cath.

"Oh my god, look at you!" she gasped. "You're so adorable."

"Tamar, don't take the name of the lord in vain," Marlisse said, grabbing one of the bags and beginning to pull out materials that were probably for dinner.

Tamar resembled most of the other Stewart sisters, but her smile was one hundred percent Levi's. That same bright beautiful grin.

"Hi," Cath said, setting the peeler down. "I'm Cath."

"Tamar," the young woman said with another beaming smile. "So nice to meet you at last. I bugged Levi for details all summer, but a description and photo aren't nearly as good as meeting in person. You are going to have to tell me all about yourself."

"Um…I'm an English major from Omaha…" Cath said with a shrug. Honestly, being asked to describe herself sometimes just seemed impossible. She thought about how much easier it might be to describe Baz instead…

"You study English? That's great!"

"Yes," Cath said, shifting awkwardly. "Um…did you go to college?"

"Yes," Tamar said. "I studied history. Got my license and now I'm teaching in town at the local school."

"Did you go to school in state then?" Cath asked.

"Yes," Tamar said. "Best way to do it. Not all of us are geniuses like Esther. I think you'd love her though. Next summer you ought to come by sometime and meet her."

"I'd love to," Cath said, somehow warmed by the thought of coming again, like she truly was welcome here.

Levi's head poked in through the door.

"How are my ladies doing?" he asked. "You all getting along just fine?"

He gave Tamar a particularly pointed stare.

"Oh shush you," she said. "Of course we are. I like her already."

"You hardly know her," Levi said with a smile, stepping fully into the room.

"True, but I already like her," Tamar said. "Now, Cath why don't we go sit and talk while Levi helps mother with dinner."

Cath gave Levi a shrug and followed after Tamar. They ended up sitting on the couch Cath had fallen asleep on.

The conversation felt endless. Tamar chattered, asked questions, and made constant comments about how perfect Cath was for her brother. Well, winning Tamar over apparently was easier than she'd initially thought.

Cath was saved from the interrogation only by dinner actually happening. Marlisse called in the rest of the family and they sat around the table together.

She didn't have to keep a conversation going, thankfully. Tamar led most of it, asking questions of her mother and father, and wanting to know how school was going for Jael who was reluctant to answer.

The meal finished and Cath tried to help with dishes but had the older Stewart sisters insist she wasn't allowed. Marlisse led her to the living room to sit on the sofa again.

"I have something to show you," she said.

Cath fidgeted as Levi's mother went over to several shelves to the side and started scanning through. She picked up a particularly large looking tome, and Cath heard Levi groan behind her.

"No mom," he protested.

"Oh you be quiet, your girlfriend deserves to see these," she said.

Marlisse sat down beside her and opened up what turned out to be a photo album. Cath stared down at little images of a smiling blond haired boy who was still every bit himself in miniature form.

"Oh my god he's so…adorable," Cath breathed, breaking into a smile of her own as she surveyed the image.

"Yes he really was a sweet child," Marlisse said.

She flipped pages in slow intervals, allowing Cath to see various images of Levi as a little boy. Cath particularly admired the picture of four of the children in Easter dress. Levi in a little waist coat and tie.

"If you two have babies I bet they'll just be darling," Marlisse said.

Cath found herself blushing. "Oh well…that's…"

"A long ways off," Marlisse agreed. She looked up to eye Cath. "It had better be."

"Oh my gosh mom, lay off," Levi said. "If Cath and I ever do settle down together we'll have a family when we're good and ready. But it's not something we're even talking about right now."

"No," Cath agreed, shuddering at the thought. She was by no means ready to even start thinking about being a mother. She still felt far too young. There were girls who'd gone to her high school who were already marrying and starting families, but she couldn't even start thinking like that. She still had so much life to live.

Levi came to sit down next to her, giving a small smile as he caught one of himself in sun glasses apparently trying to look cool. He couldn't be older than four.

"She didn't do this with Reagan," Levi murmured into her ear. "It's a good sign, sweetheart."

Cath smiled at that, though she did her best to not look dramatically affected in case Marlisse caught on.

"Well, lots to look forward to," Marlisse said, flipping to another page. "Just wait until I show you the videos."

Cath smiled, and decided to just take whatever came next.

* * *

The next morning she groaned when Marlisse knocked at the door right at six o'clock.

"Rise and shine, we need to head out soon."

Cath nodded, but found herself slumping back onto the bed as soon as the door closed. Why had she agreed to this? Reagan had been completely right to tell her to avoid prayer walks. She would have to remember this in the future. She'd just have to come up with the best way to say no without sounding completely rude.

After a long few minutes in bed, Cath finally managed to pull herself out. She slid into a pair of jeans and put another sweater on. Then she reached for a pair of basic tennis-shoes. She wanted to wear her Uggs, but if they walked in any mud she'd been in trouble. So she stuck with practically instead of comfort.

After she was done dressing she headed downstairs, grabbing her coat from where Levi had hung it by the door. Marlisse nodded to her, grabbing her own jacket and scarf before slinging a bag over her shoulder.

"Ready to go?"

"Sure," Cath said. "Um…where are we going to walk?"

"Oh, just along the river a little," Marlisse said.

Cath nodded and followed her out the door and down the road. Marlisse showed her to the small bridge over the river where they cut off onto a small winding trail beside it. Cath was busy trying to brace herself for what would come next. She still really didn't know what to expect.

"Were you raised with religion at all, Cath?" Marlisse asked.

"Oh, no," Cath said. "Um…my dad kind of thought we should have something but my mom was against it. And when she left I think my dad just didn't really know where to start with picking up the pieces so he let it go."

"That's understandable," Marlisse said. "And I won't pressure you into anything you're uncomfortable with. I usually walk aways and stop to read a little scripture and spend some time in prayer. But you use that time however you'd like. Thinking or meditating or enjoying the sounds of the river."

"Thank you," Cath said, appreciating that Marlisse wasn't going to try to force her to do anything she wasn't comfortable with. This whole religion thing really was new to her.

"You know, if you are a writer you ought to consider learning some about religion," Marlisse said. "And I don't just mean Christianity. Religion is full of story. Of myths and parables and important allusions that you'll likely see in other books you read."

"Yes," Cath said. "I guess that's true. I'd never really thought about it that way before."

Marlisse turned to smile at her slightly before she continued walking. "I tried to name all of my daughters after great stories. Levi…well I might have failed a bit on his."

"Why Levi?" Cath asked.

"Oh well, the tribe of Levi in the Bible became the priests," she said. "Levi also…is best known for having gone to avenge the rape of his sister Dinah. I suppose in some ways I thought a name like Levi would give my daughters a righteous protector of a brother…though in many ways I think Debbie's always taken the protector role," Marlisse said. "It's also another name for St. Matthew. And Matthew is my favorite gospel."

Cath nodded, even though she did feel a bit lost with it all. "What about your daughters? What were their stories?"

Marlisse smiled. "Deborah was a prophetess and warrior who led her people in battle against the enemy of her kingdom. Tamar was cheated out of her rights as a widower and tricked her father-in-law into returning those rights to her by disguising herself as a prostitute—perhaps not the most clean and nice story of the Bible, but one I've always enjoyed. Esther was a Jewess who became queen in Persia. She spoke out for her people in spite of risk to her own life. And Jael killed the enemy captain during a time of war by driving a tent peg through his head while he was asleep."

Cath's eyes widened. "Wait, these things are in the _Bible_?" She shook her head, trying to reorient herself. Most often in her life she'd just heard people talk about hell and heaven and sin. Nothing like the things Marlisse had just said had ever been something she would have associated with a holy book.

"Certainly," Marlisse said. "I told you, good stories."

She nodded and kept walking, finding herself having some kind of new respect for Marlisse.

"Have you read the whole Bible?"

"No," the woman said with a shake of her head. "Probably have missed a few books here and there. Numbers for one. I've read quite a bit though."

"Do you read other things?" Cath asked.

"Oh I read books every now and then when I have time. I'm rather busy though, so it doesn't happen often."

Cath nodded. "Guess that makes sense running a ranch and all."

"Yes," Marlisse said, "it does."

They walked in silence a short distance. Cath kept glancing ahead, trying to figure out how far they were going. How long did these things usually last?

"We'll just go a little further," Marlisse said, glancing over at Cath with a half-smile.

Cath just nodded and waited patiently for Marlisse to find what she seemed to deem a suitable place. Cath shivered as Marlisse sat on the ground, not seeming to notice the silver curls of frost along the grass. After a moment standing, Cath finally took a seat beside Levi's mom.

Marlisse pulled a small book from out of her bag. Cath glanced over to see a leather bound Bible that had tattered edges and cracks in the brown surface. There were bookmarks sticking out at odd angles and when Marlisse began thumbing through it Cath could see sections that had writing in the margins.

She tried not to stare too hard as Marlisse flipped open to a section labeled "Luke" and began to read. Cath's eyes scanned over words that were written in red. She'd never seen a book like that, with words separated into black and red. Not all the same color. One section of black caught her eye though.

"Do Not Worry."

Marlisse seemed to realize she was looking. "Would you like me to read a little aloud?"

Cath shrugged, not sure how to really respond. This whole thing had really already shattered her previous expectations.

Marlisse said some things Cath wasn't sure she understood, but a few lines stuck with her. She held tight to the ones she actually could decipher.

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?"

Marlisse eventually went quiet and closed the book. Cath gathered that she had fallen into some kind of prayer, so she bowed her head and studied the ground. She worried a lot. She knew that. But worrying seemed…useful…it made her feel like she was actually making a difference. Just surrendering wasn't her. She glanced over at Marlisse who was raising five children and running a big ranch and still being a part of a quilting circle and church…and she just seemed so calm.

"Relax," Marlisse suddenly added. "I can see you tensing from here." She opened one eye and smiled some. "When I get too stressed I like to close my eyes and imagine I'm on a beach…or at least a lake or river. And I'm sitting there watching boats go by. And as the boats come in I take each of the things I'm concerned about and I set it on the deck of the boat and allow it to slowly float away."

"Things don't go away," Cath whispered, for some reason suddenly thinking of her mother and how she'd just appeared back in their life again. Or the problems with Thomas coming back for Levi. Or her classes seeming more and more difficult the longer she continued.

"No," Marlisse said. "But spending a few minutes not thinking about all of them is nice."

Cath bit her lip, but she had to admit Marlisse had a point. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, doing her best to visualize a river. She thought of the one in season three when Tom got on a boat and left. She pictured that calming river, pictured the vessels drifting by. As they did she took her boxes one by one and set them aboard: Professor Piper's expectations for her, the possibility of studying abroad, Wren's problems, the stress of journalism class, Professor Walton's interview, midterms, the random hate she'd had on her fics, her fear about finishing her latest writing project… she let them all drift away for a few minutes.

She didn't know how long she sat there, just picturing the clear water moving past her, small waves lapping at the shore where she stood. But after a long moment she felt Marlisse's hand on her shoulder and was pulled out of her thoughts.

"God, please take good care of Cath as she returns to school in the next few days," Marlisse said.

Cath swallowed, but she let the words wash over her. After a moment she looked up to find Marlisse also looking at the small creak before them, nothing like the grand river Cath had imagined. She smiled, wondering if she'd have to try that again in the future. Not only for relaxing but for visualizing things she might write about.

"You ready to head back, honey?" Marlisse asked.

Her thoughts wandered a moment more before she nodded. Marlisse was to her feet before Cath could even move, reaching down to grasp Cath's hand and help her up.

The two of them headed back down the trail. Only when they were nearing the ranch did Marlisse stop her.

"Can I have your cellphone?" Marlisse asked.

Cath's brow furrowed as she pulled her phone out of a coat pocket.

"I just want to add my number before I forget," Marlisse said. "You can call me anytime, honey. You understand? Anytime you have something you don't feel you can talk to your dad about. It's hard not having a mother. I'd know better than anyone…lost mine when I was about ten."

"I'm sorry," Cath said, giving her phone to Marlisse and watching as the woman typed in her contact information.

"No need," Marlisse said with a small smile. "It's only made me realize how important having good parents is. You don't hesitate to dial that number. Anytime."

If the morning hadn't already been a bit of a stretch of Cath's comfort zones she might have broken down on the spot. But having Marlisse's acceptance in the form of a ten digit number was more than enough to have Cath smiling.

"Thanks," she whispered.

"You're more than welcome," Marlisse said. "Now let's get you home and warmed up. I'll have David build a fire today."

The grin on her face made it feel like the corners of her mouth might split. And then Marlisse did even more of the unexpected and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"And you're welcome here anytime, honey. Just so you know. You ever want to come visit you just say the word and I'll make that boy of mine bring you."

Cath had to wonder if anywhere else would ever quite feel like home again.

* * *

The next few days passed in a blur. She helped David chop wood for more fires since the temperature continued to drop. She played dolls with Jael who ended up loving her imagination on what new adventures the old toys could go on. And Marlisse made her come in the kitchen and help with an apple pie. By Sunday, Cath was wondering if she really could go back to the real world of school.

It felt like she'd slipped into a fantasy. Like how she felt when she read too much fanfiction before finally reemerging to remember she had homework. Like diving into the ocean and then being forced to eventually come up for air, but not without seeing beautiful new sights and being awed by the wonders that had to lurk still further out.

But when Levi put her bags into the back of his truck, it somehow felt right. Even though Cath had been able to enjoy the weekend, she didn't belong here. Not yet anyways. Marlisse and the others had been more than hospitable, but for now school was her home. And she was ready to get back to Reagan and Wren and Thomas and Lauryn…

She watched as Levi hugged his mom and sisters. And of course, once he was done Marlisse made sure to squeeze her tightly and then Jael gave her a high five. Cath promised to come back again sometime. Levi smiled at her and opened the passenger door for her to slide in. Like before he'd provided a warm blanket and pillow.

Cath snuggled into the seat and watched as the Stewart family became smaller and smaller in her side mirror, until they made the turn back onto the main road and then it was the ranch growing further and further away. And after a long while it finally faded entirely from view. And Cath smiled and leaned over to lay her head on Levi's shoulder.

"Okay, sweetheart?"

"Better than okay," Cath murmured, closing her eyes for a few seconds. "Wonderful."

* * *

That evening back in Levi's bed again, Cath had to suddenly think back to her conversation she'd had before the break. Studying abroad…for a few minutes at the time she'd seen it as a possibility.

She rolled over and looked at a now sleeping Levi, unable to contain a smile as she looked at his peaceful face. She kissed his cheek and then moved to snuggle back into her spot against his chest.

She closed her eyes and thought about what she'd do the moment she got back to her room. She'd take those flyers and toss them in the recycling. Because no adventures in England could ever compare to the one she already had. This was home. Nebraska. UNL. Her friends. Her sister, her dad. And Levi… And with that thought she let herself drift off again.

* * *

**A/N: Finally inspired on JWTDO so here's an update-Magicath**

"You what?" Tom said, jaw dropping open.

Cornelius cleared his throat, for the first time in his life feeling at a loss for words. He'd said what he was supposed to, hadn't he? What more needed to be said.

"I love you," he repeated. "And I don't want to lose you, Tom. Not now. For the first time in my life I…this feels like…home."

He swallowed and left it at that, afraid for a moment tears might come if he kept going. There was more he could add. He could tell Tom about years feeling lonely and unwanted at home. He could talk about when Gwendolyn left for school leaving him completely without anyone. Just him and the servants. It hadn't been until Uni he'd even come close to feeling like he was wanted. Jaya…his first lover…she'd been fine but…even she couldn't compare to how he felt with Tom.

Wanted. Special. Right…

"Please, don't leave," he said again. And this time there were a few tears on his cheeks. "I'll do whatever it takes."

Tom's gaze had softened some. His shoulders had slumped. "God, Cornelius…I…you…" He ran a hand over his face. "I just…"

"Please," Cornelius said again.

-From _Just What the Doctor Ordered_ posted Nov. 2012  
by FanFixx . net user Magicath

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My farmboy friend named Levi (if you think I’m kidding I’m not) got married last weekend. It was weird…anyhow, sorry this chapter took so long. I think that just made it harder.
> 
> Again, I’ll reiterate I should know something about farming and ranching and horses being in such an agricultural state but I don’t. So sorry.
> 
> So I had a few comments on the fiction piece Cath is writing (had too many notes last time to mention it), and I’ll just go ahead and say I was trying to think of something Cath would write and I remembered that my junior year I started writing a book about a college student who wrote fantasy to protect herself from the real world around her. And it seemed Cathlike in some ways so I adapted it to work for her. The real version is pretty dark otherwise I’d put it up on fictionpress… but I am considering adding some different works there…so if I get enough support maybe I will!
> 
> Also on Levi’s sisters- the order of the family oldest to youngest goes Debbie, Tamar, Levi, Esther, Jael. So Levi is in the middle like in the book. I know it’s confusing with Debbie still living on the ranch, but I figured one Stewart might decide to just stick at home and not actually go off to school. You know, make a variety in the family. Anyhow, hope that explains it.
> 
> Thanks to amenityeverlark, Smurfy, and LaLovesReading for comments! Thanks to all who've given kudos, comments, subscriptions, and bookmarks! You all keep me going!
> 
> If anyone ever wants to chat come find me on twitter (elsarenarde) or [Tumblr](http://elsarenard.tumblr.com/)


	16. Sixteen

"His story is _killing_ me," Lauryn exclaimed as they wandered back towards Cath's dorm. "He writes so ridiculously well. I don't get how he's not in fiction with us. He'd kill with writing like that."

"Professor Piper would probably love him," Cath agreed. "He's sparing with his adverbs and he does characterization like a pro. Has he already taken her class?"

"No idea," Lauryn admitted. "We'll have to ask him in class today. If he's not too hungover that is. His chats this week gave me the idea he had a pretty wild weekend. I mean did you hear about the party at Sigma Theta Delta?"

"No," Cath said. "I wasn't really connected much when I was gone."

"Don't blame you," Lauryn said. "If I could have gone home and forgotten about some of the shit of college life I might have. I mean, don't get me wrong. I like a good party or two. And a few drinks and all that. But the crap that went down Saturday was just ridiculous. Place was trashed. Several fights. God, I don't know why people put themselves through that."

"Beats me," Cath said, shrugging as she pressed the button to the elevator. "Did you work on your fiction project more?"

"Yes," Lauryn said. "Actually had some really good inspiration. Had a nasty chat with my ex who still hasn't figured out I've moved on. But after a frustrating talk I went and banged out my feelings in the story, and it really worked. I think I might actually have something."

"How long ago did you two break up?" Cath asked.

"Um…over the summer," Lauryn said with a shrug as they stepped into the elevator. "Long distance was making it tough. I finally just said I needed to move on. Sometimes I think if I'd just stayed in Idaho everything would be fine. But at the same time it's moments like this I realize I was right to make the decision when I did. Gah Riley is just such an ass sometimes."

"Glad it's inspiring you at least," Cath said, frowning. "How long were you two long distance?'

Lauryn shook her head and sighed. "Um…we started going out senior year. And then I went to community college for a year and a half. Until I just couldn't deal with it…being home…I don't know…I just got sick of the place I was at. Needed something different. So I transferred here mid-year, which was tricky. By the time I got back in the summer, so much had changed. We'd said we'd talk all the time and make visits when we could, and it just didn't happen."

Cath stepped off the elevator, shaking her head. "That sounds awful."

"Yeah, it was rough," Lauryn said with a frown. "It's nice being done with it."

Unable to think of anything else to add, Cath settled for glancing at her phone. She had a message she'd missed, and she smiled as she opened it to find that Levi had told her to have a good day. She smiled, and tucked her phone away in time for the elevator to arrive at her floor. Lauryn followed her down the hall towards her room. Cath was grabbing for her keys when she was stopped by the sight of a sock dangling on the doorknob.

"Oohhh," Lauryn said, brow wrinkling at the sight. "Well never mind then. Want to go grab some coffee while we wait for class?"

Cath was still staring. Still trying to figure out the code. She'd heard about this, of course. Seen it in movies or something. But something about actually seeing it in real life…that was different.

After a moment of hesitance, she finally stepped forward and rapped on the door. There was a groan. And then Reagan's voice. And then someone else's. Cath closed her eyes and tried to take a deep breath.

Lauryn had a grimace on and waited patiently to the side, until the door opened and a guy scrambling to put his shirt on went rushing past. Cath did her best to not really look at him, feeling herself blushing as she realized he'd clearly just gotten his pants on.

Reagan appeared at the doorway next, a rumpled t-shirt on and a pair of jeans not yet done up.

"I'm late for class," Reagan said as she rummaged for something on her desk.

Cath just nodded and tried to move over to her side of the room, Lauryn trailing awkwardly behind.

Thankfully, the tension only lasted a minute. Reagan managed to get her clothes the rest of the way on, grabbed her bag, and was gone out the door. Cath was still standing there trying to figure out what had happened.

"Well _that_ was unfortunate," Lauryn said with a frown.

Cath nodded, sinking onto her bed as she tried to process. She eyed Reagan's rumpled bed with mixed feelings.

"Let's go get coffee instead," Cath suggested.

"Right with you there," Lauryn agreed, at the door before Cath could say another word. She grabbed the sock off the handle and tossed it back on the floor.

Cath stared at the sock, wondering if it was an omen. She closed the door only hoping that maybe she could just forget what had happened. But knowing Reagan, it was probably going to come up again later.

* * *

Thomas was wearing sunglasses. That was their first clue. Late fall with clouds in the sky and he came to class wearing sunglasses.

"Somebody went a bit crazy this weekend methinks," Lauryn said with a snigger. "Hey loser, the assignment was to _read_ Wilde, not be wild."

"Shut up," Thomas groaned. "God, both of you leave me the fuck alone."

"I didn't say anything," Cath said as she sat down.

"Your Baz worthy judgement look says otherwise," Thomas muttered.

"You do kind of have the best judgy faces ever," Lauryn said. "Like the one you gave your roommate this morning."

"What'd she do?" Thomas muttered. "She at the frat party too?"

"Maybe," Lauryn said. "Either way she brought a guy home and I get the impression she and Cath haven't talked about it."

Cath sighed. She'd tried her best to ignore the questions at coffee, but it was apparent Lauryn wasn't going to let go of the issue anytime soon.

"No," Cath said. "Other than the fact that I'm not allowed to do anything with my boyfriend there. No. We haven't."

"Reasons I'm so glad I don't have a roommate," Thomas grunted. She could see him squeezing his eyes shut beneath the glasses.

"Aw so you can bring all the girls home?" Lauryn teased.

Thomas winced and didn't reply.

"It's not that big of a deal anyways," Cath said, feeling her face heating up.

Lauryn giggled before turning her attention back to Thomas. "So, Hemingway, is this how you kicked out all those chapters this weekend? Because if so I'm impressed."

"A few," Thomas muttered. "I really shouldn't write when I'm drunk though. I do stupid stuff in the process. But yes, I think chapter eleven was written under the influence."

Lauryn rolled her eyes as she took her seat. "God you're an idiot. But I can't really argue because I loved it all."

Thankful the conversation had been diverted away from the subject of Reagan, Cath finally took her own seat and began pulling out her materials. Another journalism class. She wasn't sure how many more of these she could take.

To make matters worse, the moment Professor Walton walked into the room, his eyes fixed on her. She swallowed and tried to sink down in her seat, but he was already over to her table before she could escape.

"Miss Avery, I'm pleased to inform you that I have a first draft of the article done," he said. "I'll be revising and editing this week before I send it to you, but it should be out soon."

"Thanks," Cath managed to squeak.

He nodded once before stalking up to the front of the room. Cath turned to find both of her friends staring at her.

"What's that all about?" Lauryn whispered.

"Um…he's writing an article on fanfiction and asked me to come do an interview."

Lauryn's mouth dropped open. "What? Oh my gosh that's amazing. Hey, do you think he'd ask us a few questions too?"

"Maybe?" Cath said. "You could ask him." She had a bad feeling Professor Walton would decline, since neither were very well known as writers. But maybe that wouldn't be the case.

"You want to be famous with us, Thomas?" Lauryn asked with a smile.

"No." He shook his head too, before groaning and putting his head in his hand. "God no. My dad would _kill_ me if he saw my name connected with something like this."

"Kill you?" Lauryn asked. "Why?"

"Just wouldn't like it," Thomas said.

They were stopped from asking further questions when Professor Walton started class.

"Now, I had a chance to look through your event article and I must say I was disappointed by some of you. Midway through the semester and you still don't know how to write a journalism piece."

He slammed a stack of papers down on the front table.

"You may come collect these useless pieces of drivel after class. For those who flunked, rewrite and include a page of explanations of everything you did wrong and I might _consider_ raising your grade," he said. "In the meantime, start considering what you'll be writing for your next piece…your _feature piece_."

He turned and scribbled something illegible on the board.

"This means for a few weeks you can forget the few things I taught you," the professor said. "And you English majors get to be back in your element for a bit. Now, who wants to tell me what's different about writing a feature piece."

One girl raised her hand.

"Yes, Miss Alexander?"

"Well, feature pieces are kind of less formal and stuff," she said. "You know, like in a journalism piece you have to be really unbiased and you've got to be really cautious with how many words you use."

"Not quite," the professor said. "All journalists should maintain some level of integrity and try to remain unbiased if they can. They certainly should be aware of how many words they are using."

Another boy spoke without raising his hand. "But feature articles lack the precision of journalism pieces. One needn't have a sense of needing to be quite so concise."

Professor Walton frowned. "Oh I wouldn't say that entirely. All writers should try to be precise. It's not constructive to ramble, even in most creative forms it's good to only use the words you need. Anyone else?"

No other student dared to raise his or her hand. Cath ducked lower in her seat in fear the professor might call on her.

"Anyone at all? No? well, I'll say that unlike most news stories you can be a little more creative in your writing style. Feature writing is also less about delivering news and more about delivering a story…hence why you creative writing people might enjoy it a little bit more."

He cleared his throat. "I've given you some examples to read for homework. But for now why don't you group up and discuss what you might possibly write about. What are some true stories you are interested in sharing? Perhaps you'll find a person is the center of some of that. Maybe you have a friend or a family member with an interesting tale you'd love to share. A friend who battled cancer…an aunt who traveled to an obscure part of the world. It's up to you, just consider."

They were excused to their groups. Cath looked at Lauryn who was frowning and Thomas who had leaned his head in one hand.

"Any ideas?" she asked.

"Clueless," Lauryn sighed. "Um…I could write about Thomas here. His wild party life."

"Fuck off," Thomas muttered.

"How about you, Cath?"

She hesitated, shrugging as she came up with no immediate answer. It was hard enough to make up a story on the spot. But somehow finding a true one seemed even harder. Nothing really exciting tended to happen to her.

"Not sure," she said.

Lauryn sighed. "So seriously, Thomas, what's happening next in your fic?"

"I'm stuck," he groaned. "I don't know. Something."

Lauryn opened her mouth to reply, just as the shadow of Professor Walton passed over them. He paused when he found all of them silent.

"And you three? Any ideas? I expect decently written stories from you, Miss Avery and Miss Michels. And Mr. Barath, with your journalism minor I'll be expecting a nice final product too. So with your experience would you tell us about any ideas you might have?"

"Oh," Thomas said, raising his head minimally. "Um…I have a few But one of the big ones is the freshman basketball player on my floor who emigrated from the Congo as a young boy. His story has been very interesting from the little I've known."

"That does sound like a good start for a story," the professor said. "I suggest all of you spend a few minutes jotting down some thoughts to turn in. And remember to read 'The Girl in the Window' for Wednesday. Pulitzer Prize winner and one of my favorite feature stories. Anything else I can help any of you with?"

All three of them ended up shaking their heads. Lauryn was still staring at Thomas.

"Journalism? Seriously? How did I keep thinking you were an English major?"

Thomas sighed. "Nope. I'm not. Journalism minor."

"But you're such an amazing writer," Lauryn said. "Seriously, you're not going to take fiction writing or anything?"

Thomas shrugged. "My dad allows me journalism as a hobby. He thinks it's more of a 'professional' field of writing. It took me a lot of effort just to persuade him I wasn't wasting time doing a minor."

"So what's your major?" Cath asked. She tried to imagine what that would be like, having a parent tell you there were things you couldn't study. After meeting Levi's mom she had some impression of what having a strict parent was like. But still, having someone say "no that's bad don't study it" was certainly not something that had happened in her family.

"Business," Thomas said. "Going to go work for my dad's company after college and all. I don't know." He shrugged and winced again. "It's complicated."

"Sounds like it," Lauryn said.

They were interrupted before they could ask Thomas anymore questions. As Professor Walton drew them back in for class discussion, Cath kept thinking about Thomas and how he wasn't allowed to do what he wanted. It was a pity. She frowned as she considered that, wondering if this was some of what was behind the weekend.

He adjusted his glasses again, better hiding his eyes. For a moment, Cath wondered what else was hiding. How much of Thomas was a mask?

Her thoughts were distracted by Professor Walton asking her a question. She drew her attention back to class, focusing on herself once more.

* * *

She'd thought the evening might be reserved for writing. After dinner out with Levi, she'd showered and sat down in her pajamas with her laptop, eager to get started on the next chapter of her fic. With fans reviewing like crazy, she knew time was running short for her to drag out the cliffhanger.

There was a knock at the door just as she was getting going.

She glanced up and frowned. "Come in?"

The door opened. A familiar head peeked in.

"You busy?"

Cath shook her head and shut her laptop. "Not really. What's up?"

Wren shrugged and shut the door behind her. She came over to sit crosslegged on Cath's bed.

"I just hadn't seen you in a bit. Wanted to stop by and say hi," she said.

"Hi," Cath said.

"Hi," Wren said with a smile. She sat in silence just a minute before getting up like she might go to the door. With a smile she came and sat back down. "But seriously, it's been forever. How are you?"

"Fine," Cath said. "Busy."

"Yeah, so I figured with you not being around ever," Wren said sinking back a little more on the bed.

"Yep. Did you go home for the weekend?" Cath asked. "I don't think you ever said."

"No," Wren said. "I talked to dad but he sounded swamped. I don't know what's going on with his work right now, but I guess he's got a lot to do. Yeah, I stayed on campus. How was the boyfriend home visit?"

"Better than I thought it'd be," Cath said. "His mom likes me I guess. And some of his sisters. The oldest one never did seem to warm up to me though."

Wren shrugged. "Happens sometimes. But I'm glad the rest was ok."

"Yeah." Cath paused and looked her sister over. "So what did you do this weekend if you didn't go home?"

"Just…homework and stuff," Wren said. "No big deal."

"Yeah," Cath said. "How were midterms?"

"Fine."

Cath wasn't used to this. Having to feel like she needed to probe. But for once she did feel like that was the case. Like Wren wasn't opening up.

"Anything new with you?" she tried, hoping it wouldn't bother her sister too much.

"Nope," Wren said.

"Things with Jandro all right?" she asked.

"We haven't had much time together," Wren admitted. "I miss him a lot. But the few times in the last month have been really nice." She smiled, more light reaching her eyes. "He's so sweet, Cath. He makes me feel so happy."

"I'm so glad," Cath whispered. "I think he's really good for you."

"Yeah, maybe," Wren said. "Who knows. Things can go south in a matter of days sometimes. But for now, it's good. I'm happy. He's happy. We're happy."

Cath was about to just outright ask why Wren wasn't acting happy if that was the case, when the door opened and Reagan stormed in.

"Fucking Olive Garden," she muttered, turning to stare at Cath and Wren. "You two never work there. Promise me. God it's awful."

"Sounds like it," Wren said. "What happened?"

"Girl shoving breadsticks in her purse," Reagan said. "Pretending like I wouldn't notice, the idiot. Anyhow, had to call the manager on her and it turned into this whole mess. Whatever."

"At least you didn't lose your job," Wren said.

"Oh I wish," Reagan said. "Like I said, he was on my side thank god, but it was still pretty nasty to deal with. Some people are idiots."

Cath nodded and looked at Wren, wondering if she should try to suggest they go somewhere else to talk now that Reagan was here. Instead, Wren jumped up.

"Well, I have a bunch of homework to finish. I'll catch up with you later," she said to her sister.

"Ok, night," Cath said with a feeble smile. She eyed Reagan who was back at her desk grabbing up some textbooks.

The door shut.

Her focus returned to her laptop. She was tempted to open it and escape. But the thought of Lauryn and Thomas laughing over her not having talked the issue out made her pause.

Just as she was gathering courage Reagan spun around.

"For future reference, sock on the door means don't come in," Reagan said. "Though that was partly my fault. Thought we'd be done by the time you got back. Didn't mean to fall asleep without setting an alarm."

Somehow that didn't make it all right. It would have been easy for Cath to shrug it off and pretend it was fine. But after a long day she wasn't willing to just let the issue drop.

"And when were you planning on talking to me about it?" Cath asked. "All we've talked about with sex is that I'm not allowed to mention it with Levi. And I had this impression I wasn't allowed to bring him here to do anything."

Reagan raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, that would be kind of weird don't you think? Besides, he has a private room. Makes it easy for you. My hookups might not. And besides, I've always made sure it's been on nights when you weren't here. I wouldn't sexile you or anything."

Cath stared at her. "But you haven't _talked_ about it with me. You're the one who got all annoyed at me for not talking to Levi about things. But here you are just bringing guys back without asking me if it's ok."

"It's logical," Reagan said with an eye roll. "You have a steady boyfriend to go sleep with. Therefore the room is free. And it's stupid to make whoever I'm fucking have to figure out what to do with his roommates or whatever when I could just come over here."

"I just…I don't know…I thought we would have talked it out…" Cath finally finished.

"What's there to talk about?" Reagan said, spinning around to stare at Cath. "What are you going to forbid me to have sex here? Is that it? You get to go have Levi whenever you want and I just get to be lonely and bored?"

Cath shook her head. "I just thought you'd have more…respect for me or something. I just thought….I don't know."

"Look, I'm sorry you walked in on us," Reagan said. "But I won't stop having boys over just because you're going all prudish all the sudden."

"I'm not prudish," Cath protested, feeling her cheeks heating up. She thought back to her last smut scene she'd written. That was anything but prudish. "I just…I don't think it's fair."

"You can't talk to me about fair," Reagan snapped. "Not when you and Levi are hardly ever around anymore."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Cath asked.

"It means that you've become one of those people who ignores everybody else once you're in a relationship," Reagan said.

Cath opened her mouth to protest, but Reagan spoke before she could.

"No, you can't argue with that. When was the last time you had dinner with me? Just me, not Levi. When was the last time you did something with your sister? And I can't even tell you how long it's been since Levi and I have hung out one on one."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Cath asked. "Yes I spend time with Levi, is that really so bad? He's my boyfriend. We're supposed to be—"

"You're also supposed to be there for your friends. Or how about your sister who was out partying half the weekend?" Reagan said with a frown. "And Levi…god I never thought I'd see him not out being social, but that seems to be the case. Somehow you've managed to recruit him into your little ignoring everyone routine."

Cath opened her mouth, but couldn't even find the words to say to that.

"I thought you were better than that," Reagan said. "Honestly, you had me fooled for a while into thinking you were some independent thinking person who wouldn't just suddenly forget the whole world existed when in a relationship. But I was wrong."

"I'm not…" Cath tried, but she was still reeling from the accusations. She was still trying to think when the last time was that she and Reagan had been together just the two of them.

Reagan finally sighed and held up a hand.

"You know what? No more of this bullshit. I'm leaving. If you want to be this way go ahead. If you don't want to be my friend I won't make an effort to be yours."

She grabbed a coat and her book bag and then the door slammed behind her.

For a moment Cath felt like she'd been frozen. Stuck in place by some spell or unknown force. At long last a shaky breath escaped her lips. She didn't even realize she was crying until one of her tears dripped onto her hand.

* * *

Baz was his sanctuary.

Simon sighed and snuggled a bit closer, glad of those firm arms wrapped around his middle. Glad of a place where for once maybe he could forget for a bit.

Everyone else expected something of him. To others he was the Chosen One. Or the long lost hero. Or who knows what other titles others could come up with. He had his mentor to please. And his friends to make happy. And his peers to protect. But in Baz's arms…

"Snow?"

"Yeah?" he mumbled, blinking a bit as he opened his eyes.

"Don't go falling asleep on me just yet," Baz said with a smirk. "Don't tell me I'm that boring you're going to start snoring."

"M not," he protested. "Just comfy."

"You calling my chest comfy," Baz laughed. "Now I know I need to start working out more. Come on, Snow. Wake up."

His shoulder was prodded a few times and he finally relented. He opened his eyes again, peered up at Baz with a smile.

"Baz," he murmured.

The vampire's face softened a bit, even as he continued to give that infuriating smirk.

"Yes, Sn—Simon?"

"I love you," he breathed.

Baz squeezed him a little tighter.

"God you're an insufferable sap, you know that right?"

Simon smiled and just burrowed his face into the crook of Baz's neck. Just a few more minutes of this and he'd be convinced that everything would be fine. For a few moments he could forget. He could feel ready to face the world again.

"Snow?"

"Yeah?" he mumbled, finally opening his eyes again.

"I love you too."

He grinned against Baz's shoulder, squeezed a little tighter, and didn't dare let go.

**A/N: Not sure about that. But I just felt like writing some Baz/Simon fluff tonight. I'll update my other stuff in the next week. Word of honor! –Magicath**

-From "Safe" posted Nov 2012  
By FanFixx . net author Magicath

 

By FanFixx . net author Magicath

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The frat name is made up. Checked to make sure it isn't real (or at least not major if it is). It's actually partly a joke because I was in Sigma Tau Delta which is an English honor society, and both of those have STD as their acronyms which is amusing.
> 
> Girl in the Window is a real feature piece about an abused girl. It's horrific and sad, but also beautiful.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for reading!


	17. Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the long wait. I am updating this before my other WIPs because it reached 100 followers on Fanfiction.net …but I just started a new job and I've been ridiculously anxious and depressed lately so writing has been extremely hard. Patience and understanding is appreciated. I'm doing my best, I promise.
> 
> I also had hoped to wait until Carry On came out…but my library is being slow in ordering it and I'm broke right now so I'll be waiting to read it. So for now ignore any canon problems with that.

Cath woke up to a knock at the door.

She sat up, running a hand through her horribly tousled hair, still half in a bun. She rubbed at her eyes, sticky from the combination of tears and sleep.

After a moment she stood up, suddenly conscious of the fact that she was still wearing the same rumpled clothes from the day before. Knowing she didn't have time to change she went to the door. Cath opened it and looked up at Levi.

"Hey sweetheart," he said. His smile was half of what it usually was. "You okay? You weren't answering your phone."

"Fine," Cath murmured.

"You skipping class then?" he said, glancing at his phone and then looking at her again, his forehead wrinkled.

"Yes," Cath said. "I think I'll just have a day off."

"A day after fall break? You sure you all right?" Levi asked, staring at her.

Cath shrugged. "I just…need some time."

"You sure you don't want to talk about it?" He cocked his head slightly.

She closed her eyes for a moment before nodding and opening the door a little wider. He came in, pushing past her to glance at her bed still neatly made.

"Did you sleep?" he asked.

"A little."

"Just a little? What happened last night? Is it your sister?"

"No it was…" Cath hesitated. It felt…gossipy…somehow to tell Levi about her and Reagan. She wasn't quite sure why. But after a moment she made her decision.

"It was…a friend and I…we had a fight," Cath said.

"Oh, one of the English majors?" Levi sat on her bed and gave her a concerned look. "It wasn't that guy—you know the one—was it?"

"No," Cath said.

"Good, because if it was I'd give him a piece of my mind," Levi said.

"Someone else. I'd…I just don't know what to do," Cath said.

"Well," Levi said, leaning back a little. "What did you fight about?"

Cath thought for a moment. "Well…it was sort of about… you actually?"

One of Levi's eyebrows rose to new heights. "Wait, what?"

"She basically said that I spend more time with my boyfriend than with my friends," Cath said. "Like…that I've…forgotten my friends when I'm around you."

Levi frowned. "Really?"

Cath shrugged again. She didn't really know what more to add to it without giving away that it was Reagan. And really the last thing she wanted was to bring Levi into their fight. She just couldn't stand making things any more complicated than they already were. It wouldn't help. Reagan would only be more upset with her if Levi somehow was dragged in.

"Yes," she said. "I think she's right. I mean…I don't remember the last time I just spent one on one time with my sister. Or when the last time was you just did something with your roommates… or even us doing something with them together. The last one I talked to was Micah, and it was only a few minutes weeks ago. She's completely right, Levi."

His forehead was still scrunched. Cath wondered if this was how he'd look in the future. Wrinkled large forehead, just like his dad. Somehow she found she didn't mind the thought. Levi would always be beautiful to her.

"Um yeah I guess you're right. I mean I've spent time with some of my coworkers. Had a few study sessions and things. But yeah, it's been a bit since me and the guys really did anything substantial. True."

 _And Reagan_ , Cath thought, but didn't say it.

"Maybe…maybe we should…take a break or something?" she said, hesitating on the words, especially as Levi's frown deepened. "I mean…I like pretending you're my whole world, but she's right. You're not. There are other people who need me. There are other things I probably should do."

Levi shook his head. "But it's all right. Just means you're comfortable with me. I'm glad things have been easier on you this semester and all. I know you've never been a social butterfly or anything. I don't expect it of you."

"No, I'm good at avoiding people," Cath said. "That's the problem. Last year…last year you forced me not to. And it was good, Levi. I mean…I can't just run away from people or problems or…things I don't like. I know…I like it but it's not…I mean…" She sighed and buried her face in her hands.

"Hey, calm down, sweetheart, take it easy," Levi said, reaching out to lay a hand on her arm. "You're all right. And I get what you're saying."

"Wren," Cath blurted. "This was always how it was with Wren. With Wren I felt like I could be with someone. Could still feel like a normal human being. But it wasn't being social you know? Wren was my protection. Wren was my…my sanctuary. And I was safe and happy. But then I lost her…" she swallowed though it did nothing to diminish the lump in her throat. "What if I lose you too? Then I'd just be helpless again…I mean…last year when you kissed that girl…I thought I lost you. But I had Reagan…I still had someone, you know?"

"You're not going to lose me," he said, eyes widening. "And I thought we agreed not to talk about that. That was last year…it's not—"

"It's not impossible," Cath said. "Things happen. And I'm saying I can't let you be my crutch, Levi. I…love you. But we can't be like this. We both need friends. And family. And to make sure if something happened…we wouldn't… _I_ wouldn't fall to pieces."

Levi smiled all though she thought she saw a glimmer of tears in the corner of his eyes. "You wouldn't fall to pieces, Cather. You're too strong for that. And I'm not going anywhere. Come on…you've got to be rooting for me still? Rooting for us?"

"Always," Cath murmured. "But I…I guess I'm still just a tiny bit of a sceptic sometimes. I wonder if I'm just dreaming…"

"Don't be a sceptic," Levi said. He reached over and tipped her chin up. "I'm rooting for us too. We're going to be fine."

She stared into his eyes, giving a half smile. "I…" she hesitated a moment. "I love you, Levi."

"Love you too. More than you'll ever know." he said, leaning down and pecking her lips lightly before pulling away to give her his brightest smile.

"So what do we do?"

"Mmm…maybe agree that two nights a week we need to be around other people? That it can't be just us all the time? Worth a try I guess. We'll see how it goes. Rethink it in a few weeks if it's not working."

She thought for a minute before nodding. "Guess that'll work."

"Good." He leaned in to press another soft kiss to her mouth. After pulling away he gave her another smile. He then paused and looked around the room. "You need anything, or should I let you get back to skipping your day?"

She shrugged. "Might be nice to take a day off. I don't have any big assignments done today or anything."

"Then take a break," Levi said. He stood up but stopped to bend down and press his lips to her forehead. "Take care of yourself. I'll text you later."

Cath nodded. "Ok."

He walked to the door and she let it close behind him before she sank back into the bed. She didn't really know if she should sleep or write or do some homework. But for the moment, she'd simply let herself be still. Too much of college was moving around her, out of her control. No, better to rest a bit for now.

* * *

She spent most of the day taking it easy. She watched some new shows on NetFilms while cleaning most of her peanut butter jar out with just a spoon. And after a while she popped open a textbook, knowing that while she had enjoyed her time alone, work was kind of important too.

After that she did a little writing. By then it was verging on dinner time. There was still no sign of Reagan. Thinking more about what she and Levi had talked about she made a decision.

Phone up to her ear, Cath leaned back in her chair and waited, counting the rings. After starting to worry she'd get voicemail instead finally the ringing stopped.

"This is Art."

"Hi dad," she said.

"You doing all right? Been a while since you last called," her dad commented. She could hear the sound of the microwave in the background. Well, at least he was eating.

"I'm fine," she lied. "I just…was thinking about you. I haven't called a lot this semester…thought maybe I should. Was also thinking maybe I should come home next weekend."

"Oh, I'm pretty busy, Cath. Wouldn't be around much," her dad said. "Probably better if you just stay there. No need to worry. I thought you were over this?"

"Worrying about you? Someone has to," Cath said, though she smiled in spite of herself. "So you're doing all right?"

"Yep, yep," he said. The microwave beeped in the background. "It's actually a little easier this year. More in the groove. Feels less strange every time I go past your guys' room. I think I haven't called either of your names down the hall in over a month. Last year I had more than a few times I got annoyed you weren't coming to help me until I realized you were gone."

He gave a soft laugh and Cath breathed a sigh of relief.

"Good. I miss you."

"I know you do," he said. "But Thanksgiving will be before you know it."

"Guess so," Cath said. She held the phone a little tighter, trying desperately to think of something to say. "You know you can call me anytime?"

"Course," her dad said. "But I'm doing just fine. You keep doing great in those classes, all right? You don't need to be sitting around thinking too much of me. Speaking of classes, how are they?"

"Harder…but better…you know…being used to them?"

"Makes sense."

"Fiction writing's hard. But it's making me a better writer kind of. My friends like what I'm writing at least, so that's a start. Professor too."

"Well, we'll make a published author out of you yet," he said.

Anyone else, the comment might have ruffled a few feathers. But with her dad all it did was make her smile a little bigger.

"Love you dad."

"Love you too, Cath. Take care of yourself."

"You too."

He hung up first, leaving her to set the phone down. One down. One more to go. She sighed before standing and going to the door, tucking her phone away. This one wasn't as likely to go as well, but she was determined to go through with it.

Down at Wren's door she paused. Taking a deep breath she knocked.

Wren's roommate opened the door.

Jenna gave her a scowl before motioning her in. Cath did her best to not say anything in a tone of voice that indicated how much she'd come to dislike the freshman. She just settled for a simple "hi" and left it at that.

"Hey," she said to Wren, once Jenna had gone back over to her desk.

"What's up?" Wren looked up from a textbook. "You ok?"

"Fine," she said. She still didn't like the thought of gossiping about Reagan. But at the same time this was Wren. She'd know if Cath didn't say anything. "Well…fight with the roommate actually."

"Oh yeah? I've had more than enough of—" Wren broke off, suddenly realizing Jenna was still in the room, shoulders tense as she hunched over her desk. "Um…yeah what happened?"

"Oh, just…something stupid," Cath said. "But…she kind of mentioned that you'd been…partying?" she was so careful with the word, doing her best to soften it with her tone, but it still sounded harsh leaving her mouth.

Wren's face fell. "Great. Yeah. Ok fine. You caught me."

"I thought you said you were doing better?" Cath said as she came over to sit down beside her.

Wren shrugged. "Better is relative. I'm _bored_ , Cath. Sitting around here all the time…" she sighed. "You're never around. Jandro's so ridiculously busy it's not even funny. All of my other friends want to party. What am I supposed to do? Stay in my room and be a reclusive hermit?"

"That's kind of redundant," Cath pointed out.

"Shut up. The point is I can't do that. It's just not me. Maybe you're fine pretending people don't exist, but I can't _stand_ it. So yes, a girl from my lab asked if I wanted to go to a party with her this weekend. I don't get why it's that big of a deal."

"Because you promised to start doing better," Cath said. "You told dad you'd do AA and clean up your act. Is this doing what you said?"

Wren sighed. "Cath, I've been laying off some, ok? I've been going to your dumb AA and did offer to go home when dad told me to, even though he's been busy. But you can't tell me I have to sit in my dorm all the time. It's not happening."

"Can't you find friends who don't care about drinking?" Cath asked.

"Oh my god," Wren rolled her eyes. "Cath, you make it sound like there are tons of other weirdoes like you out there."

She tried her best not to let the comment sting. "I have plenty of friends who don't party."

"You're telling me _none_ of the people you're friends with drink?" Wren said with a stare. "God I don't know where you pick them up, but I don't know a single one. Is there a special store? Losers for sale, buy one get one free."

Cath thought about Lauryn's comments about Thomas's weekend. "Ok, or ones who I can at least do other things with before they go party," she amended. "There have to be people you can find who will at least give you that."

Wren had gone oddly silent.

"Maybe we could look for another counselor here?" Cath said. "I know that helped some over the summer. There's got to be some in Lincoln too."

"I can't believe you of all people are telling me I need a shrink," Wren said.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Wren said, brows furrowing. "If either of us needs help it's obviously you. It's always been you. It's not my fault dad can't see that. Sure, I drink a little. But at least I can behave like a normal human being in public."

Cath swallowed and sat back, glancing towards Jenna and reminding herself that she _had_ to remain calm. She could lose it in front of Wren, but not a stranger. That would only prove Wren's point. She buried the pain and tried her best to come up with something else to say.

"I'm just worried about you," Cath said. "Would you think about it at least?"

Wren just shook her head and Cath could tell she was getting nowhere. She changed techniques.

"Fine," Cath said. "I'm sorry…we…don't have to talk about it right now. Truth is, I feel terrible that I haven't been around for you more. I want you to know you can call me anytime, ok?"

Without waiting for her sister to respond, Cath scooted closer to her, ignoring the exasperated sigh from Jenna.

"I told you a long time ago that you'd always be one of the most important people to me," Cath said. "When we were little…you remember what we always said about when we'd have boyfriends?"

"Sisters before misters," Wren sighed. "Your point?"

"I've been a bit over focused on Levi…we've decided to do better. I want to be here for you, ok? But you have to let me. We can do something this weekend if you want."

"Fine," Wren said. She looked Cath in the eye. "Sheesh, never thought you'd be saying that line on yourself before me."

"Well, guess life is full of surprises that way," Cath said. "We ok then?"

"Yeah, sure."

Cath opened her arms in hopes of a hug. Wren's smile looked a bit forced, but she did eventually lean in to give Cath a tight squeeze.

"Sisters before misters," she agreed.

For a moment Cath just took the words for what they were. She clung just a tiny bit tighter, thinking back to those far easier days before either of them had really thought boys were anything to be interested in. But life had moved on. And Cath supposed they had to move on too.

* * *

She made plans with Lauryn to get together for a movie night. She also suggested seeing if Thomas might want to go do something the next weekend, or at least grab dinner at Harry's sometime. And with those adjustments to her schedule in place, Cath readied herself for the hardest conversation she knew she needed to make happen.

It'd been pretty easy to avoid. After all, Reagan hadn't made a point of coming near her either. But late that night, she knew the moment was coming soon.

She took a few deep breaths trying to steady her rapidly beating heart. It had been racing most of the day off and on, but she knew if this was ever going to end she had to relax. Steady herself. Prepare for battle…

The door opened close to midnight. Cath looked up from her laptop to see Reagan striding in. She barely spared Cath a glance before going over to her dresser and rummaging, back turned.

"Just need a few things. I'll be gone in a minute."

With a snap Cath closed her laptop. "I actually was hoping…hoping I could say I'm sorry."

Reagan's entire frame froze. She finally turned around and stared at Cath.

"What?"

"I'm sorry," Cath said. "You're right, Levi and I have been bad about spending all our time together. I'm really sorry. We're both going to do better."

Reagan's eyes narrowed.

"I didn't tell him it was you," Cath quickly interjected. "I mean…I just said we were spending too much time together. We're both going to work on it."

With a loud sigh Reagan dropped onto her bed, tossing her bag to the side.

"Shit, I don't have time for this," she muttered, one hand going up to rub her temple. "Ok, apology accepted, how about that?"

Cath nodded. "Thanks."

"I guess I don't really know what to say," Reagan said. "I did kind of flip out. Guess I should have been a little more cool about the whole thing."

"It's all right," Cath offered, not sure what else there was to say.

"No, no it's not," Reagan said. She pulled her phone out and groaned. "God I have to go study. Ok, short version. I've told you I'm on drugs right? Beautiful things. Seriously. You should think about them. But…they're not always perfect. So…I don't want you to think it was all you. Seriously. Most of that was just me and my issues. And maybe if I have more time and think you won't freak out I'll actually tell you some of it someday."

"Ok," Cath said. "Thanks. Go to your study group. We can talk later…I just…I was worried I guess."

"Course you were," Reagan said with a snort. She stood up and went to grab some things before hefting her bag up. Cath was sort of assuming the whole thing was over when Reagan paused in the door.

"And for the record, I'm sorry I didn't ask about the guys I had over…it was wrong. I knew you'd freak out about it. I mean how could you not. Premarital sex in the room?" she smirked.

Cath nearly laughed. "Well, you know I can't exactly judge you for that… and…" she took a deep breath. "I guess…as long as I really am not here…I really should say you can have guys over…"

Reagan waved a hand. "We'll discuss when we have more time. And then we're never bringing this up again, ok?"

"Yeah, sure."

Reagan nodded and then the door was slamming behind her and Cath could hear her heavy footsteps going down the hallway. She sighed and laid back for a moment, staring up at the ceiling. Not a total disaster then. Roommate crisis averted.

She sat up again and opened her laptop back up.

* * *

"I can't," Tom said.

For once Cornelius felt like his senses couldn't be trusted. Had his ears stopped functioning properly? Was Tom truly saying these nonsense words that he hadn't ever anticipated?

"You…"

"I'm flattered," Tom said. "But…I'm not interested. You're my best friend, Cornelius. But nothing more than that. I'm sorry if you misinterpreted."

It made no sense. Was logic failing him? Of course, he'd known this was a possibility, but the chances had seemed quite slim.

"I…I apologize," Cornelius said. "As I said…I…I simply can't bear the thought of you leaving. As a friend or otherwise. I just want you to stay here."

"I've got to go," Tom said. "Things have come up."

His stance was tense. Cornelius took a step back reflexively. God, what had he done?

"Things?"

"I proposed to Anna," Tom said. "So…with that in mind we're moving in together. I don't know. This has been fun for a while, but it's time I moved on. Besides, you've got Selene?"

Cornelius' mouth felt dry. "Yes. I suppose I do." He thought of Selene and her giggles and her small hand in his and her soft kisses… but she meant so little. He pictured her in the morning beside him and he felt _nothing_. But with Tom, a mere thought of his smile made his stomach flutter. "And… Anna? I…I hadn't realized it was that serious."

"Well, yes. We're ready. Time to move on." Tom's smile looked slightly forced. But Cornelius supposed that was to be expected given his best friend had just declared his love. God, he was such an idiot. How did one proceed in such a circumstance?

"Well, I wish you all the best," Cornelius said, doing his best to let the corners of his mouth turn upwards, willing away the tears gathering in his eyes.

"Thanks. You too, mate."

He walked to the door, hardly able to keep a steady and even pace as his entire body seemed to be reverting into some chaotic state he had been unaware of previously. What a fool he'd been. What an utter fool.

When the door closed he finally let it out. Gently. Quietly. So Tom wouldn't hear. But he walked back down the hall with tears steadily running down his cheeks.

-From _Just What the Doctor Ordered_ posted Nov 2012  
By FanFixx . net user Magicath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been pondering how best to respond to criticism, so I'll just make a brief note here. Please just remember I'm human. I make mistakes. I don't remember everything (points to "unbetaed" warning). I'm not getting paid for this, and the only recompense I receive for my hard work writing is reviews…be they kind or not so kind. It makes it really hard to write when I feel discouraged. Just something to keep in mind please. If you must criticize, be specific, use kind words, and keep in mind changing things in past chapters is hard (better to aim for future instead). Feel free to unsubscribe and stop reading if you're not enjoying this story and find another or write your own.
> 
> Potential fixes- Considering going back and changing Laura Michel's name to Lauryn, so it will be less confusing later if I include Cath's mother (still can't believe I forgot her name is Laura…signs it had been too long between reading the book and starting this fic). We'll see if I can find the time or motivation. Thoughts on that?
> 
> Thanks to musiclover51593 and amenityeverlark for commenting!


	18. Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has it really been over a month since I updated? How did that happen? So sorry!
> 
> As you’ll see in this chapter (and others if you go back) I did finally change Laura’s name. I am going to include Cath’s mom in future chapters and it just would have been too confusing. Sorry if that bothers anyone. I know I should have made the switch awhile ago after I realized my mistake, but better late than never right?

“I cannot believe you did that,” Lauryn said with a look of horror. “Seriously? What the hell were you thinking? You’re going to have fans trying to find you and kill you.”

“Sorry,” Cath said.

She thought about that, and had to admit Lauryn might be onto something. People had been commenting and messaging her all day worried about the story. For newcomers, she didn’t blame them. But some of her fans had been with her for months. How could they not trust her?

She sighed and shook her head. “Crappy day I guess. Though I had sort of planned some of this for a while.”

“Seriously? Having Tom reject him? You planned that?” Lauryn hissed. “That’s just…barbaric. I still can’t believe it.”

Cath might have replied had Professor Piper not come over to their table at that moment. The woman stared down at them with a frown.

“Girls? Working on your projects?”

“Um…” Lauryn stared down at her blank paper. “Brainstorming?”

Professor Piper smiled. “Perhaps less talking and more actual writing?”

“Sure thing.”

Cath nodded, hoping Professor Piper would leave so she could get back to work. She was right, they hadn’t done anything yet. Mostly just rambled about how Cath’s fanfiction was turning out.

“Oh, and Cath?” Professor Piper said.

“Yes?” she said, looking up again to meet the woman’s eyes.

“I’d love to talk with you. Would after class work? Or should we arrange a time?”

Cath blinked. “Um…after class?”

“Perfect. Now, I’ll let you two get back to work.”

She managed a nod before refocusing on her paper. She stared at it, though the very lines seemed to blur together as her thoughts began to swirl. What did Professor Piper want? Her grades had been fine lately. She’d turned in all the assignments and been coming to class. Overall the professor had seemed quite satisfied with her.

It was impossible to concentrate after that. Cath mulled the mystery over in her mind as she stared down at the paper, lines and lines for her to fill that she simply couldn’t bring herself to imagine. The only thing left for her to keep visualizing was all the things that could go wrong after class.

Thankfully, the clock somehow magically stopped being broken, and students began to shuffle out of the classroom. Lauryn promised to save their usual table and headed out. Cath approached the front of the class on her own, suddenly wishing she could face a dragon or an army of numpties instead of her professor.

“Cath, I’d been hoping you would come talk to me,” Professor Piper said. She reached into her briefcase and pulled out a manila envelope. “I’ve prepared this for you. Letter of reference. For your application of course.”

“Oh.” Cath stared at the envelope being pushed her way. “I…I’m not applying.”

Professor Piper frowned. “You’re sure? This is a big opportunity, Cath.”

She shook her head. “I’m sure. I’m not going to. I…I don’t think it’s really for me.”

“I’m sad to hear you say that,” Professor Piper said. “Even so, I want you to take the letter. Just in case you change your mind. Besides, if nothing else you could try again next year.”

Cath shrugged. She didn’t have the heart to tell her professor next year wasn’t going to change anything. She wasn’t willing to abandon everything she loved just for the pleasure of calling herself a student of Oxford.

“I guess that’s fine,” Cath said, unable to think of a way to politely decline. She took the letter, clutching it tightly in her hand. “Is that all?”

“Oh, I also was really hoping I could persuade you of one more thing,” Professor Piper said. “Not as big of a commitment as study abroad. But I’m hoping you’d consider submitting to our literary journal Prairie Schooners this semester. I have seen you grow a lot as a writer this semester, and I believe you have some beautiful work that could be nicely showcased.”

Cath felt her heart begin to pound at the mere thought of that. Sure, she let people read her fanfictions daily, but that was different. Somehow millions of anonymous strangers was so much more bearable than several thousand acquaintances who had class with her every day. She could already picture a few of the seniors in class who would sneer at her work. She’d likely just go to the work of submitting and be rejected. Honestly, that was the one good thing about FanFixx . net. No judges to deem if your writing was good enough to be put on the site or not. Just fans to decide if they wanted to read it or not.

“Just think about it,” Professor Piper added. “I really think you have a strong chance. If you’re not studying abroad, this really would be another good way to gain some new experience. If you’re hoping to write somewhere one day…be published…it would do you good to have a few things you can put down as actual experience writing.”

Cath shook her head. “I just…I don’t think I have anything that would really work.”

With a snap of her fingers, Professor Piper pulled out a piece of paper from her bag.

“I thought you might say that. You turned this in a few weeks ago for one of our exercises. I absolutely love it. I think it would be the perfect submission.”

Cath looked over the piece. She’d written it late one night in a hurry to be done for the next day. But even so, she knew what Professor Piper liked about it. Her honesty. It was written about something real and vulnerable. Something about her and Wren and her childhood.

“Please,” Professor Piper said. “Consider it at least? The deadline is Friday. I really would love to see your work featured.”

She did her best to nod. After a bit she finally took off her backpack to slide the letter and her work into the main pocket.

“All right, how’s your final project coming?” Professor Piper asked, folding her arms.

“Fine,” Cath said. She didn’t want to admit she’d made little progress since the last time she’d turned something in. Honestly, she’d been too caught up in her latest fics to even think much more about it.

“Well, keep working hard,” Professor Piper suggested. “You want to be ready for the next deadline. I’m sure you’ll do well though. You have a good idea and you’re headed in a good direction with it.”

“Thanks,” Cath said. “Um…I think Lauryn is waiting for me. May I go?”

“Of course,” Professor Piper said. “You keep thinking about what you’d like to make of your life, Cath. There’s so much more for you out there. I can feel it.”

Cath couldn’t figure out what to do with her face. She tried smiling, but it felt forced. After a few more seconds of awkward contact, she finally managed to say goodbye and head to the door.

By the time she had arrived at hers and Lauryn’s usual meeting place, Cath was thoroughly flustered. All she could think about was how Professor Piper was likely going to bug her until she made a decision on submitting to Prairie Schooners, and if she decided against it, she knew the professor would be disappointed. It had been hard enough telling her she wasn’t going to study abroad. But really wasn’t that the best choice? Wouldn’t that just be a disaster to go overseas and spend time in a completely foreign country surrounded by strangers?

Just the thought was making it harder to breathe. She went to order a mocha and sat down with Lauryn still trying to steady her heartrate.

“You all right?

“Fine,” she said.

“Ok, so…fanfic update? You going to tell me more about it?” Lauryn asked.

She let out a sigh. “Um…just was feeling inspired to draw out the angst a little more. It will all be explained. I just wish my readers would trust me. I’m not going to leave them in agony forever.”

“You’d better not,” Lauryn muttered taking a large gulp of her coffee. “Did you get a chance to read mine yet?”

“Yes,” Cath said. “I’m liking it so far. I mean…I really can’t stand Agatha most of the time…but the way you write her is making it work. Her and Penelope though? I mean I guess the way you’ve had them sort of squabbling reminds me of Baz and Simon a bit. Is Penelope going to break up with her boyfriend though?”

“That would be telling,” Lauryn said with a grin.

Cath frowned, but she couldn’t really think of a good argument Honestly, a fic writer should be allowed some secrets. She personally always hated when readers bugged her wanting to know what would happen next.

“Do you think they could ever work out outside of Thomas’s delusion?” Cath asked after a moment.

Lauryn laughed. “No. Sorry. Agathelope is not a thing. I’m pretty sure Penelope would strangle her within a few months.”

“Poor Thomas, just will have to face that his hot lesbian couple isn’t going to be a thing,” Cath giggled.

“Exactly,” Lauryn said. “So, what did Professor Piper want anyways? Did you do okay on your last assignment?”

“Fine,” Cath said. “She just…she wants me to submit some things to Prairie Schooners.”

“Oh my gosh, please do. I’m a part of the selection committee. I mean, it’s blind so I wouldn’t be biased towards yours or anything, but it would be a great opportunity and your writing is so good I almost guarantee it would get in!”

Cath sighed. “I don’t know. Professor Piper just has always seemed so…disappointed in me. She’s always pushing me. Like she can’t just accept that this is who I am.”

Lauryn shrugged. “We have to stretch ourselves sometimes. It’s important to try new things and try to better ourselves. I don’t know, just my opinion I guess. What my mom always raised me with and all.”

“She just…” Cath broke off and tried to gather her thoughts. She still felt a bit off-kilter after the confrontation. “She wants me to study abroad…I mean me…is-a-wreck-just-going-to-lunch-alone me. How would I even function? I can barely get through a day of class here.”

“Oh my god, seriously? Study abroad? Where?” Lauryn asked, perking up and staring at her with bright eyes.

“Oxford,” Cath said. “I can’t even imagine. It sounds like something out of a daydream. I could never…”

“I believe in you,” Lauryn said. “Ok, so I know you probably are seriously against it…but if you do go in the _spring_ because that’s when I’m going to be in France…well if everything works out of course. So you can totally come visit me or vice versa. I won’t pressure you any more than that.”

“Why France?” Cath asked.

Lauryn shrugged. “Double majoring. I’m hoping to go into teaching, so I figure having two languages to help me along the way is a nice tool. My mom insists I should have learned Spanish, but…she can’t have everything she wants.”

Cath was just about to ask another question when a pale Thomas appeared in the doorway, eyes latching on them before he strode over.

“Hey, you all right?” Lauryn asked, cocking her head. “Another rough weekend?”

“Shut up,” he muttered. “I had a fine, weekend, thanks very much. Have you heard the news though?”

“What news?” Cath asked, frowning.

Thomas shook his head and pulled out his phone. He typed something in before handing it over.

“It’s blowing up all over the internet right now,” he said glumly.

“Oh no,” Lauryn gasped, staring down at the damning news article.

Cath could hardly believe it. She stared at the words, wondering if there had been some kind of a mistake. Was this a prank? An April fools trick? Surely they couldn’t be serious.

“Why?” Lauryn demanded. “Why are they doing this?”

Thomas sighed and shrugged. “Writers have been too busy. And Hollins has been making those new films lately. They can’t exactly make the season without him.”

“But canceling season 5?” Lauryn shook her head.

“Not canceling,” Thomas said. “Or at least not now. Delaying. Moving it back. They say maybe next year they’ll have another season out.”

Cath shook her head. “I can’t believe they’re doing this to their following. They’re one of the most popular shows right now. Can they really just stop right in the middle? I mean, what about how season four ended? We’re just supposed to wait another year or two to find out what happens?”

Thomas made a face. “I guess. It really does suck. But there’s not much we can do about it. It’s a miniseries, not a show…so I’m guessing there’s different contracts and everything. I don’t really know how these things work.”

Lauryn had set her head down on the table and made a choked noise. Cath almost was tempted to do the same.

“Do…do you think the fandom will die?” Cath asked after a long moment.

Thomas sighed. “I don’t know. We’ll just have to see I guess.”

She just shook her head. After all she’d been through with Simon Snow, she’d been so excited to find another community to cling to as Simon’s popularity began to fade. How could she be so unlucky?

* * *

 

Her mind was still wandering as she sat at her desk later that day. She couldn’t write. Her fans were counting on her, but there was just too much on her mind at the moment. Was it worth investing if the fandom might just die?

All throughout her life people had left her. Her mother. And Wren when she’d suddenly become too old for all things Simon Snow the year before. Her few friends from high school who’d disappeared after college. The Snow fandom… and now this one probably would too. And she’d be alone again.

She was just about to post something on her page saying updates might take a while and also commiserate with her fellow fans. But she was interrupted when Reagan slammed the door open.

Cath jumped slightly before settling down as she realized that enough time had passed that Reagan was supposed to be back from class. It seemed like time was just escaping her at the moment. Like she couldn’t hang on to it tight enough. But she supposed there was enough on her mind right now that it was understandable.

“Bad day?” Cath managed to ask, wondering if she wanted to know.

Reagan let out a groan and then rolled her eyes. “You have no idea. Seriously. I don’t even want to talk about it because if I do we’ll be here for five hours.”

Cath sighed. “Yeah? I thought mine was bad. But it sounds like yours was worse.”

“Why? What happened?” Reagan asked.

“Oh just…silly fandom stuff,” Cath murmured.

“What, is Cornelius getting married or something?” Reagan sneered, though Cath already knew it was goodhearted ribbing rather than actual criticism.

“No,” Cath said. “Season five has been delayed. They’re going to wait at least a year before releasing another season.”

Reagan’s brow furrowed. “Seriously? That sucks. A show I loved in high school got canceled after the second season and I was so pissed. Life is full of stupid little things like that.”

Cath nodded and sighed, looking back at her computer and wondering if she’d ever find the right words to express how upset she was.

It was silly. Reagan was right about that. She shouldn’t be so worked up about a television show. But she was, and she couldn’t even explain it. No matter how much she tried, she couldn’t find the words.

“So…” Reagan said, tossing her stuff onto her unmade bed. “Do you want to talk about what happened now? Since I couldn’t earlier?”

Cath shrugged. “If you want. I…I thought you were ok with what we’d talked about. But…if you need to talk more that’s ok.”

Reagan sighed and sat down, folding her legs crisscross.

“I’m sorry,” Cath said. “I know I overreacted. If…if you know I’m out of the room…and promise to stay on your bed…it’s fine.”

She wasn’t sure if she really could say that. It was hard. Everything in her felt squicked by the thought, even if she’d imagined a thousand different gay sex scenes in this room, the idea of _Reagan_ and some random boy screwing was simply too much.

“Done,” Reagan said. “Only when I know you’re with Levi. And if you change your mind or something you text me. It’s fine. And I’ll try to suggest going to his place most often, all right?”

Cath nodded. “Yes.”

“Look,” Reagan said after a minute, “I said some really awful things. And I’m sorry for that too. I…How much has Levi told you about my family?”

Cath’s brow wrinkled. “Um…he mentioned something about his mom being nervous about you because your sister got pregnant or something.”

Reagan nodded. “Yes. She did. When she was fifteen. I was ten at the time.” She took a deep breath. “My dad kicked her out. Was completely disgusted with what she’d done… And after that he was really protective of me. Forget Levi’s mom…my dad was ten times worse. It took a lot just to convince him Levi was a decent enough guy for me to date. And even then we had limited times together. It took me months just to work up a good way to lose my virginity.”

Cath made a noise of distress. No, she was not hearing _that_ story.

“Sorry, sorry. Forgot the rules. Anyhow, my point is…when I got to college it was a new experience for me. My whole life I’d been cooped up. And suddenly I was here… like I said…I didn’t do well with transitioning or anything. Being here with more possibilities in guys and drinking and doing what I wanted, well…I went a bit crazy.”

She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment, rubbing her temple. Cath wanted to say something, but she wasn’t sure if it was a good time to speak, so she stayed quiet.

“I have a lot of sex,” Reagan admitted. “I know…and I don’t do commitment very well. I mean…a lot of it is about me and my insecurities. It’s me trying to run from my father, from my background, from my sister’s mistakes, from myself… I escape for a bit. I mean…a lot of times in the morning I feel shitty about it. Not always. But sometimes. But in the moment it’s always pretty good. But when you walked in… it was like my dad was suddenly there. Like he’d found out. You treating me like having sex was…bad….it triggered me I guess.”

Cath swallowed. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Reagan said. “You couldn’t know. I talked to my therapist and she agrees that sounds like what happened. I projected onto you. And I’m sorry. I’m still working on all this. Figuring out who I am, and what I believe instead of what my parents do…”

Cath nodded, though she wasn’t sure that she really understood. She was still processing, trying to understand what she’d done to deserve Reagan suddenly just opening up to her like this. Reagan had always seemed so shut off in the past. Like an oyster or some other mollusk, Cath decided. Something you had to pry open to get to the real meat, all wrapped up in one hard pretty shell.

“Why…why are you telling me this?” Cath managed to ask after a moment.

“Because,” Reagan said. “Because I chose to make you my friend. And you should know why I’m going to be a shitty one. I’m really fucked up, Cath. If you want the truth, that’s it. I’m one glorious mess of a person. I’m seeing a therapist. I’m on meds. I’m trying to never go back to Arnold if I can’t help it. Fuck, I can’t even think of a way to keep that explanation short, so I’m just stopping there. I just want you to know. Okay? And I hoped maybe it would show you it’s all right to talk about this stuff… Not Levi obviously. But everything else.”

It was tough to force a smile, but somehow Cath managed one.

“Thank you,” she said.

“No problem,” Reagan said, sliding off her bed and going to grab her stuff. She grabbed out her laptop and opened it up. Cath could see the walls quickly becoming reinstated. Normal predictable old Reagan returning. As though the person before had somehow never existed.

* * *

 

 

“I’m sorry sweetheart,” Levi said with a frown as he sat her down on his antique couch.

Cath had been reluctant to go spend time with him. After all, she’d promised Reagan that things would be better. But she needed Levi. Just a little time with his bright smile to remind her that everything was not over. That the sun would still rise tomorrow. That in the end, she did have someone whose loyalty she could trust, and that she could feel secure knowing he wasn’t going to walk out on her any time soon.

“I just. I shouldn’t be so upset about it,” she said after a moment.

Levi smiled at that, though there was a lingering sadness in his eyes. “We all get upset over silly things. You should see me when I’m trying to tag a stubborn cow. Probably my least patient state. I think my mother literally starts praying for me the moment I have to start that job.”

Cath giggled at the idea of Levi actually being upset about something. Then again, she remembered how frantic he’d been the night he’d had the test. She knew he could become frazzled. He was right, she supposed. Everyone did sometimes.

“Are you sure I should be over?” Cath asked for the third time. “Are you going to have enough of a chance to study?”

Levi sighed. “I’ll do fine. I’ve been learning this material for weeks. I’ll probably pass. Don’t you worry. What about your classes? How are they?”

Cath thought about mentioning Professor Piper to Levi. But she thought the better of it a moment later.

She was sorry to say that Levi probably just wouldn’t understand what she’d have to say about it. She wondered what he would do if offered the chance to travel. In her mind, he’d grab it with both hands, not even taking another second to think.

But that was him. Spontaneous. Enthusiastic. Perfect?

No, she wasn’t going to tell him. Not with the possibility of him suddenly deciding he needed to convince her she had to go. Lauryn was already doing that pretty well now. And Cath imagined her dad might encourage her too…though she couldn’t picture him really nagging.

“Classes were fine,” she said after a moment.

“Yeah?”

“Um…yes,” Cath said. “I’m a little stuck on one of my assignments is all. But I’m working on it. And my professor is really happy about it…actually…she’s asked me to try to submit something to the literary journal here.”

“What?” Levi said with a grin. “That’s great! You’re going to do it, right sweetheart?”

Cath sighed. Yes, this was exactly what she’d known would happen. Levi somehow taking these things as all amazing signs. As perfect opportunities.

“I don’t think so,” she said with a shake of her head.

He frowned. “What? Why not? I bet you’d be accepted.”

“Because,” Cath said. “I can’t take the stress of sitting there knowing the people around me might be reading my writing and…judging me.”

Levi’s forehead had become a wrinkled mess. “That makes no sense, Cather. You put your stuff out all the time. People read your writing by the thousands every day. So what would be wrong with that happening now?”

Cath sighed. “Of course you don’t get it,” she said. “I knew you wouldn’t get it. I just…I don’t want people around me reading it knowing who I am… does that make sense? On the internet I can hide behind anonymity. I don’t feel like everyone’s going to tear me apart…well even if they do sometimes. It’s just…easier.”

Levi shook his head. “That makes zero sense. You share it with _me_. I know who you are. You’re not anonymous to me.”

“Fanfiction is _different_ ,” Cath finally said, voice coming out louder than she’d expected. “Just…it’s not the same. It’s…easier. I’ve been doing it for years. My own writing is just completely crappy. I don’t like it at all. I can’t get good things on a page. I don’t want to send that sort of thing to the journal, and I know that I can’t send in fanfiction.”

“Calm down,” Levi said after a moment.

She took a deep breath and slumped back on his couch. She’d known this battle was coming. God, she was so glad she hadn’t told him about study abroad.

His hand settled on her leg. “You do whatever you want, sweetheart,” he said. He reached to tilt her chin, staring down at her face. “You don’t have to. I just wanted to let you know what I thought. I’m sorry…I know this is hard for you.”

“I just,” she let out a shuddering breath, “I just feel like I can’t breathe when I think about it.”

Levi stared at her for a long moment. “Breathe. I’m here. It’s all right. You do what you need to. You’ve already made great steps. You’ve put stuff up on FixPress before. People have really liked it from what you’ve said.”

Levi was right of course. Sometimes it seemed like he was always right. Her fics were getting good reviews and traffic. Many of her readers had said they might enjoy her stories there as much if not more than her fanfics. It was hard to believe, but that was true. People like what she was writing. Why not her university too?

“I guess you’re right,” she said after a moment. She was so relieved she hadn’t mentioned her study abroad to him. He’d have her talked into it in a matter of minutes at this rate.

“Do what you need to,” Levi said again with a smile. “I believe in you.”

Well, if nothing else there was that. Cath sank into the couch, moving to rest her head on one of his bony shoulders. She sighed and closed her eyes, and simply took a moment to breathe.

* * *

 

 

A few days later, she finally made the decision. She’d looked through her short stories and found her favorite two. She opened up her email and selected the address for Prairie Schooners submissions.

She attached each file carefully, double checking they were both in place. And then her cursor hovered over the send button, and she waited to really think her choice through.

Was there anything to lose? Would this be as terrible as she imagined it being? Maybe she’d receive a rejection letter and never be able to write again. A million awful possibilities ran through her mind at once, each new one more horrible than the one before.

Cath closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She just had to believe in herself. That was all it took. She just had to believe.

After a moment, she finally opened her eyes again. She stared at the screen. And with her ounce of conviction left, she clicked her mouse.

The image shifted to showing her that a message had sent. The tension went out of her in an instant, like air coming out of a balloon. She slumped into her seat and looked at the words in disbelief. Had she really done it? Now there was only the hardest part left. Waiting.

* * *

 

 

Simon felt like he might just explode. Sitting there, staring down at a paper and trying his best to remember every possible spell he’d been taught over the last seven years. How the hell did mages do this before him? He was supposed to be chosen, and yet he was pretty much incapable of even passing a test.

His leg thumped up and down under his desk.

There was no way to concentrate. Not now. He glanced over at the desk across from him. Basilton Pitch was staring down at his own exam, dark eyes focused on the desk, a pen against his lips.

For a moment Simon found himself staring at Baz’s mouth. The pen seemed to act as an arrow, a “look at me” sign that he couldn’t ignore. He had to shake his head in order to tear his eyes away, though he simply refocused on Baz’s dark hair hanging loosely around his shoulders. His broad and muscular shoulders…

What was wrong with him today? Simon wrestled his attention back to his paper, trying to read the words and again finding them almost impossible to concentrate on. What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he focus? If he didn’t pass these he’d never become a real mage. Shit, he had to get this down he had to…

“Mr. Snow?”

He looked up at his professor, feeling the blood drain from his face as he realized what kind of looks he was giving him. Fuck, he’d been discovered. They’d know he was a fraud now.

His breath caught in his throat, heart beginning to pound out of control. For a moment, all there was were the sensations of his body. He seemed to forget the room around him. Forget the test at his desk. Forget Baz sitting to his side.

Overwhelmed in it all he heard voices but couldn’t make out words. Everything seemed muffled. And then the world seemed to spin around him, and Simon found his feet moving before he could even make the conscious decision to flee.

He found himself in the hallway, and then into the bathroom where he dashed for the first available stall, flinging himself at the toilet so that he could vomit into the bowl. God, what was going on?

Simon stood up gingerly, moving to rest one hand on the wall before he made his way back towards the sinks. He felt himself swaying slightly, his vision sort of blurring again… he could feel himself fading. He started to fall…

A hand caught his arm, yanking him back upright.

“Damnit Snow, you’re going to crack your head open!” a voice said. “What’s going on with you anyways?”

Simon blinked a few times and finally managed to focus on the face in front of him. There in the bathroom was his rescuer. None other than Baz.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, pushing the hand off his arm and taking a wobbly step backwards.

“Trying to help you, you moron,” Baz scoffed. “You ran out of the exams and frightened everyone. I told the professor I’d come after you. I figured it was better if Bunce finished her exams, though she definitely wanted to come.”

Simon groaned and managed to lean against the sinks. He felt like vomiting again, though he was unsure there was anything left in his stomach.

“Seriously, Snow, do you need to go to the medical wing?” Baz asked, frowning. “You don’t look so good?”

Simon shook his head. “No. I was fine. I just…I don’t know. Tests…I hate tests. But normally….it’s normally fine.”

“Test anxiety?” Baz said with a frown. “Really? I wasn’t expecting that one.”

Simon sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. He didn’t have a reply to that. He didn’t think it was test anxiety. After all, he had taken hundreds and always been fine. But he had no answers as to what it could be otherwise.

“Breathe, Snow,” Baz ordered.

“I’m bloody well trying,” Simon snapped, feeling tears start to well up again. “I’d like to see you try.”

There was a hand on his arm and then Baz was pulling him closer, moving to wrap his arms around Simon’s waist.

“Shush,” he whispered. “It’s all right. Don’t you freak out on me Snow. Relax. It’s going to be all right.”

Simon reflected for a moment on how strange of an image this was. His worst enemy cradling him in his arms. Baz was warmer than he’d imagined. He found himself snuggling a bit closer.

“You’ll relax then?” Baz asked softly.

Simon managed a nod, sighing and laying his head on Baz’s shoulder. He never thought he’d say it, but thank goodness for Baz Pitch.

-From “Just Breathe, Simon” posted Nov 2012  
by FanFixx . net user Magicath

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. Time is just slipping away from me. Anyhow, hope you appreciated the change of pace with another Snowbaz piece. And anyone who loves Carry On, check out the Snowbaz oneshot I put up a few weeks ago too!
> 
> Thank you to musiclover51593 for commenting!


	19. Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I haven’t forgotten you readers! So sorry, was wrapped up with holidays and with finishing off another WIP so I could devote full attention to this…or rather as much attention as I can spare. I’ll try my hardest to keep updating. Know even if a long time goes by, I do want to finish this!

If asked to describe her Thanksgiving, Cath had usually just settled on being brief. She’d told people over and over again that Thanksgiving for her family was all about time together. Beyond that, there wasn’t much else they did special.

But Cath liked how it was, the three of them at their small dining room table, the smallest turkey her dad could find, a bowl of steaming mashed potatoes and one green bean casserole. All they needed to enjoy a day together. And unlike the year before, they actually had their trio around the table.

“Glad to see you girls actually getting along this year,” Arthur commented as he piled mashed potatoes onto his plate.

Cath glanced over at Wren, eyeing her. She knew better than to drag her father into their drama, but that didn’t make her feel any more at ease about the situation. Wren’s clothes were rumpled and she wasn’t wearing make-up.

“Sure thing,” Cath said. “Um…how’s your latest gig going, dad?”

Arthur looked up from his food to gaze at her for a moment, maybe trying to catch why the two of them hadn’t said more on the subject of getting along. But either way, he quickly nodded.

“It’s fine. We’re advertising for this hair growth product. Kelly is all over it, can’t seem to get enough ridiculous ideas. So far we don’t have much. But we have to get things together soon. In fact, with our next project already lined up it’s going to be a busy next few days.”

Cath nodded, ready to launch into some suggestions on the hair product, only to be interrupted as her dad kept talking.

“Well…actually that brings me to something I have to tell you girls,” Arthur said, scratching his head. “I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it over the meal and all…but since things have been civil so far… I’m going to be having meetings in L.A. over Christmas.”

Wren frowned. “Wait, you’re not going to be here for Christmas?”

Cath had a moment where it seemed like she’d stumbled into some kind of a nightmare. Perhaps in a few seconds she’d wake up. Find herself back in her bed in her dorm.

Arthur sighed and set his fork down. “Look girls, I know. I hated having to schedule it over Christmas. But it was the only time that worked. It’s with a really prominent company. We’re lucky we got the deal. And you know, the more I thought about it, the more I realized you two are old enough you’re probably okay being without me for one holiday. We can celebrate a few days late when I get back. And in the meantime, Wren, you might want to go to Jandro’s, and, Cath, you might want to go to Levi’s. Well…and I’d also talked with your mother. And she actually sounded like she’d love to have you over for Christmas for once.”

This had to be a nightmare. Cath was convinced.

“I’m not going to spend Christmas with the person who abandoned us…with the person who was supposed to spend the last ten Christmases with us and didn’t,” Cath snapped. “Please, can’t you just send Kelly by himself?”

Arthur rubbed his temple. “You know I can’t, Cath. I wish it was possible, but it’s just not. I’m sorry, it’s already in the plans.”

Cath pushed her plate away. “I’m not going to go be with _her_ for a whole week. I’m not putting up with that.”

“Cath,” Wren said.

“What? Just because you’ve cozied up to her like nothing happened doesn’t mean I have to.”

“I thought you were getting over this?” her dad said.

“That was before you decided to abandon us with _her_ for Christmas,” Cath said.

She looked down at her turkey and felt her stomach roil at the thought of eating. Before another word could be said, she set her silverware down and stood up. Wren stared at her. Her dad sighed. She turned and stalked to her bedroom without saying another word.

Cath closed the door. She stood there for a moment, trying to pull together her thoughts. It was hard when she was surrounded by the place that had usually been a sanctuary. But right now it only seemed to hold a million reminders. Pictures of her dad and Wren. The fanart Wren had bought her for their birthday. The beautiful home they’d made together after Laura had walked out of their lives.

She sat down on the bed. It only took a second for her to realize what she needed. Pulling out her phone, Cath dialed the number and waited.

“Hello my favorite Tomius shipper,” came Levi’s singsong voice from the other end. “How are you this fine Thanksgiving evening?”

Cath swallowed. “Not so good actually. You?”

She could almost hear him straightening up, going up to his full height as he realized she was being serious.

“What’s up, Cather? You okay?”

She took a deep breath. “No. I…just found out I’m being sent to my mom’s for Christmas. Well, probably. I mean…unless I could come spend it with you?”

There was a pause. Cath wondered for a minute if she’d made a misstep, inviting herself over. But Levi had seemed so thrilled last time she’d been to Arnold?

“I…I’d love to have you here,” Levi said, “but…”

“But what?”

“But it does kind of get crazy here,” Levi said with a sigh. “That sounds bad, but it does. With all the cousins and aunts and uncles, and all my sisters. I just wondered if it might be overwhelming for you, surrounded by strangers.”

Cath thought about it for a moment. Which was the lesser of two evils really?

“And besides,” Levi said, “that might make sleeping arrangements awkward. And well…you’ve met my mom.”

“Yes,” Cath sighed. “But it would only be for a few days. I mean…wouldn’t it be nice to actually spend the holidays together? I know we decided Thanksgiving would be easier to have apart, but Christmas?”

Levi was silent for a moment. “We’ll talk about it when it gets closer. All right? I have to go in a minute. Mom’s pretty much got the table all set and we’re going to eat in a bit. You okay though, Cather? Do you need me to try to stay on the line?”

She took a deep breath. “No. No, go enjoy your Thanksgiving. I just…I just panicked.”

She could hear the smile in his voice. “You don’t have to panic, darling. I’m going to go, but you’ve got this. Carry on.”

Cath managed a smile. “Okay. Okay I will. Um…you have a good meal…tell me about it later?”

Levi giggled. “Oh you’ll hear all about it. Mom’s going to have a fit, I guarantee it. Esther’s come home with a tattoo and dyed hair. I’ve seen a vein throbbing in her neck all morning, and she’s about to blow any moment. I can just imagine when we go around the table and say everything we’re thankful for this year she’s going to go all passive aggressive about it probably. ‘I’m so thankful my children aren’t in prison and that my daughters try their hardest to be good Christian girls…’”

“She wouldn’t,” Cath said in a low voice.

“She would. The year I started dating Reagan she added that she was thankful that she had a good son who was waiting until marriage and would find a lovely wife to support him and give him adorable grandchildren.”

Cath gasped in delight. “Oh god, please say she’s not going to say something about me.”

“Doubt it,” Levi said. “She called a few days after we left and talked and talked about how lovely you were and how much she wanted you to know she was serious when she said you could call anytime.”

“ _Really_?”

He laughed. “Yes, Cath. She adored you.”

There was a noise on the other end and Cath recognized Jael’s voice.

“Levi, mom’s freaking out. You got to go get the turkey or she’s going to lose it.”

“Okay I’m coming,” Levi shouted back to her before turning back to the phone. “Better go, Cather. You sure you’re okay?”

Cath took another deep breath. “I’ll survive. Go. Have a nice Thanksgiving. Find some good things to be thankful for so your mother doesn’t think about Esther quite so much.”

Levi snorted. “Yeah, easier said than done. All right, I’ll call you later.”

“Bye.”

The call ended and Cath sank back onto her bed. At least talking with Levi had cheered her up a little. But reality soon sank back in.

Her Christmas wasn’t going to be like it ever was. Her father would be gone. She and Wren would either be at their boyfriend’s or off at their—

She didn’t even dare say the word.

The door opened. Cath looked up to see Wren lingering in the doorway.

“Hey.”

“What do you want?” Cath asked.

Wren sighed and went over to sit on her own bed, pushing her laptop and a pile of clothes out of the way first.

“Look,” Wren said, “I get that you’re upset. But…we’ve got to figure this out. Mom’s not the villain here.”

“Yes she is,” Cath muttered under her breath. “That’s what you don’t get…she completely is she ruined all of our lives.”

“Oh dear god, she’s not Madeline Devine, Cath,” Wren said with a roll of her eyes. “She’s a _person_ just like you and me. And she made choices and that’s all there is to it. I talked to her about the whole thing last Thanksgiving. And she told me that she made the right choice. That we were better off with dad. If you’d just talk to her yourself you’d figure it out too.”

Cath was silent. She couldn’t come up with a retort, not when her stomach was roiling and her heart was beating so fast. All she could think of was that first Christmas without her mom. Just a few months after it had all happened. She remembered how depressed her dad had been. How he’d hardly put in any effort that first year. Just a few presents under the tree. But all Cath could think was how more than anything she just wanted her mother to come home.

“I can’t,” Cath managed to say at last. “It’s not that easy for me. I’ve always…I’ve always been worse at handling things than you.”

Wren’s expression softened. She stood up and came over to sit down next to Cath. She wrapped an arm around her.

“We just have to get through this,” Wren said. “Seriously. That’s all it is. It’s hard for her too you know…”

Cath didn’t really believe it, but she didn’t say anything. How could it be hard for someone to give up on their family? She closed her eyes and leaned closer to Wren.

“Please come back out and finish Thanksgiving?” Wren asked. “Dad looked like he might cry. It’s not his fault. Just come sit down and we’ll work out Christmas later.”

Cath took a deep breath and opened her eyes again. She sat up and pulled away.

“Fine, but after dinner you’re watching Cornelius with me,” she said.

Wren smiled. “Fine. Besides, I could use some fanfiction this next semester, and it’ll be nice to know what you’re talking about for once.”

The two sisters went out the door. And though the problem hadn’t entirely been solved, Cath did manage to relax for the rest of the evening.

* * *

 

 

It was hard to imagine anything worse happening after Thanksgiving day. Cath had thought finding out Christmas was ruined and that she was going to have to spend time with her mother was a horror enough. But the real horror was on the Saturday before she went back.

Her dad had asked if she’d come help him with some grocery shopping. Since Cath was eager to make sure he was eating enough, she’d agreed to come.

She was focused on picking up some fruit, grabbing a few bananas and checking on how the oranges were looking before she rounded the corner and managed to run into someone head on.

“Sorry,” Cath managed, pulling herself back to her feet and checking her basket to make sure nothing had fallen out. “Are you all—”

She broke off, staring up at Abel.

“Cath,” he said, eyebrows going up almost comically. “Well this is a surprise. How are you?”

“Um…fine,” Cath said.

These were the situations she hated most. The type that seemed to have some sort of code or protocol she was unaware of, and she knew she’d just make a mess of everything. Was there a best method for talking to exes after ramming into them in the grocery store?

“How are you?” she managed to ask, even though every instinct was telling her to flee.

“I’m doing well,” Abel said. “Been a while since I’ve seen you. Did you come home over the summer?”

“Yes,” Cath said, swallowing. “Um…I did. You?”

“I had an internship, so no,” he said with a wave of his hand. “You still at Lincoln then?”

Cath nodded. “Yep. Sophomore year and all.”

“English major?” he asked. “I mean so many people change majors. I know Katie did at least twice before she settled on chemistry.”

“Oh yes I am,” Cath said, even more on edge now that _her_ name had been brought up. “You still with Katie?”

“Yep,” Abel said. “She’s TAing this semester, volunteering, and she is taking all 300 and 400 level classes. She’s fantastic.”

_Everything you weren’t_ , it seemed to imply.

“Oh good.”

“What about you? You seeing anyone?”

Cath hesitated a moment before nodding.

“Oh cool,” Abel said, though his tone held more surprise than Cath felt comfortable with, though she stuck to wrinkling her nose.

“English major then?” Abel asked, tilting his head a little.

“No,” Cath said. “He’s studying range management.”

Cath was pleased to see even Abel was a little confused by the title of the major.

“Um…what’s that?”

“He wants to be a rancher,” Cath said. “Like a farm…but with animals instead of plants.”

Abel’s forehead wrinkled. “You’re dating a farmer?”

“He’s great,” Cath said. “He works as a barista and he takes me out on lovely dates. And he reads my fanfiction.” She was unable to keep the accusation out of her voice at the last part. Abel never had bothered to look at her fanfiction.

Abel continued to frown. “He just…doesn’t sound good enough for you, Cath. Honestly, can’t you do better?”

She bit back a retort about Levi being far better than him and settled for saying: “You don’t really know him. If you did I’m sure you’d understand.”

Abel shrugged. “Well, I better get back to finding the things my mom asked for. You have a good rest of your day, Cath.”

He walked away, leaving Cath in a haze of red. How dare he even suggest Levi wasn’t good enough for her. That wasn’t even the least bit true. If anything she wasn’t good enough for Levi.

Her mind wandered to his smile and his eyes and his jokes. God, she wanted to drink up as much of him as she could. Even a few days apart had been hard.

She set off to the other side of the store in a fury. All she could think was how glad she was that in a few days everything would be back to normal. And she’d never think about stupid Abel again.

* * *

 

 

She hadn’t spent enough time on her story. Cath realized that much the moment Professor Piper sat her down in her office. All that time over Thanksgiving spent fuming over Abel or dreading Christmas or writing fanfiction had resulted in not enough time working on her story.

“This is good,” Professor Piper said after a long moment of scanning over the work. “You’ve done very well with this, Cath.”

The older woman folded her hands and looked at Cath for a moment, smiling.

Cath breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

“Though, I did mark up some grammar and syntax issues,” Professor Piper said. “Try reading your work out loud, it’ll help you catch these smaller mistakes. But there is one larger problem I did want to mention to you.”

There was a moment’s pause, and Cath felt her breath catch even as her heart began to pound.

Professor Piper sighed and took off her glasses. “Look, Cath, I don’t want you to feel like I’m being harsh…in fact it’s a common problem with the fantasy genre so really it’s true you could get away with it. But I think you’re better than that…” She frowned and looked down at the story again. “I think that your antagonist characters are too flat. Too static. The mother and the bully both just strike me as…unreal in that regard.”

Cath looked at the paper herself for a moment and tried to think about it. But weren’t they the villains? Wasn’t that how villains work?

“Part of it is an issue of blending genres,” her professor said. “And had you just gone for fantasy I might have let it slide. But the reality is, while the ogres in Gabriel’s land can be flat and get away with it, Gabby’s mother is a person. And as one I think she needs more personality. She needs to be shown as human, with good attributes and bad ones. Not just a monstrous disturbing characterization, but as a troubled woman who has had problems in the past. See if you can make your reader feel any sympathy for her. Same with the bully. Do you understand?”

Cath nodded. “I guess. I didn’t mean to let it go that far…I just…I was feeling a lot I guess and I didn’t really think about it at the time.”

Professor Piper sighed. “My mother and I never got along either. We had a lot of problems for years before she died. But you know, the older I get the more I realize how right she was in a lot of ways.” She pointed at the story. “This is wonderful. You have a great thing going for you. And in a first draft it’s lovely to see you expressing these feelings. Getting them on the page. But now, you need to start whittling this down. Pulling it together. Do you think you can do that?”

Cath nodded and managed a smile, even though she could sense how much work she had ahead of her. Professor Piper was still looking at her with some level of pride in her eyes. And that was enough for Cath.

“I’ll do my best,” she said. “I mean, with less than a month left it’ll probably be hard.”

“You’re ahead of the rest of your class,” Professor Piper said, though her eyebrows furrowed at that. “But yes, it will be hard work ahead to have it ready for the end of semester reading.”

Cath nodded. “Thank you. I’ll do my best.”

“I know you will,” Professor Piper said passing her paper over.

She took it and slipped it back into her bag. There was a lot to consider. But Professor Piper had a point. People around her weren’t villains. They were just people. And if she wanted to figure that out, maybe she’d have to give some people she’d villainized a second chance.

* * *

 

 

“You’d better not make me sit in the hall again,” Tom said when Cornelius appeared in their dorm room. “Last time that girl with the pink hair came and talked to me at least three times. Please have mercy!”

“I have to study,” Cornelius grumbled, going over to his desk. “You can stay if you’ll be quiet.”

“I saw you eat in the dining hall yesterday,” Tom said. “Can I have one of those chocolate bars you keep in your desk?”

Cornelius turned and glared at him. “You’ve already been eating them. There were ten here yesterday and now there are nine.”

Tom’s grin never faded. “But I felt bad pinching them. It’d be better with your permission. Please, can’t I have one now?”

Cornelius groaned and opened his drawer to toss one of the nine back over his shoulder. Tom caught it deftly and began unwrapping it.

“You look happier now,” Tom commented. “I think you’re looking more nourished now that you actually ate.”

Cornelius rolled his eyes and opened his computer, doing his best to ignore his roommate as he started into his research. But he had to admit eating had helped a little.

“These are my favorite,” Tom said as he continued to munch on the bar. “Thanks again.”

“Well, if it keeps you from stealing them,” Cornelius muttered. “I suppose there’s no harm. Now, would you kindly shut up and leave me in peace to finish my work? Or do I need to go to the library again?”

Tom fell quiet.

Cornelius turned back to his work, focusing in on the screen. After a few minutes he became sure Tom must have left. He turned around and found his roommate still sitting on his bed. Cornelius looked him over, his tousled hair and his smiling face. And the ridiculous shorts and brightly colored t-shirt he was wearing.

“Why are you dressed like that?” Cornelius asked. “Where’s your uniform?”

Tom looked down at himself and grinned. “Maybe I just like breaking the rules.”

Cornelius snorted. Doubtful.

“Or maybe, I play on the football team,” Tom said.

Ah. Cornelius nodded, that made more sense. He turned back to his work.

“What are you working on?” Tom asked.

“Studying in silence,” Cornelius said, though he couldn’t help but smile as he said it. When Tom kept quiet for another minute, he reached into his desk and pulled out another chocolate bar. He tossed it back onto the other bed. Tom’s grin was well worth the cost of buying another one.

-From _Cornelius Bell and the 10,000 Smiles_ posted November 2012   
By FanFixx . net author Magicath

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So someone commented that nothing really exciting has happened yet. I do have plans for something more exciting…I probably should have put it sooner in the plot but I didn’t. But hey, to me this was what I loved about Fangirl…that all the little drama added up and ended up being one big problem. Because that was exactly how college was for me. Anyhow, just thought I’d let you know there are plans in the works and I’m not just writing aimlessly even if it seems like it.
> 
> Positive comments totally keep me going!


	20. Twenty

The email was sitting in her inbox. Cath swallowed as she pressed the open button. Honestly, she should have left it for later in the day. If the news was awful she wasn't sure she could get over it.

But instead she felt herself gasp as she stared at the screen.

“Congratulations. Your work 'Left' has been selected for the Fall 2012 edition of _Prairie Schooners_. You are also a nominee for the Underclassman Prize and will be informed of the committee's decision regarding this award in 2 weeks time. Please email us if you have any questions.”

Cath felt like she'd swallowed her tongue. Was this possible? Not only had her work been selected for publication, but she had been selected for a prestigious award as well?

She looked up at her wall, staring at the fanart works she'd posted around her. For a time these had felt like trophies. The reality that other artists had decided to dedicate works to hers. But Cath was beginning to wonder if Professor Piper was right. Perhaps there were bigger fish in the pond.

She'd just proved that she had enough talent to make a literary journal like her works. Not just teenage girls in Japan. But actual critical thinking people. Cath was hardly able to contain the tears in her eyes. To think she'd spent so much time stresssing over fic.

After a moment she closed her laptop. She sat there for another few seconds and took a deep breath. A wall had been taken. How many more daring feats could she do before this feeling of invincibility wore off? There was no real telling. She only hoped it lasted a while longer.

* * *

 

 

“Miss Avery,” Professor Walton said. “If you’d stay after class.”

She froze for a moment. Had she done something wrong? Was she about to have a paper handed back without a grade again?

Thomas was eyeing her curiously, and even Lauryn looked a little nervous. Not good.

“I’ll see you for lunch in a few?” Lauryn asked. “I mean…if he doesn’t murder you.”

Cath nodded, swallowing down her anxiety as she walked over to where Professor Walton was still standing at the front of the classroom.

“Miss Avery,” Professor Walton said, “I wanted to make you aware that I will be sending a draft of my article your way this evening. I’d like you to make sure there’s nothing you have any issues with.”

“Oh…your…” Cath took a deep breath. “The fanfiction article?”

“Yes,” Professor Walton said. “The fanfiction article. I am hoping to send it off soon. Who knows how much longer Cornelius will be a smash hit. I must make sure it’s published before the fandom disappears entirely.”

Cath felt her jaw clench. He was right, though. Just like Simon Snow, her new fandom would eventually end. It was still a vile thought.

“I’ll…I’ll take a look at it,” Cath said, though she felt like her heart was going to race right out of her chest.

“Good. Then I’ll send you a copy,” Professor Walton said with a frown. “I hope you’ll like it.”

Cath was tempted to ask if he thought she should like it, but she kept her mouth shut. Instead she gave a feeble nod.

“I’ll let you know,” she said after a moment before turning to the door. A breath finally managed to escape her constricted chest. She had no idea how she was going to work up the courage to actually look the article over.

* * *

 

 

Lauryn was the one who made her do it.

Cath had been hoping to avoid talking about the subject. But the moment she turned up in the cafeteria, Lauryn and Thomas both wanted to know what was up.

“Come on, it had to be something important”! Lauryn said.

Thomas nodded. “If you keep it from us we’ll never forgive you. And our fanfiction deal is off.”

Cath sighed. “He just…the article on fanfiction is finished. And he wanted me to have a look at it before he sent it off to try to find a publisher.”

Thomas’s brow wrinkled. Lauryn on the other hand looked as though Christmas had arrived early. She clapped her hands and squealed.

“That’s fantastic! Oh my gosh you have to look at it! What did he say!”

Cath shook her head. “I’m not looking at it now! I need…privacy. Someone writing about me…well…it’s awkward.”

“It’s not awkward it’s amazing,” Lauryn proclaimed. “And the whole world will be looking at it soon anyhow, so you might as well get used to the publicity. Pull it up and read the damn thing!”

Cath had a bad feeling if she didn’t Lauryn might pull out her laptop herself. And in the interest of maintaining some privacy she agreed.

She grabbed her laptop out of her bag, pulling up her email and glancing at the unread messages there before she came across Professor Walton’s. She took a deep breath before she opened the attachment and began to read.

“Oh my god,” Cath managed to choke out as she stared at the pages. She swallowed, doing her best to keep tears at bay.

“Bad?” Lauryn asked, shifting in her seat. “Oh hell, he totally made us sound like idiots didn’t he? He’s made us sound like mad people like everyone always does about fangirls. Fuck, we’re ruined aren’t we?”

Cath shook her head, reaching up a hand to cover her mouth.

“Did he quote Lauryn?” Thomas asked, glancing nervously at the other girl.

“Yes,” Cath managed to finally say. “Just a little. But she sounds…she sounds really good.”

“But you don’t like what he said about you?” Thomas asked. “Did he…I don’t know make you sound dumb? Or misquote you or something?”

Cath shook her head. “It’s lovely. It’s…he did such a nice job. But he…there’s a quote from _Scottie_ _Hollins_ in here, and I’m just actually…I can’t process.”

“ _What_!” Lauryn screamed, grabbing for Cath’s computer. She scanned over the words and saw the same thing that had caused Cath to fall to pieces. “Oh my god. Oh my god we’re…we’re going to…be in an article with…oh my god.”

Thomas was grinning like an idiot, their happiness apparently contagious in spite of his lack of mention.

“That’s crazy,” Cath managed to say. “I…I can’t believe it. How did he get that?”

“Who knows. The man is incredible,” Thomas said with a sigh. “God I wish I could take more classes from him.”

“You need to change your major,” Lauryn said with a shake of her head.

Cath ignored the two of them in favor of scanning the article again. She had to be dreaming. She knew it somehow all had to be a dream.

* * *

 

 

She felt like she was floating as she walked to Levi's house. She couldn't begin to process what had happened. After her bad luck in the last few days, it was a nice change of pace to have something good actually happen. She grinned as she knocked on the door. It was the perfect night to celebrate.

Micah answered. He stood in the doorway looking at her smile with a perplexed look. Cath in the meantime took in the fact that he was wearing a bathrobe and slippers with a cup of coffee in his hand. If not for the green facial mask covering a good part of his dark skin, she might have mistaken him for a middle-aged father instead of a college student. She had to keep herself from giggling over the mask. But after half a year she’d become used to a fair amount of his peculiarities.

"How's it going, Cath? Everything good?"

"More than good," she said. "Can I come in?"

He nodded and opened up the door. She stepped in and glanced around.

"Levi's still at class isn't he?" she asked, realizing her mistake.

"Eh, I think he's got like ten more minutes," Micah said with a yawn before taking another sip from the mug in his hands. "He'll be here soon. In the meantime, I'm here to tell you that you have to come to my Shakespeare play. I mean, after all my hard work and lack of sleep I have to promote it right?"

"And why is that?" Cath asked, smiling at Micah and sure the reason had to be an amusing one. She'd learned to love his theater stories.

"Well, because," Micah said, leaning forward conspiratorially, "it's going to be incredibly gay."

Cath mock gasped. "Gay?"

"Yes," Micah said. "I even get an onstage make out scene with a dude. It's going to be _hot_."

"What play are you doing?" Cath asked, wondering suddenly if it was a Romeo and Juliet genderbent play or something of the like. She'd read a fantastic Romeo and Juliet Snowbaz piece recently and she shivered at the very idea.

"Merchant of Venice," Micah said. "Director was a bit worried about possibly seeming too anti-Semitic...well I mean it's from the Elizabethan era, what do you expect? But I told him if we made it a modern interpretation set in Nazi Germany (seriously how great is that) _plus_ made the main characters gay (because there is already some homosexual undercurrent in the play anyways) we could make it about past persecution instead of giving some kind of unfortunate message about Jewish people. Anyhow, we'll see how it pans out. But I'm excited. And you should definitely come watch."

Cath was unable to restrain a smile. "It's next weekend right? I should be able to go. You know me too well."

"Of course I do," Micah said, grinning. "Got to get some of that boy on boy action in there for you to come. Honestly Cath, how do you survive English classes without it?"

"Well, plenty of works have those 'undercurrents' as you already suggested. And besides, I don't have to have everything be gay."

"Ought to prove it," Micah said leaning forward. "I challenge you to write a straight oneshot."

She had to give a gasp at that. It was a bit silly, but she knew it would take some actual thinking to come up with something she liked. She also knew there was a risk of getting some hate from readers...

"Seriously, Cath," Micah said. "You're a girl. A girl who dates a boy. Write about real life for once, not just your gay vampire fantasies. Seriously, I don't care if you do Bagatha or Simon and Agatha or someone else and Penny or another ship altogether...but you could use some females in your works."

"Says the person working on a no doubt heavily male cast," Cath said with an eye roll.

"Our next play is an almost exclusively female cast, so it will balance out," Micah said with a sniff and a wave of his hand. "But don't you ever feel bad continuing to contribute to low female representation? I mean I'm all for gay representation, don't get me wrong...but it's a balance isn't it?"

Cath nodded. He did make a point, even if it was one she'd heard before. Plenty of other shippers accused her and other Snowbaz fans of being misogynistic...of villainizing Agatha or of just leaving her out entirely. And it was true. There were problems with slash shipping, just as there were problems with hetero. Honestly, from the little she knew it was obvious that every ship had their issues.

"How many words?" Cath asked. Maybe she could squeeze in a ficlet.

Micah moved his head back and forth, considering. "Hmm...how about...five hundred or more? Sound easy enough?"

Cath sighed. "I'm not making any promises, but I can try."

She was interrupted to the door to the house opening. Cath was at the door before Micah could say another word. She flung herself into Levi's arms.

"Hey!" he said with an affectionate smile. "I didn't expect you. Everything all right?"

Micah shook his head. "Oh no, woe is me. Cath has been converted to the side of writing straight couples!"

He gasped and fell back onto the couch with a hand to his forehead.

Levi looked at her, brow wrinkling.

"What?"

She shook her head, shooting Micah another amused look.

"I'll explain upstairs."

He smiled and took her hand before leading her to the stairs. She could still hear Micah laughing as they headed up to Levi's room.

"So, sweetheart," Levi said, closing the door. "What's this all about?"

She sank onto his bed and pulled out her laptop. "I made Micah a promise I'd write some straight fanfiction for him. A little bit stupid maybe, but I do want to prove I can."

Levi just stared at her for a long moment. "I don't even want to know. You two are quite the explosive combination together. You and your gay boys."

Cath just giggled. He was right after all.

"But I also had something I wanted to read to you," Cath said, patting the bed. "Come here."

Levi set down his things and came over to slip onto the bed beside her. He wrapped a long arm around her shoulder and buried his face in her head.

"Anything for you," he murmured. "What did you want to read me? Is there more Just What the Doctor Ordered?"

Cath shook her head. "No. I've got writer's block right now on that. Plus I promised myself I wouldn't write any more fanfiction until I finish my final story for fiction writing."

"Probably for the best," Levi said with a grin. He leaned in to kiss her. She let him for a moment. But after a few seconds she pulled back.

"I need to show you this!" she insisted.

Levi just smirked. "What?"

Cath sighed. "I'm just going to read it to you and you can tell me what you think."

She began in a steady voice to read Professor Walton's work. It was difficult because everything in her wanted to squeal after every good part. But for Levi's sake she kept her tone at a semi-normal volume.

"Wait..." Levi said after a moment. "Is this that article? Really?"

"Yes," Cath said with a smile. "Like it?"

She looked at him hopefully for a minute. Honestly, his smile was more than enough of an indication to her, but still, she wanted the words to accompany it.

"You sound so..." he paused, brow furrowing.

"Not myself?" Cath suggested.

"No," Levi said with a shake of his head. "You sound about as in character as you can be. But I like how he characterized you. You seem so... _smart_..." he grinned and leaned in to kiss her temple. "Sexy." She giggled even as he kissed her nose. "Mmm...you're so...mysterious. My gorgeous perfect suave little fanfiction writer."

His lips descended on hers. Cath had to force herself to set the laptop down for fear that she might drop it in a moment of weakness. She let one of her hands curl on his neck and the other move onto his shoulder, gripping him for all she was worth.

His mouth moved from hers to place a few gentle kisses and nips at her neck and jaw. Cath was unable to stop smiling. For a moment she thought that if only she could capture the perfect happiness of this moment, she might never be sad again. Perhaps she could bottle up the excess joy and tuck it away for a rainy day.

Her eyes closed and she let Levi lean her back down onto the bed. He pulled away for a moment to look down at her, eyes warm, smile still bright.

"God, Cather, I am so crazy in love with you. You know that right? I never want this to stop."

"Me neither," she whispered, somehow feeling like she couldn't speak those words out loud. They were only for Levi. "I love you."

She let his smile fade away so she could kiss him again. He was completely right. She never wanted this to stop.

* * *

 

 

"You have to do this," Wren said with a sigh. "Cath if you don't you _will_ fail."

Cath stared at the screen. "I just...I can't write. I don't even know what to do next."

Her sister looked up from her desk. "Can't you just have something really dramatic happen?"

"For no reason?" Cath asked with a frown. "I have to make this fit the flow of the plot. My novel isn't really action packed like Carry On, Simon was. It's...more slow. Professor Piper would have a fit if I turned in anything less than perfect."

Wren rolled her eyes. "Cath, it's four in the morning and you have to have this done by Wednesday. That's like a total of 29 hours to finish this. So help me I will hold you hostage in here until you finish it."

Cath sighed and closed her eyes. Why did this have to be so hard? If it were a chapter of her fanfiction she'd already have it done. But a measly 2000 words stood between her and meeting the requirements.

She stared at the page again. She had to be missing something. There had to be a way to expand it.

"No, you've been told to edit," Wren said with a sigh. "You told me to not let you add anything to what's already written. You have to just add one last chapter. And you're done. You can do it."

Cath looked up at her sister again. She was just lucky Wren had been up late working on her own finals project. Or else she'd probably have given up and gone to bed several hours ago.

"Come on, Cath. Just think. There's got to be something you haven't thought of. How should this end?"

"I don't know!" Cath said, throwing her hands up. "I don't know, Wren. It's just...I don't know how to write right now. I just...everything's been going so well lately...it's like...I've disconnected with the main character. I can't remember why I wanted to write her in the first place."

Wren sighed. "I can't help you anymore. I have to get this fucking thing done or _I_ am going to fail. So please just figure it out."

Cath stared at the page for a long moment. Why had she begun writing this? To express how it felt to lose yourself in a fantasy world? To express how fanfiction and fandom made her feel? Perhaps that was the issue. She'd begun slipping away from some of those things. Between her original works taking off and actually having real life friends.

She pulled up FanFixx . net and looked at the last updates she'd made. Almost a month before. She'd never taken such a long break before. This was what was happening. She had never had this happen before.

"Make it real," she whispered. "Write what you know."

And Cath suddenly knew what she needed to do.

* * *

 

 

Dear readers,

I know it's been a while since I've updated and I promise I am at least thinking about getting something up. Definitely have had some writer's block lately. To be honest, I've also started writing a lot of original fiction and its distracted me. I hope some of you will go check out my stuff on Fixpress. I know it's not quite the same as fanfiction, but I think I'm in a transition point in my life right now if that makes any sense. Maybe next week I'll have something new for you.

-Magicath

 

-Posted on FanFixx . net

by user Magicath Dec. 2012

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is a shorter chapter, but I've started to find if I write shorter chapters I find myself not getting stuck as often and able to write quicker.
> 
> So I do have another Snowbaz oneshot and a Pegatha (I know what!?!) oneshot up so feel free to check those out. I have been working hard on another WIP because it’s Femslash February, and I feel like I do need to help contribute to this small underrepresented part of the fandom. But I’m still going on this story so don’t you worry.
> 
> Lots of votes for Christmas with the Stewarts. I already have my own ideas of what will happen, but I am keeping reader feedback in mind so please always feel free to let me know your ideas! I really appreciate it!
> 
> Thanks to all who commented and left kudos!


	21. Twenty-One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for quite a lot of angst. You had your fluff last chapter. The next few will be quite a bit more angsty... And...it will get worse before it gets better. The only thing I can promise is that it will eventually get better. I love my fluff!
> 
> So I confused a few people with my last author's note and I am so sorry for that. The point was, even if I do not follow your suggestions, please continue to feel free to make them! I always appreciate hearing people's ideas and suggestions!

Cath had hoped that the happiness might carry over. After seeing Micah's play, she'd felt almost invincible, set on some high peak of joy that she'd never before reached. She remembered sitting beside Levi in the audience and almost crying as she watched Micah kiss another guy.

"Why can't you just date your costar?" Cath had asked him after the show.

He'd rolled his eyes. "Jack? Oh please he's straight. Or mostly. Definitely would make out with me on stage. Definitely would not publicly take me on a date."

She noted Micah's eyes straying to Lauryn and then to Thomas behind her.

"Oh, these are my friends," Cath said. "I forced them to come."

"Never!" Lauryn declared. "I love Shakespeare. A good slash version one is even better! Though I admit I would have probably preferred something a bit less anti-Semitic. Lauryn!" she said, sticking out her hand.

Micah chuckled but did shake her hand.

"And this is Thomas," Cath said, wincing as she said it. Thomas had been squirming in his seat nearly the entire play. He didn't even look at Micah as he stood there.

"Well, pleasure to have all of you here," Micah said with a beam. "Now, if you'll excuse me I have an after party to attend. And besides, lover boy here's been going on about how he needs to have one last night with you before you two are separated for the break."

Cath looked up at Levi, squeezing his fingers a little tighter in hers. She didn't really like the thought of separation either. But she'd had to admit to herself that it was time she finally faced this. She'd run for too long. And Levi had promised if she changed her mind halfway through she was always welcome at the Stewart family home.

It had been hard to let him go. Even for a few weeks. Cath had clung to him that evening, refusing to release him for a second. She drank in every detail hungrily, hoping to stave off the sorrow that would inevitably come.

And Cath had to admit, as Wren pulled up in front of the house, she felt her heart sinking.

"This is going to be fine," Wren said, turning to look at her. "She's really cool, Cath. You'll see."

Cath bit her lip. This felt more like going to get a painful operation than going to see her mother. Then again, perhaps it was. Time to operate and pull out all the old wounds and questions and everything else. Time to rip open now healed over injuries and start afresh. She shuddered at the thought.

Wren pushed open the door before Cath could argue. She was grabbing out her backpack and duffle.

"Come on!" Wren said with a sigh. "Seriously. If you come in right now I'll talk mom into giving you ten minutes to put your stuff away….so you can chill out a little. How does that sound?"

She didn't know that it was that good of a deal, but at some point she needed to face this. Perhaps it was best to just do it quickly, not prolong the discomfort.

After a long moment, Cath took a deep breath and opened her door. Wren nodded her approval before heading towards the house.

Cath took up her bags, hands curling tight around her duffel. She found her eyes wandering over the house, the green front lawn and floral curtains visible in the windows. Cath was soon judging almost every aspect, finding cynical things to see in even the most beautiful detail. But deep down she knew the truth. This was supposed to be their home. Had her mother stuck around…this could have been theirs.

But instead it was as if a stranger inhabited this place. Cath was saddened as she suddenly realized she knew more about Baz or Cornelius than her own mother.

Wren's hand suddenly laced into her free one.

"We'll get through this," Wren whispered.

Cath shook her head, but she allowed herself to take a few more steps.

_Deep breaths. Deep breaths_. Every movement she made was coached. It took mental effort to keep herself from running. Everything in her wanted to flee.

They were at the door before Cath even had time to process. And then it was opening up and Cath had a moment to realize that there was a small boy standing there.

"Hi Charlie," Wren said, giving a small smile. "Can you tell Laura that we're here?"

The boy frowned and turned around. "Laura!" he called. "Wren and some other girl are here!"

"Charlie?" Cath whispered. She wondered how she'd missed this.

Wren waved a hand. "John's kid. You'll meet both of them properly soon."

Cath was struggling to comprehend. "Wait…is Laura…is she married?"

"No, he's just her boyfriend," Wren said just as there was the familiar clip clop of heels on hardwood.

Laura appeared in the doorway, smiling as she pulled Charlie out of the way.

"Wren! Cath! Oh it's so good to see both of you. Come in come in!" she said.

Cath swallowed, but did step into the foyer. She looked around, noting how clean and organized everything was. She tried to remember if their home had been this way before Laura had left. Obviously with Wren and her dad it never was.

"Shoes off please, girls," Laura said. "Would you like something to eat? Charlie and I were just working on some of our favorite Christmas cookies. They should be ready in a few minutes."

Cath felt a newfound sense of horror. The thought of seeing her mother had been bad enough, but in realizing that the woman was now some sort of mother to someone else stung.

"I think Cath and I might like to go unpack and settle in a little," Wren suggested. "We had an exhausting finals week."

Laura smiled. "Just let me know if you need anything. And you'll have to let me know all about those finals. Last I'd heard from you, Wren, you were considering changing your major."

"Still am," Wren admitted. "Well, are we staying in the guest room?"

"I had both spare rooms made up…though I remember you mentioning something about wanting to share, Wren. Whatever suits you better."

Wren nodded and glanced at Cath. Cath felt like her tongue had swelled up in her mouth, practically choking her. Words were not going to come, so she deferred to Wren's judgement.

"We'll share," Wren said with a shrug. "We're used to it."

Cath followed her to the stairs, watching as Wren made her way up with practiced ease. It was so strange to realize that Wren had already overcome all the newness of this. She'd had months of knowing their mother and adjusting.

"Come on," Wren muttered as they had the hallway to themselves. "You have a few minutes to just settle in the room, crack open some fic and relax. And after that we can go down and have some cookies. It's not that big of a deal, Cath. Would you stop looking like someone just shot Baz?"

She opened the door and led Cath into a room about the size of their one at home.

Cath sighed and sank onto the bed, setting aside her bags. She just wanted to curl up and read or even better watch something on her computer and forget the world existed.

"Five minutes," Wren said. "I'm setting a timer."

So much for that idea.

By the time Wren's phone buzzed, Cath had only minimally managed to slow her heartrate. Why did this have to be happening? And over Christmas of all times?

She went downstairs with Wren, barely noticing the wafting smell of cookies as she stepped into the kitchen.

Charlie was helping to slide the cookies onto another plate with a spatula. He looked up when they came in, eyeing both of the warily.

"Come have some girls. There's milk in the fridge," Laura said.

Cath refused to go near those cookies. She was not being bribed into liking the woman by something as simple as baked goods. She recalled suddenly how Levi's mother had done the exact same thing the first night she'd shown up. But somehow that only made things worse. As though this woman was a stranger instead of the person who'd given birth to her.

"Oh Wren," Laura suddenly said. "I decided on a light blue."

Wren smiled. "Ooh sounds pretty. So can I finally start looking for my dress?"

Cath looked back and forth between the two for a moment.

"Yes," Laura said. "But send me a picture before you buy it. I want to make sure it's right."

Wren glanced at Cath, discerning her questioning look.

"Oh…mom's actually decided to get married this summer," Wren said casually, as though she were describing her day to day activities. "She asked me to be a bridesmaid…you can too obviously…we just…weren't sure."

Cath felt like the world had frozen around her. She glanced at Charlie who Laura was currently pouring milk for. All those years wanting and needing a mother and here Laura was signing herself over to be someone else's…just like that.

She couldn't handle it. Before Wren could say anything, Cath turned and bolted upstairs.

Once in the comfort of the bedroom, she slammed the door and flung herself down on the bed. It was then that the hot tears come.

Only one thing was clear. She should never have come to this place.

* * *

There was a knock on the door a good thirty minutes later.

"Don't come in, Wren. I don't want a lecture," Cath managed to say, the words somewhat muffled in her pillow.

The door opened and in stepped Laura.

"You might not want to talk to me right now," the woman said. "But…I just wanted to let you know that I do want to discuss this. I think both of us need some closure, Cath."

Cath swallowed and sat up a little straighter. "I just…I don't get it," she said. "You ran away from us. You left me and Wren. And then suddenly now you're getting married and going to be a mom and all that. How could you possibly do that?"

Laura sighed and sat down on the corner of the bed. "It's hard to explain, Cath. I know that probably seems inconsistent to you. But really it's a whole different context. Your dad and I were not right for each other. There's that first. Arthur and I just…we brought out the worst in each other. And on top of that, I became a mother when I didn't want to."

"Yeah you didn't want me and Wren," Cath muttered. "You never have. So that's the problem. I don't get how I can just…move on from that. Pretend everything's all good when my own mother didn't want me."

Laura reached out a hand to touch Cath's arm. "It had nothing to do with who you or your sister were. You were lovely girls. And I did…I _do_ love you. Both of you. I just…I wasn't ready. It was about me, not you,, Cath. It would have been the same for Charlie had I been his mother all those years ago. It would have been the same for the most angelic or the most troubled child. I couldn't do it. I needed time to live my own life and enjoy being young and figure out who I was before I tried to be a maternal figure."

Cath felt tears beginning to sting her eyes again. She just wanted to curl up and disappear.

"I don't know that that justifies anything," Laura said with a sigh. "I cannot sit here and say I regret things, Cath. Because I don't. I'm in a good place in life. And so are you and Wren."

"No we're fucking not," Cath said. "That's the problem! Dad's ended up in the hospital and Wren is now going to AA meetings. And I'm…I…I can't even function normally."

Laura sighed. "Prairie Schooners."

Cath froze and stared at her in confusion for a moment.

"What?"

"Your submission," Laura said. "Your sister sent me a copy. I know you may have some issues Cath, but you're doing quite well considering."

Cath shook her head. "That's beside the point. This isn't about me. It's about you. It's about you abandoning us and not even feeling bad about it. Didn't you ever think about us?"

"I did," Laura said, tilting her head. "And I kept thinking to myself that if I stayed I was just going to make things worse…that I was never there for you girls anyways and you'd be better off without me there." She paused and thought for a moment. "Cath if someone handed you a baby tomorrow and told you to take care of it, would you?"

Cath scoffed. "That's completely different than being a real mother."

"Fine, you're pregnant. Do you keep it?" her mother asked.

Cath tried to picture that. Obviously in the scenario the baby would be Levi's. She hadn't even talked with him about kids. She sort of imagined that he'd want them though, and the thought almost had her smiling. But she stopped.

Her mother was right. She was still in college. She was already trying to balance tough classes and updating fic. With a baby everything would be different, and her life would never be the same. She pictured dropping out of school and working at a mediocre job. She could kiss her writing goodbye.

"I would love it and be there for it," Cath said, though even she could hear the lack of conviction in her tone.

"And you can say that," Laura said. "Because it's purely hypothetical. But I'm telling you…there's nothing worse than being forced into a time of life that you aren't ready for. I still am not sure I'm ready. But I love Charlie, and I know he already has a mother and I don't really truly have to be one for him. I have already set up my career and made the life I wanted. I'm with a man who understands me who I don't fight with constantly. This is what I needed Cath. And if you think that's selfish, so be it. Maybe it was. But I don't know that things would have turned out any better any other way."

Cath just stared at the ground. She couldn't come up with anything to say. Maybe Laura had a point, but that didn't make it any easier to accept. Years of pain didn't just go away in an instant.

"Have some time to yourself," Laura said, standing up and going to the door. "We're going to get some dinner in about an hour. You can feel free to join us if you'd like."

The door closed and Cath was again left to her own thoughts. She laid back down and closed her eyes. There was a temptation to pull out her laptop. But for once Cath just didn't feel like writing.

* * *

The days rolled by. Cath had become more used to everything, but that still didn't make anything easier. There were days she watched Charlie with Laura and thought about how much she'd missed her mother at that age herself.

Everything seemed to sting little wounds that she hadn't even realized were there. Lemon juice poured all over her heart, irritating the smallest insecurities.

Presents from her mother for the first time in ten years. She had to admit Laura did pretty well all things considered, gift cards to a book store and a blue green scarf that looked elegant without being overly fancy.

When Cath tried to mention one night to Wren that it was hard just being in the same room with the woman who'd abandoned them, she could tell her sister just didn't get it. Somehow Wren had just managed to forgive and forget.

Cath texted her father a few times, mentioning how much she missed him and even putting in a note about how weird this was and how painful. He texted back two days later saying he was sorry she was feeling that way and that he'd be back soon. Cath found herself counting down the days.

But even though for a while things felt so raw and painful, especially as she watched Wren eagerly help her mother plan for the wedding, she did have to admit she'd at least stopped picturing Laura as some sort of crazy monster.

But even then, she had to wonder if she'd ever find peace with this. How did people do it?

Even Levi wasn't much of a comfort. He was so busy that he hardly had a second to talk to her.

"Sorry, ranch stuff," he said one night in the middle of their phone call. "I'll call you later, okay?"

He hadn't. Not that night at least. But Cath just wondered if it was him becoming fed up with talking to her about her mother. After all, how could he possibly understand with Marlisse?

So it was a welcome surprise when the day after Christmas she saw his name on her phone, an incoming call. She smiled and picked up.

"Hey!"

There was something off. He didn't speak for a moment. Normally in their calls he started rambling the moment she picked up. Their last one he'd talked for a good ten minutes about one of his cows.

"Levi?"

There was another pause, and she wondered if he'd butt dialed her.

"Levi?"

"Um...Cath..." he said, his voice sounded choked. "I'm...I'm in the hospital."

"What?" she was almost sure she'd heard him wrong.

"It's my mom," he said, and this time she heard the sob in his voice.

Cath sat bolt upright on her bed, pushing her laptop closed.

"What? What happened?" she asked. She grabbed her coat and her purse.

"I..." There was shuffling. "She was driving the truck. The roads were icy..."

"Okay," Cath said. "Is it...is she..."

"The doctor's aren't sure right now." Another pause. Cath thought he might have hung up for a few seconds. "But they didn't sound optimistic when I talked to them...it's bad, Cath. I...I just needed to call you. I can't..."

"I'm coming," Cath said.

"What? No!" Levi said. "Cath, it's awful on the roads and it's a four hour drive. I'm not letting you do that."

Cath shook her head. "Levi, you came for me when my sister was in the hospital. You were there for me with me needing to go see my dad. I'm not going to let you go through this alone."

She snatched up the keys to the car and ran for the door. Wren noticed her as she passed the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"Levi's mom is in the hospital," Cath said. "I'm going to go be with him."

Wren stared at her. "Cath, it's dark and it's snowing. You're not going anywhere. Wait till mom gets home and we'll figure something out."

"By the time Laura and John get back, it's only going to be darker. She won't let me go. I know it."

"For a good reason!" Wren snapped, standing up, glancing back at Charlie who had stopped watching his cartoons and was staring at the two of them.

"I'm going to be fine," Cath insisted.

"I'm coming with you," Wren said, crossing her arms.

"Someone has to watch Charlie. It'll be fine. I'll call you when I get there, all right?"

Wren didn't look convinced, but Cath was done talking. She had to get to Levi. Nothing else was important at this point.

The door slammed shut behind her before she put the phone back to her head.

"I'm on my way. Where's the hospital?" she asked.

"Callaway," Levi said. "It's like...a half an hour away from home. Sweetheart, are you sure about this? I...I really don't know if you should come."

Cath gritted her teeth. "I'm sure. You're not talking me out of it. I'll see you in four hours. Okay? Be strong for me. I'm coming."

Levi let out a sigh. "All right. Be safe, sweetheart. I really wish you wouldn't."

She hung up before he could protest any further. She turned on the car, flicking on the lights and turning the radio up. She was in for a late night, and she knew it. It was hard to decide if it was going to be worth it to stop for coffee or not.

But Levi was right. It wouldn't help anything if she had an accident on the way to help him. Without a second thought she pulled out, forcing herself to take deep breaths as she sped off into the night.

Her back was aching by the time she pulled into the hospital parking lot. She switched off the engine, blinking a few times. The adrenaline and gas station coffee were the only things keeping her awake at that point. Her eyes kept feeling like they might forcibly shut.

Cath ran into the lobby, already pulling out her phone to make the call. She was stopped only when she saw a familiar tall figure pacing in the corner.

"Levi!"

He looked up at the sound of her voice, back straightening.

"Cather?"

She looked him over, taking in his pale face and the swelling under his eyes. He looked awful, and she had nothing she could do to help that. So she did the only thing she could.

Cath bolted over and buried herself in his arms, relieved when she heard him let out a heavy sigh before he wrapped her up in a tight hug, head coming down to rest on hers.

"God Cather," he whispered. "I can't believe you're really here. You're okay?"

"Fine," she mumbled into his chest. "Just tired. But I've been worse. How about you?"

He let out a shaky breath, swallowing before speaking. "I don't know. I've...I've never felt like this before. There's nothing I can do, Cath. I can't magically fix this one. It's not like the problems on the ranch where if you set your mind to it and roll up your sleeves you can usually make it work. I just have to sit here and...and wait."

He choked back a sob and Cath found her heart twisting at his words. He'd sounded awful on the phone, but the complete picture of him with his hair mussed and his clothing rumpled, eyes crazed from lack of sleep. She couldn't take it.

"It's going to be all right," Cath said. For once that week she didn't feel like crying. She took his hand in hers and squeezed tightly. "Your mom's strong. She's going to make it."

She thought back to all those days of complaining to Levi about her own mother, and she almost felt overwhelmed by her guilt.

"Come on, the rest of the family's up in the waiting room. They might have news."

Cath nodded and allowed him to lead her to the elevator.

She didn't know how to handle this. Being the supportive and loving girlfriend. In their entire relationship she couldn't remember once that she'd really truly had to comfort Levi. The occasional bad grade on a test had been solved by going out for ice cream and making plans for a study session for the next one. But Levi was right. There was nothing to be done in this situation.

The entire waiting room seemed to be full of the Stewart family. Levi's dad who looked about in as rough of shape as Levi himself did. Tamar who was holding a sleeping Jael in her arms. There was a girl with died blue hair in a faux-hawk that Cath realized must be Esther the newly returned college rebel. She didn't see Debbie anywhere, but there were a few people she were sure were cousins and aunts and uncles.

Levi led her over to a free pair of chairs where they sat down. Cath laid her head on his shoulder, eyes closing for a moment. She remembered in a moment that she'd promised to call Wren. She settled for a text instead, so she didn't have to leave Levi's side. She pressed a kiss to his cheek when she was done and just leaned in close.

She watched a few of the Stewart's bow their heads in prayer and wondered to herself if it really would help. But she knew Marlisse probably would have been doing so had anyone else been in that hospital bed. So she did bow her own head and think a few thoughts about Marlisse getting better. It was all she could hope.

The doctor came out to the waiting room early in the morning with the news.

"She's recovering," the woman promised. "We were able to save her."

Cath noted how almost everyone in the room relaxed.

"But?" Tamar asked, eyes heavy with worry.

"But she is paralyzed from the waist down," the doctor said. "There was too much damage. I'm afraid she's going to be wheelchair bound."

Cath watched Levi's jaw quiver and saw tears brimming in his eyes.

"She's alive, that's what matters," Levi said. "Is there anything else? Anything that can be done?"

The doctor shook her head. "I'm afraid not. We'll keep her here for a few more days for her to recover. But in the end it's just going to be adjusting to a new life most likely. I'd let you see her if you'd like. But she's sleeping right now. It might be better to all go home and come back in the morning."

Levi's dad nodded.

"The rest of you head back. I'll stay and I'll call if anything changes. But you can all rest knowing Marlisse is going to make it."

A few of the Stewarts protested, but most gave up before too long. David wasn't going to leave his wife, and the rest of them really were too tired to last much longer in a waiting room.

Levi took her hand and pulled her to her feet.

"Come on, I'll drive you home," he whispered.

"I'm not going back to Omaha tonight," she said.

"I know," Levi insisted. "You can come home with me for now. But I'm not letting you drive in your own car. Not after everything."

She didn't have any fight left, so she calmly agreed.

She did her best to keep him awake while he drove her back to the Stewart farm, but the both of them were too exhausted to really talk much. Cath also really didn't feel she could say much when most of her Christmas so far had been dealing with her mother. And the last thing she wanted was to remind Levi of what had just happened. He already looked to be in enough pain.

They pulled up right around the same time as Tamar did, shooing Esther and Jael out and telling them to go put pajamas on and get in bed, even though the sun was already starting to creep through the windows. Levi tried to insist she go home, but she wasn't having any of it.

"No, I'm staying here tonight. I'll sleep on the couch. But with mom gone someone has to make sure you all take care of yourself."

Levi sighed and turned to Cath. "If she's taking the couch... it's a full house right now. Why don't you come sleep with me. Just for tonight."

Cath managed something of a smile. "Your mother will likely wheel herself back here just to chastise the both of us if I do."

"Just one night," Levi murmured, moving closer to place a kiss on her lips. "I need you with me, Cather. I'm so glad you came. Even though it worried me sick."

They went up the stairs together, Levi opening the door to his bedroom and leading her inside. Cath nodded to him when he locked the door. She slipped off her shirt and moved into his familiar embrace, standing on tiptoes to kiss him.

"I love you so much, Cather," he mumbled. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Me too," Cath said, even though she felt it was a lie. "Now let's get some rest before we go back to the hospital."

Levi smiled and leaned in to press a kiss to her temple, hands grazing over her bare sides.

"Come cuddle with me, sweetheart," he murmured. "Even a week without you felt like an eternity."

Cath swallowed. She had to agree. It had been too long. Cath unbuttoned her jeans and managed to shimmy out of them. She helped Levi take his shirt off, giggling as he picked her up and set her on the bed.

"If it weren't for the fact that I'm still relieving some teenage fear of my parents walking in on us, I'd be taking this further," Levi whispered, though that didn't stop him from kissing down her neck and shoulder. He worked his own pants off in a matter of seconds and was soon sliding onto the bed beside her.

"I know," Cath agreed. She had to admit that knowledge Marlisse was in the hospital still didn't comfort her. It would be too much of a betrayal to do anything more than this.

"Mmm," Levi purred like a cat as he pulled the covers up over them both, pulling her body to his. Cath closed her eyes and found herself fading.

"When we get back to school I'll make it up to you," Cath promised.

Levi yawned but she could hear the sleepy smile in his voice. "More Cather fanfictions huh? I wouldn't say no to that."

She let out a laugh that came out more of a sigh. This was what she'd needed after all that stress. Levi. She couldn't do this without him, she decided.

She fell asleep feeling as though the arms wrapped around her could keep away her greatest troubles. For once she relaxed.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: No fanfiction this chapter. Firstly because Cath is way too distraught/busy to write it...well as am I. Also because this chapter was actually cut in half to begin with (yes can you believe how ridiculously long this thing was), so I couldn't cut anymore and didn't think adding to it with a fic was a great idea. It's already a bit ridiculous.
> 
> Had one reviewer mention problems in continuity with the family...I'm still not sure what was being referred to, but for everyone's viewing pleasure I decided to make a little [family tree post ](http://elsarenard.tumblr.com/post/140373381254/stewart-family-tree) on Tumblr. 
> 
> Had one guest reviewer on ff.net ask what was so important about the article… basically it would be a published article about her as a writer before she's even published, which is a big deal. Secondly, a lot of media spin fanfiction as a horrible thing. So having a positive article would be a great triumph for the fandom. Anyhow, hope that clarifies.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's commented and kudoed!


	22. Twenty-Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very angsty chapter. You have been warned. Please please please trust me. Putting this in two author’s notes. We will see if people actually pay attention.

Cath was glad of the sleep the next day. Because it took her and Levi and Tamar to all convince Marlisse that she needed to stay at the hospital to fully recover.

Once conscious again the woman was not having any of their advice.

"Mom," Levi said in the sternest voice Cath had ever heard him use. "You have to stay in bed. The doctors need to make sure everything is fine before you go home."

Marlisse pursed her lips and worked harder at pulling her now immobile legs over the side of the bed.

"Get me a wheelchair and get me out of here," she demanded. "I'm not sitting here one more day. Have you finished the latest tally? Has that calf been born yet? Are you fixing the fence in the northeast corner? What about the sales next week? Have you looked into those?"

Levi frowned. "Mom, we're dealing with it. Dad is working. Uncle Jim and his whole crew have been doing everything they possibly can. We're managing. All right? Once you're well you can come home and I promise we'll fill you in."

Tamar finally managed to coax her back onto the bed, pulling her sheets up and tucking her back in.

"Please, mom. Just get some rest. Everything will be fine."

Marlisse just glared at her. "Of course it will," she said. "It's what the Lord intended to happen. I just wish you'd let me help a little more."

It was Debbie who interrupted.

"What the Lord intended?" she demanded. She clenched her fists and took another step forwards. "This? You crippled?"

Marlisse raised her chin a little higher. "Jesus healed many a cripple back in his day to show the will of God. And even if I won't be healed, this is what was meant to happen."

Debbie's face twisted. "You're a fool. You're an idiot to think something like that."

"Don't you dare say such a thing," Marlisse said. "It is not our job to question the work of the Lord."

"If God did this to you then I want nothing to do with him," Debbie hissed. She grabbed a vase of flowers the church had left on Marlisse's bedside and threw them to the ground.

Cath watched as glass shards scattered, roses streaming out in a puddle of water. She swallowed and didn't dare meet Debbie's gaze. She was only glad when she heard the door slam and knew the other girl had to have left.

"Oh never mind her, mother," Tamar said, smoothing her covers down. "She'll come around. But for now you need to rest."

Marlisse frowned. "My eldest is in the middle of another potential breakdown, you are no doubt missing some important event to see to me, and I see Cath has troubled herself to drive all this way. I have no wish for rest. Not when there is so much that needs doing."

"You have to rest, mom," Levi said. "Please. Just for now. When you get stronger there will be time for all this. But for right now you need to let us handle this. I'll ask Esther if she can try to make sure Debbie gets home. Tamar can take a few days off of her busy schedule for once. And Cath is glad to be here. It's all right. We're going to get through this."

"At least one of you has the right attitude," Marlisse muttered. "Cath, sweetheart, aren't you missing Christmas with your family?"

"I don't really mind," Cath said. "I...I wanted to be here for Levi."

Marlisse's expression softened. "I knew you were right for my boy. But you've gone above and beyond this time. Come over here."

Cath smiled and came to sit closer to the bedside. Marlisse reached out a hand and took one of hers squeezing it tightly. Cath wondered at the fact that she felt more attached to this woman than to her own mother. For years her own mother hand felt like a myth...almost like she'd been dead. But the mere thought of losing Marlisse had been heartbreaking.

In spite of her initial joy, Cath was overcome by wariness as she realized the implications. One more person to become attached to. One more person to lose...

"I'm glad I could be here," Cath said, though part of her wondered if Marlisse might sense the lie.

She didn't. She nodded and smiled and squeezed Cath's hand tight.

"I'm glad you could too."

Cath held onto the happiness of that for a few minutes. Even as she realized things weren’t ever going to be quite the same again.

* * *

 

 

The next few days were a blur. Levi went into overdrive trying to keep the ranch running. It was the first time Cath felt she'd truly seen him in a state of stress. She recalled his panic over not being able to study with Reagan freshman year. This was ten times worse than that. And while Marlisse had her positive qualities, patience while being laid up in bed was not one of them.

Cath sat in the background. She played a little soccer with Jael in the field out back and sat down to watch Tamar fuss over her various projects to prepare for second semester. She had an interesting experience getting Esther started on why she'd decided to become a philosophy major, and she had to agree with Levi that she loved his younger sister just a bit more than the rest. Debbie largely kept to her room. Cath couldn't decide if that was a blessing or not. All she knew was Levi threw glances at her door every time he was in the hall and she heard him talking to someone on the phone about medication doses.

But the longer Cath was there, the more she felt she was slipping away. Like she'd become part of the background.

Levi hardly had a spare moment to pay her any mind. Her laptop was home and the Stewart computer was rarely free. She texted Wren a few times saying she didn't know how long was the right amount to stay. At first she'd paid her time out of a need to help the family. But it was quickly becoming apparent she wasn't needed.

Levi came in to his room late that night, moving quietly. Cath rolled over to face him, already awake with her mind so active pondering everything. His shadow moved closer to the bed. She couldn't see his face, but she knew he was looking at her.

"I'm going home tomorrow," Cath told Levi. "I'll let you have some time to finish things up here. We'll have more time in a week when classes get going again."

He sighed. "I understand, Cather. Get back to your family. Go enjoy the rest of your break for me, okay?"

She nodded and reached out for his hand. He let her take it, though he didn't return the squeeze she gave him. He remained sitting on the edge of the bed. Cath sat up.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"I think we should talk about it in the morning," Levi murmured. "No need to worry before we go to bed."

Cath sighed and closed her eyes. Perhaps he was right. She moved over a bit and let him snuggle in beside her. They were just lucky Marlisse hadn’t seemed to notice anything was up and had been able to get away with sharing a bed so many nights in a row. Cath snuggled in against Levi’s chest and thought about how much she’d miss him even for one more week.

* * *

 

 

That next morning the look on Levi’s face spoke volumes as to what he was about to discuss.

Cath was frightened just looking at the frown that had overtaken his usual smile. She wanted to immediately ask him what was wrong, but instead she dressed and sat on his bed, waiting for him to bring it up.

He sat down beside her, kissing her cheek before pulling away.

“It’s time I told you,” Levi said. “A few days after mom’s accident I contacted my advisor. I mentioned that I might need to be going home more this semester to help around the ranch. Asked if I could drop a class or two. He looked it over, but the truth is even if I did summer school to make up for it, I would fall behind. I’d have to stay an extra semester.”

Cath frowned. “That’s not so bad is it? Is it because you can’t afford it or something?”

Levi shook his head, lips thinned into an intimidating line. “No. I should be able to. I have enough in savings and I have a scholarship that will help. Plus mom’s always saying she’s happy to kick in more for me since I’ve worked so hard to pay most of it myself…but… the truth is I realized if it was already going to be an extra semester then why not just take the whole one off? Why not avoid the stress of trying to juggle home and work and school and just do one. So I thought about it a bunch…and I decided that’s for the best. I’m not going back to school this next semester. I’m going to take it off and stay here to help out.”

Cath felt like the world had suddenly frozen around her.

“What?”

“You heard me, Cather,” Levi said, shoulders slumping. “I’m staying here. Mom needs my help.”

“She has other people who can help her,” Cath argued. She grasped at what few solutions she could find. “Your sisters for example.”

Levi sighed. “Debbie is really not doing well right now. She needs some help too. Tamar is working overtime at the high school teaching three different classes and helping run basketball and track and the honor society. She doesn’t need any more on her shoulders. Esther is going back to school. I’m not letting her ruin her fantastic scholarship because of this, And Jael isn’t even in middle school yet.”

“Your aunts or uncles then,” Cath said.

“They have their own lives too,” Levi said. “Kids still growing up. Work to do at home or in other places. And it’s not their job. She’s _my_ mom. I’m the one who needs to be here.”

Cath swallowed. “And what about us then?”

“I’ll come visit when I can,” Levi said. “Micah’ll keep my room for me. We have enough guys paying rent that losing me won’t hurt that much. It’s only a few hours drive. I can come on weekends sometimes…we’ll make it work.”

Cath remembered back to that summer. To all the times she’d spent thinking a trip might work out on either end only for plans to change. She thought about Lauryn who’d found out her boyfriend was cheating on her. Or to Wren and Jandro who were having so much trouble after a summer apart. Abel and her… Everything in her kept piling up evidence of how this would go wrong.

Cath thought of her mother, and how devastated she’d been when the woman had walked out on them. She thought about Levi doing the same. Him growing tired of her. Realizing he didn’t need her. Finding some other pretty girl in Arnold, some girl who went to his mom’s church and knew how to birth a calf. And she knew she couldn’t do it.

Without another thought she raised her defenses. Everything in her was screaming to protect herself, keep the possible pain at bay.

“No,” she said.

“No?” Levi reached out a hand to touch her shoulder. “What do you mean, sweetheart?”

Cath shook her head. “I can’t…I can’t do that,” she whispered, even as tears swarmed her eyes, blurring her vision. “I can’t do it, Levi. I…no.”

“What are you saying?” he asked, voice hardening some. “Are you saying…Cather look at me…”

She didn’t dare. If she did she might give in. Might promise she’d try to see him on weekends and deal with phone calls and skype instead of real dates and nights in bed. Cath closed her eyes.

“I can’t do this, Levi,” she said. “I…I’m not….I want a break. We both have a lot going on right now…and I think it’d be for the best.”

“You’re not seriously doing this,” Levi whispered. “God, Cath…aren’t you rooting for me anymore? For us?”

“No,” Cath said, looking up finally, even as a few tears began to flow. “I’m not. I’m rooting…I’m rooting for me, Levi. And I can’t do this. Not right now. The last year and a half of college have been stressful enough without adding this to the mix.”

Levi let out a choked sound, and she saw tears on his face too.

“Please, Cather.”

Cath stood up, snatching up her purse.

“No.”

She couldn’t contain her emotions. Cath knew if she didn’t leave soon she was going to have a breakdown in front of Levi. And sure she’d panicked in front of him before…or even cried. But she’d never had a full on panic attack. Never completely lost it and showed him what a crazy person she really was.

Reasons she knew her decision had to be right.

He grabbed her wrist before she fully made it to the door. Cath hardly dared to look at him, but after a moment she did. Levi’s face was streaked with tears.

“You’re killing me, Cather. I love you. God I love you. Please, don’t walk away from this.”

He stepped closer and his lips were on hers before she could stop him. Cath winced into the kiss, doing her best to pull away. Levi allowed it after a few seconds, watching her with watery eyes.

“I…” Cath was wordless for once. She thought of Tom and Cornelius, the scene she’d written a few weeks before. “I’m sorry,” she said at long last.

Levi let go of her arm.

“I’m going to call you in a few days,” he whispered. “After you’ve had time to…to calm down and think about this. We’re going to make it through. We’ve been through harder things before… I’m calling you in a week.”

Cath didn’t respond. She couldn’t. All she could picture was ignoring the calls. Because that was probably what she was going to do. Rather than face this.

She moved to the door, hardly daring to look back at him,

“I love you, Cath,” he said. “I hope you won’t forget that.”

She closed the door and kept going. At some point she didn’t even know what was driving her anymore. But she just kept walking until she arrived at her car. She stepped in and started it and drove off without stopping to think about anything else.

* * *

 

 

Wren noticed something was off the moment she walked in the door.

“Oh my god what happened?” she asked, not hesitating a moment before taking Cath’s arm and dragging her over to the couch.

Cath knew she shouldn’t look the way she did. After all, she’d spent enough time at the Stewarts to not have to worry about going back to Laura’s. Her dad was back, she could be home. She’d thought initially that might comfort her some. Instead it almost seemed to set her off.

Arthur poked his head out of the doorway of the kitchen.

“Not now dad,” Wren said. “Cath will talk to you in a bit. But she’s having a crisis right now.”

The word crisis was a little too accurate. The entire car drive Cath had simply felt numb. Like someone had frozen over her emotions…somehow made them inaccessible. But now…now it seemed like she couldn’t keep the water in her eyes. Tears began dripping the moment Wren sat her down.

Arthur seemed to accept that Wren knew what she was doing and disappeared back into the kitchen. Wren ran a soothing hand down Cath’s arm.

“Please, tell me what happened,” Wren asked.

Cath let out a sob, but she somehow managed to force the words out.

“LevandIbrokeup,” she said in a rush.

Wren must have somehow caught on because her eyes widened.

“What?”

“We broke up.”

And with that Cath somehow managed to tell most of the story. How Marlisse had been injured. How Levi had needed to stay with her. How Cath had been a horrible person and broken up with someone whose mother was in the hospital.

“Hold on,” Wren said after she’d finished.

She disappeared into the kitchen before she reappeared with a tub of ice cream and two spoons.

“I never really did this for Abel,” Wren said with a sigh. “But it’s well deserved after a break up. Especially a real one.”

“Abel was my boyfriend,” Cath protested for the umpteenth time. “Just because we weren’t in love doesn’t mean we weren’t dating.”

“Hmm sure,” Wren muttered, digging in her own spoon and bringing it up to her mouth. “Well it was either this or booze, but I figured you’d disapprove of that one.”

“No booze,” Cath agreed. She picked up her own spoon and dug it into the chocolate confection. Popping the cold dessert into her mouth was soothing, and after a few spoonfuls she found herself beginning to relax.

Of course, a few seconds later the phone rang.

Cath froze up, hardly daring to look at it. Wren sighed and reached for the discarded purse, pulling it open and snatching out the phone.

“It’s Reagan,” Wren announced.

If Cath had thought Levi would be bad, she felt faint at the idea of talking to Reagan.

“Oh my god,” she whispered.

“I’ll answer,” Wren said. “Unless you’d rather just ignore it.”

Cath was unsure which option would be worse.

“Answer it,” she said after a long moment.

Wren put the phone up to her mouth.

“Hello?” she paused and pulled it away from her ear, wincing. Even Cath could hear the sound of shouting. “This is Wren, Reagan. Cath is not going to talk to you right now. She’s in a bit of a state…”

There was more shouting and Cath shivered and shrunk back into the couch.

“Oh my god she is too,” Wren said with a sigh. “I don’t care if she broke up with him, they’re both really emotional right now, okay? So how about you just deal with consoling him while I keep my sister from falling to pieces. All right? They’ll probably be back together in a week anyways, I just have to get Cath to calm down a little.”

Cath shook her head. “It’s over, Wren.”

“I’ll have her talk to you later,” Wren said before simply hanging up.

“I’m not getting back with him,” Cath whispered.

“You can worry about that later,” Wren said. “When you’re in more of a calm state. For now just eat your ice cream and tell me if there’s some kind of movie or something I can get. Because we are giving you a calm down break up night. And then you can think it over more later.”

Cath nodded and slowly curled up, resting her head on the couch’s armrest. Wren grabbed a movie and popped it in. Cath only half watched, thoughts busy revisiting her decision. Had she made the right choice?

* * *

 

 

Arthur stopped her on the way to the bathroom later. He’d patiently given her and Wren time enough to watch through a movie and eat most of the tub of ice cream. But she could tell by the way he was looking at her that he intended to talk.

“I’m not going to say anything either way as to your break up,” Arthur said, crossing his arms. “That’s your life, your boyfriend. You choose what you’d like to do with him. I did think he seemed like a pretty decent guy…and it does make me a bit disappointed to think you’re throwing it away. But I don’t know all the specifics so that’s just my two cents.

“What I did want to say is that I’m not sitting by and watching you fall apart like this. I wasn’t strict enough about making you and Wren really pursue therapy when you were younger, but with how much it’s been helping Wren…I want you to start doing some too.”

Cath opened her mouth to protest but he beat her to the chase.

“No. It’s not a negotiation,” her dad said, folding his arms. “You are required to go to at least five sessions. You can pick the person you’d like, but beyond that there is nothing else to talk about. I expect you to have found someone by the end of the month.”

Cath swallowed and shook her head. “I’m not crazy.”

“No,” Arthur said. “But you could use help. And there’s nothing to be ashamed of in that. Please, Cath. I want what’s best for you and your sister.”

She didn’t have another chance to say anything. Arthur was busy sweeping her up in a hug before letting her go and walking to the door. Cath just stood there in shock.

After a moment she managed to bring herself round. She didn’t know that she approved of her dad’s plan. But at the very least, it was a relief after that week with Laura to know that one of her parents truly did care about her and her wellbeing. Cath just shook her head and went back to sit down with Wren.

* * *

 

 

Going back to school was a mild disaster for Cath.

After everything over the break she felt on the precipice of a breakdown. And the thought alone of facing Reagan was already making her hyperventilate as she walked down the halls of the dorm.

She dragged her bag behind her, head down as she walked. God, what would she do if Reagan yelled at her. Maybe the other girl would want to get a new roommate. After all, if she was taking sides in this it would obviously be Levi’s.

Cath looked up in time to see someone near her door.

She froze. Unable to move as she realized who she was seeing.

“We need to talk,” Levi said, rising to his feet and stalking towards her.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, doing her best to act nonchalant as she swung her bag back over her shoulder. “Shouldn’t you be back in Arnold?”

Levi tilted his head. “I came back to get some things.”

Cath didn’t remember the last time she’d seen him without his trademark smile. That alone nearly broke her heart.

“Oh…okay. Well…”

“I want to talk to you,” he said again.

“I don’t think there’s much to talk about,” Cath said, folding her arms. She couldn’t meet his gaze.

“There is,” Levi said. “You were right.”

She looked up at that, finally managing to look him in the eye. He still looked grim, but she was able to keep from looking away.

“You were right,” he repeated. “We both have a lot going on. Things have been…stressful for both of us lately. I think a break might be the right thing to do…for both of us.”

Cath swallowed, emotions rising up in her that she had to force herself to choke down. She wasn’t crying in front of him. It wasn’t happening.

“I want you to know…” he broke off and she could see tears in his eyes this time. “I want you to know I’ll always love you.”

“Levi,” she whispered, but he stopped her.

“No. I…I can’t say much more than that. I just wanted you to know. I’ll always want you to know. You were my everything. I hope this semester goes better for you. You can always call me. I’m not going to fight this…but I want you to know that at any moment it can end. I don’t mind waiting for you, Cath. If that’s what you need I’m willing to wait and give you some space and time.”

Cath couldn’t find the words. She nodded and looked away. She feared if she said anything she’d break down again.

Levi didn't speak again. He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. And like that he was gone.

He turned then, walking towards the end of the hallway towards the elevators. As he disappeared, Cath wondered if she’d ever see him again.

For a moment she thought she might dissolve into tears. But for some reason she found herself instead feeling…empty. Or perhaps for once she was simply unafraid. Able to face what had happened without acting like the world around her was suddenly dissolving. Cath turned to the doorway of her room and sighed. There was still so much she would have to figure out how to handle.

She went into her room. The only relief she had was that Reagan wasn’t there yet.

Cath was at her desk in a moment. It was tempting to pull out her laptop. Just try to forget in the glow of a computer screen. But instead she found herself wanting to get away from that. Perhaps she’d write out something by hand for once. Maybe that would be a nice change.

She opened her desk drawer and pulled out a pen, looking for an old notebook she’d used to use for jotting down fic ideas.

As she was pulling at it, a few pieces of paper fell out.

Cath stooped to pick them up.

She stared down at the picture of a castle she well remembered seeing all those weeks ago. She paused for a moment, heart suddenly beginning to beat faster.

_This is home_. Those had been her thoughts. A steady boyfriend and a loving sister and father. Good friends to keep her company.

Cath stared at the brochure and considered. Boyfriend, gone. Father busy with work. Sister busy with pulling self together and planning estranged mother’s wedding. Friends potentially lost.

Her excuses had run out. Cath took a deep breath and considered the inevitable.

“Watford here I come,” she muttered before opening the brochure to begin scanning the application process.

* * *

 

 

So I really hate to do this, but I have to just put this fic on hiatus for right now. I wish I didn’t have to…but I sort of do. I’ll try to work more on Just What the Doctor Ordered and other oneshots and stuff. But this one just isn’t possible anymore. Sorry followers. –Magicath

**138 comments:**

**CarmineLushly: um what?!? We are so having a talk when I see you again cause this is not cool.**

**Snowbz5ever: NOO why? This was like my fav crossover ever!**

**Anonymous324: You suck. How dare you leave this unfinished? What is wrong with you?**

**CallmedoctorT: Sorry people are being such jerks. Hope you finish this someday. We will all really miss it!**

-From _Cornelius Bell and the 10,000 Smiles_ posted January 2013  
By FanFixx . net author Magicath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Points at pairing listed. Do you think I’d list that if it wasn’t true?  
> TRUST ME READERS! I promise things will get better. Storms come and go in life...so just wait it out and remember the sunshine is coming back! Anyhow, I’m preparing for an influx of negative about that chapter…but I’m hoping people will realize I’m not evil… out of 9 of my finished works 9 end happily. I cannot write tragic stuff…I just can’t. Angsty yes…but not completely tragic.  
> All right, lost some followers last chapter. Probably will again this one. But I swear if you’re only reading for Levath (I really cannot find a ship name I like) then you can still stick around. This is not the end. I know that’s a spoiler but it needs to be said. Anyhow, Elsa out.  
> -elsarenard


	23. Twenty-Three

Cath flipped through every inch of the application packet. There was more than she would have expected. Signatures needed from the dean and her advisor and the health clinic on campus. Plus a personal essay. It was going to take some time to gather them up. Thankfully she still had a week to finish the thing.

She was only interrupted in the process of filling out a personal information section by Reagan storming into the room.

Cath glanced up. She still had not talked to Reagan since the breakup had happened. Part of her wondered if she should avoid eye contact and pretend she needed to leave for an appointment. However, she knew this had to be confronted sooner or later. And perhaps it was better to just get it over with.

Before she could speak, Reagan slammed her bag onto the bed and turned to her.

"You should be aware, if it were just my decision I would be beating the shit out of you right now for the fucking stunt you pulled. But Levi has warned me that if I do anything to harm you either physically or psychologically he will never forgive me. So there's your one little blip of hope in this relationship, got it?"

Cath swallowed, only glad Levi had thought ahead enough to warn Reagan off.

"I'm sorry," she managed to whisper.

Reagan rolled her eyes and turned away. "Sorry you left him crying for two days straight? His floor was littered with Kleenex by the time I arrived. And that on top of all the other shit with Marlisse and quitting school? You know what, I don't even want your excuse. I knew this would happen. Poor Levi is going to give up completely on dating with this record. One girlfriend who cheats on him and another who dumps him for absolutely no reason."

Cath thought about stating her reasons. But she knew they'd only sound pathetic, and that Reagan would likely shoot each and every one down. And really she didn't need someone to twist up her rationale right now. She just needed to accept and move forward. And Oxford was just the thing to do that…but if she had Levi in her life she'd never do it.

"Good Christmas break?" Cath managed to whisper after a moment.

"Fine," Reagan muttered. "Stayed with a friend from high school so I didn't have to go home. You?"

"Stayed at my mom's," Cath said after a moment.

Reagan glanced up from shoving a mishmosh of laundry into one of her drawers. "What?"

"Just you know...at my mom's instead of my dad's," Cath stated.

"Yeah, I heard that," Reagan said, eyes narrowing. "But I thought you and your mom weren't...simpatico."

"No," Cath admitted. "I was trying to...mend things I guess. It didn't go great. She's marrying some guy and is going to be a stepmom to a...a kid who is about the age I was when she walked away."

Reagan sighed and slammed her drawer shut. "Life is fucked," she declared. "You know that? You think things will work out fine and then..." She gestured to the mess on her bed as though to explain what she meant.

"Yeah."

Cath sat in silence for a moment before going back to looking over the application. Well, at least one relationship wasn't completely ruined. She let Reagan go silent and allowed it. Right now maybe it was better without words. She'd save those up for later. Cath had a feeling she'd need all the words she could get.

* * *

 

Lauryn latched onto her the moment she walked into Modern American Literature. She'd been persuaded to take it so that she and Lauryn could have two classes together for the semester. Cath still wasn't sure about it since she'd heard rumors about the professor being one of the hardest in the department.

"You have _got_ to tell me what happened!" Lauryn said. "Oh my gosh please tell me you'll keep writing and you changed your mind. I couldn't believe it when I saw it."

Cath sighed. She was about to answer when she noticed a familiar figure in the third row.

"I know!" Lauryn said when she saw where Cath was looking. "Persuaded him to take the class. He said he had an elective anyways. So now we three have a class again!"

"We can be like Simon and Penny and Agatha," Thomas said with a smirk as they settled their bags in the seats next to his.

"I feel like that makes me Agatha, and I do not approve," Cath said with a sour look in his direction.

"Well you are the white one," Lauryn said with a grin. "And besides, I do have an authentic Penelope Bunce ring in my possession so I claim the role eagerly."

"I have no qualms with being the Chosen One," Thomas said smiling as he pushed his glasses back on his nose, drawing Cath's attention to an ugly bruise on his cheek.

"Chosen One who gets in fist fights apparently," Lauryn said folding her arms. "What were you up to over break?"

Thomas frowned. "Nothing. Just...skiing accident. My family did a lot over the holidays. What about you two?"

"Well," Lauryn said, distracted enough to move on, "Cath stopped writing one of her fanfics."

"Seriously?" Thomas said.

"Yes," Cath said with a sigh. "Fine, I might as well just explain it. I...I broke up with Levi over the break. And since he was...so much of my inspiration on that piece...I couldn't handle it. So I quit. I'm sorry."

Lauryn's expression was utter sympathy. "Oh my gosh, I'm so so sorry! I never imagined! You two seemed so great together. God, breakups are the worst. I saw Riley over the break and I cried again. Seriously, if you ever need to talk you just let me know."

"Sorry about that," Thomas said. "You doing okay?"

"I'm dealing with it," Cath said. She hesitated, but somehow felt comfortable enough to state the full facts. "My dad...my dad wants me to do therapy actually."

Lauryn patted her hand. "There are great people in the health center. Seriously, don't you worry about it! You'll probably learn a lot about yourself."

"Thanks," Cath said awkwardly.

"Seriously, I'll keep you accountable. Setting up an appointment is the hardest part," Lauryn said. "I'll ask you at the end of next week if you've set it up. Okay?"

"Um...sure..." Cath said, though she wasn't actually sure. "So what else happened over break? I don't like that I'm doing all the talking."

Lauryn shrugged. "It was boring mostly. Did a little reading and writing mostly. Thomas here went skiing, no doubt up at his fancy winter mansion or something."

"It's just a hunting lodge," Thomas said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"Still a second home," Lauryn pointed out.

"What, do I suddenly need to apologize for being well-to-do?" Thomas said. Cath saw something dark flash over his face. "I'm sorry all right. Is that enough for you?"

"Whatever," Lauryn muttered. "I'm sorry, I just spent too much time trying to avoid running into Riley. It's hard because we were in so many of the same social circles. And she is just _everywhere_. It was unavoidable."

Cath had a moment where she finally processed the pronoun. Apparently Thomas had the same realization.

"She?"

"Yes," Lauryn said, apparently unfazed. "She. Riley. My ex?"

Cath stared for a moment. "I...oh...um..."

"Oh," Lauryn said, finally catching on. "Yeah, I dated a girl. Um...I guess that wasn't obvious was it?"

"So you're a lesbian?" Thomas said.

"Something wrong with that?" Lauryn asked folding her arms.

"No," Thomas said, though he made his address to the floor. "My sister's one."

"I'm not just so you know," Lauryn said. "I'm pansexual. Honestly a person's gender is really the last thing on my mind when I'm looking to date someone."

Cath had a sudden feeling of awkwardness, wondering if she'd said anything offensive before without realizing it. She again felt the same tension she'd felt when Micah had first asked about her fanworks. It was so different somehow, encountering real people in real life than just writing about them in her fics.

"That's great," Cath said. "Um..."

"It's all right," Lauryn said. "I get it, all right? We can move on seriously. So did you guys get all the books for the class?"

Cath was grateful for the reprieve. She had wanted to say something more, but honestly she didn't know what else there was to say. For the moment she fell silent and let herself fall back into the old habits of class. She might not approve of her fancasting in the mage trio, but she did like the thought of them being like Simon and Penny and Agatha. It was a comfort somehow, knowing she had some real friends. She knew now she needed them more than ever.

* * *

 

Cath did eventually call the health center the next week. Lauryn had bugged her more than once about it, and she realized if she didn't then she probably wouldn't ever get around to it.

So she sat down, counting the rings and taking deep breaths as she waited for someone to pick up.

"Hello, this is UNL's health center, how may I assist you?"

"Um...I was hoping to schedule an appointment with a counselor," Cath whispered.

"Is this your first time?" the receptionist asked.

"Yes," Cath said, managing to swallow down her desire to just hang up and be done. "Yes...I want to start seeing someone."

"Perfect. Can I get your name and a number to reach you with? I will have someone call you back to assess who would be a good fit for you."

Cath gave out the information. She wiped a little sweat from her brow and fell back on her bed as she hung up. Well, not exactly painful, but still frustrating. She closed her eyes for a few minutes and fell into a light slumber.

The phone ringing woke her up. She sat up and took the call.

"Hello Cath, I'm Dr. Johnson. I'm hoping to learn a little bit more about what you're looking for before I select a counselor for you to meet with. Does that sound all right?"

Cath swallowed. "Yes. That's fine."

"First off, why don't you tell me what's going on. Why are you interested in seeing someone?"

"I've...just been really anxious," Cath said. "About school and relationships and stuff. My dad and some friends really think I should see someone."

There was scribbling on the other end as Dr. Johnson wrote something down.

"Great! Thank you, Cath. And how long have you been experiencing anxiety?"

Cath thought about her elementary school days when she used to wet herself rather than suffer the humiliation of asking a teacher to be excused. She didn't know if she'd sound crazy with such an answer, but she decided honesty was probably a good policy.

"Um...maybe ten years," she said. "I'm not sure. I don't really remember when it started."

"Mmhmm. And have you done therapy before?"

"Yes," she said. She wondered if that was obvious given how long she'd had anxiety. "When I was younger with my twin sister."

"All right," Dr. Johnson said. Her tone was still friendly which Cath found encouraging. "And are there any other concerns? Sleep, eating habits, social activities?"

"No," Cath said. "Just...just feeling anxious."

"How are your grades?"

"Um...I think they're at a 3.81 after last semester," she said.

"Good," the doctor said. "Well, what days work best for you for an appointment?"

"Um...Tuesday mornings?" she said, before adding, "unless that doesn't work for you."

"That will be perfect. And would you prefer a female or male counselor or do you have no preference?"

"Female," Cath said automatically. She couldn't imagine sitting down with a man and talking about her problems.

"Good. That sounds perfect. We'll schedule you for ten on Tuesday with Leanne. Does that work?"

"Yep," Cath said. "Thank you."

And she hung up without another word. She closed her eyes again. She couldn't wait until this was all over. Five sessions and then she could be done. She released a breath she didn't even realize she'd been keeping in. Maybe things would start to get better soon.

* * *

 

Professor Piper's eyes lit up when she saw the application.

"I'm so incredibly proud of you," she said. "Your final project turned in and beautifully done. Named for an incredible honor as an underclassman in Prairie Schooners. And now being willing to branch out and try studying abroad."

"Have you been abroad at all?" Cath asked, flushing under the praise.

Professor Piper smiled. "A few times. I've always wanted to write about some of my adventures. But I admit I usually feel more comfortable just sticking with my roots. Still, it's good to branch out..."

Cath nodded, doing her best to keep her breathing even as she thought about it. The more the reality set in the more she'd felt likely to start panicking. She had to stay calm and get the application in. After that she'd be allowed to have a nervous breakdown.

"Do you think I'll get in?" Cath asked.

"I would never have suggested you apply had I not," Professor Piper said, folding her hands. "But enough about Oxford...I wanted to ask if you had a chance to think more about your fiction writing project. Are you going to continue working on your novel?"

Cath shrugged. "I don't really know. Honestly, it was just a project while I was working on it. But I did enjoy it. And it was a nice break from fanfiction."

Professor Piper smiled. "I am glad. I hope you will keep going. And if not that you'll start something else. You have a great amount of potential."

"Well, we'll see," Cath said. After all, stranger things had happened.

* * *

 

The one thing Cath hadn't really anticipated was what came a week later at lunch. Lauryn had bailed for some last minute homework. So Cath was left alone to walk to the cafeteria with Thomas.

"You know what?" he said as they walked. "I really don't feel much like eating casserole today. Want to go get something off campus?"

Cath had three hours until her next class.

"Sure."

She followed him to the commuter lot where he motioned to his car. She smiled when he opened the passenger's side door for her.

It was a little quiet at first. Without Lauryn's constant chatter it took a few minutes for the two of them to find their own familiar rhythm of conversation.

"So, how about Thai food?" Thomas asked.

"Sure," Cath said.

"My family hates it," Thomas admitted as he pulled out of the parking lot. "Which is sad because there's a really great place not too far from our home."

"Well, we can get some now," Cath said.

"Yeah." He glanced over at her, and Cath somehow felt like he looked at her longer than he should have. After a few seconds his eyes fell back to the road.

They pulled into a small parking lot where Cath all but jumped out of the car, eager to get inside where the silence might feel more natural. Thomas motioned her into the door. A waitress scuttled over and ushered them to a table where she set two menus in front of them and hastily began pouring water.

They fell back into silence as they studied the menus. Thomas made a few recommendations to her. After ordering Cath sat back and wondered if she'd be able to keep a conversation going. She never was good at that. She was relieved when Thomas started talking about something he'd seen about the filming of Cornelius.

Perhaps it wasn't so hard after all. Relieved to find common ground, Cath joined into the conversation eagerly. However, after a few minutes another silence fell.

"Cath," Thomas said after a moment. "Maybe this is a little...forward...but I thought I'd ask...um...have you thought about...dating someone else?"

"I broke up with Levi less than two weeks ago," Cath said. "That's not even how long it takes milk to expire. I'm pretty sure I haven't moved through the five stages of grief or anything yet. So no...not really."

She took a sip of her water to avoid having to say anything more about it.

"Oh," Thomas said. He pulled at his collar. "I just...I've liked you for a while. But I didn't want to...make things awkward if you're not ready."

Cath stared at him for a moment. There were a few seconds where she had to struggle to swallow her drink before she managed to speak.

"What?"

"I...thought it was kind of obvious," Thomas said with a nervous laugh. "Um...I've liked you for a while. I want...I want to date you. But I know now might not be the best time. I just wanted to...put it out there I guess?"

Cath stared at him. She was saved from having to answer by the waitress bringing their food.

"Thanks," she whispered. She dragged her fork through the food, thinking about her possible response.

She'd never thought about dating anyone other than Levi. After all, they'd been happy together so there'd been no need. And while she wasn't sure she was perfectly ready, she did recognize there was value in just moving on. Wasn't that something Wren had said after she'd broken off with Abel.

"Um..."

"If you need more time it's fine," Thomas said. "Um...or if you're not interested or whatever. I get it. I know I'm not really...hunky or anything."

Cath looked him over. She agreed he wasn't anything special in terms of looks. Glasses and a thin and small frame that made him only a few inches taller than her. Freckles on his nose and a mole on his neck that reminded Cath of Simon. But he had expressive blue eyes... and beyond looks she had to admit that they had more in common than she and Levi ever had.

She thought about Thomas in American literature, raising his hand to point out the thematic possibility of _The Great Gatsby_ being a story of the Holy Grail. Gatsby the ever questing knight, Daisy his unattainable grail. The professor had applauded his cleverness. And then there was Levi...who couldn't even read without her help...

She had to stop herself from drawing further comparisons. After all, one did not compare a lamp to the sun. Or fake flowers to real ones... but Thomas was available...and he had feelings for her.

"Um...I'd be willing to try," Cath whispered. "If...if you think it would work and you don't mind my...um baggage."

"I've had ex's too," Thomas said with a shrug. "I don't think either of us is totally baggage free. But we'll try it...see how things go."

Cath nodded. She tried a few bites of her food, doing her best not to think about how this would probably be considered their first date.

"So...you want to split the check?" Thomas said. "I'm fine being a 'gentleman' and all, but I do want you to not feel I'm...being too forward or not...being sensitive."

Levi wouldn't have asked, Cath realized. He would have just paid.

"We can split," Cath suggested. She liked that in some ways. Less date-like pressure.

Thomas smiled at her for the first time. "Sure. You have no idea how happy this makes me, Cath."

"Me too," she said, though she wasn't certain happiness was the emotion she'd assign to this encounter. But there was some relief. First date after Levi over with. See, she could live without him. With a sigh she focused her attention on listening to Thomas, realizing he was asking her about her opinion of _The Sun Also Rises_. She fell into easy conversation. And the relief was almost palpable between the both of them.

* * *

 

Cornelius didn't really know what to think. For once in his life he couldn't draw the obvious conclusions he needed. Perhaps if Selene were a criminal committing a crime it might work. But instead she was sitting across from him at the table, asking if he was willing to try to make things work again.

At first he didn't really know what to think. He glanced her over, taking in her lovely features. Her fingers were drumming on the table, drawing his attention to the ink stains where she'd clearly been scribbling in her notebooks again. Always chasing after a story. Brilliant and clever, running the world in her own little sphere of paper and ink.

But his thoughts turned back to Tom. That brilliant smile. The way his heart began to pound every time the doctor was near. It was almost impossible to compare the two. There was nothing inherently wrong with Selene…only the lack of real love between them.

"Yes," he said after a moment. His shoulders slumped, but he knew the decision was right. He needed someone right now. And perhaps with Selene he might be able to erase the sorrow of Tom's loss…be able to move on from the reality that the love of his life had chosen someone else.

"Perfect," Selene said with a smile. She leaned in and pecked his cheek before standing. "Well, I've got lots of work to do. But I promise I'll be back before dinner. Anything you'd like me to pick up to eat?"

Cornelius shrugged. "Whatever you'd like," he said, before adding as an afterthought, "dear."

She beamed at him. "My lovely man back in my life. Lucky me. Well, you solve another case, darling. And tonight I'll show you just how much I missed you."

He nodded, but he wasn't really listening to her words. His eyes had focused on one of Tom's hats still hanging on the coat hooks.

He just had to hope Selene would work. Act like a cleaning agent to remove the last traces of his love. And perhaps when she was done he'd rid himself of her too. Perhaps he would go back to being the lonely and solitary thing he'd been before Tom had entered his life. And he'd be better off as a result.

-From _Just What the Doctor Ordered_ posted Jan 2013   
by FanFixx . net author Magicath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all who stuck with me through the last chapter and are still trusting me. I promise again that Levi/Cath is my OTP and I would never cause their ship any permanent and lasting harm, no matter what might happen while they are apart.
> 
> Other random stuff- I know Rowell has actually said that Penelope was white in the Simon Snow series (I've seen her talk about it on Tumblr), but I refuse to accept it…so hence my imaginings here.


	24. Twenty-Four

Cath kept squirming in her seat. She couldn’t sit still as she waited in the small room, looking around at the magazines on the coffee table and the brochures stacked on the end-table. Everything in her was begging to be released from this high stress moment. To tell the nurse up front that she actually couldn’t stay and then flee out the door and never come back.

However, before she could the door to the side of the office opened and a woman stepped out.

“Cather?”

Cath stood, wiping her sweaty hands on her jeans.

The woman smiled as she approached. Cath stared at warm brown eyes and a welcoming expression. She wore a button up blouse and khakis, her hair left down. Somehow Cath found herself disappointed. She supposed she’d expected someone…older… a wrinkled woman with glasses and a clipboard who’d scribble down notes while Cath laid on the couch.

“Hello, I’m Leanne,” she said. “If you’ll follow me I will lead you back to the room we’ll be using. Does that work for you?”

Cath nodded. “Um…I go by Cath actually.”

“Perfect,” the woman said. “Come with me.”

She held the door open for Cath before showing her back through a twisting maze of corridors. Cath was beginning to worry she was going to become horribly lost before Leanne stopped at a door. She opened it and motioned Cath in.

Cath sat down in one of the armchairs indicated to her. She crossed her legs and fidgeted as Leanne closed the door and took the other chair.

“So, first session,” Leanne said with another smile. “So let’s start with some easy things. I’m going to talk with you about what you’re dealing with. We are going to start by setting some goals about what you’d like to get out of the therapy. And then we might start with some easy things…you talking about your life and any other details I might want to know to help you. Does that sound all right?”

Cath managed to nod even though she felt like there was a lump steadily growing in her throat.

“All right, so what has brought you here, Cath?”

“Um…my dad told me I should do some therapy,” Cath whispered, voice coming out hoarser than she’d anticipated.

“And why is that?”

“Um…I broke up with my boyfriend,” Cath said. “I just…I had a rough Christmas.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Leanne said, folding her hands. “Is there anything that happened in particular that caused him to think you needed therapy, beyond the breakup?”

“I saw my mom again,” Cath said. “I haven’t seen her in a while.”

“And how was that?”

“Awful,” Cath whispered. She was surprised to find her cheeks feeling overly warm, water welling in her eyes. “She’s getting married again. Um…and she has a new stepson…and I kept thinking about how she walked away from me…”

Leanne frowned, but Cath didn’t see any judgement in the expression. Merely sympathy.

“What would you say you’re struggling with most, Cath? Beyond these personal struggles, I sense there might be something else bothering you.”

“I get…anxious,” Cath managed to admit, scraping the toe of her converse along the floor and watching the line it made in the carpet.

“Can you describe the feeling for me? How do you know you’re becoming anxious?”

Cath swallowed. “I feel like I can’t breathe sometimes…like my heart is beating really fast. I…I stop being able to think. I…” she broke off, suddenly wondering if it would be ironic to start feeling the things she was describing.

“When do you feel this way?” Leanne asked.

“Just…during regular things. I start getting worried about classes or…um…doing things with people or…I don’t know,” Cath managed to say, stammering over the words.

“That’s very good, Cath,” Leanne said. “Have you had panic attacks at all?”

“Yes,” Cath whispered. “Sometimes.”

“Good. And what would you say would be your priority in doing therapy? What would you like to really change?”

Cath thought for a few seconds. “I’d like…I’d like to not feel so much anxiety,” she admitted. “I don’t know if that’s really possible or anything.”

Leanne nodded. “Good.” She reached for a few pieces of paper. “I’d like to start setting some goals. I find creating some overall ones and specific ones can be very helpful. So, first off I’d like to ask what you’d like to make a goal about with your anxiety. What would you consider an improvement?”

Cath just stared at her.

Leanne smiled. “Perhaps I’ll say it this way, for example…how many panic attacks a month do you think you normally have?”

“Um…three maybe,” Cath whispered. “I’m not sure. Something like that.”

“Okay. So maybe you want to aim for one a month then?” Leanne suggested.

Cath just nodded, still feeling baffled.

“Next I’d like to go over some goals of things we can do to help keep your symptoms in check.”

“Like medication?” Cath asked, thinking about Reagan and what she’d said about that.

Leanne shook her head. “No. Not unless we really need it. But most patients can manage without. And besides, I’m not a psychiatrist, so I cannot prescribe anything to you. If I think it’s necessary I could refer you to someone, but I really do doubt that. I glanced over your file, how high is your GPA?”

“A 3.8,” Cath whispered, flushing.

Leanne smiled again. “See, you’re doing quite well all things considered. But we’ll keep talking and see what’s needed. But for now let’s start with setting some goals in categories like psychological, social, physical, spiritual. Whatever areas you think are most important.”

“Um…” Cath stared at the paper Leanne was filling out.

“Most patients find exercise can be helpful with creating a positive mental state,” Leanne said. “Would you like to set an exercise goal?”

Cath didn’t even know where the gym on campus was. “Find the gym?” she whispered.

She half expected Leanne to look disappointed. Or maybe to laugh. Instead she nodded and wrote it down.

“Good start,” she said. “What about social goals? It’s good to try to have some social interactions, even if it’s hard.”

“Do something with other people…um…once a week?” Cath tried.

“Perfect. Psychological we usually just fill in doing therapy, unless there’s something else you want to put. Any others you’d like to add? Perhaps something else you find is helpful to your anxiety?”

“I want to write every day,” Cath said.

Leanne tilted her head slightly. “Do you find this eases your anxiety? I hate to add to any overwhelming feelings you might be having.”

Cath shrugged. “Writing relaxes me. It…it’s a way for me to express the emotions I can’t even put to words. I find when I can’t process things I usually can feel better if I just sit down and write whatever comes to mind.”

Leanne smiled and scribbled down the words “write everyday” on the paper. “I think that looks like a good start then. In the meantime, I’d love to start learning a little more about you.”

Cath sighed and readied herself, knowing what was coming. She swallowed down her fear and called up the memories of the painful moments of her past. She nodded and when Leanne prompted, she began to let it all out.

* * *

 

 

After the therapy was over, Cath had to admit she felt…different. At first she was only aware of the tiredness. Like she’d just run a marathon rather than sitting in a chair and unburdening her soul. But it was a pleasant sort of feeling. Her whole person felt almost…lighter.

But not everything was meant to be easy. She was startled to find someone sitting in front of her door when she was done with her appointment.

There was a moment the sitting figure recalled old images of Levi in that same position. But Cath soon had enough control to realize it was Lauryn instead.

“Hi,” Lauryn said as she approached.

“Um…hi,” Cath said.

“This couldn’t wait,” Lauryn said, nodding at the closed door. “Like seriously. I thought about just waiting until our next class…but then I realized it would just be better if I did this now.”

She pushed herself up to her feet. Cath was surprised to find Lauryn’s eyebrows furrowed, her expression surprisingly serious.

“Did what now?” Cath asked, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach.

“Just straight out told you that I’m not sure how I feel about you dating Thomas,” Lauryn said. She raised one eyebrow, perhaps expecting Cath to speak. “I want to talk to you about it.”

“Did you want to date him or something?” Cath asked, folding her arms.

“No,” Lauryn said with a shrug. “Not really my type, no matter how cute he can be. And I do like him quite a bit. But really it’s just friendship, and I’ve sort of accepted that at this point. Which is mostly why I’m worried about you two dating…because this could seriously fuck up our friendship.”

Cath stared at her for a moment. “What?”

“I’m serious,” Lauryn said with a huff. “This could screw everything up. I know that sounds selfish of me as the third wheel, but I do want you to think of that. Also…may I point out that Thomas (though I love him to death) may have some serious issues?”

“Just because you’re jealous of his easy life,” Cath said, sighing.

Lauryn rolled her eyes. “This isn’t about him being a privileged white boy. It’s about the fact that he drinks. A lot. Did you not pay attention to the fact that he didn’t even bat an eyelash when I added up how much drinks are had in the first few chapters of _The Sun Also Rises_? He parties every weekend. Hard.”

Cath sighed and reached to unlock her door, motioning Lauryn in. She was busy thinking over what Lauryn had said. Honestly, she knew it should bother her. But in the moment it was so easy to just pretend it hadn’t been said. After all, Levi had done things she didn’t approve of. She wasn’t his mother. She was his girlfriend.

“It’s not that bad,” Cath insisted.

“Now you’re in some serious denial,” Lauryn said. “He hasn’t talked about it as much when you’re there because he wants to make a better impression on you. But around me, he lets loose, and his stories… he told me about a month ago he blacked out at a party and woke up in a stranger’s house. He said he still doesn’t know everything that happened and he did a few things he regret. That’s about as much as I got out of him before he clammed up.”

There was a moment of silence. Cath thought about Wren and the stupid things she’d done when she’d been drunk. It was a serious flaw, Lauryn was right about that.

“And I know we’re English majors, so it’s easy to romanticize this shit like Hemingway did,” Lauryn said with a sigh. “But I’m serious when I say I worry about him. And I’d hate to see you become…I don’t know…overly involved in dealing with his problems?”

Cath rubbed her forehead, doing her best to hold it together. But after an already stressful morning, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to. She was only grateful when Lauryn changed the subject.

“Anyhow, enough of that,” she said with a sigh. “You’ve been warned. I’ll warn him that I don’t approve too. But I am still both of your friends. And I don’t want to lose either of you. That’s the main thing.”

She managed a smile in spite of the stress. She had to agree. Of all the points Lauryn had made, that was the one she found stuck the most in her mind. She’d just made friends. And Cath couldn’t afford to lose them now of all times.

“By the way,” Cath said softly, “I...um…did therapy today.”

Lauryn gasped. “Oh my gosh! Yes that is so great! Please tell me it went great!”

“It was different,” Cath admitted. “I guess I just remember being really uncomfortable when I went as a kid. But this was…nice? I don’t know. I still have four more…but I’m not as worried about them as I was before.”

Lauryn grabbed her before she could say another word and pulled her into a rib-crunching hug.

“I’m so proud of you,” she said. “It’s going to be great!”

“I hope so,” Cath said.

“It will be,” Lauryn said, pulling away to give her familiar blinding smile. “And who knows, maybe things will work out with you and Thomas too. I guess I just am a bit biased in regards to both of you. So I’m going to say I did my part and now I’ll sit back and see how it works.”

Cath nodded, though she was struck by Lauryn’s widening smile.

“What?”

“Just thinking, this officially makes you Agatha,” Lauryn said.

Cath pushed her away with a grumble, though she had trouble containing her own smile. No matter how little she liked Agatha Wellbelove, she could accept it if it meant having her own Penelope Bunce best friend.

* * *

 

 

Unfortunately, Lauryn was not the only one who didn’t approve of the relationship. Something Cath found out the moment she sat down with Wren that evening to watch a movie.

“You _what_?” Wren asked, jaw dropping.

“Rebounded,” Cath said. “But in a good way. This is good. Seriously. I’m moving on. Trying new things instead of lingering over…my ex.” She didn’t dare say his name. It made it too real.

Wren was still staring at her like she’d sprouted dragon wings. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Me?” Cath asked. “I thought you’d be happy?”

“Okay, first I liked Levi. I thought he was good for you,” Wren said. “And I wasn’t sure about the breakup in the first place. But now hearing you’ve attached yourself to a guy in less than a month? You’ve only had one other boyfriend, Cath. This isn’t good.”

“I just thought it would be easier this way,” Cath whispered.

Wren shut her laptop part way, obviously intent on not starting the movie until they’d had it all out.

“No,” Wren said. “It’s not. The fact that you found a boyfriend before I did when I’ve been broken up for twice as long is not—”

“What?”

“Jandro and I are done,” Wren said with a shrug. “It’s official. We’ve grown apart. And…I don’t know. It just wasn’t working. I’ve accepted it. Had my few nights crying and all that. I’m over it.”

“You didn’t tell me,” Cath said in a whisper, not trusting herself to speak in a normal voice. “Why?”

“You had your own stuff you were dealing with,” Wren said with a wave of her hand. “And I’m serious when I say that I am mostly over it. That’s how I knew it was over…I got over the panic of losing him. Stopped worrying about it. And I knew that it wasn’t real. But you…you still think about Levi. You would say his name in your sleep. I’ve read your latest fanfiction stuff…are you seriously trying to tell me that every time Cornelius longs for Tom you’re not thinking of Levi?”

Cath had to look at the ground, because she had to admit Wren had the right idea. Every time she wrote a new chapter of _Just What the Doctor Ordered_ she had to wipe tears from her eyes. It had suddenly become all too personal in a way it was never meant to.

“So who is he?” Wren said, folding her arms.

“A boy I met in journalism,” Cath said. “He writes fic too.”

Wren sighed. “Name please, so I can internet stalk him _now_.”

Cath gave his name and watched as Wren pulled up the information on her phone.

“Oh hell no,” Wren groaned. “You and your stupid type. Really Cath?”

“Type?”

“Nerdy assholes,” Wren said.

“I do not like nerdy assholes,” Cath said with an eye roll. “What are you even talking about?”

“Oh please,” Wren said. “It’s been obvious to me for at least a year. I can’t believe you haven’t already figured that out. Your first crush in middle school?”

Cath flushed. “That was different.”

“How? Greg Parkinson was in high school level math at the time. And he was the biggest jerk to you, always asking to copy your English homework. And you thought he was the most adorable thing ever. And then came Abel.”

“Now Abel might have been a nerd, but he wasn’t an asshole,” Cath argued.

“He bragged about his new girlfriend’s ACT scores while breaking up with you” Wren said with a stare. “How does that not qualify? He was a useless brainiac who you convinced yourself you were in love with. Then there was your mystery library guy last year who was cutely into writing but stole your material and called it his own. Seriously, Cath when are you going to figure it out?”

“You haven’t even met Thomas,” Cath argued. “He’s nothing like that.”

“No asshole behavior to speak of?”

Cath suddenly found herself thinking of Levi’s past history with Thomas. She swallowed.

“No,” she lied. “He’s fine.”

Wren just shook her head. “I’m serious, Cath. You can’t just give in to a relationship because it’s there. It’s going to make you miserable. That was the beauty of Levi. You actually liked him. He wasn’t some stereotyped category that you always have convinced yourself you want. He wandered into your life, you got to know him. And you fell for him. And it was a very healthy and good relationship while it lasted. You flinging yourself at the first available guy is backtracking. You need to move forward, Cath. Try something new and different and let yourself just fall in love when it happens.”

Cath shook her head, grounding herself in the solid facts of what she liked about Thomas. His love for fic. His amazing writing abilities. His humor around her and Lauryn. She thought of his smile and the way his eyes would shine behind his glasses.

“I don’t need your approval,” she managed to say. “I did perfectly fine without it for a two semesters.”

Wren frowned, and Cath was surprised to see a touch of hurt in her expression.

“Look, last year was bad. We’ve both admitted it. Can’t we move on? I’m your sister. I want what’s best for you, and I honestly don’t think…this,” she motioned to Thomas’s profile picture, “is right for you.”

“Then we’ll just have to agree to disagree,” Cath managed to say. “But I am going to insist you tell me how everything went down with Jandro. I really did think you two were good together.”

Wren shrugged. “Things happen. People change. But if you want to hold off on a movie, we can catch up.”

Cath smiled and put a hand on the laptop to close it completely. “I’m all ears.”

* * *

 

 

It’d been so long since her last first date. Cath thought back to it as she smoothed her hands down her jeans, wondering if the two could really compare.

Thomas had promised to meet her out front of her dorm at six. She was still wondering if she’d made a mistake in allowing him to take her out so soon. With both Wren and Lauryn’s obvious dislike of the situation, Cath found her own doubts magnified. And that on top of realizing what might happen if Reagan found out…

Her roommate had mostly just settled on giving Cath the silent treatment. Most days Reagan was quiet other than her usual level of loudness in moving about the room. She had taken to slipping into her own life without any attempts to let Cath in. And a few days ago Cath had heard her talking on the phone…and she was almost certain Levi was on the other end.

So Cath had to accept that introducing a new boyfriend at this point was likely the worst idea ever.

She was jerked from her thoughts by a glance at the time. She had to get ready. After sliding a cardigan over her shoulders, she glanced at herself in the mirror one last time and then headed to the door.

Thomas looked about as casual as herself. Jeans and button up shirt, with his backpack slung over one shoulder. He perked up when he saw her, and she noticed he had two bags in his hands.

“What are those for?” she asked, looking at them curiously.

“Take out,” he said with a smile. “Burgers, I hope that’s okay?”

“Oh…” Cath said. “I thought we were…going somewhere.”

Thomas laughed and motioned to the door. “Can I come in?”

Cath thought about it. Reagan was supposed to be gone for the evening, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t nervous to have him around where it was a possibility her roommate might find out.

“Um…I’d rather not go to my room,” Cath said, shuffling awkwardly in the doorway.

“No problem,” Thomas said. “We can just sit in the lobby. I know you said you didn’t want to go to my place just yet, and I don’t mind. Honestly. I’m happy with slowness in this relationship.”

There was a moment of silence. Cath wondered if he was being genuine in saying that. Or was it merely a way for him to earn her trust enough that she might more quickly become interested in sleeping with him?

Honestly the thought alone made her feel almost sick. She’d spent so long getting over her anxieties with Levi, that having to do it all over again just sent ripples of anxiety through her. How could she become used to another person? To someone else’s touches and kisses and… she had to stop before she actually put herself off the whole idea.

“So what’s the plan?” Cath asked, finally letting him through the door.

“Well, I saw you were talking with a fan the other day and that you seemed completely confused by the references to baking,” Thomas said, moving over to a couch in the corner of the common room and setting down his things. “And it occurred to me that you’ve had no introductions to other Cornelius materials. Because in the canon McArthur it mentions that Cornelius has a secret passion for baked goods, and in fact is proficient in making them himself. Hence…fandom references to baking. So in light of that, I figured I’d expose you to some more Cornelius through a movie. And dinner of course.”

Cath was unable to hide a smile. “That sounds fun actually,” she admitted. “I haven’t really had the urge to explore other things, you’re right.”

“So I’ll open your eyes then,” Thomas said with a grin. He patted the couch beside him. “Come on, sit down. I’ll get your food out and then we can start watching.”

Cath sat down, wiggling a little as she tried to settle her rattled thoughts.

“So, you didn’t want to do something else on a Friday night?” she asked.

Thomas looked up from where he’d been pulling food out of the bags and smiled. “What? And miss an opportunity to be with you?”

“Oh…” Cath flushed. “I just figured…all the parties and things. I sort of had the impression those were your…thing.”

Thomas laughed and put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m happy being here with you tonight. No worries. Who cares about partying when I have you to keep me company?”

She found herself smiling slightly, though she had trouble hiding the blush that was clearly moving up her face. Well so much for Lauryn’s theory then. Cath had to wonder what else her friends had been wrong about.

Thomas pulled his computer out of his backpack, sliding it into place on the coffee table and pushing play.

Cath sank back into the seat and allowed Thomas to hand her a burger and fries.

“Hope this is okay,” Thomas said. “I remembered you saying something about not liking pickles.”

Cath was pleased he’d remembered. So far everything had the signs of being a success. She sighed and sank back into the seat, allowing herself to relax some as she realized all she had to do was watch and enjoy. Perhaps things wouldn’t be so bad after all.

* * *

 

 

Cornelius looked up from his writing. A figure lingered in the door. For a moment he was caught off guard, but he quickly straightened and schooled himself.

“You could have sent a telegram and saved yourself the trouble,” Cornelius said with a sigh. “Was there something you needed, Jones?” he said with a scowl, eyeing the other man.

“Other than to ask what the hell you’re doing with Miss Lamar,” Jones said with scowl.

“I’m proposing marriage to Selene. She is a lovely woman,” Cornelius argued. “Beautiful. Intelligent. Who could ask for anything more?”

“Perhaps being someone you actually love?” Jones suggested. “And don’t lie to me, Bell. I can see it in your eyes.”

He froze, glancing at Jones to see if the man was being serious.

“Life is more than love,” Cornelius said. “Perhaps you’d know that if you paid any attention.”

Jones raised an eyebrow in question. “Dear lord, Bell. Enough of your idiotic talk. I’m fed up with you assuming this role, pretending you don’t have a heart when it’s more than obvious you do. Leave Miss Lamar be. She has other suitors who will love her as you fail to. And you would be happier as you are….or rather as you will be when you settle this tiff you and Benton have had.”

“What are you saying?” he asked, straightening a little.

Jones sighed and shook his head. “I won’t say it, Bell. Not aloud. After all, the mere mention of it could have you thrown in jail. You’ve surely heard about the Wilde case recently.”

Cornelius blinked a few times. “Yes.”

“Then I need say no more,” Jones said with a smile. “But I know, Bell. I’ve seen your clear admiration for Benton.”

He sighed and looked back down at the letter he was working on. “I cannot say anything, as you have already indicated. But for the present…Selene is here. She has indicated her interest in me. I will do what I have to in order to find happiness, Jones.”

The other man shook his head. “I never thought I’d say it, but I will now. You’re a fool, Bell.”

Cornelius shut his eyes. “Perhaps,” he admitted. “But it is this foolishness that will keep me going. And I will not abandon it in light of that. Benton has made his own life. And I will make my own. Selene will be my wife. It will be as it always should have been.”

Jones stepped towards the door, shaking his head as he donned his hat once more. For a moment Cornelius thought he might speak. But instead he merely sighed and turned away, opening the door and disappearing out it.

Left to his own thoughts, Cornelius put his pen down. He did his best to swallow the lump that had somehow settled in his throat. Perhaps Jones was right. Then again, even if he was, Cornelius was aware that nothing would come of it. Life was easier this way.

* * *

 

**132 Comments:**

**Fanmage: Glad I could inspire you to write some more canonical Cornelius. That was fantastic. I actually loved how you sort of hinted at possible Selius because I do really love them, especially how the movie we watched portrays them. Will you continue this at all? BTW I look forward to our date next Wednesday. We’ll make it even better than this last one. :)**

**Magicath: @Fanmage Thank you. I had fun and I look forward to Wednesday. Not sure about continuing, but I did promise a friend I’d try to write something not slash…so maybe I’ll do more. We will see. Have a good night and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.**

-From “Love is Two Fool Things After Each Other” posted Jan 2013  
By FanFixx .net user Magicath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the awesome support! I really appreciate it. Positive comments really keep me going!
> 
> Also if anyone is interested in seeing my fancast one of my readers requested feel free to look [here](http://elsarenard.tumblr.com/post/141801428094/fancast-fangirling).


	25. Twenty-Five

“Hi,” Thomas said, before enveloping her in an awkward standing hug as she remained seated. He grinned down at her, clearly pleased to have discovered her in the cafeteria. “How’s your day going?”

“Fine,” Cath said, glancing at him for a moment before looking back at her laptop screen and continuing to type. “I’m trying to finish that paper for Modern American Lit.”

“It’s due in two hours!” Thomas said with an amused look. “You’re seriously not done?”

“Don’t judge me,” Cath said with an eye roll. “Just doing a last editing job. Lauryn is still locked in her room finishing hers anyways.”

“Fine,” Thomas said, pulling out the chair opposite her and sitting down. He flashed a brilliant smile. “No judging. Even if I’ve been done for a full twenty-four hours now.”

He pulled out his laptop and she watched in fascination as he stared down and began typing as well. She looked away from her own screen to watch him at his.

“What are you writing?” she asked. After all, there were more interesting topics than the repetition of sports and competition within _The Sun Also Rises_. Basically anything other than that. Cath would be glad to bid the book farewell at the end of the week.

“A fic,” Thomas said. He looked up and wiggled his eyebrows. “For you.”

“Oh,” Cath said, finding her face flushing in spite of her interest. “Um…what’s it…rated?”

“G,” Thomas said with a shrug. “I just wanted to write you something.”

‘Oh…um…is it Tomius?”

“Nope,” Thomas said. “Sorry, you know I don’t write…well…not that.”

“Because it squicks you,” Cath said and sighed as she looked back at her laptop. “I wish it didn’t. I guess I don’t get it.”

“Oh come on, you were squicked when I even so much as mentioned the possibility of Madeline and Cornelius,” Thomas said with a shrug. “So you can’t really sit there and pretend people don’t have their own ship preferences.”

“Hmm,” Cath sighed and went back to typing away at her paper. “I just wish you’d consider it. And Madeline and Cornelius is seriously just gross.”

She could sense he was about to reply, and she was already mentally building a defense. It was the only disadvantage to not having Lauryn around. She at least could usually settle their ship fights and convince them to talk about something else instead. But the more Cath had tried to suggest Tomius to her boyfriend, the more steadily he seemed to object. She honestly couldn’t wrap her mind around it.

Reason enough to break up with him?

Cath sighed and let the thought settle for a moment. Wren and Lauryn had both persisted in suggesting Thomas wasn’t right for her. Four dates later and their protests had become a little quieter. But that didn’t mean they had completely stopped. More like fallen into begrudging acceptance.

But she was still reasoning through it herself. How long was it reasonable to stick with this? After all, Thomas wasn’t really doing anything _wrong_ per say. He wasn’t fighting with her…well other than the occasional tiff about ships. And he hadn’t once pushed for sex or encouraged her to do anything she wasn’t comfortable with. In fact his drinking hadn’t been much of a problem so far at all. So how long did she stick with a relationship that was…well…bland? She kept feeling like time might make her more appreciative of what she had. But the ache for Levi still hadn’t softened. Not after a month of not seeing him.

She should be happy, shouldn’t she? With a smart boyfriend who bought her books instead of flowers and wanted to discuss the latest fan theories around Cornelius? But instead… she had to shake her head to stop thinking about it. Enough. She could linger on these thoughts another time. But for now she just needed to bear with it. It hadn’t been long enough to really decide. Especially with images of Levi still lingering so close.

“I just think you should consider,” Cath said with a sigh. “But anyways, what did you end up writing your paper on?”

“I’m done with it so I’m finished talking about it,” Thomas said with a smile. “And I am sorry, okay? I hate it when we argue.” His hand reached out and caught hers on the table.

“I know,’ she said. “So didn’t you say something about visiting your parents this weekend? Is that still happening?”

“Yeah,” Thomas said with a shrug. “My dad insisted. It’s my mom’s birthday. She’s super excited to hear more about you actually. If I thought you wouldn’t be too busy I might have brought you along. Seriously, they’re so thrilled. My mom keeps going on about how it’s so nice I finally have a girl.”

He grinned at her, causing Cath to suddenly feel guilty for thinking about breaking up with him.

“I’m glad,” she said. “But didn’t you have a girlfriend before me? I swear I’ve seen pictures of you with someone else online…” Maybe that sounded a bit stalkerish but she had honestly been curious.

He was about to reply when a voice interrupted them.

“Cath!”

She turned and stared at Micah quickly striding towards them. He was beaming at her. Cath swallowed.

“Um…hi Micah,” she managed to say. Her stomach twisted painfully at the obvious reminder of Levi. “How are you?”

“Doing great,” he said. “Preparing for another play. Not quite so gay this time, but I still think I can still get you to come see it.”

She was unable to keep from giggling at that. Micah gave her a wink before turning to glance at Thomas. She noted that his eyes went wide, glancing between the two of them suddenly. Thomas’s hand was still on top of hers.

“Um…” Cath whispered, but she knew it was too late. “This is…my new boyfriend. Thomas meet Micah. Micah, Thomas.”

“We’ve met,” Micah said, head tilting to the side as his forehead wrinkled. “I just…you…”

Thomas squirmed uncomfortably as Micah scrutinized him. For a moment it was like he’d turned into a turtle, shrinking back into his shell. Cath tried to understand what had happened, but in a moment it hit her. His discomfort at the play…. His usual…squickiness around gay ships. She sighed and decided she’d settle this later. For now she needed to deal with Micah.

“I thought he told you,” Cath said. “We broke up. Before he went back to Arnold.”

Micah glanced back at her, finally breaking eye contact with Thomas. “Yeah, he mentioned something about it. I just…I wasn’t expecting _this_.”

Cath blushed. “I just…”

“Moved on,” Micah said. “Evidently.”

He frowned again, eyes trailing back over to Thomas before snapping back to Cath. He quirked a brow in a way that might have been comical had he been smiling.

“It was nice seeing you,” Cath said, finding herself focused on the table instead of daring to meet his eyes.

“Yes,” Micah said. “I’ll see you around, Cath. I miss seeing you at the house. Text me if you ever want to meet up. And Cath? Um…be careful all right?”

He started to walk away. Cath thought of something in a moment.

“Oh and Micah?”

He turned back.

“Please don’t tell Levi,” she managed to whisper, wincing as his name came from her lips.

“No worries,” Micah said, one corner of his lips tilting upwards. “I don’t really want to be the one to break his heart, thanks.”

He tilted his head one last time before turning back towards the door.

Cath glanced at Thomas who was slowly coming back out of his shell.

“What the hell was that?” she hissed, pulling her hand from his.

“Just…I don’t know,” Thomas said with a shrug.

“A squick is one thing,” Cath muttered. “Being a homophobe is another.”

“I’m not a homophobe,” Thomas said, brow furrowing. “My sister’s a lesbian….and…and I read femslash!”

“But you stare at a gay guy like he’s…got the plague?” Cath said.

Thomas rolled his eyes. “It was not that bad.”

Cath slammed her laptop shut and moved to put it away.

“Okay!” Thomas gasped. “I’m sorry, all right. I…I grew up in a really traditional family. I didn’t…I’m sorry okay? My sister isn’t even allowed home anymore.”

Cath looked up at him, and she saw what almost looked like tears lingering in the corners of his eyes. She sighed and put a hand back on his.

“I’m sorry, it’s just…I like Micah. And I want you to be respectful to him please.”

Thomas sighed and met her eyes again, nodding. “All right. All right I’m sorry.” He leaned in and gave her another awkward hug. Cath sighed and let it happen, unsure if she really liked it, but deciding it was perhaps more for his benefit than for hers. If it was Levi she probably would have been more likely to kiss him to makeup. But with Thomas…everything was different.

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I’m working on it all right? What do I have to do to prove it? Write a slash fic piece? A queer theory literary criticism paper?”

Cath shook her head. “I won’t force you to write a ship you don’t like. I just…I want you to think about it a little more, all right? Not just react. Actually use that big brain of yours.”

Thomas hung his head a bit sheepishly, even though he was smiling. “All right, I’ll do it.”

“Good,” Cath said. “Now shut up and let me finish this paper.”

“Will do,” he said with a smirk.

* * *

 

 

Cath was surprised to find she almost looked forward to her weekly appointments. Her fourth one was coming, and she found herself writing down a list of everything she wanted to talk about. Missing Levi and dealing with Thomas. And the ridiculous sight of Wren in a bridesmaid’s dress.

It was something she was still trying to process. The fact that her mother was getting married again. And even more than that, the fact that Wren was willingly going along with the whole thing. She felt so…betrayed. Yes, that’s how she’d probably describe it when Leanne asked her. Elaborating would require finding a better way to say it felt like someone had drilled a hole in her stomach.

She still hadn’t come to a decision on that at the moment. Not that she felt she really had to.

“Small steps,” Leanne said as she let out a rush of information about how she was feeling on the whole wedding situation. “This isn’t something you need to rush. There are years of history at work here. Years of hurt and pain that you need to sort out. What do you think you’d ideally like your relationship with your mother to look like? Or do you want a relationship at all?”

Cath thought for a moment. It was tempting to just close the door on everything. For a time she'd thought that would work. Her mother had walked away from her, so why not try the same thing in return?

However, she somehow knew she couldn't do it. She'd been running away for too long. And it was beginning to haunt her.

"No," she said. "No...I want...I want to forgive her I guess. I just...I wish she'd apologize."

"That's completely understandable," Leanne said with a half-smile. "Have you expressed that to her?"

"Sort of," Cath muttered. "She just gave a lot of excuses."

"Then maybe that's where you need to start. Really express how you're feeling. Gain some closure. Sometimes that's what's most important, is allowing a wound to finally heal up and close rather than allowing it to continue to go untreated. What does forgiveness mean to you, Cath?"

"Just being able to move on I guess," Cath muttered.

"That sounds more like forgetting. Do you think they're the same thing?" Leanne asked, tilting her head.

"No," Cath said. "But I don't think...I guess I don't know that I want us to be besties or anything. But I'd like to find peace. And I'd like to...to stop hating her. Because right now I really do feel like I hate her."

"Understandable," Leanne said. "After everything that happened that's normal. So let's start with talking with her. Trying to find some closure. I think for now that's all you need. Cath... relationships are sort of like houses, have you ever heard that before?"

Cath shook her head.

"Sometimes it's easier to just let people sit on our front porch," Leanne said with a smile. "Just sit there and talk, not letting them see what's on the inside. Other people gain our trust and we bring them in to see the rooms within. Sometimes people are so trusted we'll show them the basement and the attic, the places we might shove dusty and gross things we don't show in public. My point is that boundaries have levels. Your mother might just be a front porch person for you. It's entirely possible. And there's nothing wrong with that. But right now it sounds like you're not even letting her near your house...and I think that's causing you a good deal of pain."

She thought for a moment. She pictured it. Fellow classmates she might let sit on her porch. And Reagan and Lauryn she’d let come into her living room. Levi…Levi she’d shown down into the basement. She’d always thought it might scare him away. Seeing the scary parts of her. But instead he’d seemed content to settle down in her house. Undisturbed by the fact that there were some serious flaws. Would she ever find someone she could let inside again?

Cath nodded. "I guess it is...I'd never thought about it like that."

Leanne smiled. "Anything else you'd like to talk about or should we move to another topic? We only have about five minutes."

She glanced at the clock, almost disbelieving the estimate. But it was true.

"No, that's fine for today," Cath said.

"When do you find out about study abroad?" Leanne asked.

"Next week," Cath said. It felt almost unreal.

"Any anxiety about that?"

"A little," Cath admitted. "I mean...I applied on a whim. So I guess it just hasn't really sunk in yet that I could end up in another country. Do you think I'll be okay...with my anxiety and everything?"

Leanne tilted her head to the side. "Do _you_ think you'll be okay?"

"I guess," Cath said with a shrug. "I don't know. I was really nervous last year transitioning to a new place. But this year has been so much easier...so I guess I know it will take some time to adjust."

"Unlike moving to college it won't be more than a year," Leanne pointed out. "What are you most nervous about?"

"Making friends," Cath said. "Meeting new people."

"How many friends do you have after moving to college?" Leanne asked.

"Um...a few," Cath said, thinking of Reagan and Lauryn and Thomas. Even Micah and some of Levi's housemates.

"So you have evidence you can make friends in new situations," Leanne pointed out. "What else are you nervous about?"

"Schoolwork," Cath said. "Failing."

"What's your GPA?"

"A 3.8," Cath said with a flush.

"I want you to try this technique," Leanne said. "Instead of just sensing the general feeling of anxiety, try to pick it apart and find what you're really nervous about. And then do your best to look for evidence to the contrary. As the smart successful girl you are, Cath, it really shouldn't be too hard to find some."

Cath managed a smile, even though she felt like she might cry again. What was it about therapy that seemed to inspire tears? More than anything else ever did, that was for sure.

"Well, our time is up. I'll see you next week," Leanne said.

"Okay," Cath said, standing up and reaching for her bag. "Thanks...um...I was skeptical when my dad made me start...but this is really helping."

"I'm glad," Leanne said with a nod. "You're making good progress, Cath. This all does take time. But you're making an effort and that's the important part."

Cath nodded, only hoping that was true.

* * *

 

 

That evening she was finishing up homework when Reagan threw open the door. Cath looked up as Reagan slammed her bag down and flopped onto her bed.

"How's it going?" she asked, wondering if this time she'd maybe finally get a response. It had been far too long since they'd talked beyond a quick "hi" on the way to classes.

"Fine," Reagan muttered. "I have ten minutes to close my eyes before I go to my shift. Also, I'll be out late, so if your boyfriend wants to come over you can tell him your room is free."

There was a moment where Cath assumed Reagan had simply forgotten that she wasn't dating Levi anymore. But suddenly it clicked.

"Wait...you know?" she said, sitting up straighter.

"I'm not blind," Reagan grunted, rolling over slightly to give Cath a look. "The late nights, the texts, the lunches I've seen you sitting with a guy in the cafeteria. I don't need to be Cornelius Bell to figure out you're dating again."

Cath felt her face heating up. "I... I just didn't know how to tell you. I kind of thought you'd..."

"What? Get angry? Yell at you?" Reagan said with a roll of her eyes. "I'm done being angry, okay? It's happened and nothing I say is going to change that. So, who's the mystery man?"

"Guy from one of my classes," Cath said with a shrug. "So far it's been...all right."

"All right? Damn that's some Romeo and Juliet romance right there," Reagan said, shaking her head. "You broke up with Levi for ‘all right’? Seriously?"

"He's nice," Cath said. "Um...he..."

She broke off, realizing anything she had to say was just going to make it sound even more pathetic than it already did.

"You won't tell Levi, will you?" she asked, deciding to just change the subject instead.

"I'd rather not be the one to put his heart through the shredder," Reagan said. "I've had enough teary phone calls for a lifetime thank you very much. Remind me to never become best friends with anyone ever again. I'm not cut out for consoling people."

"You're sure you won't say anything?" Cath said. "I just...I don't want him to feel...I don't know..."

"If you didn't want to hurt him you shouldn't have broken up with him," Reagan said. "And no I won't. I promise. I have no desire to be the one to break it to him that you've officially moved on."

Cath realized that had to mean Levi was still hoping she'd come back to him. Her heart wrenched painfully at the thought.

"How is he?" she managed to ask.

"Other than the crying and dealing with his mom?" Reagan said sarcastically. "He's fine. I just wish he had you to talk to instead of me. If I have to hear one more thing about cows I'm going to shoot myself. I do not care how many calves have been born or how sweet Bessie is sick or whatever other nonsense he cares about. But again, perks of being a best friend I guess."

Cath wondered if this meant their agreement didn't count anymore. She supposed it didn't. Reagan could flex her best friend muscles anytime she liked now. Levi wasn't Cath's any longer.

"All right, I got to get going," Reagan muttered, pushing herself up again and reaching for her Olive Garden uniform on the floor. "You call that boyfriend over, okay? No moping. You've got a man. That's more than some of us can say, right?"

Cath nodded. "Good luck at your shift. Um...we should talk again sometime?"

"Sure," Reagan said with a wave of her hand. "At least I know you won't ramble about cows. Lunch tomorrow?"

"Yes," Cath said with a grin. "Definitely."

"All right. Have a good night. Have protected sex. Make good choices. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"Pretty obvious," Cath said. She sighed in spite of her smile, glad to at least have one thing settled even if she was realizing how painful the thought of Levi still was. "Have a good night, Reagan."

"You too."

Once alone she turned back to her computer. But for once she didn't feel like writing fic. She sighed and closed it and reached for her literature reading instead. Maybe her therapist was right. Wounds left open didn't heal. But closure with Levi seemed almost impossible. Because the reality was, she didn't know that it would close until she stopped loving him... and so far she had yet to do that.

 

 

* * *

 

**A/N:** Soulmates AU. I used to scoff at these, but I just couldn't resist after the recent developments in my own life. ~Fanmage

"A date?" Tom scoffed. "You must be joking, Cornelius."

"No," he said, doing his best to keep the pleased note at a minimum. "It's quite true. I have a date this evening."

"Selene?" Tom asked. "I know she's been making eyes at you."

"Anna," Cornelius murmured. "The lovely Anna. Smart and beautiful. She'll look so lovely on my arm at the gala."

Tom smirked, lips quirking ever so slightly. He folded his arms across his broad chest, eyes glowing with mirth.

"You surprise me."

"Do I really?" Cornelius asked. "Why?"

"Because you've been a lone wolf for so long?" Tom suggested. "Because I've always thought you a man more concerned with his work than with his love life?"

"I was," Cornelius admitted. "But then the right person came along. The day to my night. The summer to my winter. My beautiful Persephone."

"Your opposite?" Tom pointed out with a grin. "You must be joking."

"She completes me," Cornelius said. "In a way no one else could. My sister used to speak of me as though I would never find love. And here I have proved her wrong. It was only a matter of finding the right person."

"She has the mark to prove it?" Tom asked, brow wiggling.

Cornelius smirked, admiring his dear friend's obvious playfulness.

"Of course," he said. "But it wouldn't have mattered. I'd have known her mark or none. Does it matter truly? Because in my opinion the soulmate hogwash really is nonsense in many respects. What matters is finding two compatible people who care for one another. Beyond that...the rest is all of little importance. Marks. Chemistry. Biology. It will all come together."

"Always the romantic," Tom scoffed. "And here I thought your drunken kiss had made you reconsider a few weeks ago."

Cornelius' mind lingered on it for a moment. The press of lips in a crowded bar, a body against his warm and familiar. Fingers wandering across his jaw. Tender brown eyes looking into his. Tongues and teeth and passion.

But then there was Anna. Her smile and her kind words. He pictured the jealous stares at the gala and he knew.

"Lust," Cornelius said with a shrug. "But not what I needed. Anna is worth ten thousand of those kisses. I wouldn't give her up for anything. And besides, the marks didn't match. How could they?"

"Just a moment ago you said marks didn't matter," Tom said, shaking his head. He scratched his head, the sleeve of his shirt riding up to reveal the blue soulmark on his own wrist. Cornelius studied it a moment. His eyes fell back to his own, noting the deep red shade that he’d become even more familiar with on Anna’s wrist.  

"No. Perhaps you're right. Perhaps they do after all," he whispered. "But I don't care any longer. I have my soulmate. And beyond that I couldn't care in the least."

-From "A Special Girl" posted February 2013  
By FanFixx .net user Fanmage

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miss him too readers. I miss him too. This isn’t forever.
> 
> So awesome news…I’m going to be teaching in France next year! I’m having my own panic about that, but in the meantime it’s given me a goal for trying to get this done before I leave which has really inspired me to get going.
> 
> I couldn’t do it without all the amazing support so thank you to all of you guys!


	26. Twenty-Six

Congratulations.

That was the first word Cath saw and then after that she could hardly read because she was busy hyperventilating. But it was obvious enough.

She’d been accepted. It was official. She’d been accepted to study abroad.

Cath let out a shriek as she finally managed to read the rest of the email. A few happy tears escaped her eyes. She clapped a hand to her mouth, so incredibly glad that Reagan was not there to see her now.

She just stared at it for a moment, doing her best not to begin hyperventilating. There was so much to _do_. But then again, she was able to reign herself in with thoughts of all the things she and her therapist had talked about.

Take deep breaths.                     

Small steps.

Break it down into manageable pieces.

So. To begin with… tell people?

Oh god, that didn’t sound manageable at all. Cath wondered suddenly if she could still back out. She’d applied on such a whim, perhaps it wasn’t too late to tell them she’d changed her mind?

No, this was an adventure of a lifetime. Professor Piper had made such a point of pushing Cath in this direction, and she knew why if she was really honest. A chance to expand her world. A chance to find more writing material. Something to actually put on a resume that might help her in the future. The positives far outweighed the few insubstantial negatives which were mostly just hypothetical worries.

She smiled and moved to type up a status update.

_So I just found out I’m officially going to study abroad next year… Oxford here I come!_

Cath sighed and took another steadying breath. Well, perhaps there was one step before posting it to social media. She grabbed her phone and had it pressed to her ear before she could possibly chicken out.

“What’s up?” Wren’s voice came from the other side. “You do know I’m in my room right? You could just come talk to me.”

Cath took a deep breath. “Imgoingtoengland,” she said in a rush.

“What? Slow down. Are you all right?”

Cath closed her eyes. “I’ve been…accepted to study abroad. At Oxford.”

Wren gasped. “Oh my god. Oh…I…oh…Cath I’m…. why didn’t you tell me you were applying!?!”

“I didn’t…I sort of thought I might not get in,” Cath said, barely managing to keep her voice level. “I…I’ve got to tell dad too.”

“He’s going to be thrilled, Cath. You have no idea. Just over break he was telling me how worried he was that you were never going to branch out and do anything new. He’s going to be so happy.”

Cath flushed at the mention of her father’s worries.

“All right, I’m going to get off just so you can call him. And then go check to make sure it’s not actually April first. Because this just seems like too much of a trick. My own dear recluse of a sister going off to Europe. Promise you’ll bring me souvenirs? And take lots of pictures?”

Cath sighed. “I still have a lot of steps before we get there. So no promises yet.”

“All right, you keep me posted. I’m so coming down there to sit on your bed while you call dad. Okay?”

Cath smiled. “Sure thing.”

She hung up and stared down at her phone. One down. A few dozen more to go.

* * *

 

 

Of course, the one Cath was most nervous about ending up coming quite naturally. After congratulations from Wren and her dad and Lauryn and even a grinning Thomas, Cath finally sat down in her dorm room and waited for Reagan to turn up.

After a long while the door opened and in came Reagan.

"What's up?" she asked.

Cath wondered if she'd caught sight of the anxiety clearly lingering on Cath's face.

"Um...just wanted to tell you the news," Cath said. "I'm...um... going to study abroad next year."

"Study abroad?" Reagan asked. "Where?"

"Oxford," Cath said in a small voice.

Reagan froze for a moment. "What?"

"Oxford," Cath whispered again. "In England."

"Yeah I'm not a moron, I know where Oxford is," Reagan said with an eye roll. "I just wouldn't have thought... really? This is what therapy's done to you? Did they put you on drugs yet?"

"No," Cath said with a flush. "I applied before I even really got into therapy. Is it really that surprising?"

"A little," Reagan said, brow furrowing. "Good surprising though. So...you're going to move to England then? Officially go join Simon Snow?"

Cath giggled. "Yes. I guess."

Reagan frowned. "Well that does change things a little I guess. I was going to ask if you want to live together again next year."

Cath tilted her head. "But you're graduating."

"I'm not ready to leave Lincoln just yet," Reagan said with a shrug. "I may hate Arnold, but Nebraska's still home, you know? I'm not ready to pry up my roots just yet. Unlike you you little world-traveler."

"I am not prying up my roots," Cath said. "Just going to... visit the rest of the world for a bit. And it’s only a semester. Were you thinking like getting a house or apartment or something?"

"Apartment probably," Reagan said. "I'd have to explore options. And obviously I'd need to make sure I find a job. But I'd be more likely to do that if I knew I had someone I wanted to live with. What do you think?"

Cath smiled. "I'd love to. I could help pay rent even while I'm at Oxford. And we could probably do a two bedroom place and my sister could stay with us too. You like Wren, right?"

"She's pretty cool," Reagan said. "Chiller than you, that's for sure. Could probably even do with one more person. Any ideas?"

Cath shrugged. "I'd have to think about it a little."

"Not wanting to move in with that boyfriend of yours yet then?" Reagan sneered.

"No," Cath said with a flush. "Another _girl_ roommate is what I meant."

"Better be," Reagan muttered. "I've had enough boy drama to last for a while."

Cath smiled and nodded, even as she thought about Thomas. She knew that she was being somewhat hypocritical. After all, she'd dumped Levi to avoid a long distance relationship. But with Oxford coming up she was in the same situation again. Her only excuses were that she had some time before the move would happen. And besides... she didn't care about Thomas nearly as much as she did Levi. The separation just wouldn't hurt in the same way.

She was about to suggest going to grab dinner when her phone rang.

Cath frowned and looked down. She froze as she read the name flashing across the screen.

"What's up?" Reagan asked, obviously noting her expression.

"It's um..." Cath stammered. "It's...Marlisse."

Reagan stared at her. "What? You're fucking kidding me."

She held up the phone and Reagan stared at it.

"Don't answer," Reagan said. "Don't you dare answer. Shit. I should have known this would happen."

Cath stared for a moment longer and then finally the phone stopped ringing. She waited, holding her breath. Perhaps she'd just leave a voicemail.

But instead, another second later the name appeared again and the phone started to ring anew.

"Fuck. Fuck," Reagan muttered. "Pass it here. I'll deal with her. Lord knows I've had her scream at me enough in the past. Seriously, give it over."

Cath did as she was instructed, watching as Reagan held the device to her ear.

"Hi Marlisse," she said, smiling even as her eyes narrowed. "It's Reagan. Cath can't talk right now so I figured I'd just take your call since it sounds so urgent. What's going on?"

Reagan fell silent for a moment, eyes moving across the wall in front of her as though tracking written words instead of verbal ones. Cath held her breath as she waited, watching Reagan's eyebrows crinkle. She could just barely make out a voice on the other end. It didn't sound like there was any screaming, but she couldn't hear the words either.

"You promise?" Reagan said after a moment. "Because it's my duty to protect my best friend."

Cath had to cover her mouth to keep a smile from showing.

"All right," Reagan said, moving the phone away from her face and covering the bottom half with her hand. "She says she wants to talk with you. She promised it's nothing bad."

Cath squirmed. "Are you sure? What if she's just lying?"

"She's not," Reagan said. "She's a woman who wears her heart on her sleeve. And besides, she swore in the name of Jesus Christ so I'm pretty sure that means she'd never say a bad word to you. Go ahead."

Cath reached for the phone, heart beginning to pound as she put it to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Hello Cath," Marlisse's voice came through the other end. "I just wanted to talk to you, is that all right?"

"Um...sure," Cath said, wiping her other palm on her jeans to get the sweat off. "What's going on?"

"Well, I just managed to wrangle the truth out of Levi," Marlisse said. "I didn't know what had happened between you two. But I'd mentioned Valentine's Day coming up and that's when I found out..."

"Oh," Cath managed.

"I had been wondering why you hadn't visited us yet. Every time I asked Levi he brushed me off. And then today I was inquiring about your plans for Valentine's Day and he told me you broke things off... I almost didn't believe it at first. But it makes sense...I'd noticed he's been acting a bit differently."

Cath swallowed. "I'm really sorry...I..."

"Don't apologize," Marlisse said quickly. "Not a word. I don't want explanations or anything like that. The main thing I want you to know is that you are always welcome to call me anytime."

"What?" Cath said, brow furrowing and trying to make sure she'd heard Marlisse correctly.

"You don't have a mother," Marlisse said. "And I meant everything I said the last time we talked. You can call me anytime you need anything. I like you very much, Cath. And I even if it grieves me, I can respect that you and Levi might just need something different. But that doesn't mean you aren't welcome, do you understand?"

"I suppose," Cath said. "Um...thank you for calling. How have things been?"

"Good," Marlisse said. "And for you, honey? I'd been praying for you quite a bit. Even more now that I've heard the news."

"I'm all right," Cath said. She felt Reagan's eyes on her as she spoke. She hesitated for a moment before adding, "I'm doing some therapy right now, and it's been really helpful. But...it's nice to know someone cares I guess... that not everyone is going to walk away."

Marlisse chuckled. "I suppose that must come as a relief. I won't, Cath. You call me sometime just to talk, all right?"

"All right. Thank you for calling," Cath said, doing her best to catch the breath that suddenly seemed to have escaped her. She tried to deepen her breathing a little, but it was difficult.

 After a moment Marlisse bid her goodnight and then there was a click and Cath set the phone down.

"I don't know what's stranger," Reagan muttered, "Marlisse calling you out of the blue, or you not freaking out about it."

"I'm freaking out inside," Cath said. "Like I am ninety-five percent of the time."

Reagan snorted. "Too true. So...she's cool about you and Levi? I thought for sure she'd be driving up here now to have your head for breaking her little boy's heart."

"Is that what she did to you?" Cath asked.

"Naw," Reagan said with an eyeroll. "A little yelling. But I think mostly she was pleased you know. Glad her prayers had worked and I was finally out of her boy's life. I don't know. She's a complicated woman."

Cath smiled.

"That she is," Cath said. "So...getting back on topic...roommate situation?'

"If you can find another person willing to live with three crazies like us and you'd be willing to pay rent even while you're gone," Reagan said with a shrug. "I really don't see why it couldn't work."

It was difficult to restrain her grin as she thought about that. It might be challenging to find one more person, Reagan was right. But other than that, the future was really seeming to come together.

* * *

 

 

"How is this even real?" Wren asked with a sigh. "You off dating while I'm single on Valentine's Day? I'm just going to have to hide in my room and pretend I don't exist for a while."

"Oh come on," Cath said with a sigh, leaning back against the wall. "Isn't there someone you could do something with? Anyone else who's single?"

Wren shook her head. "Nope. I'm alone in a world of lovestruck people."

She flung herself back onto her bed and sighed dramatically. Cath was unable to stop a giggle from breaking free.

"There has to be someone," Cath said. "Seriously. We'll think of something. But you are not spending Valentine's Day by yourself. If need be I'll cancel plans and come spend it with you. I'm not risking you falling into a rough patch again."

Wren huffed at that. "Oh come on, I'm doing much better."

"And a bad night could get rid of all the progress you've made," Cath pointed out.

"You are not dropping plans to spend with me," Wren sighed. "I mean....what are you two doing anyways? God, I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that you're still dating him."

Cath rolled her eyes. She'd grown used to his in the last month, but that still didn't make it any easier.

"He made reservations some place nice," Cath said. "And after that I've told him I want to go back to his place."

Wren's eyes snapped wide open and she sat up. "Oh my god. Seriously? You're...going to sleep with him?"

"He's my boyfriend," Cath said. "So yes. I am."

"I cannot believe you right now," Wren muttered. "Who even are you? Where's my sister?"

"What!" Cath said. "I'm totally allowed to want to...do it with my boyfriend."

Wren shook her head. "I just...you took forever to get there with Levi. And you never did with Abel."

"Abel and I just never got there," Cath said. "And you always said he was a piece of furniture rather than a boyfriend, so wasn't that a relief? And Levi...well that was my virginity. I don't have anything left to lose. To be honest I just sort of want to get it over with when it comes to Thomas. Be done and through the first time. Besides...I miss that...is that so wrong?"

She didn't bother to tell Wren that she was also hoping maybe it would make her start actually feeling things for Thomas. A month later and she still would find herself thinking on dates that it was nice, but it lacked the passion she would have felt sitting across from Levi. So a final step seemed necessary.

"Have you kissed him yet?" Wren asked.

"No," Cath said.

Though not from lack of trying. Thomas seemed oblivious to moments she wanted to put her lips on him. To be honest she was sort of hoping Valentine's Day would just make it easy and obvious what she was getting at. No more hinting.

"God, this might be enough to make me drink," Wren muttered. "Seriously,  I just want to go back in time and stop you breaking up with Levi."

"That still wouldn't make you any less alone on Valentine's Day," Cath pointed out.

"Whatever," Wren said with a huff. "I'll figure something out. Although now that you've said all that maybe I should just crash on your plans."

Cath sighed. "I don't have time for this," she said, sanding up and moving towards the door. "I have an essay due tomorrow. And besides, my fans might kill me if I don't give them a new chapter."

Wren stood up. "Come here."

Cath reluctantly let her sister wrap her arms around her.

"I only do this because I love you," Wren whispered. "You're my built-in best friend from birth. I don't want you to get hurt. Okay?"

Cath squeezed her back. "Okay."

She understood of course, but she couldn't help but wonder if Wren's worries would really do either of them any good. All she needed right now was to move on. Anything to erase Levi and the pain his loss had caused her. But right now she knew there were more important things than that. So she let her sister keep her close and promised that she'd figure things out for Valentine's Day.

* * *

 

 

"So please tell me you two are going to like co-write a fic for Valentine's Day or something," Lauryn said as they sat down in class.

Thomas glanced at Cath. "Like we could possibly agree on a ship.

Cath rolled her eyes. "I do not co-write. Ever. Possibly with you. But not with him."

"Wow, I can just feel the love between you," Lauryn said drily. "So seriously, what's the plan for the big V Day?"

"Dinner," Thomas said. "Time together. You know. The usual."

"Again, so romantic," Lauryn said, raising an eyebrow. "I somehow thought fic writers would have better imaginations. Bed of rose petals or some other over the top romantic gesture.”

"We'll see," Cath said, flushing at the mention of a bed. She didn't need roses. Just something.

"Will we?" Lauryn said.

"Sure," Cath said. "What about you? You have any plans?"

"Well it's a Thursday night which is sucky," Lauryn muttered. "But then again, I heard they're holding speed dating in the student union...so I might end up doing that. Because I've been so busy I haven't even bothered to try to find someone...and it's getting to be time I actually started looking, you know?"

Cath shrugged, only to think of something. "Would you like to go with someone?" she asked.

Lauryn tilted her head. "What do you mean?"

"Well...my sister is looking for something to do," Cath said. "And I don't know for sure if she'd be down, but if she had someone to go with she might be more willing..."

"Sister?" Thomas said, at the same time Lauryn said, "Oh Wren?"

"I have a twin," she said to Thomas before turning back to Lauryn. "Yes. I know you've only met her once or twice, but is it okay if I offer?"

"I would love you forever if you did," Lauryn gushed. "I sort of hate the idea of going by myself to be honest."

Cath smiled and pulled her phone out to text her sister the idea. Well, perhaps things were looking up for once.

* * *

 

 

Thomas could not have been more gentlemanly if he tried. Holding doors for her and wearing this ridiculously cute waistcoat and trousers that she suspected were custom tailored. His eyes glimmered behind his glasses as they chatted over their food. Thomas had to reassure her out of a panic attack when she saw the prices, but eventually she calmed down enough to enjoy the fancy food and nice conversation.

She ran a hand over the skirt of her dress as she stood in the elevator of his apartment. Everything in her was concentrating on keeping her breathing even as she allowed him to walk her down the hallway.

"Did I mention you look nice tonight?" Thomas said with a smile. "That shade of blue really compliments your skin tone. I don't think I've seen you in a dress before."

She moved her hands away from the fabric she'd practically started to twist. "Um thanks... you too."

He fumbled with his keys. She noted his fingers slipped once or twice before he found the right one, and then he was pushing the door open, flicking on a light.

"Here we are," Thomas said. He smiled as he ushered her in. He took a deep breath and then pushed the door closed. "My place."

Cath looked around. If he hadn't just introduced the room as his, she might have thought they'd stumbled into the wrong apartment through some unexplainable error. But instead it appeared that Lauryn's comments on how spoiled Thomas was might not be so much of an exaggeration.

"Wow," she said, looking around, noting the open kitchen and living room complete with a matching furniture set. "It's lovely. So where's your...um bedroom?" she said.

"Down the hall," Thomas said, pointing past the kitchen. "With the bathroom if you need it. You want popcorn for the movie?"

"Um...movie?" she asked, freezing in her spot in the middle of the room.

"Yeah," he said with a shrug. "Figured we'd have some time before you want to head out. You game?"

Cath did her best to avoid saying anything brash. "If you'd like," she said. Maybe he was just using it as an excuse...a way they could snuggle and ease into it. From everything she'd seen so far, she had a feeling he was as nervous as she was. Somehow that was not as comforting as she felt it should be.

"All right," Thomas said with a smile. "You look through the selection and decide what you want to watch."

She hardly glanced. It was tempting to just pop in a Simon Snow movie to be honest. Something she already knew and wouldn't miss. But she knew she couldn't take not being able to squeal over Baz and Simon in Thomas' presence. So she settled for some fantasy romance she'd heard good things about but never taken the time to watch.

He came and settled beside her on the sofa, turning on the TV and starting up the movie without another word.

Cath moved a bit closer, trying to ease into his space. He moved a little further, going so far as to sigh and kick off his shoes before moving his feet onto the sofa between them.

Cath was perplexed, but at the same time she didn't know if plainly stating it was right either. Maybe she'd just wait until the movie was a little further in to suggest doing something else.

She sank back into her seat and let herself relax a bit.

The movie was good, but not so interesting as to glue her attention to it. She glanced at Thomas once or twice, but his eyes were fixed on the screen.

"Are you sure you want to watch this?" she asked at one point. "Isn't there...anything else you'd like to do?"

She glanced at her phone, it was already after ten. They both had class tomorrow. She sighed and rubbed her eyes. After a long night finishing papers the day before, she couldn't help but hope he'd make up his mind soon.

"I love this movie," Thomas said with a shrug. "If you're not into it I guess you can feel free to head home. I'll drive you if you'd like."

Cath almost retorted that she had no other way home, but she bit her tongue. She considered texting Wren to ask about the night of speed dating, but she kept herself in check.

However, as the movie changed into a section of soothing dancing between the protagonist and the love interest, Cath found her eyes fluttering shut.

Before she could do anything else, she was fast asleep.

* * *

 

 

She woke up in a daze. It took her a moment to realize she was still on the couch. There was a blanket over her and the television was off, but other than that everything was the same.

"Good morning," a voice from behind her said.

She turned to see Thomas in the kitchen. He was dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweater.

"You want something to eat?" he asked. "We have class in less than an hour."

Cath sat up with a groan, back cracking slightly as she managed to push herself off. "What happened?"

"You fell asleep during the movie," Thomas said with a shrug. "I figured you were tired and didn't want to wake you. Sorry if that was the wrong choice. You want breakfast?"

"Um... not really," Cath admitted. "I'm still stuffed from last night." She glanced down at her dress. "Oh no... um... I don't suppose there's time to run me by my dorm... otherwise I'm going to end up doing a walk of shame. And I don't think Lauryn would let me live that down. Ever. Or you probably."

Thomas frowned. "Yeah sure. Well, I'll grab my stuff and we can head out."

He headed back towards the bedroom leaving her to stand in a daze. Everything from last night and _nothing_. No results. Nothing. She still couldn't believe it.

Cath reached for her phone. There were a few texts from both Wren and Lauryn. Both sounded like they'd had a pretty good time over all. Wren's said she had four numbers from promising "non-asshole" type guys. And Lauryn said she was going to head on a date next week. She smiled at her friend's fortune even as she considered her own lacking one. Suddenly she found herself pulling up an old familiar number. She stared at it for a moment, finger hovering over the call button.

Here she was, standing in another boy's apartment while she thought about calling her ex. Cath squeezed her eyes shut as she put the phone away. What she wouldn't give to hear his voice again. Images ran through her mind. His smile. His eyes. His kisses on her cheek and neck, smiling merrily above her in bed. His arms around her, her face to his chest, warm and safe. God. How could she possibly do this. How could she ever do this again.

Plans to erase him had failed. Cath swallowed down the pain and put on her bravest face as Thomas appeared again. She didn't really know what to do. But she was clinging to hope that one day these feelings might just disappear.

* * *

 

 

He stared down at the glass in his hand. The champagne might have been welcome, though he craved something stronger. However, the circumstances were all wrong.

Cornelius looked up and caught Tom’s eye. The man was smiling, moving to another part of the room to talk to some relative on Anna’s side.

Swallowing down the bitter taste in his throat, he moved towards the wall, craving solitude if even for a moment. How could he have allowed this to happen? The man he loved married. And to the woman who’d pretended that she was all for his happiness.

It was hard to believe in some ways. That Anna had told him that Tom would be happy if he confessed. In some ways he wanted to turn away from her. But they were both his friends… they deserved his support, didn’t they?

He met Anna’s eyes suddenly, since Tom had looked away. She smiled a little, but he saw weariness in her expression. And for a moment there was a flash in the dark depths and he realized. Something was off.

His eyes moved to Tom. He was smiling, but the expression was stilted. Forced.

And it was there in an instant. The answer. He glanced around, though he did his best to keep his movements to a minimum. He pretended to be looking through the crowd, but instead his eyes sought for what he wanted to see most. An answer. There had to be an answer.

And there it was. Tucked in with the flowers was a small camera. Cornelius swallowed and looked away quickly, glancing at Tom and Anna. No one else even realized. It never occurred to anyone that the happy couple was anything but. No would could see that these were only masks being worn. And for a performance someone else had clearly orchestrated.

“I’ll save you both,” he muttered, moving in the direction of the door. “But it might take some time. But if I can do this, no one will have to love someone they don’t love. And I won’t have to pretend I don’t love you any longer, Tom. I can’t anyways. It’s better this way.”

 

 -From _Just What the Doctor Ordered_ posted Feb 2013  
By FanFixx.net author Magicath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Reminder I went to a small college…which meant study abroad was completely different. So…I did my best to look over UNL’s study abroad page and try to figure things out…but I had very little luck sorting through so much material. Therefore I am making it my own. So for anyone who studied through a larger school and goes “that’s not how it works” sorry small (less than 2000 students) school girl trying her best to hash it out and this is the results.
> 
> About Marlisse-- my grandma has remained close friends with one of my aunt's highschool boyfriend even though she's now married to someone else and has kids... so I know this does happen with some moms. It's always seemed a little weird to me, but I thought it somehow fit Marlisse pretty well.
> 
> Thanks for all the comments and support. It wouldn't be possible without you!


	27. Twenty-Seven

Round two. That was her decision after thinking about it for a bit. If at first you don't succeed. That sort of thing. Cath decided she'd do her best to get back on her feet. Perhaps this wasn't a total lost cause.

She sat in Wren's bedroom listening to her talk about speed dating and doing her best to not make it obvious that she and Thomas hadn't gone any further.

"Seriously," Wren said, pointing to a number on her phone. "This one was so ridiculously cute. I am just trying to figure out how to word a text and then I'm definitely going to try to strike up a conversation."

"I'm glad it was such a huge success," Cath said with a sigh before realizing how that sounded.

"I take it your night wasn't?" Wren said, raising a brow. "Please tell me you're all right. Do I need to go and kill him? I will you know. Painfully. With...spoons," she said, staring down at the bed where several dishes were cluttered. 

Cath shook her head. "No. I'm fine. We...didn't end up doing anything," she said. "Stupid really."

Wren sighed. "So, let's start with this, some guys are oblivious, all right? And maybe he's not actually an asshole...in which case he might not realize you're ready unless you explicitly tell him." She paused and frowned. "I can't believe I'm helping you with this. I totally should have made you go speed dating instead. You might have actually met someone."

"I am done talking to you," Cath said with a sigh. "And I'll take your advice. You're right. Maybe he just...is trying to be polite."

"Probably," Wren said. "Oh, by the way your friend Lauryn is totally cool. And so I might have mentioned we were looking for another roommate. Is that all right?"

Cath blinked a few times before smiling. "Really? Yes that's perfect! I sort of assumed she'd have other people to live with."

"Well she doesn't," Wren said. "And she jumped on the offer within ten seconds, so I'm really glad you approve because it's definitely happening at this point."

"It's all coming together," Cath said with a grin. "It's perfect, Wren."

"Nearly," Wren agreed. "Anything to get out of this room with my dorky freshman roommate."

"Hey, last year I was a dorky freshman roommate," Cath said. "Be nice to Jenna. She's just still figuring things out."

"Says the girl who dumped her perfectly wonderful boyfriend for one that's nowhere near as nice," Wren said with a raised eyebrow.

"Again, I'm not talking to you." Cath pushed at her sister with a giggle. She managed a smile even though she knew her sister had hit home. Still, she wasn't going to let that hold her back.

* * *

 

 

She gathered her courage. It wasn’t easy to do, but she knew this had to be done. Cath took a few breaths as she knocked at Thomas’s door that evening.

He answered within a few seconds, poking his head out and staring at her.

“Oh, um I didn’t realize we had plans?” he said, glancing at his phone with eyebrows raised. 

“We didn’t,” Cath said. “Not officially anyhow.” 

“Oh...all right,” he said. “That’s fine. I wanted to show you my mom’s message about that picture I put up anyways,” Thomas said with a smile. “She’s so beyond excited.”

“Er...yeah,” Cath said. “Can I come in?”

“So what's up?” he said. He motioned her into the room. 

She stepped in and allowed him to close the door. He was wearing a pair of pajama pants and no shirt. Cath found herself trying to appraise him out of the corner of her eyes. Her heart sank a little as she found the sight of him only made her think more about the chest she’d grown even more familiar with over the last few years.

“Nothing much,”  she said. “I just think we got off on the wrong foot... and I wanted to make sure we understood each other.”

He shrugged. After a second he seemed to realize that she was still standing in the doorway. “Come in.”

Cath stepped into his living room. She settled back onto that familiar couch. It was tempting to just move this straight to his room. But she figured a prelude might help. 

“I just felt like maybe you didn’t understand my...um..intentions on Valentine’s Day,” Cath said as he sat down beside her. She stared down at her uggs for a moment and sighed. “I’m not a fragile and scared girl who’s going to turn around and run the opposite direction...so if you’re trying to be a gentleman that’s nice, but I actually wouldn’t mind...taking it to the next step.”

Thomas stared at her for a moment. His eyes went wide and he sank back onto the couch.  

“You're serious?”  he said. “ I just... thought we'd...well... take this slow.”

“ I don't need slow,” Cath said. “I promise.  I'm ready.”

Thomas looked at her carefully. His brow furrowed and she watched his fists clench. He let out  a long breath and then nodded.

“All right. If you’re sure,” he whispered. “I mean...this isn’t just about pleasing me is it? Because I swear I’m doing fine right now. I’ve been single for more than a year I’m not…” he broke off a flush moving up his neck. 

“God,” Cath said with an eyeroll, “why do so many of you guys always think you’re the only ones with... _ needs _ . I happen to like sex thank you very much. And...I miss it.” 

At least she did with Levi. She swallowed to keep any of those forbidden emotions at bay. This was about her and Thomas right now. About strengthening the bond they had. If she could do this it would prove he was all right for her. Smart and into books. Just the kind of boy she’d always wanted. 

He stood up and took her hand. “Um, my bedroom is down this way. I’ll let you get comfortable. I...might be in need of a shower.”

Cath nodded. She moved in a kind of daze. She supposed she’d expected this, but it still felt a little unreal. 

He left her in his room and excused himself. She kicked off her shoes without a second thought, undoing the first few buttons of her cardigan.

Cath moved towards the bed, looking around a little. There was a bookshelf to the side, stuffed with every volume imaginable. She’d always felt you could tell a lot about a person based on their books. There was a little bit of everything. Simon Snow and some other young adult series. A lot of fancy literature books, many with those lovely leather bindings that looked so beautiful. She ran her hands over a few spines in admiration

Thomas’s desk was well organized. HIs laptop in the center with a few stacks of paper on either side. She noted a few newspaper clippings taped to the walls. If she didn’t know any better she really might have assumed him an English major. He had the makings to be one. 

She noted books on his nightstand too. Some things he’d been reading recently. She half-expected  _ Their Eyes Were Watching God _ from their shared lit class. However, instead she was surprised to see it was Shakespeare. A dog-eared copy of  _ The Merchant of Venice _ . She lifted it to see the next volume.  _ In Search of Lost Time  _ by Marcel Proust and  _ A Line of Beauty _ . 

“Marry a boy who likes to read,” Cath whispered to herself. She noted sticky notes on some of the pages and was about to open one of the books when she heard footsteps. She set the book down. 

She looked back in time to see Thomas coming in, a little more flushed, but otherwise looking much the same. 

“So…” Thomas said, shuffling a bit awkwardly. 

Cath did her best to put on a smile and patted the bed next to her. 

“Come on,” Cath said. “Put that smut writing to good use.”

One corner of Thomas’s lips quirked upwards, but his forehead was still wrinkled.

He came and sat down on the other side, moving a bit closer as Cath scooted in as well. 

“I haven’t even kissed you yet,” Cath whispered.

“Yeah,” Thomas said in a low voice. He licked his lips. “I know.”   
“So let’s just...try this out, shall we?” Cath asked. 

He nodded, swallowing before leaning in. He reached a hand for her waist while Cath brought one to his face. They stared at each other for a moment. And then they were leaning in and lips were touching…

Cath honestly wasn’t sure how to feel about it. The sensations were...pleasant. But everything was different. Just the noticeable touch of Thomas’s glasses against her fingers brought her reeling back to the inevitable reality. This wasn’t Levi. She was kissing someone other than Levi.

Thomas was rigid for a moment. His lips moved some, but otherwise his body might have been a statue. 

“Is it...is it all right?” Cath whispered against his mouth as she pulled away.

He blinked a few times and seemed to refocus. “Hmm...yeah I suppose.”

“Okay,” Cath said and leaned in to kiss him again. She gently pushed a little closer, settling against the chest that was on display. 

Thomas suddenly jerked back with a gasp. It happened so fast he had no time to regain his balance before he was toppling to the floor with a loud thump.

“Are you all right?” Cath gasped, crawling over to look at him over the edge of the bed.

He turned beet red and shook his head. “I’m fine...I just...sorry. I don’t know what happened.”

Cath tilted her head to one side. “You have done this before, right? You’ve had other girlfriends.”

Thomas sat up and scratched his head. “Yeah….I mean...it’s been a while. But yeah, my first girlfriend and I…”

“Okay, then this is fine, right?” Cath asked again, suddenly feeling a growing sense of dread. Every instinct in her was telling her to stop. She thought about what Leanne would say… often the woman mentioned things about listening to her own signs. About finding good self-awareness. 

“I just...we don’t have to do this tonight,” Thomas said, standing up and rubbing his elbow with a wince. “You know?”

“I just think it might be nice,” Cath said. “First time’s the worst right? If we get it over with we can move on to just having fun.”

Thomas let out a heavy sigh. “Yeah...yeah sure.”

He slipped back onto the bed. She watched his chest rise and fall in a faster rhythm than normal before he moved to cup her face.

“All right,” he whispered. And then he was leaning in and kissing her. 

Cath sighed and relaxed a little. But when she reached over to put her hands on Thomas’s shoulders she found them tense. After another moment he was pulling away, a shaky breath was against her cheek before his hand moved down towards her hip. 

“How do you want to do this?” he murmured.

Cath shrugged. “I just...why don’t I help you with those pajama pants.” She noted an odd expression on his face and made a quick assumption. “Like they always say in fic, I’m not going to break. It’s fine.”

She was so used to Levi leading. But if Thomas needed a little help, maybe she could get him there. She pressed herself closer, moving to kiss Thomas’s jaw and then up to his lips as her hand moved to pull the fabric down. 

But before she could he pulled away again.

“No.”

“What?” Cath sat up straighter, staring at him.

“No,” Thomas said more firmly. He suddenly pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. “We’re not doing this. I...I can’t.”

Cath pulled away a little, looking him over. “What do you mean?”

“I...I can’t do it,” he whispered and she watched as his chest moved quicker. Awareness had done her one bit of good. She recognized he was hyperventilating before he did.

“Thomas,” Cath said, ‘it’s all right. Take some deep breaths and calm down. You’re going to be just fine.”

He didn’t appear to be listening to her. He had buried his face in his hands and then suddenly his body was shaking with sobs.

Cath stared on, suddenly unsure what to even do.

“I’m...I can’t do it,” Thomas gasped. He managed to look at her again, and sure enough his eyes were red and there were tears on his face. “I tried...I really did. I kept hoping maybe we could do things like this...just… platonic…. But even then. I can’t stop thinking about… God Cath I’m sorry. Everytime I’m with you I’m picturing someone else.”

Cath felt as though she’d been slapped. “What?”

“I’m sorry,” he gasped again. “I’m so so sorry.”

She thought about all her imaginings of Levi. All the times she’d looked at Thomas and wished it was him. Her heart sank.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” she said. “I...I still have feelings for my ex too, Thomas. I know what it’s like. I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have pushed so hard. I guess I’d just thought...if we had sex maybe I could forget.”

“So did I,” Thomas said. He pulled off his glasses and wiped his face on his arm. “When I was with Kristi and we had sex...I just thought I’d get the hang of it later you know? Like...that I’d get better and enjoy it more? But...then that awful party happened… and everything just...god I figured it all out. Everything just made sense for the first time. I thought if I dated you I could forget. Maybe I could just...go back to the way it was before. Maybe I wouldn’t be so...disgusting.”

Cath stared at him again. He was speaking but she realized she wasn’t understanding. There was obviously information she was missing.

“What do you mean by that?” she whispered. She moved close enough to be able to put a hand on his shoulder. He flinched but didn’t pull away. 

“I’m…” he swallowed and closed his eyes. “I’m gay, Cath. I’m gay. Fuck. I said it… god I…” he broke off with a choked noise, clearly trying to get a better breath as he continued to breathe abnormally. 

It took her a moment to even process the words. And when she did she had the brief revelation that she’d never be able to write Cornelius coming out to Selene quite the same way ever again. 

“You’re…” she whispered, unable to even form the word. She’d written it in fanfiction a hundred times over. But in this situation she couldn’t manage to say that single one-syllable word. 

“Yes,” Thomas gasped and let out another broken sob. “I tried being normal you know? I’ve tried so hard. And I thought if I maybe dated a girl I actually liked...you know one who liked fic and was a brilliant writer and was so smart and great...maybe I’d do okay you know? Maybe it’d be all right.”

“But you didn’t like me,” Cath whispered. “Not the way you should.”

“I like you,” Thomas said with a shake of his head. “Just not...just not beyond what I feel for Lauryn or any other friends really. Not like I felt about him.”

“Him?”

“This guy,” Thomas said in a low voice. “He picked me up at a party a few months back. His kisses and touch...god…” it came out a half-moan though from pleasure or sorrow Cath couldn’t quite tell. “I can’t get him out of my brain.”

Cath tilted her head to the side. The picture was slowly making more sense. With more information the puzzle was becoming easier to put together. Before long she had a feeling she’d completely understand. 

“So...the squickiness… it’s all...internalized homophobia then? It’s just you being unable to deal with your own attractions.”

Thomas swallowed and nodded. “God yes. Every time I read about Cornelius doing Tom… the things it does to me. Fuck every time I run into a fic like that I have to get a drink. I usually end up doing some pretty shitty commenting too once I’ve had a few.”

Cath thought about the comments she’d gotten earlier about how stupid Tomius was. Well, perhaps there were some explanations after all. 

“I’m so sorry,” he said and burst into tears again.

This time Cath didn’t hold back. She moved forward and wrapped her arms around him. 

“You’re all right,” she whispered. “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not disgusting.”   
“No one’s going to understand,” Thomas gasped. 

“Your sister,” Cath pointed out. “Lauryn. I bet she’ll bake you a cake and throw you a party if you tell her to be honest.”

He let out a weak watery laugh at that. “God you’re right.”

Cath smiled a little bit. “I know your parents aren’t...the most understanding. But you can’t just live your life for them, Thomas. If you do you’re never going to really live. Life is more than pleasing them. You need to make yourself happy sometimes. Not just everyone else.”   
Thomas squeezed her a little tighter. “What did I do to deserve you?”

“I don’t know,” Cath said. She paused and considered. “This might be bad timing...but...you do realize we’re breaking up after this, right?”

Thomas let out another soft laugh. “Yeah. No...it’s fine. It’d never have worked out in the long run. Not with me sitting here pining after other guys.”

Cath smiled. “Me too.” When he looked at her a little strangely, she confessed, “I keep thinking about my ex. I miss him so much.”

“Yeah,” Thomas whispered. “I get that.”

She fell silent just holding him tightly and somehow deciding she liked how the night had ended better than her wildest imaginings could have ended. 

“Do you want a ride home?” Thomas asked. 

“I drove,” Cath pointed out. “And besides, I don’t think I should leave you alone. Not tonight.”

“Are you sure that’s the best idea?” Thomas asked.

“Yes,” Cath said with an eyeroll. “Or else you’ll go drink. Because I know how this sort of thing works. And besides...it’s not like I’m worried about you stealing my virtue or anything.”

“Fuck,” Thomas muttered again though he managed a wry laugh. He squirmed a bit, but didn’t move to let go of her. “Maybe you’ve got a point.”

“I’m still your friend,” Cath said. “Even if we’re breaking up.”

“I’m glad,” Thomas said. He squeezed her again and then settled in a little closer and closed his eyes. Cath sighed and just rubbed his back. 

“Please don’t tell anyone,” Thomas said after a moment. “I’m...still figuring this stuff out.”

“I promise,” Cath said, and for once with Thomas, she meant what she said.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fic ending just didn't feel right for this chapter. So I'll maybe try to do a little longer one next chapter. To be honest I kind of thought I'd add more, but it just felt wrong and this ended up being a good spot to cut off. Hope that works!
> 
> The big surprise is finally revealed! I think I only had one reader suggest it might be possible, so I'm sort of giggling maniacally and rubbing my hands together. Anyhow, now you know the reasons for all of Thomas's...oddities. And those of you who wanted a breakup, you finally got one. :) Also, you can feel free to reimagine last chapter as that scene in Clueless where Cher tries to seduce Christian…because I definitely thought of that while writing it.
> 
> Thanks to all the comments and support. I couldn't do it without so much positivity feeding me so thank you!


	28. Twenty-Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! It’s been a crazy month, plus my other fic deserved an update, plus my mom was in the hospital for a bit which had me in maximum anxiety/depression mode. So, now that things are a little more back together I’m giving you an update!

Cath returned to her dorm the next morning feeling like a weight had lifted off her chest. She was worried about Thomas of course, but knowing she no longer needed to date him...realizing she was in fact happier knowing they'd broken up...that was somehow a relief. And she would take what relief she could.

Reagan gave a sneering look as she walked in. "Oh, back from your night with your boyfriend are you?"

Cath blinked a few times. "I just slept over. We didn't do anything. Beyond break up of course."

It was as though she'd dumped a bucket of ice water over Reagan's head. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped.

"What?"

"We broke up," Cath said, flopping down on the bed with a bounce. "It wasn't working out."

"Why?" Reagan asked, eyes narrowing.

"No reason," Cath said. She knew she'd made a promise, and she intended to keep it. But she had anticipated this. Girls tended to want answers on breakups. It was just the way of things. And so she knew Reagan, Wren, and Lauryn would all probably attempt to question more details out of her. But she would tuck the key to the information safely away and hopefully not have to yield a full answer.

"Well," Reagan said. "I guess I can't pretend I'm unhappy. Not that you look unhappy either. No puffy eyes or anything. You sure everything's all right?"

"Couldn't be better," Cath responded. "I'm quite happy to be single."

It perhaps wasn't quite what Reagan wanted, but she grunted and turned back to picking an outfit out of her pile of clothes.

"So you and Wren talked," Cath said. She knew from her sister telling her, but she hadn't really heard the details yet.

"Yes," Reagan said, throwing her a look. "And I'm cool with it. Your friend can live with us. Or rather live with Wren. I'm not rooming with a total stranger. So it's you or Wren."

"I think Wren will be fine living with Lauryn," Cath said. "And besides, I think we've both found having a little space from each other is nice."

"If my sister and I lived in the same room we would murder each other," Reagan said with an eye roll. "You're just lucky yours isn't totally messed up."

"Not completely," Cath said with a half-smile. "When do we start looking at places then?"

"I told Wren to pass on the word to you and Lauryn that all of us can keep an eye open," Reagan said. "But I'm not too worried about it to be honest. Something'll pop up."

"I hope so," Cath said. She smiled as she thought about the future they'd have together. Wren sprawled on the couch in the living room doing homework. Lauryn baking something delicious in the kitchen. Reagan slamming the door open and demanding to know what the heavenly food was precisely. She smiled and had to admit that she'd never quite felt happier.

* * *

 

 

Thomas wasn't in class the next day. Cath swallowed and looked around, but even as the clock struck a minute past and the professor began the lecture, there was no sign of him.

"Odd," Lauryn said under her breath, glancing at the chair next to her that she'd saved.

The eye in Cath's direction let her know there would be a full interrogation afterwards. She swallowed and only hoped she'd be able to hold out.

However, if she'd thought Lauryn would be satisfied merely questioning her, she was in fact not. After class, the other girl made a dash for the door tugging Cath along with her.

"I'm going to his apartment," Lauryn declared. "You coming?"

"Um..." Cath frowned. "We...did sort of breakup over the weekend. He...didn't seem too upset by it at the time. But it might not be best for me to be there."

Lauryn stared at her. "I knew this was going to happen! Oh my gosh this is why I told you it was a bad idea to date him!"

Cath swallowed. "I'm sorry...I just... it wasn't working out. And I know it was a stupid decision on both of our parts to date, but both of us were figuring out...things." She broke off, fearing she might give something away if she spoke further.

Lauryn tilted her head a little, but she didn't question. "Fine, are you coming?"

"Yes," Cath said after a moment. In many ways she felt guilty. It was only right that she rectify her mistakes. And she was more than a little curious what Lauryn would actually do.

Once in Lauryn's car she realized something.

"Don't you have class?" she asked.

Lauryn looked at her pointedly. "This is more important."

That effectively shut Cath up. She stared out the window and hoped this wouldn't be as big of a disaster as she imagined it might be.

Lauryn swerved into two parking spots and turned off the car without bothering to correct the crooked job. Cath stepped out with a grimace, hardly having time to catch her breath before Lauryn was off towards the apartments.

Lauryn banged on Thomas' door a few times before there was finally an answer.

"Who is it?" his voice came as a muffled groan.

"Your Penelope and Agatha," Lauryn said with just a hint of a smile. "Here to rescue you from the hangover curse. Can you let us in?"

There was a moment's pause and then the door finally opened.

Thomas blinked a few times, one hand on his head as the other held the door open. Cath could smell the alcohol before she saw any signs of it.

"What do you want?"

"To make sure you're okay," Lauryn said. "If you want Cath to leave I'll make her wait downstairs. But she was worried about you too."

His eyes flicked towards her and she saw his gaze soften a little.

"I'm fine," he muttered. "Just didn't think I could make it to class..."

He swayed a little and Lauryn grabbed him before he could topple over.

"Damn, boy," she said with a sigh. "All right, let's get you over to that couch, okay?"

He allowed himself to be led over. Cath watched as Lauryn settled him down, finding a blanket and tucking him carefully back in.

"I'm getting you some water and aspirin, and then you're going to tell me what set you into a downward spiral," she said.

Thomas groaned. "I don't want to talk about it. But I'll take the water and aspirin please."

Lauryn froze where she'd been walking towards the kitchen. "No talking, no water or medicine. I'm not letting you bottle all this inside anymore. No pun intended," she muttered clearly spotting several bottles piled on the kitchen counter.

"Just please get it for me," Thomas said. His eyes flickered back to Cath. "Please?"

"Lauryn's right," Cath whispered. "And besides, she's going to be fine with this. I already told you that. And no for the record, I haven't said anything."

Thomas frowned. "Fuck, I don't...fine get me the bloody glass of water and I'll tell you."

Lauryn smirked before going off to fetch it.

"I know she'll be fine with it," Thomas said softly. "But I don't like...saying it more than I have to. It makes it more real."

Cath sighed and took a chair so she could look him in the eyes. "I know it's hard," she said. "But you're making yourself miserable denying it."

"Better miserable than disowned," Thomas said closing his eyes. "As soon as my father hears he's going to throw me out. Stop paying for this apartment. Stop paying for my tuition. Strip me of everything I have. And then what?"

"Then you find your own way back," Cath said. "You're smart and capable. I know you can. You write brilliantly you know."

He opened his eyes again and smiled a little. "Highest praises from Magicath. My lucky day."

He fell quiet when he saw Lauryn coming back from the bathroom with the medicine.

"There you are," she said, passing him the pills and a glass of water. She settled in the chair next to Cath. "So, what is all this about anyways?"

Thomas downed the water in a gulp and set the glass on the coffee table. He reached a hand up to rub his temple and closed his eyes.

"Fine, I'm...well…gay," he whispered.

Lauryn blinked for a moment. "Oh my god."

"I know," Thomas said helplessly. He opened his eyes again and stared at her.

"Oh my god," Lauryn said again.

"Lauryn, you're making it worse," Cath hissed, digging an elbow into her side.

"No," Lauryn said eyes widening. "I...it's not… bad, I promise I just...I'm kicking myself for not having seen it earlier. Oh my god. You're..." She looked him over again. "Wow!"

"Yeah, 'wow'," Thomas muttered. "So profound, really Lauryn. Put those English major talents to good use."

She frowned. "I just can't believe I didn't see it. It makes so much sense." She finally smiled, and Cath let out a small sigh of relief.

Before either of them could speak again Lauryn hopped up.

"Do you have eggs?" she asked Thomas.

He frowned but nodded.

"Flour?"

"Yes?"

"Sugar?"

He answered in the affirmative again, still staring at her.

"Food coloring? Um... butter?"

He kept answering yes, still frowning.

"Perfect!" Lauryn said and was up and to the kitchen counter before Cath could stop her. She started throwing alcohol bottles in the trash before pulling various bowls and ingredients out of the cupboards.

"What the hell are you doing?" Thomas demanded.

"Making you a cake," Lauryn declared. "Everyone should have them when they first come out. Seriously. My mom made me one. And since yours won't, I'll do the honors. So you shut up and lay there for a little bit having some fluids and I'll tell you when it's all done."

Cath giggled and glanced at Thomas, glad to see a hint of a smile growing.

"Fine," Thomas said.

Lauryn looked up after a moment, gaze fixing on Cath. Cath was surprised to see a twinkle in those familiar eyes, grin ever growing.

"What?" she asked, running a hand through her hair self-consciously.

"I'm just thinking," Lauryn said, "this really does make you Agatha…. Or at least in the _Carry On, Simon_ fashion."

Cath was unable to stop from laughing, and she was glad to see Thomas rolling his eyes with a bit of a smile too. Again she wondered if she'd have to rethink Agatha. Perhaps there was something to her after all.

Lauryn made Thomas pose for a photo with his cake, only swearing there would be no posts to social media until he was thoroughly out of the closet. He gave a half-hearted smile, but as soon as he tucked into the cake his expression grew into one of contentment. Cath had to admit given how short a time Lauryn had to make it, the thing turned out quite fabulously, covered in all different colors of frosting and delicious alongside being aesthetically pleasing.

And then Lauryn bundled him back on the couch and put on the first Simon Snow movie and insisted that she wasn’t moving until the next day. Cath just snuggled in beside her two new friends and decided to forget about homework for the rest of the day. Sometimes there were just more important things.

* * *

 

 

“I’m so incredibly proud of you,” Professor Piper said. “You’ve come so far, Cath. Just in a year. It’s incredible.”

She flushed at the praise, looking down at her lap rather than into the eyes of the woman she’d come to admire so well.

“We can start talking some next steps of course,” Professor Piper said. “Making sure you know how to go about applying for a visa. Arranging housing. Selecting your courses and all that. But for now, just keep up the good work on your classes.” She smiled and looked Cath over again. “Was there any other reason you came to speak with me besides the good news?”

Cath took a deep breath. “I guess I just wanted to talk about it with you. I thought…maybe you’d talk me out of pulling out.”

Professor Piper’s eyebrows furrowed. “And why would you pull out, Cath?”

“Because I really…I’m really nervous,” Cath said.

She’d talked about it some with her therapist. Leanne had made her write a list of the worst possible things that could happen for every one of her worries and then had talked through each of them. And while Cath did have to admit most of them were quite ridiculous when viewed through a more rational mind, she still knew there was nervousness she was just going to have to deal with.

“That’s understandable,” Professor Piper said with a nod.

“I just…” Cath took another breath, chest feeling tighter than normal, “I won’t know anyone over there. I’ll be…completely…alone.”

Professor Piper’s gaze softened.

“It is hard to leave people you love behind,” she said. “It is true. And there are times being in a new place is scary. I did research in China in grad school, and I remember times I longed to come home. But I still have close friends from those times. People I will never forget. You’ll establish some new connections, Cath. I have no doubt.”

“You studied in China!” Cath said, jaw dropping open.

Professor Piper smiled. “I wanted to know more about my family roots. I was adopted and brought to the states as a baby. I lived in Nebraska all my life. So as a young person I wanted to know more and headed back to my birth city. I ended up finding out very little I’m afraid.” She sighed and moved to rest her chin in her hand. “At least in your country you’ll speak the language already. And you will only be there for a semester rather than a year. Have you considered staying after and traveling some?”

Cath shrugged. “My sister mentioned the possibility of coming over Christmas so we could explore a little together. But I’m not sure it will be financially achievable. It’s all a bit up in the air right now.”

Professor Piper smiled. “I understand. But this is your chance. And I hate to see you throw it away. Promise me you’ll give it a few more weeks to think about it. It was a big enough step applying, but I’m certain if you put your mind to it you can actually make it into the hallowed halls of Oxford.”

Cath swallowed, doing her best not to let the images of drafty ancient corridors and withering white bearded professors. Wren kept telling her to just think of Watford, but somehow that still wasn’t making it any better. In fact, it really only made things seem more…foreign. Unfamiliar. Intimidating.

“I promise,” Cath said after a moment. “I’ll keep thinking about it.”

Professor Piper’s smile grew again. “Good. I think you’d only regret not going. You keep thinking. Email me anytime for any questions. But I think you’re already looking quite well prepared.”

Cath wasn’t sure she believed those words. But she let herself accept them for the moment. Anything to coax her towards England’s shores. This was her big opportunity. Professor Piper was right. And perhaps she would make new friends, new connections. And even if she didn’t, the old familiar ones she loved would still be waiting for her back home.

* * *

 

 

Cath stared at her fanfiction. It had been so impossible to write lately, but she was doing her best. She let out another sigh and focused on the screen.

“Do you have to make so much noise?” Reagan said from across the room.

Cath glanced over at her. “I can’t focus. My readers keep asking for an update, and I haven’t been able to write one in weeks.” At Reagans’ scornful look she amended, “all right, a few days. Is that better?”

“Your readers can live with a break. Your needs are more important than theirs,” Reagan said with another huff. “Is it really that unobvious to you, Cath?”

“I’m sorry if I care about the people who’ve been so supportive of me,” Cath said with a roll of her eyes.

“Sure,” Reagan muttered. “Well, what are you stuck on?”

“Cornelius is going to make this like…bold and daring reentrance into the wedding after having taken care of Devine. And then he’s supposed to…to tell Tom how he really feels. And say he was wrong to ever let him go and…why can’t I just get the words right? Why is this…it feels…wrong.”

Reagan looked up at her again, one brow arched even as the rest of her expression remained impassive.

“It almost sounds…over the top,” she suggested. “I mean, do real people do that sort of thing?”

Cath sighed and rubbed her forehead. “It’s fanfiction, Reagan. It’s not supposed to be one hundred percent realistic. Just…romantic. And…I don’t know. Perfect.”

“If life has taught me one thing, love isn’t always perfect,” Reagan said with a snort. “And sometimes there just aren’t words. You want to pretend words are right for everything. But they’re not. Sometimes people stumble and stutter and can’t even think of the right thing to say. And sometimes that’s just better.”

Cath frowned.

“Forget the fucking speech,” Reagan said after a long moment. “Seriously. I think you can keep it simple. Five words. I’m going to cut you off. Five fucking words. Got it?”

Cath stared at her, but the cogs in her mind were still turning, and she could somehow feel the scene pulling together in her mind.

“Want to go grab dinner?” Reagan asked.

“Yeah, maybe after I finish this,” Cath said. “Almost done.”

Before Reagan could reply there was an obnoxious noise. Cath didn’t even have to check if it was her phone. She was well familiar with the loud electronic noises Reagan’s phone emitted on getting a text.

Reagan groaned and flopped down. She picked up the phone and gazed at it for a moment before she went a bit pale.

“What?” Cath asked.

“Nothing,” Reagan muttered. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t worry about what?” Cath asked.

“It’s just…” Reagan sighed and ran a hand over her face, “Levi’s in town.”

“Oh,” Cath whispered. She found her fingers frozen where they’d hovered over the keys. She hadn’t even thought about the possibility. But it made sense.

“He’s asking about dinner,” Reagan said. “I can tell him no if you still want to grab something.”

Cath swallowed and tried to stare at the screen. The words blurred for a moment.

“Um…you do whatever.”

Reagan sighed and looked at her again. “I’m kind of sick of picking between my two best friends to be honest. What do you want?”

Cath’s mind was still reeling.

_Levi’s in town_.

She had to stop to think about it. She hadn’t seen him since the beginning of semester. Since he’d stopped by her dorm and told her that he’d respect what she wanted. They hadn’t so much as exchanged a text, no matter how many nights Cath would find herself pulling up his name on her phone and writing a message only to delete it later.

Somehow for a bit it had almost allowed Levi to slip into fantasy. As though he were fictional instead of a real part of her existence. As though she had somehow banished him off to the magical land of Arnold and he had ceased to be.

But being back in Lincoln. That changed things. That made it real.

He was here. Less than a mile away. Her heart began to beat faster at the thought.

In January she’d told him they were over. All fear and confusion and stress thrown together making enough to let her cut off the bonds she feared might harm her. Leanne had talked so much with her about boundaries that Cath knew what she had done in that moment. Slammed a door in Levi’s face. Pushed him out of her house. She knew after having her own mother walk out of her house, after having Wren try the year before, that losing Levi would be too painful to bear. So she’d ended it herself. Preemptively trying to keep herself from hurting.

But even after a few months, even without seeing or talking to him at all, Cath still missed him.

The mere thought of his smile sent her heart pounding fiercely. She caught a breath as she considered. A few months to make her realize even two hundred miles hadn’t been enough to put Levi behind her.

It was easy to try to talk herself out of it. But Professor Piper’s words a few weeks earlier still were strong with her. It would be so easy to walk away now and regret it for the rest of her life.

She stood up, closing the laptop.

“Dinner?” Reagan asked. “I can cancel on him. Seriously. We can always meet up tomorrow instead.”

Cath shook her head. “Tell him you’ll meet him at his place in twenty minutes. And then if you wouldn’t mind going to dinner by yourself or with Wren…well…” she broke off. If she put the plan in words she might chicken out. It was hard enough just to visualize.

Reagan stared at her for a moment before a grin grew across her features. Clearly she’d caught on.

“Oh. Sure. Yeah I’ll text him. I think your sister is free after six.”

Cath nodded and smiled. “Thank you, Reagan.”

Reagan just smiled and grabbed for her phone. “You’ve got it. Just promise me you won’t screw it up this time, all right? I want both my friends back. Never thought I’d say it. But I do.”

Cath smiled.

* * *

 

 

Twenty minutes. It had felt like an eternity. Cath stood in front of the door and stared. She willed herself to breathe as she raised a hand and knocked.

The door opened. She stood there for a moment. Time seemed to pass differently as a familiar figure stepped out.

“Cath?”

She swallowed and looked up to meet his eyes. Her tongue felt heavy in her mouth. No words came. Cath stood there and accepted the inevitable. She didn’t have what it took to say it. She was there, in the right place, at the right time. And she had no words. For once in her life, she couldn’t speak.

* * *

 

 

Cornelius didn’t have a moment to plan. He’d taken out Devine, pushed her over the edge to an extent where she finally revealed weakness. She was too enthralled with the plan, and it was simple when it came down to it. And now she was in police custody, and that left him with only one thing left to do.

Stop the wedding.

He was out of breath by the time he reached the church. It took everything in his power to remember this wasn’t a moment he could give up. Of all the times to surrender, this wasn’t it. He was seconds away from allowing the worst possible thing to happen.

The doors flung open. He tumbled into the room.

Every head in every pew turned to stare at him. From the front he watched Anna turn first, brow furrowing as she caught sight of him.

Tom took a fraction of a second longer. But eventually his familiar curly head turned too. His eyes met Cornelius’ from across the room.

The detective felt his mouth suddenly go dry. He stepped forward, walking in steady strides down the aisle.

Any other day he might have had a quip. Even in normal circumstances, he’d have been able to at least use the words “object” or “reason for them not to be married.” But today he was without words. Simply forced to use his actions instead.

Cornelius walked closer, eyes never leaving Tom. His best friend had moved further from Anna, moving closer to where he was coming from.

“Cornelius?” Tom whispered, breath catching slightly. “What…what are you doing here?”

He took a breath. And at last he had what he wanted to say. He felt the tears coming, but he continued speaking even as a sob threatened to choke him off.

“Tom…” he gasped. “I…still…love you.”

Tom’s eyes met his and then the man was smiling. “You…you idiot.”

For once in his life, Cornelius took those words with pride. Anything to make the other man smile. Anything to see that brilliant shining smile again.

-From _Just What the Doctor Ordered_ Posted April 2013  
By FanFixx . net author Magicath

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um yes…I’m leaving it there. Sorry folks. It was a good cut off. And I need time to emotionally prepare myself for the next chapter.
> 
> Okay the responses to the last chapter were golden! I was giggling so badly as I read them. So thank you to everyone who made my day by freaking out over Thomas. And good for the few people who had guessed it!


	29. Twenty-Nine

Cath looked up into his eyes. “I need to see him,” she whispered after a long moment.

Levi’s roommate, Ian, stared at her for a moment but finally nodded. “All right Sure. Um…”

He turned back, shoulders tense. “Um Levi?”

Cath swallowed again, trying to create moisture where there was seemingly none. Her hands twisted at the hem of her cardigan as she shifted from foot to foot. After what seemed like an eternity, Ian stepped aside and a shadow fell into the doorway. 

“Cather?”

That familiar brow furrowed, and she watched him freeze in place. 

Cath let her eyes wander first, taking back in the details she’d almost forgotten. Levi’s eyes seemed almost bluer than her imaginings. But perhaps it was only because they were blown wide, staring at her. 

All the words she’d had still were missing. The well had run dry. But Reagan’s thoughts on it had lingered with her. It was supposed to be messy. Not some big dramatic perfectly planned speech. 

She took one step forward, eyes never leaving him to make sure she gauged his reaction. When he didn’t move, she took another. And then a third until she was inches away from him in the door frame. 

He still wasn’t smiling. 

Cath’s heart went into overdrive, but she only hesitated a moment before reaching out a hand to brush over his. 

“I…” she swallowed to finally find her voice. “I missed you.”

His head tilted slightly. “Cather…”

“I was wrong,” she said softly. “About everything, Levi. Even after months…even miles apart…I still love you.”

Levi’s brow smoothed suddenly, and his hand caught hers. 

“Do you mean it?” he whispered.

“Yes,” Cath breathed. “I mean it forever, Levi. Tomorrow and tomorrow and…and…” she broke off, suddenly overwhelmed.

“And tomorrow,” he finished, leaning a little closer. His other hand came up to cup her cheek. “I missed you too,” he whispered.

His forehead moved closer and she let it brush against hers. She closed her eyes for a moment, just allowing the closeness. For a few seconds she thought about kissing him, but the urge passed quickly. It was somehow too soon. She settled for an eskimo kiss instead, allowing her nose to brush against his. 

When she pulled away that smile had started to appear. It wasn’t full quite yet, but the joy lurking in the corners of his lips was enough to put a smile on her own.

“I love you, Levi,” she whispered. 

He smiled and then he was scooping her into his arms. Cath giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck. She didn’t dare let go as he pulled her back into the house, walking past a very confused looking Ian and a few other roommates before heading towards the stairs. 

It took a little maneuvering, and Levi definitely bumped her legs into a few walls, but they still managed to make it up to his room. Cath kept staring into his eyes, studying every fleck of color for the smallest details she’d forgotten. 

He kicked his bedroom door closed behind them. In the privacy, Cath allowed herself a sigh and wrapped her arms just a little tighter. 

For a moment she expected Levi to drop her on the bed, but instead he settled for going over to the antique couch, settling her amongst the cushions even as he sat down himself. 

“I missed you,” she whispered again. She moved closer, and finally let her lips press to his. She let it remain soft and chaste before she pulled back. 

His smile had only grown, white straight teeth showing as his eyes sparkled. He looked younger again. Forehead smooth, only a few crinkles at the corners of his eyes. 

“Me too, Cather. Me too.”

 

They settled for silence for a time. Hugging and pressing a few soft kisses here and there. Cath had to restrain herself from going all mouth on him, even though she was sure he wouldn’t really mind.

But after awhile simply becoming reaquainted with how it felt to be close… they both knew that there did need to be some words exchanged. Things couldn’t just fit smoothly back into place, even if the two of them both still loved one another.

“So,” Levi said after a long moment. He sat back a little, moving to prop his legs on the trunk he doubled as a coffee table. “So...I guess it’s time we actually had the talk we couldn’t last time.”

Cath swallowed. She folded her arms, pulling away from him. “All right. Um...I freaked out. And I know that.”

Levi nodded, brow wrinkling again. “Yes. I guess that’s sort of what I thought. You know...just that it was too much. And I get that. I really do. It was a lot going on. And I think in some ways that was what caused me to let go. To realize that holding you too tight would only end up strangling you.”

It was hard to keep tears at bay, but somehow Cath managed. 

“I know,” she said.  “But I don’t think...I don’t think that made it right.”

Levi shrugged. “Who knew what was right in the moment, sweetheart. It was a lot to handle, even for me.”

“I should never have left you to face it alone,” Cath murmured.

His hands took hers. Cath looked down at her smaller fingers twined in his. After a moment she met his gaze again. There was no bitterness there. 

“Should have is something we don’t need to worry about anymore,” Levi murmured. “Let’s focus on the shoulds of the future instead.”

Cath swallowed, but managed to nod. “I’ve been...I’ve been going to counseling. To help with some of the...totally crazy inside of me. It’s been helping a little. We’ve been talking a lot about boundaries, and from what she’s described...I think in December all I could think was that I was going to lose you. And that it was going to hurt too much to bear. So in order to protect myself...I put up walls again. Slammed the door behind you.”

Levi looked at her for a moment, smiling softly. “If you’re still calling yourself crazy after seeing a counselor, maybe we need to find a better one for you, Cath.”

She shook her head. “I don’t mean it in a derogatory way. It’s just...you know my dad, Levi. You know my sister. You’ve heard about how my mom walked out on us. You know that...that problems seem to run in my family. And I have...I have sometimes worried it will be too much for anyone.”

His brow furrowed, his fingers tightened a little more on hers. 

“Too much for anyone to love?”

She nodded.

“Impossible,” he whispered softly. “I could never stop loving you, Cath. Crazy or not.”

He gazed at her for a moment before he continued.

“I guess you didn’t realize,” he said. “But my sister Debbie...she sees a therapist weekly. Which is much less than she used to. She was in a psychiatric hospital for more than a year when we were kids.”

Cath opened her mouth but Levi cut her off.

“I love Debbie,” he whispered. “I always will. She’s my sister and I would never think any less of her. No matter what she’s done or what’s going on with the chemicals in her brain or anything else. Nothing will ever change how I feel about her.”

“But she’s your sister,” Cath protested. “You can’t exactly get rid of her. She’s...always there. Always a part of you and your family.”

She thought about how she’d tried to shut Laura out of her life and had failed.

“I don’t want to get rid of you,” Levi said softly. “It’s true...family you always have and you can’t exactly choose who they are. But that’s the beauty of you, Cather. That I choose you. Even after months apart. I choose you. And I’m not letting you go...not unless you ask me to.”

Cath stared into his eyes, admiring the conviction she could see just below the surface.

“So there are no pretty ranch girls you set your eyes on?” Cath whispered. 

Levi cracked a smile. “No. Not a one. And even if there were, I wouldn’t have noticed them. Not when I couldn’t stop thinking about you. You and your beautiful writing and your kisses and your Cornelius shirts and your Clark Kent glasses. Besides, my mom would never have allowed it. The moment she found out she was at her prayer circle asking God for a miracle to get us back together.”

Cath laughed. “Well I guess she’ll be pleased then,” she said. 

“Of course,” Levi said. “She knows I’ve got myself a good smart girl who’ll make me happy. And she’s realized no other girl will do now.”

Cath pictured Marlisse with her hands raised and eyes closed, begging for Cath to come back to her son, several other women shouting amens and mmhmms and hallelujah Jesuses into the pauses. She had to contain herself before she dissolved into giggles. 

“So...why now?” Levi asked, leaning back. “What made you change your mind, Cath?”

There was a pause, a few seconds where she gathered the right words. 

“I tried to forget you,” Cath said. “But the more I tried the less successful I was. And I guess...I guess I just started to become stronger between the therapy and everything else I’ve been through this year. So after a time, I began to realize how irrational my fears were. And that if I lost you...I’d survive. I think that was what I needed to know most. That if you walked out tomorrow I’d live. I’ve gone a month single now, and I know I’m fine. So when I heard you were in town...well I just felt it was time to try again. And if you said no… so be it.”

Levi’s head tilted to the side. “A month single?”

It took her a moment to gather her strength. She swallowed, but at last met his curious gaze.

“I dated someone,” Cath said. “I was desperate to forget you. So when I had an offer...I took it.”

Levi’s gaze didn’t change. There was no malice or hurt. But neither did she see another smile.

“I see,” he said.

“It failed,” she whispered. “Epically. I dumped him last month. He...it just didn’t work out. And once i was without him I actually was happier. I had my sister and Lauryn and Reagan and it was all right.”

“So,” Levi said. “I guess that just makes me even more special then...since some other guy couldn’t sweep you off your feet.” 

His lips twitched upwards and Cath wondered if she could possibly fall a little more in love with him just from that.

“No one else will ever be able to,” Cath said. “No one, Levi.”

“Not even if someone figures out how to reincarnate Baz?” Levi said, raising a brow.

“First off it would be  _ incarnate _ , since he isn’t dead...well other than being undead...but that’s another matter. Secondly, you forget that Baz is as gay as they come,” Cath said, “And I’ve already figured out that dating a gay boy really doesn’t work.”

Levi’s eyes glittered. “Oh, so that’s what it was. And here I thought you found the idea of two guys together so hot.”

“Not when he’s my boyfriend,” Cath said with a smirk. She leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on Levi’s cheek. “Not in the least. And besides, who wants a stringy, pale, sharp-featured, sulky, vampire when you can have a lean, sun-kissed, soft, smiling, farmboy?”

His smirk extended back into a full grin, and his arms wrapped around her to pull her into another kiss. 

“God Cather,” he breathed against her mouth. “I don’t know how to even begin to express how much I missed you.”

She pressed closer. “I don’t know,” she whispered. 

He held her for a moment before an embarrassing rumble from her stomach interrupted them. Levi laughed. 

“Hungry?” he asked.

“A little,” she admitted. “But food can wait if it means I can spend more time with you.”

She listened to the sound of his breathing, lulled by the soft rhythm. She closed her eyes for a moment, unwilling to let go.

“I tell you what,” Levi said, “Ian ordered pizza for him and his girlfriend. What if I pop down and reimburse him for a few slices and then come back up here? Would that work?”

Cath nodded. After a few seconds she allowed him to pull away. He stood up. A crooked smile appeared as he looked at her.

“And no what we should do for the rest of the night after dinner?” Levi asked, waggling his eyebrows.

She giggled mind wandering to several options but unwilling to actually put them to words. “What?”

He leaned in and stage whispered, “catch me up on that secret dirty fanfiction you write.”

She laughed and gave him a slight push. 

“I’m serious,” he said. “I haven’t read it in months. I would have had to have Jael read it to me, and I was always worried a smut scene might pop up and then it would just be awkward and uncomfortable for us both...until my mom would skin me alive of course.”

Cath just shook her head. ‘Go get the pizza and then you can get your laptop together and I’ll read you more of my very  _ clean _ fluffy angsty fanfiction. All right?”

“Anything for you, sweetheart,” he said with another dazzling grin. 

Cath thought about him and how silly she’d been to ever try to replace him. This boy who’d gladly sit and listen to her read her own silly fics. After all, it was true that Levi would probably never write his own famous fanfiction, or give an indepth discussion of the characterization in Cornelius, or be able to discuss Hemingway at length. But he could birth a calf, and make a delicious mocha, and he could smile in a way that made her feel like she might melt. And beyond that, Cath couldn’t care less.

She stood and moved to press one quick kiss to his lips.

“Go,” she whispered. “I’ll have your fanfiction fix ready for you when you get back.”

He smiled once more, hand brushing hers as he made for the door. She stood in his room and released a sigh she hadn’t realized she was holding. For once she felt like she could finally breathe again.

* * *

 

 

She woke to a knock on the door. 

Cath lifted her head up and glanced in the direction of the noise. She sighed and reached one had up to rub across her eyes. 

Levi stirred beside her.

It took a moment to remember. To realize that she was next to him. In his arms and his bed and still cuddled up against his familiar warmth. She smiled fondly as she caught sight of him in the gloom, light lashes on soft cheeks, hair tousled, eyes closed. His breathing deep and steady. It wasn’t that much of a difference from his awake self. Perhaps a bit more calm, and with less smiles, but otherwise still utterly Levi.

“Come in,” Cath said, pulling the covers a little higher. They were both still dressed, the laptop left abandoned on the nightstand. 

Levi’s roommate Jacob poked his head in.

“Oh…” he trailed off as he caught sight of her. “Ian said you were here but I didn’t believe him. Um...there’s a guy downstairs asking for you.”

Cath frowned. “What?”

“Some guy,” Jacob said with a shrug. “I wouldn’t have bothered you, but he makes it sound like life and death, and honestly if I hadn’t said I’d come get you I think he might have charged up here himself.”

He disappeared before she could ask any more questions, the door shutting firmly behind him. 

Cath blinked a few times. She reached for her phone and groaned as she realized it had died in the middle of the night. Well, no mysteries solved then.

Levi stirred and yawned. He blinked a few times before rolling over to look at her.

“Morning Cather,” he said, smiling sleepily. 

“Morning,” she said pressing just a touch closer. “I want to stay and cuddle, but apparently someone needs to talk to me. Can I go deal with whatever this is and come back up in a few minutes?”

He made a soft humming noise and closed his eyes again. “Sure.”

“Love you,” she whispered, moving to kiss him one more time. She slipped out of bed before his tempting warmth could lull her back to sleep. She slipped on her cardigan and moved towards the stairs.

She paused in the doorway to the living room. She could hear voices, and both of them were familiar. After a few seconds of just listening, she poked her head around the corner to see.

Thomas was sitting on the couch. 

Thomas. Her Thomas.

She blinked a few times and stared at him, before realizing it was Micah who was sitting in a chair across from him.

“It really is my favorite play,” Thomas was saying with a smile.

“Weirdo,” Micah said, though he grinned. 

“What about you?” Thomas said, tilting his head. “As an actor I mean. Like...what would be your dream role?”

“Is it cliche to say Hamlet?” Micah said. “It totally is. But honestly, that’s the first one that springs to mind. After that...um...I hate to think Romeo but he’s probably on the list. Richard III, or maybe Macbeth….”

“What about Othello?”

Cath shook her head and stepped a little closer. She was pleased to think what kind of progress this was for Thomas, accepting conversation with Micah so easily. Still, the idea of him in Levi’s house just felt...odd. A dissonance she couldn’t quite manage to sort out.

“A bit racist don’t you think?” Micah asked, folding his arms. “Just because he’s black does not mean I’m up for playing a possessive straight man.”

“All male Othello then,” Thomas suggested, eyes crinkling slightly.

“What and deprive my fellow female actors of the few roles available to them? Some of those girls could kick my ass in an acting competition,” Micah said, his tone sounded aghast, but the smile had never left his face. “Desdemona isn’t great, but she’s something.”

“All female Othello then,” Thomas said with a laugh. 

Micah raised a brow. “Now there’s a thought. Female Iago? Can you imagine? But sadly, such a thing would have no part for me.”

“No,” Thomas said, he looked down at the ground for a moment. When he looked up his expression seemed softer somehow. “I suppose not. Better stick with Hamlet then. You and Horatio.”

Micah smirked at that. He looked like he might reply, but Cath had been eavesdropping long enough so she settled for clearing her throat.

Thomas looked up and rose to his feet.

“Thank god,” he said. “I’ve been texting you all night. I need your help!”

“With what?” Cath asked, staring at him. “What is this about? How did you even know I was here?”

“Well, when you didn’t answer my texts, I texted Lauryn. And she asked your roommate, and she said you would be here. So here I am,” he said, blinking a few times. “I need you to look over my final literature paper before i have to turn it in in…” he glanced at his watch, “forty-five minutes. Can you help? And for that matter why aren’t you in a rush to get yours done?”

He moved to rustle through his bag, fetching out a laptop and pulling it open before she could even say a word. 

“Turned it in two days ago for two points of extra credit,” Cath said with a smile. 

“You would,” he scowled before focusing back on his computer. “Please tell me you can help me. I’m scared this thing is going to be awful.”

Cath blinked. “Really? I’m sure it’s fine. And for that matter why couldn’t Lauryn help you?”

“She did,” Thomas said with a sigh. He looked up to meet her gaze. “But I wanted two eyes on it. This has to be perfect.”

“Why?” Cath demanded.

“Because I need to have this count,” Thomas said. “Because my first English class as a new English major should be a good one.”

Cath stared at him for a moment before she processed.

“Oh my god,” she whispered.

“Yeah,” he said, bowing his head slightly. “I took what you said into account. I’m changing my major. Enough of what my father wants. I’m making my own life. The life i want for myself.”

“Good,” Cath said. She smiled and moved to sit down next to him on the couch. “I’m glad.”

He glanced up at Micah who smiled. “I’ll leave you to it.”

He rose and headed for the door. 

Cath watched until he was out of sight before turning to Thomas.

“And by the looks of things,” Thomas said, eyeing her hair with a smirk, “you’re making the life you want too. You got him back, huh?”

Cath flushed. “Yes.”

“That’s good,” Thomas said. “He’s cute.”

Cath practically choked on her own tongue as she tried to put those thoughts together. Thomas just smiled, obviously appreciating her reaction before pushing his laptop at her. 

“Here, look through it for me. Just a quick read. Point out stupid missed commas and stuff. Lauryn pretty much already tore apart the organization and the content. Well after she finished hugging me.”

Cath smiled, and the moment she saw the title she understood why Lauryn had been so intent on hugging him.

“You changed your major,” Cath said in a low tone,” and you wrote on homosexuality in Eliot’s ‘The Wasteland?’ Who are you?”

“A whole new person,” Thomas declared. 

“You really are,” Cath agreed with a smile. “Now, let’s get this thing edited so you can turn it in.”

She started in, doing her best to focus, even though her thoughts were running wild. Between getting Levi back and realizing maybe she’d made a difference for Thomas, her emotions were frazzled. However, she initiated English major mode without too much difficulty, and within ten minutes was done.

“Not super thorough,” she said. “But it will do. Now go get this thing printed before the deadline.”

She looked up and realized that they weren’t alone. Levi was lingering in the doorway, a half smile in place as he gazed at her.

Cath admired the loose pajama pants and t-shirt for a moment before realizing the implications of sitting next to Thomas. She stood suddenly.

“Levi,” she said, feeling the blood drain from her face.

“Hey,” he said. “I know I promised you cuddles...but I wanted to see what was up. And maybe grab a little coffee too. You want something?”

“Mocha?” Cath asked hopefully, before looking back at Thomas again.

“Sure thing,” Levi said. He too focused on the other boy. 

“Um…” Thomas ran a hand through his hair. “Good to see you back,” he said after a moment. “Cath really missed you. Which makes sense you know. I could never live up to….well everything….” he laughed, but it sounded strained. 

Levi tilted his head to the side. “I missed her too,” he said and he gave another smile at that. “And I’m glad someone took care of her for a bit. Even if it wasn’t exactly what either of you needed.”

Cath glanced at him sharply. She hadn’t really meant to give away the information Thomas had trusted her with. She knew the moment they were in private she’d have to let Levi know that Thomas was still closeted and likely didn’t want the information spread around. 

However, Thomas just ducked his head and smiled.

“No,” he said. “I think it was exactly what both of us needed. A chance to see what we really wanted. A chance to become braver and stronger and more aware of our identity. Cath is pretty incredible that way,” he said softly. “And I’m so glad I met her.”

“Me too,” Levi said. He took a step forward and wrapped an arm around her. “Me too.”

Cath smiled and tilted her head up to take a kiss. 

Thomas cleared his throat. “Well, as lovely and awkward as this has all been, I do need to get my paper done before I have my grade docked. So I’ll see you around, Cath.”

She turned to look at him and nodded. “Bye, Thomas.”

He headed towards the door. She swallowed and looked up to meet Levi’s gaze.

“I heard Micah’s conversation too,” Levi said after a moment. “And even if the straight guy thing applies to me, the possessive and jealous thing doesn’t. I’m no Othello, Cather. I don’t mind you being friends with other guys. Even your exes.”

Cath stared at him before she felt a smile start to grow at the corners of her mouth.

“I love you,” she whispered. “He’s a good friend. But he’s right. He’ll never compare to you.”

Levi smirked and leaned down to press a kiss to her mouth again. 

“I believe you,” he said. “Now, how about those cuddles with a little coffee.”

Cath leaned against his chest and closed her eyes again. She sighed and relaxed and for once felt like maybe everything would be all right.

* * *

 

 

A/N So I don’t actually have a chapter update, but I had to post something to let readers know this story is no longer on hiatus. As of today I have found new inspiration. I’m going to keep going! Thanks to everyone for the support and encouragement. I’ve finally found my reason to smile again, which means Cornelius Bell should find his too! -Magicath

- _ Cornelius Bell and the 10,000 Smiles _ posted April 2013   
By FanFixx . net author Magicath

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I’m having computer issues, but I’m borrowing computers when and where I can, so hopefully I can keep going as often as possible. But here’s my update for now!
> 
> Positive comments keep me going, so every little bit helps. Thanks so much to everyone who's commented and even just kudoed. You are all so wonderful!


	30. Thirty

Cath knew that at some point reality would have to actually set in. 

She’d allowed herself a few blissful days of pretend. Time to cuddle with Levi and ignore the fact that she had tabs open on her computer about housing options at Oxford. Or deny that she’d already been scoping ticket prices for the Watford set tour. Or somehow just act as though she weren’t going to fly halfway across the world in one hundred and forty-four days exactly. 

It was difficult to come up with the words of course. She and Levi had only just started up again. And she feared his reaction. Would it be hypocritical of her to start a relationship before going abroad when distance was the reason she’d broken things off in the first place?

But somehow that familiar smile and the soft kisses on her lips and the tender hugs were enough to eventually coax her to open up. After all, the longer she waited, the worse she would make things. 

She left it until the next weekend. He’d promised to come back, partly to take up a few more Starbucks shifts and check in with professors, and partly to see her and Reagan and everyone else he cared about back in town. Herself included. 

That Saturday evening she curled up against his chest and breathed a sigh. Her eyes closed for a moment, and she knew it would take only a few seconds to fall asleep with how peaceful everything was.

However, before she could, she sat up and looked him in the eyes.

“So...we need to talk,” she said softly. 

He raised a brow but sat up further, sliding a hand along her shoulder.

“Sure. I sort of thought we were done with the talking part, but if you need more, go ahead,” he said. “I’m all ears.”

Cath took a deep breath. “So...I had...been planning on going abroad next year.”

Levi cocked his head. “Abroad? Like on a trip?”

“No...no like I was accepted into Oxford and now I’m going to go study there for a semester and it’s so far away, Levi, but I don’t know if I should go or stay and maybe it would just be better if I didn’t but…” she let it all out in a rush, like the wind rushing out of the hole in a tire. 

She couldn’t keep the information to herself once she started spewing. Every thought, every worry, every consideration came spilling forth. 

“Oxford?” he said, grinning. “I picked the smartest of the smart girls didn’t I? You’re going to make me wonder why you’d ever settle for someone like me.”

Cath softened automatically. “Because you’re funny and gorgeous and so good at people interactions. And you smile and talk about range management. And because you never give up, no matter how rough it gets.”

He accepted the compliments with a quick kiss before pulling back to study her. 

“I want you to go,” he said. “This is an amazing opportunity, Cather. And I don’t want you giving it up because of me. Especially not because you’re worried our relationship will fall apart. We went almost four months without seeing each other and we’re still very happy together. At least while you’re gone we could message and skype and keep in touch. And it would only be a semester. Time would go faster than you realize.”

She swallowed. “I still think it would be hard.”

“Of course it would,” Levi said with a nod. “Time apart is always hard. But I love you. And love is stronger than distance. Stronger than oceans and mountains and all the things standing between Nebraska and England. We’re resilient. You are. I am. We’ll make it through.”

She moved to wrap her arms back around him, laying her head on his chest. 

“When you were gone,” he said after a moment, “the first few days I flew back and forth between feeling enraged and feeling like the world might end. But that was partly just because of everything that was going on. With my mom...and Debbie and dealing with all the ranch problems… and it was a lot all at once. But everything eased after awhile, you know? I fell into a normal rhythm. I’m not saying I didn’t miss you very much, but...emotions became less extreme. I began to be able to handle it better.”

She was silent, letting herself reflect before she responded. She hadn’t realized how much the breakup had affected him. He’d seemed so fine when they’d said their final goodbyes. But then again, she recalled Reagan’s late night phone calls and the looks she’d give Cath after. 

“I love you so much,” she whispered after a moment. “I’m so sorry for what I put you through.”

“It’s in the past now,” he said.

Cath swallowed. “I just worry...what if life is like this?”

“How so?” he asked, cocking his head.

“Like...you want to run a ranch in Nebraska...and I want to go start a...I don’t know publishing career in New York….what would we do? We can’t long distance things forever,” Cath said. Her heart began to thump violently. But his gaze remained steady, and before long the slight panic dissipated. 

His hand took hers. She swallowed but didn’t dare look away

“The point is, I’d follow you anywhere,” Levi said.” You know that don’t you? If it’s ranching or you Cather it’s you. Always. If this is the life we lead we’ll manage.”

Her eyes closed. “I guess we will.”

“We will,” he reassured her. “It’s going to be fine, sweetheart.”

She took his words to heart. It was so easy to conjure doubts and worries, but she used the few techniques she’d learned and cast most of them away. And it was hard to think on them long when there was Levi pressed so close.

Her lips sought his and he kissed her back. She let his hand card through her hair and the other cup her back. The familiar touches were so welcome after such a long absence. She drank them up, feeling as though she couldn’t possibly get enough. Perhaps if she savored them enough the joy of it would last her all the way to Oxford and back. 

Anything to linger with the boy she’d only just found again.

* * *

 

 

Wren couldn’t get enough of the fact she was back with Levi.

“You two are made for each other,” she insisted. “I swear, he’s the Simon to your Baz.”

Cath had trouble holding back a giggle at that.

“I seriously need to get to know him better then,” Lauryn chimed in from across the table. “I want to meet real life Simon Snow. Although I thought we agreed that was Thomas.” She waggled her eyebrows at the private joke.

Cath coughed, doing her best to avoid Wren’s stare.

“Not in this respect,” she said softly. 

“Levi doesn’t find it weird you’re still friends with your ex?” Wren asked.

Cath shrugged. “Not really. He’s not like that. Which is good. Because otherwise he’d be a total hypocrite given that he and Reagan are still best friends.”

Wren shook her head. “That one I still can’t believe,” she said. “But yeah, I guess you have a point.”

“Oh the fickleness of love,” Lauryn said with a dramatic sigh. “Cath,  you have to take Shakespeare with me when you get back in the spring. You’ll have like a whole new experience on it! And Thomas swore he’d join too. So we can be the golden trio again!”

Cath had to hide her smile by taking another bite of her peaches and cottage cheese. 

“You three with your English major talk,” Wren muttered. “This is why I need to find more people in my own major.”

“Oh you know you love us,” Lauryn said with a charming smile. “We tell so much more interesting stories. You told me that just the other day in fact! I know the rambles about our essays might be a bit boring. After all hearing about a feminist analysis of a marriage plot--” she broke off. “I’m proving my own point. I’ll shut up now.”

Wren smiled. “I appreciate it.” She looked at Cath suddenly. “Speaking of marriage plots… have you thought about it at all?”

Cath swallowed. “Yes.”

“And?” Wren said, raising an eyebrow.

“And...I’m thinking I’ll come,” Cath said after a long moment. “But I don’t want to be a bridesmaid.”

Wren smiled. “She won’t care. It will just be nice to have you there.”

Lauryn looked between the two of them, catching a whiff of the tension. “What’s all this about?”

“Our mom’s getting married,” Wren said. “I’m going to be one of her bridesmaids. She offered to let Cath come too… but...well she has a little bit more...tense relationship with our mom.”

“No kidding,” Lauryn said with a raised brow. “You pretty much said you didn’t have a mother.”

Cath shrugged. “She hasn’t been in my life since I was eight. I don’t really consider that having a mother.”

“Yeah,” Lauryn said. “That’s rough. My mom’s never even talked about getting married. I can’t imagine what I’d do if she did. And that’s with someone I’ve known my whole life. I cannot even imagine what it would be like if she’d been missing for half my childhood.”

Cath sighed and leaned her head against her hand. It was a tough decision, but she knew this was important and that she’d regret it if she didn’t move on. Holding onto bitterness and anger wasn’t getting her anywhere. Maybe she’d never fully understand Laura’s motives. But maybe she could at least admit that events of the past didn’t need to affect the ones of the future. 

“You’re so brave,” Lauryn said after a moment. “I really do admire you for making that kind of a decision. That’s really impressive.”

Wren smiled too. “It really is. You’ve come a long ways, Cath.”

She blushed and looked away, grateful when Lauryn spoke up again. 

“So,” Lauryn said. “Not to change subjects too much, but I totally have another blind date lined up.”

“No!” Wren gasped.

“Yeah, the roommate already got it all set up and everything,” Lauryn said with a roll of her eyes. ‘So we’ll see if this one is any less of a disaster.”

Wren sighed. “I hope it’s not. This is getting out of hand. Do I need to just find you someone so she can stop assuming the role of matchmaker?”

Lauryn giggled. “Might be good. What about you, did you hear anything more from that guy you were texting?”

Wren shook her head. “Nope. Met one at a party last weekend though and--”

“Wren!” Cath said.

“Oh it was just one party. Besides, your ex was there to look after me. He recognized me thanks to you I guess. Honestly, I spent some of it talking to him. He seemed nice, actually. Maybe I was wrong on the whole asshole thing. You’re sure you two wouldn’t ever get back together?”

“No,” Cath said with a shake of her head and sly smile in Lauryn’s direction. “But that doesn’t change the fact you went to a party. Did you go to group this week?”

Lauryn didn’t look confused at all, which meant Wren had probably already told her about the drinking and the AA meetings. 

“Nope,” she said, folding her arms. “I’ll go this week. But I hate going without you.”

Cath bit her lip. It was the only problem with Levi back in her life. Less time for everyone else.

“And Thomas was at the party?” Lauryn asked raising a brow.

Cath sighed. “He seemed fine last week and then suddenly his mood plummeted again. I don’t know what’s going on with him.”

“I think he just needs to get laid,” Lauryn said. She giggled and gave a wink. 

“Probably,” Cath said. “But we both know how complicated that’s going to be.”

Wren frowned. “I don’t get why you can’t let me in on what happened? Seriously! It’s not cool.”

“I can’t,” Cath said. “I’d be breaking confidence.”

Wren pouted. “It’s something major then. I still can’t believe you’d tell Lauryn and not me. I’m your  _ twin _ for heaven’s sake.”

“Thomas told Lauryn not me,” Cath said with a sigh. “I’m not going over this again. It’s not my story to tell. And I’m not going to worry about it right now. I have enough on my plate right now without worrying about relationships past.”

“Like Oxford!” Lauryn said with a grin.

“Like Oxford,” Cath confirmed, swallowing. The mere thought of it had begun to fill her with dread. Especially now that Levi knew. Every second they spent together felt like it might be the last. 

“You told him?” Wren asked.

She nodded. 

“And he’s taking it okay?” 

Cath closed her eyes. “Yeah. Sort of. I don’t know I’m still worried I might lose him...that he’ll decide that it’s not worth keeping us together or he’ll meet someone else..” 

“Well, you’ll always have us,” Lauryn said with a smile. “Seriously. Wren told me she’s coming over for Christmas. And I am proud to say I’m going to do a few summer classes in France. So I can come visit maybe early on!”

Cath felt a smile grow, even though she still felt uneasy. “Really!”

“Yep,” Lauryn said. “And Thomas can probably work out a way to borrow daddy’s private jet. You’re not going to be so alone you know. The world’s not that big.”

It felt vast. But perhaps Lauryn had a point. Maybe she wouldn’t be so alone. After all, there was technology too as Levi had pointed out. Skype and chat and all of that. She’d made such a point of telling Reagan freshman year about the joys of connecting with other people online. And yet she’d somehow forgotten about keeping in contact with those she already knew. 

“You are so going on the Cornelius set tour with me then,” Cath said with a smile at Lauryn.

* * *

 

 

Cath struggled to keep her eyes open as she burrowed back into Levi. She sighed and nuzzled against his neck, unable to keep a smile from forming. All those times she’d attempted to capture this on the page, she’d failed to encapsulate the bliss of it all. Happiness bubbled deep within her, and she struggled to contain it. 

“Sometimes I don’t know how I went four months without that,” Levi panted. He gave a gloriously bright grin, eyes sparkling. “How about you, sweetheart?”

“Not sure,” Cath mumbled. “Thomas and I never got that far either. It’s been a long time for me too. Feels nice.”

“Yeah,” he said with a sigh. “It does. Makes me think of our first time again. Except with less panicking.”

“I didn’t mean to panic,” Cath said, looking up to shoot a glare his way. “But it was my very first time.”

“I meant on both our parts,” Levi said with a crooked smile. “Me because you were panicking and you because...yes...you know...first times.”

“Yeah,” Cath said. “So how’s this like our first time again?”

Levi giggled. “Maybe it’s not. It’s just...refreshing I guess. Feels new and different somehow. As though I’d forgotten how it could be.”

He leaned in to place a feather-light kiss on her nose. 

“Maybe,” Cath said, though she still couldn’t reconcile the idea of it being similar to their first encounter, all awkward apologies and knocking over Levi’s lamp and her heart feeling like it might very well explode from how fast it was pounding. This...this was...relaxing. 

“So I can’t come back next weekend,” Levi said. “It’s my mom’s birthday so I’ll be occupied with all of that.”

“Oh…” Cath said after a moment. “Um… I’ll miss you. You’ll call though, right?”

“Sure,” Levi said. He cocked his head. “Or well...you could come with me...mom ‘s been asking about you.”

The image of Marlisse talking to Levi about her set a smile forming. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Levi said. “I was serious about the praying for us to get back together thing.”

“Well…”

“I mean, don’t force yourself. I know it’s a busy time for schoolwork and everything. I don’t want you failing classes just to come spend time with my family.”

Cath shook her head. “Classes have actually been all right. I think I’m getting more into the rhythm of things with college. And I just...I’ve built more confidence in myself the last few years. Months even. The last few months. And so...I’m doing all right. I’m making good progress. Keeping on top of the work. Emailing professors when I’m confused. It’s like...I’m starting to become a whole new person. Wren’s even been shocked.”

Levi cupped her face and took a lingering kiss. He pulled away to lean his forehead against hers. 

“You were always confident, sweetheart. Beneath the surface there was always a Cath who wasn’t so afraid.”

“I’m still afraid,” Cath said. “But I’ve learned to manage my fear better. My therapist says I’m becoming more self-aware.”

“Good,” Levi said. “So...on visiting my mother?”

Cath sighed. “Sure. I’d love to. If you don’t think things will be too awkward.”

“Where’s this confident girl who was just talking?” Levi asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Here,” Cath said. “Just...you know...there’s still times it kicks in.”

“Makes sense,” Levi said. “All right, I’ll expect you Friday night?”

She nodded. “Only if you agree to come to Laura’s wedding with me next month. One event with your mother for one event with my mother. Besides, I could really use you there. I...it’s going to be hard. I don’t want to face it alone.”

Levi took her hand. “There’s nothing you have to face alone. I’ll come.”

She squeezed his hand before settling back into her familiar place with her head against his shoulder. 

“I actually have something...I have something I wanted to give you,” Levi said after a moment. 

She sat up and looked at him. “What?”

“Just a second.”

He got up and made his way over to the other side of the room. He came back with a small box cupped in his hand. 

“What’s that?” Cath asked, frowning. 

“Something I want to ask you about,” Levi said. His smile had grown a little bit smaller, eyes searching her face. 

“What?” Cath said.

The telltale thumping of her heart made her aware of the fact that she’d begun to tense. She let out a deep breath and willed her muscles to relax. She watched as he pushed the small container closer to her. She stared at it, drawing what clues she could just from the outside. 

“I just have one question for you,” he whispered. 

Her world narrowed down to the little box. He flipped it open to reveal the contents. Cath took a deep breath.

* * *

 

 

Cornelius couldn’t remember a time he’d been happier. It had been ages since he’d allowed himself to simply be content. Perhaps in boyhood such a feat had been possible. But in adulthood, there were too many villains and chases and bombs and other dastardly plots to possibly have a moment’s rest. 

Now, he was struck by the contrast. How much more steady his heart rate seemed. How pleasant it was to draw in a deep breath and sink back in his chair. How lovely the weight of Tom’s hand in his felt. 

“You’re doing it again,” Tom said after a moment. 

His thumb rubbed along the back of Corenlius’s hand. The detective swallowed. 

“Doing what exactly?”

“Staring off into space,” Tom said with a smirk. “Did I wear you out too much last night?”

He felt a blush begin to spread across his cheeks. Cornelius cursed himself silently and shook it off. Flushing like an adolescent! What was next? Writing Mr. Cornelius Benton all over his diary? 

“No,” he said curtly. “I just was reflecting on how nice this was for a change. Perhaps too nice. Do you think Gwendolyn will pop in sometime soon to disrupt us? I suspect my sister has little else to do with her time.”

Tom grinned. “Doubt it. I definitely said something about not disrupting us if she didn’t want to see all the ways I make you moan,” he said with a playful wink.

There came the blush again. 

“Still, perhaps it’s too quiet. Perhaps I should...seek out a case or something...check to make sure nothing’s going wrong while we’re wrapped up in each other here.”

Tom shook his head and scooted his chair a little closer. He set his coffee aside and picked up Cornelius’s other hand.

“You needn’t worry,” he said softly. “A little quiet is good for us. We’ve had too little up until now. Now we can simply enjoy having what we didn’t for so long.”

Cornelius swallowed. “I have wanted you for...for quite some time.”

“And I you,” Tom said. “If not for Devine’s scheme to keep us apart...threatening me and Anna to marry...well I’d have pounced you long before this.”

“I do hope I’m more than just a good shag,” Cornelius said, keeping his tone as even as possible and willing the blasted flush away. 

Tom grinned from ear to ear and leaned in to peck his lips again. 

“You’re my brilliant and great detective,” he whispered. “I know you’re more than just a pretty face.”

Cornelius thought to make a sharp reply to the ridiculous notion, but he was distracted as Tom’s mouth found his again. He fell silent and allowed the sensations to sweep him away. Perhaps a little quiet wasn’t so bad after all.

 

**A/N:** That’s a wrap! Hope you enjoyed it. I know I did! I might write a few oneshots if people inspire me. But until then I’m going to move on to some new fic projects and some new originals. My writing professor is pushing me to finish my novel! Thanks for the support friends! -Magicath

From  _ Just What the Doctor Ordered _ posted April 2013   
By FanFixx . net author Magicath

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to leave it there...
> 
> I just had to get a chapter up, so there you are. 
> 
> Thanks to all for the comments and kudos and support. I would not have gotten so far without so much support. So thank you a million times over!


	31. Thirty-One

Cath knew instantly what she expected to be in the box. She’d written a few dozen scenes with something happening like this. Simon pulling the same small black box from his back pocket. Baz sticking one under Simon’s pillow. Cornelius ranting on the constraints of marriage before admitting he wanted it and slipping a box into Tom’s hands. She swallowed and stared down at it.

At first she’d anticipated panic. Her body had tensed slightly as a result, but after a few moments she began to relax. She realized that for once she didn’t feel quite so afraid. She wasn’t scared at the thought of forever. At least not when it came to Levi.

However, he didn’t kneel like she’d expected. He moved to sit beside her on the bed, popping the top off and showing her the contents.

Her eyes tried to reconcile the differences in what she had expected and what was actually inside the container. A small pendant sat on a barely visible silver chain, tucked into the folds of the jewelry box.

“This is for you,” he said softly.

She willed herself closer, fingers finding the chain and working the necklace out.

On the front was a profile. It didn’t take long to realize it was the familiar figure of Cornelius. She swallowed and looked it over, trying to understand the significance. He’d said he wanted to ask her something.

Cath turned the necklace over and found an engraving on the back.

“I’ll follow you through the darkness into the fray. You’ll never be alone again, because I’ll never leave your side..”

She recognized the greatest line in all Tomius canon. It was sweet, but she still couldn’t reconcile what he’d made her expect.

“It’s beautiful,” she said after a moment.

“One of your fans made it,” Levi said. “I recruited them when I found out. I asked if they could make something that signified that I wanted to stay with you. Wanted to make it work. They  latched onto this line I guess. It’s perfect for what I want to ask.”

He grabbed for his computer and opened it. Cath looked over at the screen and froze.

There was a picture of her and Levi. The one taken by Wren when Levi had visited partway through summer. They were sitting out in the backyard, Levi’s arm wrapped around her shoulder. She was smiling so brightly, Levi grinning from ear to ear as he leaned in close to her.

But it was the words at the top of the site that stopped her.

_Help me follow my girlfriend to Oxford._

Her eyes stung with tears as she realized. A Go Fund Me page. Her eyes flickered over to the meter that showed how much money had been donated.

The bar was already full. Whatever goal Levi had set was met.

“It’s enough for two plane tickets, one there and one back,” Levi said. “And a little travel expenses too.”

Cath looked back to read what Levi had written about them.

_So any fanfiction readers know her as Magicath. But I get the privilege of knowing her as my girlfriend. The awesome amazing fantastic girl who somehow chose me. And next year she’s going to go fly off to study in England. She’s brilliant that way. But I just want to keep close and spend more time with her. Even though I know she could do a semester without me with no problems, I think it would be fun to share in an adventure together. As we're both college students, funds aren't exactly readily available. We both have scholarships keeping us going that can't possibly help with this endeavor. So if you could help me with a plane ticket and some travel expenses, I’d be extremely grateful and I think she would be too._

Her eyes welled up with tears. “Oh my god.”

“Your fans love you,” Levi said with a smile. “And a few random strangers too. And you’re just lucky I kept this away from my mother or it would be twice that.”

Cath let a few of the tears roll as she tried to take in the information.

“But...but you’re… what about living expenses? Housing? Food? I don’t know if my roommate will appreciate you sleeping on our floor.”

“It’s all taken care of,” Levi said. “You know that British professor of yours?”

Cath frowned. “Professor Walton?”

“Yes. So I went to talk to my advisor about possibly doing some kind of an internship and if I could get any credit. He said he didn’t know of anything in England but to talk with your professor since...well he has some knowledge of the place. And so I did, and knowing I was your boyfriend he agreed to help--”

“No!” Cath gasped. “He hates me.”

“Well, hates your journalism writing perhaps. But he likes you pretty well. He agreed to help me and put me in contact with a friend who runs a ranch...well I think he incorrectly calls it a farm, but I won’t complain. And they agreed to take me on. Feed me and house me for my work.”

“A ranch?” Cath said with a frown. “In England?”

“Sheep,” Levi said. “I’ll be working with sheep. A new opportunity I guess. I’m excited to see how it goes.”

She let out a giggle at that, picturing Levi holding a baby lamb in his arms. She was swept away by how sweet that sounded.

“I’ll be your Gabriel Oak,” Levi said. “Embracing the pastoral lifestyle.”

“Oh dear lord, you know I hate Thomas Hardy,” Cath groaned. “I should never have agreed to read parts of that one to you. It was dreadful.”

He smiled and drew her closer to press a soft kiss on her nose. “Regardless, I’d follow you anywhere,” he whispered again. “But I understand you might want to do this alone. You’re so brave, Cather. So I leave it up to you. What would you like?”

“I…” she thought for a moment.

She’d been willing to leave him and everyone else behind. It was true. She could do it. She knew it was possible. Even if it would be painful and difficult. However, to have the opportunity available to have Levi at her side during her new adventures was indeed a beautiful thing. Cath thought of what she’d initially assumed was in the box. It was perhaps too early for that. But  it didn’t make this any less significant.

This moment had confirmed for her and him that they could make things work. No matter how, they would find a way. Even if Levi hadn’t intended to make a future promise with the necklace, Cath viewed it as one.

She smiled and picked up the necklace.

“I’d be delighted to share in this adventure with you,” she said.

He took the chain and opened the clasp to help her put it on.

“Good, because I’d worry too much you’d meet a snobby British vampire and forget all about me,” he teased.

“Baz is gay. You don’t need to worry,” Cath said with a roll of her eyes. She slid closer and wrapped her arms tightly around him. “And besides, I think you’re the only guy who wouldn’t be completely repulsed by the level of fangirling that will happen while I’m there.”

Levi laughed, and Cath embraced the reality that everything was going to be all right.

* * *

 

 

Lauryn was the one who noticed first.

“Oh my god,” she gasped. “I love your necklace!”

Cath giggled and brushed a hand over it. “It’s from Levi. He’s coming to England with me. This was his way of asking to be allowed to come.”

Lauryn clasped her hands and cooed. “If I ever have a boyfriend or girlfriend I want them to be at least half as romantic as yours.”

“Well, one can aspire I suppose,” Levi said with a grin from across the table. “Those are some pretty high goals though.”

Cath shook her head and gave him a nudge for his antics.

She was just about to ask Lauryn about their literature assignment when she noticed Thomas in the doorway to the student union. She waved a hand at him, trying to catch his attention.

Lauryn lowered her voice. “I haven’t seen him in more than a week. Have you?”

“No,” Cath said. She looked up towards her friend, noticing that a few people around him were giving him some weird looks. “I messaged him once. He just said something about...soul searching. I don’t know.”

“Why is he not paying attention to us?” Lauryn asked.

Thomas had moved closer, but he still appeared to be oblivious to their presence. Lauryn just sighed and grabbed a pencil to hurl his way. It bounced off his back and landed on the ground. He finally turned towards her.

“What?” he demanded. “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

He gestured to the front of his shirt. Cath finally realized what people had been staring at. In bright pink letters were the words “I’m Gay.”

“What the hell are you doing?” Lauryn hissed.

Thomas raised a brow. “Coming out. What does it look like?”

Cath exchanged a confused look with Lauryn. The other girl just shrugged.

“And what made you decide to…” she gestured instead of finishing.

“Fastest way I could think of,” Thomas said not making eye contact as he looked the other direction. “Short of social media which is a good way to get it on my parent’s radar. And I may be interested in coming clean and being myself...but at the moment that doesn’t include financially ruining myself. I’ll save that for a later time.”

He was still looking around rather than at them. Cath finally caught on that maybe he hadn’t even been looking for them in the first place.

After just a few more seconds his face lit up and he was pacing off in the other direction towards the coffee bar. Cath frowned and watched as he tapped another boy on the shoulder. But Cath was even more surprised when the boy turned around and she recognized him.

It was Micah.

“I have something to say to you,” Thomas said. His voice carried even in the noisy room. Cath watched on, catching sight of a hint of a smile in the corner of Micah’s mouth.

“All right,” Micah said, gaze flicking back to the shirt and then up to his face again.

“Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments,” Thomas began, volume raising another notch. “Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove: O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark, that looks on tempests and is never shaken.”

Cath had finally begun to realize he was reciting a poem rather than actually just speaking. She struggled to suppress a smile. He was such an English major. She was just so glad he’d finally chosen to be one.

“It is the star to every wandering bark,” Thomas continued, making a dramatic gesture even as he stared into Micah’s face. “Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks Within his bending sickle's compass come; love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom.”

He breathed for a second. Micah crossed his arms and waited, still smiling. Thomas seemed to shudder slightly and flushed before saying at an even louder interval:

“If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no _man_ ever loved.”

Half the room had fallen silent. Cath felt a blush rise on her own cheeks for some reason, perhaps soaking in some of the awkward tension from others around her. Micah just smirked and looked at Thomas.

“Man is it?” he asked softly.

“Shakespeare wrote man,” Thomas said. “And I wish to keep it the way it should be read.” He grabbed at his shirt desperately before letting go. “And besides...it’s...appropriate.”

“Apparently,” Micah said, eyes roving back down to the shirt.

“I’m out,” Thomas said after a few seconds. “I know you said you wouldn’t date me if it meant hiding things. So here’s my offer on the table. No hiding necessary. I’m out and I want...if you want that is...to go out with you.”

Micah’s smile grew into a full grin. “I’d love that,” he said. He glanced back at the crowd still staring at him. “You know by ‘not hiding’ I didn’t mean I’m into voyeurism right?”

Thomas had the decency to blush. “It seemed like the easiest way and I really thought that--”

“Come’ere,” Micah said affectionately, reaching out to pull Thomas closer and then pressing his lips gently to the other boy’s.

Cath glanced at Lauryn whose jaw had dropped open in shock. Levi somehow didn’t look the least bit surprised.

“Did you know about this?” she asked softly.

“I knew Micah met a guy at a party a few months ago,” Levi said. “And that he was crazy about him but the guy was a closet case. And I know he told me more recently that said guy was dating a girl and then that he was single again and interested but still...well closeted. So yeah, I sort of knew. Just not who it was.”

“Thomas is a good guy,” Cath said. She found herself smiling at the image of him standing with Micah. She might not have pictured it initially, but it seemed right. “We might not have had chemistry, but he was a lovely boyfriend. He’ll take good care of Micah.”

Levi smiled. “And Micah’s a total gentleman. Your friend is in good hands.”

“And lips,” Lauryn quipped. “Definitely in good lips.”

They had broken the kiss actually and a few people in the area clapped a little. Thomas grinned stupidly up at Micah and Cath watched as their hands clasped. She swallowed, suddenly overwhelmed with happiness at the idea of two of her friends finding some amount of joy and peace together.

* * *

 

 

Marlisse was upon her nearly as soon as Cath stepped from her car. Evidently the woman had been working on her arm strength, because she wheeled over with impressive speed.

“Oh just look at you,” Marlisse said. “Come here and give me a hug.”

Cath smiled and leaned over to give her a quick embrace.

“I’m so delighted you could come. And even more happy to hear about you and my son,” she said. “Come in, we’re just having some cobbler. Would you like some?”

“I’d love some,” Cath said with a smile. She reached for her bag.

“Oh don’t do that. Let Levi come help you!” she said, turning slightly  to yell over her shoulder for him.

He appeared in the doorway, grinning from ear to ear.

“Safe drive, sweetheart?”

“It was perfect,” Cath said. She moved forward to press a soft kiss to his lips before allowing him to move forward and grab her bag.

“Good,” he said, slinging an arm over her shoulder as they walked towards the door. “Mom has been slaving away getting things ready.”  
“Oh don’t you exaggerate,” Marlisse said with a sigh. “It’s no trouble really. I’m so happy you could be here.”

She wheeled in ahead of them. Cath was surprised that she found herself far more relaxed than her last visits. This place was almost beginning to feel like a second home. Even the dogs weren’t barking at her, but came forward with wagging tails to accept pets and attention. Levi grinned.

“Look at you,” he said. “Going to make you a ranch regular. Want to milk a cow later?”

“Sure,” Cath said.

“She has to be ready for next year after all,” Marlisse commented as she wheeled towards the kitchen. “You picked well, Levi. An Oxford girl.” She shook her head. “I can hardly believe it.”

Cath flushed. “You told her?”

“I think she did want some explanation as to why I told her I wouldn’t be helping her next year,” Levi said. “She’s adjusted pretty well, but I did want to give her some warning that she might need to get one of my uncles more involved, or even hire someone if need be.”

Cath shrugged. “That makes sense. But she’s taking it well?”

“Just keeps telling everyone at church that I’m dating a student who’s going to Oxford. I haven’t heard her this proud since Esther got her scholarship. And she’s delighted about the internship. Since I won’t probably inherit our ranch, it’ll be nice to have some other options. Who knows, maybe we can have a sheep ranch instead of a cattle one one day?”

She was again struck by talk of a future together. It was difficult to picture at the moment. They were still so young, so carefree. But she still wasn’t scared by the mention of it. She’d told Lauryn that and her friend had been delighted.

“That means you really love him,” she had said with a squeal. “Like that you’re ready to be with him forever. Oh my god you two are like soulmates or something!”

She thought about the soulmate trope and she still wasn’t sure it fit. Sure, Thomas and Abel had been wrong for her. But that didn’t mean someone else would be wrong too. But all that mattered right now was that she loved Levi, that he loved her, and that they were working to make things possible. It didn’t matter if they were destined or fated or had any other kind of mystical magical bonding. Love was all that mattered.

Cath allowed his words. She had to admit that it sounded like a nice possibility. Her and Levi in a beautiful house on a property with sheep or cows. Her hand slid into his and she gave him a smile.

“I’m glad she’s been okay about everything,” Cath said. “I was worried I’d become worse than Reagan in her eyes.”

“Hardly possible,” Levi said, eyes sparkling. “You weren’t there when my mom asked Reagan if she’d ever been to church. Oh my god, I thought Reagan’s head was going to explode.”

“Well let’s hope she never asks me,” Cath said with a small laugh. “Because I’ll fail that test too.”

“We can blame it on your mom and she’ll go all soft,” Levi said. “She couldn’t stop talking about you not having a mother last time. I think she thought that was the most tragic thing possible.”

“Well...I’m starting to feel like I might have one now,” Cath admitted.

Levi’s head tilted slightly. “Would you like that? To have her as...as a...mother in law?”

“Maybe,” Cath said. “I don’t know, Levi. I still feel...so young.  I thought…” she hesitated. She hadn’t been meaning to tell him, but perhaps she should.

“I...I thought maybe you were proposing when you gave me the necklace,” Cath said.

Levi’s eyes widened almost comically. “Oh...I...I didn’t even think about that. Shit. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t trying to confuse you, or...overwhelm you.”

“No need to be sorry,” Cath said. “I just...I don’t know. It’s had me thinking if I’d be all right with it. I’m not as scared as I’d really thought I would be.”

“Yeah? I guess I’m not necessarily scared of it either.” His hand grasped hers a little tighter. “Would you want that? To become engaged?”

Before Cath could even answer Marlisse wheeled back out.

“Who’s engaged?” she asked, eyes flying sharply to Cath’s hand.

“Oh um… no one,” Levi said. He hesitated a moment before rambling, “I was asking Cath if she thought Micah might get engaged…since he’s dating again...”

He winced, realizing how idiotic that sounded.

“Oh has Micah found someone else?” Marlisse said. “That boy is a treasure, I hope he’s happy again. I remember how off he seemed last time he visited.”

“He’s singing again,” Levi confirmed with a grin.

“But engaged? Already?” his mother said with a shake of her head.

“Oh more future speculation,” Levi said, glancing at Cath. “Distant future most likely. But I could see him having some kind of a ceremony even if it wouldn’t be official or anything. Then again, he talks like he’s certain New York’s where he wants to be sometimes. Future Broadway star that one.”

“I’m sure an official ceremony would be much better,” Marlisse agreed. “For both him and his husband.”

Cath frowned. Somehow she hadn’t anticipated Marlisse being so accepting of Micah. After all, Thomas said his parents weren't even that strongly religious and they still hated his sexuality. Well, people were full of surprises she supposed.

Marlisse wheeled off and Levi turned back to her.

“Sorry, but she can’t know we’re talking about this. She’d start planning the wedding already,” Levi said.

“I know,” Cath said with a smile. “That’s your mother for you.”

“Yes,” Levi said. “So...on the question?”

He gazed at her for a moment, but it didn’t take long for her to find her answer.

“Yes,” she said after a moment. “I’d be...I’d be nervous of course...but I want to be with you, Levi. I’m not...I think I’d be all right if it happened.”

His big cheesy grin filled her vision.

“God I love you,” he whispered moving in to press a soft kiss at the corner of her mouth. “I’m so lucky, Cather. So incredibly lucky.”

“Me too,” she whispered and smiled at him when she felt his eyes on her.

“Well, we have time,” Levi said. “And maybe it would be better to see where next year takes us. But it’s nice to know we’re on the same page. I’m glad we’re both feeling ready.”

Cath squeezed his hand. “Yes. It is,” she agreed. “I still can’t believe you told your mom Micah was practically engaged. They’ve only been on maybe one date.”

“Micah’s lost already,” Levi said with a shake of his head. “Singing in the shower and baking up a storm. It’s good to see him happy again.”

“Well, that could be said for a few of us I suppose,” Cath said with a nudge to his shoulder. “So, how about you go show me how to run a ranch then if you’re so set on us buying one one day.”

“Yes ma’am,” Levi said with a laugh. And before she could get another word in he was dragging her to the door.

* * *

 

 

Cornelius wasn’t quite sure how it had even begun. He’d been working on his paper when Tom had suddenly asked a question.

“Can you read a little of what you’re writing?” Tom asked. “I’m completely lost. I’m going to fail this class if I don’t get something done.”

Cornelius had sighed and moved over on his bed, motioning for Tom to join him. He scooted up near his pillow, pulling his laptop close with a sigh.

“It’s quite long,” Cornelius said. “But I can read some if it would help. Are you really lost?”

Tom nodded. “I...have trouble focusing sometimes. Class is difficult.”  
“How do you get through any of your classes?” Cornelius asked with a frown. He couldn’t quite master the idea of not being able to be attentive in school.

“Coping strategies,” Tom said with a shrug.

“Such as?”

“Well...I use charms to record things I suppose. And I find people to study with. And you know, usually try to pick out the smartest people in my classes.”

Cornelius raised his brow. “So that’s what I am...the smartest person? This is common for you?”

He tried to keep his tone level. Not allow any of the hurt he was feeling to penetrate his words. He had hoped this was unique for Tom. Asking for help. He really wouldn’t have expected him to be the type who would need it.

“Well, I’ve never had someone offer to read their essay to me,” Tom admitted, reaching up to rub the back of his head. “So um...thank you.”

Cornelius just shrugged before turning back to the words and beginning to read. Tom smiled at him, reaching up to put a hand in front of his laptop.

“I mean it,” he said. “Thank you.”

Cornelius just nodded and pushed the hand away to keep going. He read until his voice was hoarse, scanning down the pages and letting Tom absorb the information, hear how he’d laid it out, understand what he’d chosen to discuss. Perhaps the other boy was right, maybe hearing this outloud was helpful. And besides, Cornelius caught a few mistakes while he was in the process.

He leaned closer to Tom unconsciously, finding himself drawn to his warmth with how sleepy the reading was making him. He felt his eyes beginning to flutter shut. However, he kept going, reading to the end.

He closed the laptop, setting it aside and curling back. He wasn’t quite sure how he’d ended up quite so close to Tom, or how the other boy’s arm had ended up wrapped around him. His eyes began to close again, but he noted how close Tom’s face was to his. His nose bumping his as he moved slightly.

Cornelius swallowed, looking down and losing himself in Tom’s face. And before he could even begin to think, his lips were on Tom’s.

His kisses were soft and gentle, so tender it made Cornelius finally begin to relax. Tom’s fingers curled up in his hair and before he could begin to really respond or reason or move, Cornelius felt his consciousness fading. Soon he was drifting to sleep, still pillowed on Tom’s chest.

 

-From _Cornelius Bell and the 10,000 Smiles_ posted April 2013

By FanFixx . net author Magicath

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I know I know. I’m a she-devil for that awful cliffhanger and then faking you out with the proposal. For those who said they are too young...well I went to a college where “Ring by Spring” is a thing (look it up) so it’s a bit odd for me to not even begin to work in discussions of possible marriage. But no ring yet, so all kinds of things could happen right? Anyhow, apologies for that, but it was too good to resist!
> 
>  
> 
> Well, congrats to all who guessed at Tomicah (see what a nice ship name that is Levath! Seriously get your stuff together!) Anyhow, it was inevitable with those two adorable losers. :)
> 
>  
> 
> I’m thinking this is probably the second to last chapter (or at least of actual plotline...I have had some people ask for extras on the added fics...so potentially more there). At the moment I’m still thinking I might write a next installment of Cath’s junior year with studying abroad and everything. But it would be a separate fic from this one (let’s not make this massively long, right?). I’ll let you know my final decision before I leave this work, so hang tight at the moment.
> 
> Comments keep me writing! Thanks to all who've supported me thus far!


	32. Thirty-Two

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Cath complained.

Levi looked over at her from where he was sitting in the driver’s seat.

“Sweetheart, you’re going to be fine,” he said.

Cath smoothed a hand over the skirt of her dress, wondering for the tenth time if Wren had been right about it not being too fancy. Levi’s smile on seeing it had been nice, but she didn’t want to stand out in a crowd. What if people stared at her? What if people asked why she wasn’t a bridesmaid like her sister? Wren had said mint was a good color on her, but maybe she was wrong? Maybe the dress was washing her out or making her look too—

“Stop it.”

She turned and looked at Levi again. He was frowning even as he looked out the front window.

“I can hear your brain working from over here,” he said. “Calm down. Take a deep breath. Remember your coping mechanisms.”

Her mind focused on his words. Coping mechanisms. He was right. She was headed straight for a panic attack if she wasn’t careful.

Cath drew in a deep breath counting to four in her mind. She held it and then let it out for another count of four. It was hard at first. As though her chest had somehow constricted and was unable to accept all of the air in. But with a little work she managed to start expanding further. Relaxing herself.

“There, see?” Levi said.

His hand found hers for a second, pulling her fingers into his tightly, and squeezing. Cath shot him a weak smile, still doing her best to focus on breathing.

“I can’t believe my mother is getting married,” Cath said after a moment. “And that I’m going to her wedding. With my college boyfriend of a year. And that after this I’m going to go home and check my email for updates on my Oxford housing situation. And then maybe I’ll write some more of my original novel. It’s like someone wrote me an AU or something. Am I going to wake up tomorrow back in middle school finding it was all some weird dream?”

Levi laughed and turned to shoot her a beaming smile. “Maybe. Sometimes it feels like I’m dreaming too. This can’t be real, right?”

“No,” Cath said softly.

He fell silent as he pulled into the parking lot of the art museum. Cath had found the idea interesting, getting married in a museum rather than a church or somewhere more traditional. But with her mother’s artist background, she supposed it was appropriate.

She allowed Levi to open the door for her, taking her hand again as soon as she was out of the truck. She took another deep breath and walked with him up towards the front steps where people were already beginning to trail in.

Levi was right there. She had to hold onto that for fear of completely losing it. She walked down to the gallery Laura had selected and found a seat in one of the rows of chairs. She wished again that Wren had decided to not be a bridesmaid so that they could have sat together. It seemed right to go through this with her twin beside her

Cath felt Levi’s fingers twine with hers. She smiled and kept her gaze fixed forward, letting the music soak over her, not turning to see the approaching figure, hardly daring to imagine.

In a few more seconds, Laura was in front of her. She was wearing a relatively simple white dress, knee length with soft lace fabric. But it wasn’t her dress anyone was paying attention to.

It was her smile.

She was beaming, eyes bright, smile wide. She moved to take her fiancé’s hand at the front, looking at the officiant.

Cath only half listened to the words. She kept her eyes focused front, looking at the woman she knew was her mother, but had never really felt could possibly be the stereotypical warm loving maternal figure so many had.

She thought back to the weekend she’d spent with Marlisse, and she had to admit if anyone was like her mother...Marlisse was it.

However, the wedding atmosphere also had her thinking more about what it might be like if she and Levi did get married.

Honestly, she had never been a girl to think much about weddings. Wren had an entire plan to hers. Color scheme. Bridesmaids. Flowers. Venue.

But Cath had always been the type who’d rather dream up a wedding for Simon and Baz than even begin to think about her own.

Now, however, there was a man beside her. Someone she knew was a possible maybe in the future.   
  
Laura had said her vows. There were rings being exchanged.

When Cath had envisioned this moment, she’d pictured anger. Feeling furious that Laura had abandoned them for this. Basically traded in their family for another.

But that wasn’t what was happening.

She caught Wren’s grinning gaze and she knew her sister was happy. And Laura was happy. And although Arthur was a bit of a mess at times, he was happy too. So what did it really matter if the past had been rough.

Cath might not ever be completely free of the pain. But for the moment she was willing to forgive.

* * *

 

The days were passing more quickly. She turned in her final projects and wrote the last of her essays. She spent one last meeting in Professor Piper’s office, staring nervously down at the papers that had been thrust into her hands.

“This should be everything you need,” Professor Piper said. “I’m still working on arranging your housing. It’s been a bit messy to be honest, but we’re going to find something.”

Cath swallowed. She just had to hope she was right. She wondered suddenly if Levi’s farm might be willing to put her up, but Levi had already made a point of telling her it wasn’t exactly close to town.

“It’s a thirty minute drive,” Levi said. “Which isn’t bad. And I guarantee I’ll be over as much as I can. And there’s a bus too. The stop is really not far from the farm…less than half a mile’s walk. And it’s a little less than an hour’s ride from what I’ve seen online.”

Cath had been trying to swallow that information down. He’d be nearby. Far closer than he would have been if he’d stayed at UNL for another semester. But he still wasn’t at arm’s reach. She couldn’t just hop in her car like she could now and go see him. And he was probably right on living with him. It’d be a long commute to school. Especially if she had early morning classes.

“Well let me know when you find something,” Cath said. “I’m…wanting to start settling in you know?”

“Of course,” Professor Piper said with a smile. “And how has your writing been going, Cath?”

She smiled. She’d finished _Just What the Doctor Ordered_. Her fans had been raving about wanting a sequel, but she had nothing planned for the moment. So she’d kept plugging away at her other fics and finding a bit of spare time to work on her own original stories.

“I’ve been working more on that novel I started for your class,” Cath said. “I’m not quite sure I’ll ever finish it…or that I’d ever consider publishing it or anything…but it’s been nice to have a project to keep myself going.”

“You don’t need to worry about publishing yet,” Professor Piper said with a nod. “I wrote three books before I was satisfied enough with one to submit it for publishing. And even that got more than a dozen rejection letters so I had to start fresh. It takes time. But putting in the practice is still good. Even finishing a first work is impressive. And for your, starting something original…that’s a huge step, Cath.”

Cath smiled slightly. She still wished Professor Piper could see the value in her fanworks, but she supposed she would simply take the small victory of making her professor proud.

“Thanks,” she said.

“Here,” Professor Piper said, grabbing a sticky note and scribbling something down. “I don’t do this a lot, but if you need to call me this summer, this is the easiest number to reach me by. Just let me know. I’m happy to help if I can.”

She felt her smile widen unconsciously, even as she took the note.

“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks,” Cath said. “Have a good summer, professor.”

“You too, Cath. And a lovely fall semester in the hallowed halls of Oxford.”

* * *

 

 

It happened the week of finals. Cath found out through Lauryn, as she often did.

“You read it right?” Lauryn asked.

Cath blinked a few times, thinking back through the FanFixx . net email updates she’d received that morning. There wasn’t anything she could place to Lauryn though.

“Um…no? I don’t think so.”

Lauryn gasped and grabbed for her computer. “Oh my god you have to. I just got the email twenty minutes ago and I…oh my god I just couldn’t handle it.”

Cath frowned and pulled her phone out to check her email. An email popped into her university account. She stared at the words. It had been a whole semester since she’d gotten emails from Professor Walton.

After a moment she registered.

The story. The one she’d interviewed for last semester.

Even after a semester of journalism, she was a little clueless on the journal it had been placed in. From the layout it looked to be fairly respectable, but she couldn’t know for sure. She held her breath as she scanned through Professor Walton’s words.

“Oh my goodness,” she breathed as she reached midway, hardly daring to speak as she realized. A few tears filled her eyes.

“I know,” Lauryn said. She reached over and patted Cath on the shoulder. “I know.”

“I can’t believe….I can’t believe he said those things.”

Lauryn smiled. “I emailed him and he responded right away. He said that he had trouble getting a major publication to pick it up…but this was the best he could do. Said he supposes a lot of people will forever have a negative view of fanworks. It’s impressive he found anywhere that would publish it.”

Cath swallowed. “He makes it sound…so amazing.”

“Because it is,” Lauryn said. She grinned. “It is, Cath.”

“Yeah,” Cath said with a nod. She had to admit that was true for her. But if it could be true for the world too…then all the better. She brushed at the tears lingering in her eyes and smiled.

* * *

 

 

The last two weeks were crazy. A few people had actually approached her to talk about the article. Within a few days it had started trending. Other fandom people had become as excited as she was to see something positive about the fan network. After more than a dozen strangers approached her in the quad or the library, Cath began to realize this was bigger than she’d expected. In fact, she was wondering if a semester at Oxford might be good to escape some of the attention.

Her fandoms were erupting with the news too. Delighted that she had taken a stand for them. Thrilled to learn a little more about the person behind their favorite stories.

She coasted through the last few days, finding herself overwhelmed in some amount of nostalgia as she packed up her dorm room. She loaded her car up the morning before her check out time and found herself staring around at the small space. She’d thought of it like a prison her first week. And now it had practically become a second home.

As she walked out of the doorway she brushed her hand over the door. She’d have to live with memories of this place from now on.

Wren met her by the car.

“All checked out?” Cath asked.

“Yup,” Wren said. “Only a small fine for a strip of paint I managed to pull off with one of my Command hooks. Old paint I guess.”

“Yeah,” Cath said with a smile. “So, you still up for grabbing lunch with Reagan?”

“Sure,” Wren said with a shrug. “I’m not in a big hurry to get back home, that’s for sure.”

“Me neither,” Cath said. “I never thought I’d miss this place.”

Wren wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

“Well, things change I guess. Now, did you want us to go pick up Levi? Because we’re not going to have room in the backseat.”

“How about you drop me off at his place and he can drive me in his truck and you meet us at the restaurant?” Cath suggested. “And you can go swing by and grab Lauryn.”

“That would work,” Wren said. “I’ll text her when I’m heading over.”

Cath slid into the passenger’s seat next to her sister. She leaned back and watched as Pound Hall disappeared. She swallowed and closed her eyes for a minute. She kept having to remind herself that January would come faster than she expected.

Levi was grinning from ear to ear when she pulled up.

“Ready to go?”

“Pretty much,” Cath said. “I’m all packed up. My dorm room was officially processed and I’ll never again set foot in Pound Hall.”

“Damn, I’m going to miss that room,” Levi said. “So many sweet memories.”

“We’ll make new memories at Oxford,” Cath reminded him. “And we still have your old room for now. And we’ll have plenty of other places to care about.”

Levi just gave her a lopsided smile. “Sure. But our first kiss…”

Cath rolled her eyes. “It was sweet, Levi. But…I still will never get over the fact that I thought you were Reagan’s boyfriend and that I was essentially being some kind of…homewrecker.”

His hand caught hers. She sighed and tilted her head to look up at him.

“No homewrecking necessary,” Levi said. “Just wrecking my heart.”

She rolled her eyes yet again. “Please just go get your keys so we can go. I know Reagan is perpetually running late, but we can at least get there and make sure to actually keep our reservation.”

Levi chuckled. “Will do. I need to go see if Micah still wants to come. Ian was gonna but he had to work today.”

“Yeah,” Cath said. “Probably a good call then. I’ll go ask if you want?”

“That would be awesome,” Levi said. “I’ll grab my wallet and keys.”

He headed back into the house while Cath took a long winding hallway down to where she knew Micah’s room was. She knocked twice and listened for a moment.

“Come in.”

She opened the door and looked at Micah’s desk first. It was usually where you could find him if he was in the room. Working on studying a script or writing a paper. But today he was on his bed. Only he wasn’t alone.

Thomas was curled up there as well. The only thing that stopped Cath from slamming the door closed was that she could see he still had a shirt on and so did Micah.

“Um… sorry…” Cath mumbled. Her face suddenly felt too hot.

“No problem,” Micah said with a smile. “Thomas fell asleep reading.”

Now it was Thomas’s turn to flush bright red and look down at _A Picture of Dorian Gray_ which was still lying on the bedspread next to him.

“You could have woken me up,” Thomas muttered, reaching up to rub at his eyes. “I would have gone back home.”

“You’re cute when you’re asleep,” Micah said with a grin. “And you’d had a taxing week. I knew you needed the sleep.”

Thomas leaned over and pressed a kiss to his lips. Cath swallowed and did her best not to stare, trying to focus on the pattern of Micah’s carpet instead.

“Um…” Cath said. “Levi asked me to come tell you we’re taking Reagan to lunch…um if you’re still coming, Micah.”

Micah smiled. “Sure. It’d be nice to see Reagan off. I even made her a card. Tied in my usual jokes there.” He nudged Thomas. “You’d appreciate it. Shakespearian and all.”

Thomas laughed. “What with her being a Shakespeare villain?”

“She would fit the part perfectly,” Micah said. “That’s Reagan for you. Quite the woman. ‘O Regan, she hath tied sharp-tooth'd unkindness, like a vulture, here. I can scarce speak to thee; thou'lt not believe with how depraved a quality--O Regan!.”

A hand appeared on Cath’s shoulder. She turned to find Levi behind her, obviously having snuck down the back stairs.

“Hey, you two ready to go?” he asked. He peered into the room and suddenly realized Micah wasn’t alone. Levi’s eyes sparkled as his smile grew. “Oh, had company did we?”

“Like Cath isn’t over three times a week,” Micah said with an eye roll.

“I didn’t realize you worried so for Cath’s virtue,” Levi said.

“So long as you don’t care about Thomas’s,” Micah smirked.

Thomas squawked and rose from the bed, revealing he still had his shorts on too.

“I’ll have you know my virtue is still fine,” he muttered, grabbing his glasses and sliding his feet into his shoes. “Now, if you guys are heading out, I’ll go home.”

Levi looked at Micah. “Reagan really won’t mind if you bring your boyfriend, you do realize that right?”

Micah looked at Cath before glancing back at Thomas. “Well, if you’re sure. I mean you know her better than I do. What do you say, babe? Want to grab lunch with us?”

Thomas’s expression softened. “You know I’d love that.”

He grabbed for Micah’s hand and Cath just gave a soft “we’ll wait outside” before slipping out the door.

“Hold up, sweetheart,” Levi said, moving to grab hold of her arm. “What’s the rush?”

Cath flushed again. “They’re just…oh my god.”

“Cute?” Levi said with a laugh. “That’s Micah for you. Sweet enough to give you cavities.”

“I don’t know that I’ll be able to write or read fluff ever again,” Cath said with a groan. She turned to look at Levi. “Do you think we’re like that?”

He raised a brow. “Reagan thinks we are. But I think to everyone else we’re just your average white couple getting Starbucks and going to movies and walking hand in hand.”

She giggled and leaned in to press a soft kiss to his cheek.

“Well I’ll settle for second cutest couple in your house then. I don’t think I even want to try to compete with those two.”

“Nah,” Levi said. He smiled again. “If they stay dating over the summer we should do a double date sometime though. It’d be fun. I mean…I’ve always told Reagan it’d be cool if she started dating to do a double but…well…”

“She isn’t really the dating type,” Cath agreed. “At least in a long-term sense.”

“No,” Levi said. “But that’s okay. Because that’s just who she is. And that’s why we love her.”

Cath smiled. “Speaking of which, I think Micah and Thomas can meet us there. You want to head over? I bet Lauryn’s driving her crazy by now. She’s probably about ready to leave.”

Levi squeezed her hand and nodded. “Let’s go.”

* * *

 

 

Reagan had made a pile of salt and pepper on the restaurant table and was busy stirring them together. Cath caught a look from the waiter when they came in. She did her best to ignore it as she went to go sit with her friends.

“Micah’s coming in a few minutes and bringing Thomas,” she said, though it was mostly addressed to Lauryn.

“Aw sweet!” she said with a wide smile. “Thanks for inviting me guys! I’m checking out of my dorm in two hours, but I’m pretty much all packed so it was nice to have something to do in the meantime. Plus I’ve got to spend some time with you before you go!”

“Yes,” Cath said. “I’m glad we got to do this. Even if it denies us the chance to see Reagan graduate.”

Reagan rolled her eyes. “Who is graduation even for? Do you really think it’s for us? It’s like 98% for the parents so they can get cute pictures and feel proud for raising such a successful young person. I for one was not going to attend something that my parents aren’t even coming to. And if not for this one—” she pointed to Levi, “I wouldn’t have even done a lunch or whatever. But I guess he needs closure. Even if I’m only moving a few minutes away from campus.”

Levi shrugged as he took a seat. “Well, if graduation is for your parents, then graduation lunch is for your friends. And even if you have a crappy family you’ve always got your friends.”

There was a cough and they turned to see Micah and Thomas had appeared. Cath was just thankful to see they both still appeared relatively composed. Micah nodded to Reagan and then Thomas smiled as he came forward to grab the seat next to Lauryn.

“Guess that’s a good reminder,” Thomas said. “Who needs a family when you’ve got other great people in your life?”

“Exactly,” Reagan said with a nod. “A family you don’t choose. Though looking at a majority of you idiots I don’t remember choosing you either.”

Cath smiled. “You told me we _had_ to be friends, remember? I was the one who was perfectly happy just exchanging a few hellos every now and then.”

Reagan rolled her eyes. “I blame your twin for that.”

Wren sat back and crossed her arms, staring Reagan down. “It’s not my fault I actually wanted to have a social life. Have you ever tried taking her to a party?”

“Point taken,” Reagan muttered. “But now she’s with this loser, and I can party all I want. Works out quite well in some ways.”

Levi didn’t stop smiling, even as Cath huffed at the insult. Micah let out a giggle and passed Reagan her card.

“If there’s no money in this thing I’m going to be horribly disappointed in you, Micah,” Reagan said.

“Hey, no graduation, no money,” Micah joked.

“I just didn’t walk in the ceremony. I still will receive my diploma,” Reagan muttered.

“Yeah what’s the plan next anyways?” Micah asked with a tilt of his head. He settled back into his chair, studying Reagan.

Reagan sighed. “I picked up extra shifts at Olive Garden and I’m sending my resume everywhere in town. Anywhere that will take me. Thankfully a lot of people appreciate those who know how to code.”

She pulled open the envelope and out flopped a gift card to the nearest grocery store.

“Figured that was flexible,” Micah said. “Can buy booze or apartment furnishings or whatever. Your choice.”

Reagan smirked. “Thanks. If I choose booze you’re invited to come partake in it.”

“And if you choose to furnish your apartment?” He leaned forward resting his chin in his hand.

Reagan leaned back in her chair and downed a swallow of her drink. “I guess that means I have to invite you over or some shit. Though I already anticipate that happening a lot if you’re going to continue following your new boyfriend around like a puppy.”

Thomas giggled and reached over to wrap an arm around Micah’s shoulder. The taller boy smiled and leaned into the embrace, clear affection in his expression as he accepted another kiss to his cheek.

“Well at least you’re a cute puppy,” Thomas said. “Not one of those ugly Chinese Cresteds or something.”

Lauryn reached over to punch him playfully.

“Get this,” Cath mock whispered to Lauryn. “He was in Micah’s bed this morning.”

Reagan’s eyebrows raised a full inch. Lauryn’s grin only widened and Wren seemed to finally catch on.

“Oh my god. Wait…”

Cath smiled at her sister. “I’ll explain later.”

“You’d better,” Wren said, shooting her a meaningful look.

Lauryn just put her arms around Thomas and hugged him even as the other boy began to turn a bit pink.

“I just fell asleep reading—”

“Reading! Is that what the kids call it nowadays?”

Cath’s cheeks were beginning to hurt from so much smiling. She felt like she might not be able to eat with all the laughing shaking her body. Her eyes caught Levi’s and she admired the joy so present on his face. A month ago this would have hardly have seemed possible. But here they were, even Reagan looking slightly amused by the teasing.

“Promise even with you two far away the ocean that we’ll always be friends!” Lauryn said suddenly. “Like all of you at this table.”

“Magic separates us from the world,” Cath whispered suddenly.

Wren looked up and grinned. “May nothing separate us from each other.”

They were interrupted by the waiter coming over to scowl at them again as they all shuffled to open their menus. Only Reagan didn’t move but instead lounged back in her seat to take another swig of her beverage.

“We just need a few more minutes,” Lauryn said with her most charming smile. “Thank you!”

The waiter shuffled off again, muttering under his breath.

“Well, maybe we should actually order,” Cath suggested. “I’m starving.”

“Me too,” Wren said. She nodded to the menu. “And the food looks good too. So I know we’re all getting sappy about people graduating and some of us going to travel the world. But for the moment, can we just enjoy some food and a little time together without someone breaking down in tears?”

Cath had to admit she felt a few in the corners of her own eyes. But she smiled and clasped Levi’s hand in hers. She looked around the table at the faces of the friends she’d made, and she knew no matter where she went, that this moment would always hang with her. And for now that was enough.

* * *

* * *

 

 

A wave of outrage swept the internet last fall. Though many might have expected it in possible retaliation to something political, or a current news event, many did not anticipate such a reaction to an announcement on the hiatus of a popular television show known as _Cornelius_.

Though many have been swept up in this revitalized version of Sir Henry McArthur’s classic stories, there are those who are more devastated still by the news. Rather than simply having to wait for a longer period for their favorite show, they are instead losing a stable base that they call home. These people are part of what is known as the fan domain, more often referred to as fandom.

One such member is Cath Avery, a sophomore English major at the University of Nebraska Lincoln. Though Avery is a very talented writer who has been published in her own university’s journal and who may one day sell books or articles for profit, most of the time her writing is available for no price whatsoever, made available through the popular fan site FanFixx . net, a website which features works written by writers inspired by or in tribute to their favorite television shows, movies, books, etc.

Avery became widely recognized in the fandom when she wrote _Carry On, Simon_ , a novel-length fanfiction work based on the works of Gemma T. Leslie. For many readers, this fanfiction is considered to be almost better than Leslie’s work, many approving of Avery’s choice to make Snow gay. Leslie has received a lot of criticism on the lack of diversity in her works, causing many of her fans to turn to writers like Avery instead.

Though Avery had written many works before she admitted it was _Carry On, Simon_ that brought more than a hundred thousand readers to her work.

“A more renowned writer recommended it to other people and it started to become more widely read,” Avery said regarding her famous story. “My sister and I loved Simon Snow so much…but we felt like there were parts of it that weren’t being told fully. So we decided to start writing our own stories. My sister really liked what I wrote and thought I should put some of it up online. I was admittedly nervous at first so we made a pact to join together. I’ve started writing _Cornelius_ ones too.”

Her second most renowned work is _That’s What the Doctor Ordered_ , another hundred thousand word fanfiction story about the popularized television series. Like many other fans, she has been devastated by the news of the series hiatus.

Similarly, junior UNL English major Lauryn Michels has admitted that the show’s potential demise has been hard. Like Avery, Michels has published works for profit in _Accordant Magazine_ , _Lincoln Press,_ and _Fiction Guide_. She still continues to write fanworks.

“I think in many ways people have been drawn to the fandom because of hiatus,” Michels said. “With no new material coming, people are looking for something else to occupy their interests. They’re hoping to have a place they can still enjoy the show even when it’s not running. That’s just one of the things that fandom provides.”

Like Avery, Michels has often agreed that works are not as inclusive as they should be. She believes that fandom can help change that. In a world where the many estimate at least 10% of the population are not heterosexual, many have been frustrated by the lack of representation in the media. This newer issue continues to follow the criticism of racial and gender representations. Both of this issues are also ones that many fanfiction authors are concerned with.

“I grew up knowing I liked girls,” Michels said. “And as a little girl I’d watch Disney princesses and wonder why none of them could be like me. It also wasn’t until 2009 that we actually got a black princess. Girls like me are growing up without role models. Fandom is a place to explore that. Even if Penelope Bunce is Indian she’s given so little time in comparison with Simon. But in fanfiction I can write her a major role. I can make her have a crush on Agatha Wellbelove. I can feel accepted and loved and right about myself even if that’s not how the original story is.”

“Look at everyday media,” Avery said. “95% of the relationships you see are straight. The few that aren’t are often comedic side roles, either there to make things funny or something of a handout to the LGBT+ community so they can’t complain about not being represented.”

Though perhaps not quite accurate on statistics, Avery does present a true argument. One study recently showed that only about 16% of major films include any LGBT characters. And of those that do, most are gay men.

However, though gay representation certainly is an important issue for many fans, plenty are also just interested in continuing to enjoy the works that have captured their attention.

Scottie Hollins, most well-known for his role in the fantasy series _The Sprite_ has also been beloved in _Cornelius_. He has admitted to exploring some of the world his fans inhabit.

“There’s great stuff on there,” he said. “Amazing artwork. Incredible writing. I am just in awe of the dedication of our fans and viewers. I could not be happier with how much they wish to continue to commemorate this show. I don’t think making _Cornelius_ and _The Sprite_ would be the same without them.”

Junior English and journalism student, Thomas Barath said much the same when asked.

“Fandom is a passionate love letter,” he said. “It’s a fan’s way of expressing their appreciation for the original creator’s work and going from there. Those who think it’s lazy or disrespectful just aren’t understanding correctly.”

Avery believes much the same. An aspiring author herself, she can’t quite grasp how other writers are missing the fandom as a sign of respect.

“I wish some authors could have a better understanding that fanfiction means readers love their work it means that they told a story interesting enough for people to wonder other things about it, to want to dig below the surface. I think if I ever published something I’d be really flattered that my readers enjoyed my characters enough to want to keep telling stories about them.”

Though many fanfiction writer’s live their lives without actually publishing books or anything else, these three all hope to have works of their own available to the public in the future. All maintain high grades in their writing intensive programs, and continue to use fanfiction to make them better writers.

“There’s a bad stereotype on fanfiction,” Hollins admits. “I think it has to do with a lot of the really shitty stuff that’s basically porn. But there are plenty of writers who have decent works. I hope they continue doing what they love. Because you know, I can remember being ten and making silly plays with my sister and adults telling me they were pretty good. Had they told me I was being lazy or just plain ridiculous, I might not be an actor today. These young people need encouragement to grow into the potential they so clearly have. Let’s get ourselves a couple more good writers out there. So what if they started by writing fanfiction. If they’re good who cares?”

The fandom might remain a dubious place for an older generation unused to a realm where so many spend their time behind computers rather than out in the world. Though there are negative consequences to this increasingly technology dependent society, the youth still remain optimistic about the world. They use these devices in celebration of the things they love, continuing to create and increase their talent. Their world is one of their own, and even in the midst of a show possibly ending, it never truly dies.

-From “The Unexplored Kingdom of Fans: Fandom Unraveled” published April 2013  
To _The Crescent Post_ by Dr. George Walton

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh…that’s the end. Wow. Wow wow wow wow. 
> 
> All right, notes- so yes there will be a sequel. It is called Fangirl Meets World. A short first chapter is already up so that you guys can find it easily! I didn’t want to publish it a week later and have some of you just leave without knowing it was there. I still need some help with ideas, so go read and let me know what you think and where it should go! I might also add a bonus chapter or two to this work (I have some snippets of things that didn’t fit into the actual narrative that would be cool to post here), so don’t unsubscribe just yet!
> 
> Finally I just want to say when I started writing this it started as a joke between friends who’d loved Fangirl. It started as a girl finishing college and looking back and reflecting on how much she had learned over time. How freshman year just couldn’t be the end because there was so much more growth that could happen. And here we are, 100,000 words later. 
> 
> BUT I couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you again to EVERYONE who commented, bookmarked, subscribed, kudoed etc. You are incredible and I appreciate it. It wouldn’t have been possible without all of you. So thank you so much for helping me finish this.


	33. Fangirling Extra 1

Micah had to admit it had taken some coaxing from his friends to go to the party. What would have been a no-brainer last year was suddenly a struggle. He'd skipped a few earlier in the semester, waved off questions or concerns with things about still needing time with the breakup. But now, he knew his time limit for getting over it was quickly approaching.

He stood in the living room of the frat house, swaying lightly to the rhythm of the music, bringing up his drink to sip it slowly. No need to reach intoxication too early. After all, he was tempted enough to try to forget, and it would be easy to make stupid decisions without addling his reasoning skills.

His friends had all found their own niches. People to dance with or talk to. Girlfriends to makeout with. Micah sighed and moved towards a corner, tempted to just spend the rest of his time there.

He was distracted by a body slamming into his chest.

A boy had stumbled directly into his arms. Micah dropped his mostly empty cup without even thinking, intent on avoiding any further damage as he grabbed hold of the boy.

Brown eyes found his, looking up and blinking as they stared into his face.

"You all right?" Micah asked.

"Maybe," the boy whispered. He continued to blink up at Micah, eyes glittering and bright behind square frame glasses. Micah had to stop himself from really checking the boy out, finding his heart rate speeding up as he noted how nicely that thin body fit in his arms, how firm the muscles felt beneath his hands.

"Well," Micah said, about to let go now that balance seemed to be regained. "Be more careful, all right?"

The boy gave a smile before he stood a little taller.

Before Micah could say another word, the strange boy had captured his lips in a kiss.

He couldn't say it was particularly pleasant. Definitely more than a little sloppy. And the other boy tasted mostly of alcohol and not much else.

But it had been two months now. Two long months without kissing or touching. He moaned a little and responded, hand coming up to cup the other boy's face, fingers brushing against surprisingly soft caramel brown hair.

The other boy responded with equal enthusiasm, pressing his chest a little closer, arms wrapping around Micah's neck and back. Micah let his other hand slide down to grab at the boy's hip and pull him closer.

They broke apart for a moment to gasp for breath before the other boy smiled and leaned back in for another long kiss.

Well, perhaps this party was turning around.

Micah found himself in a corner with the boy, thoroughly enjoying a gratuitous makeout session. He gave it a few more minutes before his pants became uncomfortable. And while he didn't object to kissing for a bit, he knew there was no way he was going to demand sex out of this clearly plastered boy.

"This was nice," Micah said when he pulled away for a breath. "You have a good night, all right?"

The boy blinked at him a few times. His tongue darted out to lick at slightly swollen lips. They glistened with saliva, half tempting Micah in for another go. Pity it had to be like this. Some drunken boy at a party, not someone he was truly interested in pursuing.

He stepped away before he could have second thoughts. Better to go move on now.

Micah found a few friends again and circled in with them. He grinned as someone pressed another drink into his hand and he was invited into the dancing.

A few hours later he told his friends it was time he got home. After all, he had an audition coming up in two days and it'd be better if he was rested for it. Not stressed and fatigued.

He was walking towards the door when he noticed him.

The boy from the party. Wobbling down the sidewalk, stumbling once or twice. Micah glanced at his phone and then sighed and walked over to the boy who had ended up in front of a car where he was fumbling with keys.

"Hey," Micah said.

The boy looked up. His eyes seemed a little unfocused, but he did seem to smile on seeing Micah.

"Hi."

"Hi," Micah said. "Um...I don't think you're really in any shape to drive."

The boy frowned as he tried to put a house key into the door to open it. "What no. 'M fine."

"No," Micah said, catching his wrist. "You're not. Come on, I'll give you a ride home."

The boy stumbled even as he took a small step. Micah sighed and wrapped an arm around him to keep him steady. He walked the next block to his car still supporting the other boy's back.

He had to carefully help his charge into the car, making sure he didn't bump his head on the way in. The other boy groaned and sank back into the seat, eyes closing slightly.

"Come on, stay awake," Micah said as he slid into the driver's seat. "I've got to take you home. Where do you live."

"S around the corner," he muttered. "Um...near the place with the...burgers."

"There are a lot of burger places in town. You need to be a tad bit more specific."

"I think it's tall," the boy said again and then his breathing deepened. And before Micah could say another word he was asleep.

"Fuck," Micah muttered.

He reached over to shake the boy, watching his gorgeous eyes flutter back open.

"What?"

"I need your address, so I can take you home," Micah said with a sigh.  
The boy just frowned and then let out a groan before he leaned forward and promptly vomited into Micah's car.

Micah groaned and covered his eyes, letting his hand slide back down his face in order to fully express his exasperation. The boy just settled back into his seat, eyes closed again as he let out a series of pitiful sounding moans.

He sat there for a moment thinking about it. There were only a few options. One, leave the boy at the party and figure someone else could deal with it. Not much of an option at all. Two, let him drive home. Which was not happening. Three, drive around and try to figure it out, and in the process not get any sleep. Four… take him home.

It seemed ridiculous, but Micah realized that was about all there was to do. And besides, the boy probably did need someone there to keep him from choking on his own vomit. He'd obviously pushed himself a bit hard at the party.

Micah sighed before starting up his car and driving off.

He didn't speak until he was pulling up in front of his house. He just looked at the mess in the car and decided to leave it for the morning. Probably stupid, but he cracked the windows.

"So...I'm taking you to my place," he said after a moment. "Since you won't tell me where you live...um...yeah."

The boy just stared at the window, so Micah gave up trying to explain.

He stepped out and went to open the door, helping his passenger out and giving him the support he needed to enter the house.

Ian gave him a look inside, before breaking into a grin.

"Found someone then, Micah? Knew going to that party was a good idea."

"Don't worry about it," Micah said, shooting him a stern look before ushering his guest up the stairs to his room.

His heart was beating fast by the time he arrived. It was hard to stay calm when this beautiful boy was suddenly in his own bedroom. He closed the door and just as he did the boy caught him up in a soft kiss.

"Mm," the boy breathed. "Nice. Kiss me."

"No more," Micah said firmly.

"Why not?" he said, putting on something of a pout at the rejection.

"Because you're drunk," Micah said with a sigh. "And therefore you can't give consent."

"Consent's given," the boy said, even as he slumped over on the bed.

Micah moved to untie the other boy's converse, pulling them off one at a time before helping him put his feet onto the bed. He moved up instead, brushing a soft kiss to the boy's cheek instead of the offered lips. Before the boy could protest, he slipped off his glasses, laying them on the bedside table. Micah grabbed the trash can to pull closer before kicking off his own shoes.

"Just sleep," he argued. "I'm tired. I could use a good rest."

He considered for a moment, but gradually settled for leaving on his clothes as he slid onto the other side of the double bed. He closed his eyes, even as he admired the warm feeling of a body beside him. It had been too long since he'd last had this.

But there was no time to really enjoy it. With all the exhaustion, he finally succumbed to sleep.

* * *

Micah woke to a soft groan from beside him, before there was a retch and then the sound of liquid hitting plastic. He sighed and finally opened his eyes, just in time to see his guest sit up and wipe his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Fuuu-uuuck," the boy groaned out, collapsing back in the bed with his eyes closed.

"Hey," Micah said after a few seconds. 'It's all right. Um..why don't I get you some pain pills for that hangover, hmm?"

The boy snapped to attention the moment he spoke. Those lovely chocolate brown eyes found him and the boy stared.

"Where the fuck am I?" he demanded.

"Good morning to you too," Micah said with a sigh, sliding out of bed and going to his dresser to fetch the Tylenol. "You were pretty out of it last night. I don't blame you for not remembering."

He grabbed for a glass of water he'd left untouched on his nightstand and brought both over to the boy.

Those eyes darted back and forth for a moment before focusing on him. He took the offered pills and water, downing both quickly before fixing Micah with a stare.

"What happened last night?"

Micah noted the boy seemed to look to the bed for answers. He sighed.

"Nothing. Other than a very heavy makeout session," Micah admitted. "But...well you were...incapacitated. I tried getting an address out of you to take you home, but I'm afraid you were useless in that respect. So...well...I did the next best thing and brought you to my place."

The boy looked aghast. "Please say we didn't sleep together."

"If you mean sleep together as in have sex, no. But I did sleep here...it's my room...my bed. And I wanted to make sure you didn't die."

The boy rolled his eyes.

"Here's a fresh start," Micah said. "I'm Micah…"

"Thomas," the boy said after a long moment. "Though I really shouldn't tell you that. Fuck. Now you know my name and… can I pay you to keep this quiet or something?"

Micah frowned. That was a new one.

"What?"

"I don't want people knowing...I...got so drunk I went home with a guy," the boy-Thomas said.

Micah stared at him for a moment. "What?"

"I just…" Thomas squirmed uncomfortably. "I'm not gay."

It felt like someone had punched MIcah in the stomach. This beautiful lovely boy who had been so eager to kiss him...possibly do more. And yet, here was this utter denial.

"But…" Micah broke off unable to even say any more.

"I get a little...handsy when I get drunk...with just about anyone," Thomas said smoothly. He rubbed a hand over his face before looking around the room. He picked up his glasses and slid them on before reaching his hand to his pocket.

"Seriously, I'll pay you," Thomas said again. "Name your price."

Micah just stared at him. "I won't talk. I have no interest in...outing you...even if you don't see it like that."

Thomas frowned. "I'm _not_ gay. I...just because I haven't been with many girls...I mean it's not...it's just… I'm not okay?"

"Your sexual identity is your business," Micah said, though the words came out sounding more hollow than they normally would have. "Now, can I offer you a ride home?"

"I'll walk," the boy said with a wave of his hand. "Thanks anyhow."

The door to his bedroom opened and closed. Micah sank onto his bed, staring at the closed door. Well, the only good news was that at a big campus like UNL he'd likely never have to see the boy again. Micah sighed and rubbed his temple, hoping after cleaning his car he could just forget the whole thing.

* * *

The play had been one of the highlights of his year so far. Micah had put so much time and energy into perfecting his part, and enjoying the added benefit of the onstage makeouts with his costar.

He was delighted when Levi told him he'd be in attendance with Cath. So after a particularly good performance, he took off his costume and headed to the doors out to the auditorium with a smile on his face.

"Nice work," Jack said with a smile.

"You too," Micah said. "Though I thought we talked about you having those breath mints before act four."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Oh please, you couldn't get enough of me tonight."

Micah smiled easily. "Yeah, well imagine if you'd actually taken the breath mints?"

Jack reached out to shove him, eyes crinkling as he laughed. "God you're impossible. You go find yourself a nice boy to take care of you, you hear?"

"Yeah whatever," Micah said. "If only if only."

"All right, go see your friends," Jack said. "I'll see you tomorrow."

He nodded and headed to the door.

Levi was obvious amongst the crowd of parents and friends who were waiting to see the actors. He waved Micah over, smiling over most of the heads. Micah aimed a smile at him before noticing Cath tucked under his arm.

"So, why can't you just date your costar?" Cath asked, only a hint of a smile to let him know she was mostly teasing.

Micah brushed off the comment easily. He knew far too well Jack was probably only a one on the Kinsey scale, even being the flexible theater boy he clearly was.

"Oh, these are my friends," Cath suddenly said, pointing to the girl beside her.

Micah put on a smile and turned his attention to the enthusiastic girl, Lauryn. He waited patiently until she was done to glance at the other friend. His breath caught as he saw who it was.

"And this is Thomas," Cath said, though her face creased sharply as she spoke.

Micah swallowed and did his best to keep a straight-face. It was rare that his acting failed him, but in times like this it was certainly difficult.

He kept his goodbyes short and turned to go. It wasn't until he was in the hallway that he heard the voice behind him.

"Wait."

He turned to see Thomas standing there.

"What?"

"I...I'm sorry," Thomas said. "I don't think I said that last time, and I did want to make sure you knew. Um… I seriously can pay you...I mean not to keep quiet just...in case I caused you any trouble."

Micah sighed. "Look, don't bother. It's fine. I just...wanted to help out. It's not a big deal." He paused and stared at Thomas for a long moment. "I think my main issue is that I'm just sick of people who are in denial, all right? I just...I can't deal with this right now. So I get it...sometimes sexuality is confusing, and that's great if you need time to work it out. But I can't deal with someone who just...refuses to acknowledge who they are."

Thomas sighed. "Fine. Whatever. I just...I...It was good all right? Is that what you wanted? You're a good kisser. You...if I hadn't been drunk...would you have…?"

Micah froze. "What?"

"I mean," Thomas reached up and ran a hand through his hair. "Would you have...gone further?"

"Would you have wanted me to?" Micah said, allowing the edge to come into his voice. His fingers clenched.

Thomas's eyes fixed on his. "Yeah...yeah I guess maybe I would have. That doesn't make me gay, but I...I guess I wouldn't have been totally opposed. And you?"

Micah pursed his lips, but decided that his admission could do no harm. "If you had been sober I would gladly have had sex with you."

He watched Thomas's face for any sign of disgust. Instead he saw him lick his lips and glance at the floor instead.

"Er...yeah...okay…"

"Have a good night, Thomas," Micah said with a sigh. "Take care of yourself. And figure this all out. I'm serious...it's so much easier once you...once you've accepted. Fighting it is only hurting you."

He turned and walked away, shaking his head.

* * *

The next time he saw Thomas, he was sitting with Cath at a table, his hand in hers. Micah had of course heard about the breakup. He'd called Levi more than once to check up on him, and knew he was pretty torn up about the whole situation.

He'd anticipated that Levi might eventually move on. Cath too he supposed. As someone who'd gone through a breakup himself not too long ago, he knew that there was a lot of temptation in just finding someone else and...well rebounding. Even if he hadn't quite hit that point himself.

However, Thomas was the last person he would have expected to see holding her hand. He did his best not to stare, even as he said hello to the both of them.

"You just really know how to pick'em huh?" Micah muttered to himself as he walked away.

He'd been tempted to say something to Cath, but all in all he couldn't find it in himself to betray Thomas's secret. It wasn't his to tell. In all likelihood, Cath would probably figure it out before too long.

* * *

There was a knock on the door around eight in the morning. Micah sighed and went to the door, opening it to find none other than Thomas, clutching a notebook to his chest and staring at him with his mouth open.

"Oh god is this...is this Levi's house?" Thomas asked.

"Yes," Micah said. "What do you want?"

"Is Cath with him? I need her. It's um...urgent."

Micah frowned. "Cath?"

"Yeah...um our friend Lauryn said she should be here…"

Micah frowned and turned around to see if anyone else was around. Sure enough Ian poked his head out of the kitchen.

"Ian is Cath here?"

"Yeah," Ian said. "Levi brought her home last night."

Jacob appeared in the stairway. "What? You've got to be kidding me! They're back together?"

"For sure, dude. You seriously didn't think a couple like them could be broken up forever, did you?"

"Nah, guess not," Jacob said with a frown. "Well I'll go get Cath then...um shall I?"

"Please," Thomas said. "I need to see her!"

He looked at Micah who moved aside to let him into the living room.

Micah motioned to the couch and took the chair across from it. Thomas sat down although his foot was tapping impatiently the whole time while he kept glancing at the stairs.

"So…" Micah said softly. "Looks like you two broke up?"

Ian headed towards the stairs, disappearing out of sight.

"Yeah," Thomas said, looking at his feet. "Um...I told her the truth."

Micah straightened. "Oh."

"Yeah."

"You...so you're…"

"I'm not going to date anymore girls and try to make myself pretend," Thomas said softly. "That's over."

"Oh," Micah said, and was unable to restrain a smile. "So...what are you here for then?"

"I need her to look at my paper," Thomas admitted. "For American lit."

"American huh? Well I'd offer to help, but unless it's on a play I'd probably do you no good."

"Yeah, no...couldn't do Shakespeare so I had to settle for a poem instead," Thomas said.

"What Shakespeare would you have picked?" Micah asked, settling back in his chair.

"Well...I love a lot of the sonnets…" Thomas said. "But my favorite play has to be Henry IV part One."

Micah felt his mouth split into a wider grin. Thomas brushed a lock out of his eyes and smiled too. It was difficult to concentrate, but Micah kept the conversation steered on Shakespeare. Honestly, Thomas clearly had no idea how adorable he was being.

Micah talked for a time, wishing only he could settle on the couch beside Thomas and take his hand and tell him how proud he was that he'd made progress. But that would be overstepping. Better not to get involved beyond a few Shakespeare conversations.

Cath appeared a few minutes later anyways. She gladly pulled Thomas aside to look over his paper. Micah only caught a small snippet of their conversation, but from what he'd gathered Thomas had decided to write about homosexuality as well. Micah sighed and turned to head to his room.

* * *

A few days later Ian poked his head in and stared at him, no familiar smile in place.

"Can we talk?"  
"Sure," Micah said, setting the script he'd been reading aside. "What's up?"

Ian shut the door and came to sit down at Micah's desk. "So...I want to know who the guy is. I mean we all do."

"What?" Micah asked, sitting up a little straighter.

"There's obviously a guy," Ian said. "You've been...different lately. Come on, Micah. It isn't like you to hide these things from us."

Micah shrugged. "Well...he's...still closeted."

Ian sighed. "I thought after Chad we agreed that you'd stop going after guys in the closet?"

Micah turned back towards his script. "Yeah I did say that. But that doesn't mean it can't happen."

"You deserve better buddy," Ian said. "You deserve to be able to go out with him and hold his hand and all that romantic nonsense. It's not fair that you have to sacrifice that."

Micah shrugged again. "It is what it is."

Ian just stared at him for a long moment. "Don't do it. You deserve better. I'm serious."

Micah didn't say anything. But as Ian said goodbye and headed to the door, he knew one thing for certain. Ian was right.

* * *

Thomas met him in the library a few days later. He'd gotten a friend request and message asking to meet up. Micah smoothed his hair as he walked over to the corner table, clearly tucked away from the rest of the crowd.

"What's up?" he asked as he slid into his the empty seat across the table.

Thomas folded his hands, smiling a half-grimace type smile. "Um… I wanted to talk."

"Yeah figured as much," Micah said. He glanced down at his phone, pretending to check the time even as he tried to steady himself.

"I…might be totally off base here…but…I like you." Thomas took a deep breath before continuing. "I'm interested in dating. If you are. I'm not…I'm not going to try to be straight anymore."

Micah did his best to control his breathing. "Are you…asking me out?"

Thomas blushed. "Well…I mean basically. You did make out with me at a party… but I mean…it seems like we…click. You know?" He tilted his head and Micah couldn't hold back a smile.

"Yeah," he said, voice coming out a little choked. "I mean…I'd love to date you. You… um… you're coming out then?"  
Thomas's face twisted. "Well…I don't know…we could keep it quiet right? Like I'm not dating anymore girls but…I'm not sure I'm ready for the world to know I'm…"

He gestured to himself as though that was an indication enough. Micah felt suddenly sick.

"You're joking."

"Nope. I mean…we could do it right?" Thomas said. "Just…you know…see each other in private. It wouldn't be that hard."

Micah stood. Thomas's eyes widened.

"No," Micah said softly. "I'm not going to be anyone's dirty little secret. I've wasted too much time on guys unwilling to come out for me. I understand if you're not there yet. Everyone has to do it at their own pace. But I can't go back in. I can't lie to my friends and pretend nothing is going on. If I'm with a guy I want to take him on dates, and hold his hand, and kiss him in front of the people we care about. I'm not interested in hiding. I'm sorry."

Thomas grabbed for his hand, catching it before he could disappear.

"I'm just not…I can't," Thomas said, looking pained.

Micah squeezed his hand. "I'm not asking you to. But I can't be involved if you're not out, Thomas. I'm sorry."

He dropped the other boy's hand and turned to go. Even though he wanted to, he didn't look back.

* * *

That day in the student union building, Micah had simply been looking to find some friends. What he hadn't anticipated was Thomas turning up there, pink cheeked and breathless. The mere sight of him made Micah's heart ache. However, what wowed him even more was the bright pink shirt with the words Thomas had seemed to find damning not too long before.

"I have something to say to you," Thomas said.

Micah felt his heart begin to pound. He nodded, and let Thomas continue. The words that soon filled his ears blew him away. How had he been so lucky? A boy who'd quote Shakespeare to him in public.

"I'm out," Thomas said.

Micah did his best to smile even as he felt tears in his eyes.

"Come here." He whispered, before pulling Thomas in close and kissing him.

When he pulled away he was only slightly surprised to hear applause. Well, as a theater performer he was used to that. But for once this was no performance. He watched Thomas blush and smiled, and knew at last that comedy awaited him instead of tragedy. He brushed his knuckles over one rosy cheek and grinned. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry it's been so long folks! Oh my goodness I just lost track of time moving to Europe and getting settled in here. Between immigration and setting up a bank account (if someone had told me my first bank account I would set up would be in French I would have laughed at them). Anyhow...it's been a lot. But I've got this extra done and I'm working on the next chapter of Fangirl Meets World and even have a beta! Probably should have run this by her too...but I was too excited and besides, none of the rest of the fic is betaed so let's be consistent. :)
> 
> Let me know if you have any requests. I just felt like I wanted to add an extra chapter of Micah because he was too interesting and I won't get to see him much in the next fic (boo!). Anyhow, if you have any other extras you'd love to see let me know. I think someone asked for some of Lauryn and Thomas's fics so we'll see if I can do that.
> 
> Thank you sweet readers!


End file.
